The Four Levels of Relationships

Jul 1, 2024

Relationship Advice from Matthew Hussey

Key Concepts

Love and Self-Love

  • Love is not all you need in relationships.
  • Self-love is essential before loving others.
  • Don't try to fix or change someone to fit your standards; it will backfire.

Four Levels of Relationships

  1. Admiration

    • Seeing someone you admire from afar.
    • This stage is about finding someone compelling, attractive, or impressive.
  2. Mutual Attraction

    • Chemistry and connection are found between two people.
    • Highly dangerous stage because it can be mistaken as very important.
    • Not rare and not enough for a committed relationship.
  3. Commitment

    • Both parties agree to be in a relationship and build a future together.
    • Essential conversation: Ask for the commitment early to avoid wasting time.
    • You need to talk about your level of commitment to ensure well-balance.
  4. Compatibility

    • Determines if you and your partner can meet each other's fundamental needs.
    • Requires both partners to collaborate well in life.
    • Easier relationships indicate better compatibility.

Conversations to Define Relationship Levels

  • Avoiding difficult conversations leads to confusion and misunderstanding.
  • Clearly articulate what you want - Example: Discussing exclusivity after dating.
  • Having standards and communicating them attracts better matches.

Key Strategies for Relationship Success

  • Communication

    • Clear and honest conversations about expectations and needs are crucial.
    • Avoid making assumptions without setting clear boundaries and goals.
  • Self-Love and Worth

    • Love and care for yourself first.
    • Prioritize your energy and time; don't waste them on uncertain relationships.
  • Compatibility Over Time

    • Assess if a partner meets your core needs for a long-term relationship.
    • Recognize the importance of shared life goals and mutual support.

Important Advice and Takeaways

  • Have conversations with yourself to understand your needs and standards.
  • Be prepared to let go if the relationship doesn't align with your goals.
  • Avoid falling into the trap of investing time in a relationship hoping the other person will change.

General Advice on Love and Personal Well-being

  • Valuing yourself is key to attracting and maintaining a healthy relationship.
  • Realize that maintaining standards in relationships is an act of self-love.
  • Judge people not by what they say, but by their actions and consistency over time.