so how many of you guys have seen the movie The Wizard of Oz lots of you it was released almost 80 years ago in 1939 but even still it's still fantastic so in the movie Dorothea travels to the magical land of Oz where she makes three new friends a scarecrow a tin man in a Cowardly Lion now one of the special characteristics about each of Dorothy's friends is that they each desperately want to change something about themselves so more than anything the Scarecrow wishes that he were more clever and intelligent the Tin Man he covets a new heart so that he can be warmer kinder and friendlier those around him and the Cowardly Lion well his name says it all he just wants to be more courageous and in fact each of Dorothy's friends wants to change himself so badly that they all walk miles and miles with her of long winding roads through treacherous forests and across poisonous fields also they can beg the so called Wonderful Wizard of Oz to magically give them the traits they so desire so how many of you can relate to Dorothy's friends I'm guessing that most of you can and if so I have some good news for you but I'll get to that in just a minute now I'm sure that most of you aren't so desperate that you would risk life and limb going on a dangerous quest to bag a wizard to change you but even so how many of you can relate to Dorothy's friends at least a little bit well I certainly can so I have one older brother where as different as night and day growing up my brother was always the fun popular one he was very outgoing and usually the center of attention and social events in contrast I was the quieter tamer more reserved more studious one I definitely wasn't the life of the party my strengths were more geared towards staying organized doing well in school and preparing for my career my brother and I were and still are very different and as kids we had a sibling rivalry of sorts I can tell you that growing up I definitely wish that I had the same level of charisma extraversion and social grace that my brother possessed and of course I can't speak for him but I like to think that my brother wish that he had some of my strengths as well so I can relate to Dorothy's friends and I'm willing to bet that most of you can as well and here's why psychological research suggests that almost everyone wants to change at least something about their personality so my colleagues and I've asked more than 7,000 people with ages ranging from 18 to 70 about how they'd like to change themselves and across all of our studies more than 90% of people tell us there's something about their personality they wish they could change it's nearly universal the number one thing people tell me is that they wish they could become more emotionally stable they wish that they were less anxious less prone to feeling down in the dumps more resilient in the face of life's challenges I mean who doesn't want those things but that's certainly not the only thing that people want to change for basically any trait that you can imagine I can promise you that at least someone wants to change it so many people wish that they were more outgoing and comfortable in social situations maybe you can relate others similar the tinman wish that they were kinder more loving and more forgiving others yet wish that they were more hard-working responsible and trustworthy maybe you feel the same way but despite the different qualities that different people want to change the point remains the same almost everyone wants to change at least something about their personality it turns out that almost everyone is a real-life living version of Dorothy's friends from Oz but that kind of raises a problem doesn't it I mean most of us don't know a wizard who can change us into whoever we want to be or on second thought the lack of wizards is probably a good thing but either way if you can relate to the Scarecrow Tin Man and Cowardly Lion you might be wondering whether you stand a chance at moving closer to becoming who you want to be well earlier I promised you that I have some good news and I'm not gonna let you down research suggests that people can intact fit can in fact take small steps to change their personality and move closer to becoming who they want to be so across several studies consistently found that people tend to change in ways that align with their desires so for example college students you tell us at the beginning of a semester that they want to become more extroverted who say hey I really wish our more sociable and outgoing well guess what they tend to actually increase an extraversion over time at a faster rate than their peers who don't want to change we see a similar thing with other traits as well so people who want to become more conscientious thorough hardworking and responsible they tend to actually increase in conscientiousness over time and you guys remember the number one trait that people most want to change emotional stability feeling less anxious and being more resilient in the face of challenges well it turns out that there's great news there as well so in every study we've run people who want to become more emotionally stable tend to actually increase in emotional stability across time now that being said I do not want to mislead you the changes that we observed in our studies were small we did not watch extreme introverts turn into extroverts overnight or even over the course of four months really but we did watch as people who were moderately introverted slowly increased in extraversion until they're basically smack in the middle of the spectrum and we did watch as people who were moderately neurotic anxious stressed out prone to feeling down in the dumps slowly increased in emotional stability until they're about as emotionally stable as the average person so if you were to rate your extraversion on a scale from one to five it'd be like increasing from about a three out of five to about a three and a quarter or a three and a half the changes were not huge but even so people were making small to moderate progress toward becoming who they wanted to be so if you can relate to Dorothy's friends the good news is that you can change your personality the science says you can take small steps toward becoming who you want to be and I personally think that taking even small steps toward becoming your ideal self is a fantastic thing so what's the secret how do you change yourself it turns out that the answer is so simple that it's beautiful research suggests the old adage fake it until you make it is actually mostly true surprising right so in several studies we've asked participants to commit to taking as few as one to four small intentional steps each week to pool their behaviors into alignment with their desired traits so for example if someone wanted to become more extroverted they might commit to inviting a few friends to go to lunch or they might commit to honestly assertively and respectfully sharing their opinions when asked if someone wanted to become more conscientious they might commit to organizing their bedroom or they might commit to showing up to classes or appointments five to ten minutes early what about emotional stability the number one trait that almost everyone seems to covet well if you want to be more emotionally stable you might commit to writing down a few things that you're grateful for each day or you might commit to journaling in our seeking social support when you're feeling down so in other words participants in our studies were simply taking small steps to act like the people that they wanted to be and in our studies people who committed to changing their behavior and then actually followed through they were likely to experience changes to their personality across time in contrast people who did not change their behavior were not likely to experience personality change across time so do you relate to Dorothy's friends do you want to change parts of your personality then just act like the person you want to be fake it until you make it it is that simple that's all research suggests you have to do to move just a small bit closer to becoming who you want to be now that being said taking it until you make it is much harder than it sounds to do it successfully you need to make a plan plans small goals to change your behavior each week and when you do so I have three tips for success so first your goals need to be realistic second your goals need to be actionable and finally you need to be persistent so call it a wrap plan realistic actionable and persistent so first your goals need to be realistic by all means dream big but take small steps so in our study as if someone wanted to become more extroverted they we might have them do small things like say hello to a cashier in a store invite a friend to lunch or call a friend to catch up these are small goals these are goals you can realistically do in a week notice that we did not have people jump straight into planning massive parties or organizing social events those are not realistic goals your goals need to be realistic second your goals need to be actionable okay so vague behavior goals like I want to talk more they're not helpful they do not provide a blueprint for concrete action contrast that with good actionable goals like call Lance at least once this week to catch up or invite Erin and Meghan to hang out on Tuesday those types of goals are effective they're effective because they give you clear and concrete instructions for how to behave and what to do so make realistic goals make actionable goals and finally be persistent make goals every week and keep doing it for a long time so in many ways I think that trying to change your personality is similar to losing weight on New Year's Day 2015 I weighed 240 pounds I was big but I decided that I wanted to get into shape so I started meticulously weighing and logging everything that I ate I spent an hour to in the gym every single day I got online and approximated how many calories my body needs and I made sure that I was running a 750 calorie deficit every day at that rate I should have been losing about a pound and a half a week and sure enough when I first started my diet the pounds just shed off in January alone I lost close to ten pounds but then something curious happened February hit I was just as devoted to diet and exercise as I'd been through throughout January but the scale refused to budge it was stuck at 230 first for a day then for two days then for a full week for three straight weeks the scale did not move so much as one tenth of a pound everyone had advice they all said I must have been doing something wrong and honestly I was tempted to give up it was a lot of work for literally three weeks of no gain or losses it were in this case but I knew the sign it is literally impossible to run a 750 calorie deficit every day and not lose weight so I trusted the science and I did not give up and my persistence was rewarded after that weird three-week period my weight began to drop rapidly as if to make up for lost time so I believe that personality change is no different changing your personality can be a slow process it takes months not days or weeks it can take a lot of hard work and careful planning but research suggests that taking small steps to act like the person you want to be works it works so trust the science be persistent make a plan consistently act like the person that you want to be so here's the take-home point if you like Dorothy's friends from oz want to change something about your personality there's good news and no magic or wizards involved the good news is that by consistently taking small steps to act like the person you want to be you can make at least a little bit of progress towards actually becoming that person so here's my challenge to you start today pick out just one small realistic actionable thing that you can do today to act like the person that you want to be and go do it because you can change your personality thank you very much you