Exploring Othello and Desdemona's Relationship

Hello everyone! I'm Jen and I make useful English Lit study videos on Shakespeare, poetry, fiction, literary ideas and more to help you become a literary expert. So if this sounds like what you need then make sure to hit that subscribe button below. So some of you may have come across videos by the School of Life which is an organization that provides therapy services through literary, artistic and cultural engagement. It's the brainchild of the Swiss English philosopher Alain de Botton. and the channel covers topics that explore how literature, art, and other forms of creative expression can help us live better, more meaningful, and fulfilling lives. Now, I'm actually a massive fan of their content, and recently, having developed an interest in painting, which you'll probably have picked up from some of my other videos, I read one of de Botton's books called Art as Therapy, which has inspired me to consider, believe it or not, new ways of looking at the relationship between Othello and Desdemona, the married couple who is at the center. of Shakespeare's Tragedy of Thelo. Now, the first section of de Botton's book explores how art can be instructive for understanding how we can be better lovers, where he outlines the primary qualities of a good lover, and of course, how these are reflected in art. Now, these qualities include attention to detail, curiosity, patience, resilience, reason, perspective, and sensuality. And this got me thinking about how much of these traits I possess and exhibit in my personal relationships. But I also found myself wondering how much of Othello and Desdemona exhibit these traits, and whether the breakdown of their marriage has just as much to do with the presence and absence of these qualities as it does with Iago's manipulation. So in the rest of this video I'll be wearing the temporary hat of an armchair psychoanalyst and I'll examine whether Othello and Desdemona are good lovers to each other based on some of these traits that de Botton has outlined. So buckle up because this is going to be an interesting one. Now, one of the main disconnects I find with Othello and Desdemona's relationship is that the husband doesn't really seem very interested in his wife as a person. From the start of the play, we see that the reason Othello gives for why he loves his wife is that, well, she loves him, or at least she showers him with an amount of attention and adoration that he deeply craves. This is reflected in his self-justification speech to the Senate, when he claims that she loved me for the dangers I had passed. and I loved her that she did pity them."So it's quite clear from this statement that there's a transactional undercurrent in their marriage, which may be more emotional than mercenary, but nonetheless provides an early hint of the ego-bound foundations in their marriage. A key imbalance in the couple's dynamics is curiosity. Desdemona seems far more curious about Othello's voyages and personhood than he her. And we know this because later, when Othello questions Iago's reluctance to marry her, he's forced to say that he's in divulging his thoughts about Desdemona, he presents an understanding of his wife that is characterised by broad generalities associated with conventional, if not archetypal notions, of a virtuous woman, rather than by any specific observations that are unique to Desdemona the individual, whom we, the audience, will observe elsewhere in the play as someone who is much more complex and someone who doesn't really fit in with the crude mould of this idealised Madonna. We see this when Othello claims to Iago,"'Tis not to make me jealous to say my wife is fair, feeds well, loves company, is free of speech, sings, plays, and dances well, where virtuous these are more virtuous."Now, this sort of assessment also shows a skewed perspective on Othello's part. By applying a framework of virtue in his view of his wife, Othello actually sets himself up for inevitable disappointment the second his wife starts behaving in ways that depart from this sterilized ideal. For instance, when Desimona gets annoyed by Othello's refusal to promise that he'll consider forgiving and reinstating Cassio, or when she loses the handkerchief he's gifted her. By the way guys, if you find this video helpful so far, I'd massively appreciate it if you could hit the thumbs up button below and subscribe to my channel so that you don't miss out on any of my top grade lit study content going forward. I'd also encourage you to check out my membership program by clicking the join button below if you want exclusive access to members-only study content and make special video requests. I'll see you there. But of course Desdemona is human, so it's only natural that she has a temper and would misplace things. But in Othello's mind, these common human flaws are magnified to a disproportionate degree only because he set such an unrealistic bar for his wife to begin with. That said, Desdemona also shows a lack of willingness to truly understand the root of her husband's wrath, especially as it pertains to Cassio. Surely, given the two men's history of professional respect and personal goodwill, it would seem strange to see such an about-face in Othello's attitude towards his lieutenant, or at least strange enough to warrant deeper investigation. Is my husband angry about his lieutenant or something else? However, we notice from the heated exchange about the loss of the handkerchief, That Desdemona is less interested in finding out the cause of her husband's irritation than in pushing through her own agenda of securing Othello's promise to her, as we see in the scene. Fetch it! Let me see it! Why, so I can, sir, but I will not now. This is a trick to put me from my suit. Pray you, let Cassio be received again. Fetch me the handkerchief. My mind misgives. Come, come, you'll never meet a more sufficient man. The handkerchief, I pray, talk me of Cassio. The handkerchief! A man that all his time hath founded his good fortunes on your love, shared dangers with you. The handkerchief! In sooth, you are to blame. So instead of asking Othello just why he's so obsessed about the handkerchief's whereabouts. Desdemona's impulse is self-defense, this is a trick to put me from my suit, a desire to establish the validity of her point of view and a need to express her frustration of not being properly heard in the moment. Insooth, you are to blame. So swept up in the emotional intensity of the moment, Desdemona doesn't recognize that the more she pushes for her voice to be heard, the more she pushes her husband away, both emotionally and literally, as we see from Othello's rash departure after this moment. So perhaps what would have rescued the marriage from the rapid deterioration after this point is a simple timeout between husband and wife. And for each party to ask, what's really going on behind why you're so upset? Is this really about the handkerchief? Or is it about my devotion to you as a wife? Is this really about reinstating Cassio? Or is it about wanting... more attention and authority in the marriage. So a little bit of curious digging about the other person could perhaps go a long way in mending cracks. But this is, of course, maybe a modern expectation, because back in the Renaissance era, when women were largely deemed a property to their husbands, it would not have been surprising to see a blatant disinterest in viewing their spouse as a complex individual in need of nuanced understanding. Now, I'm often amazed by how humans behave in ways that are self-destructive, even when we often know that this is the case. A great example of this is our tendency to resort to snap emotional judgment rather than taking the time for logical reasoning. And perhaps this is a reflection of a natural impatience and desire for quick answers, but if Othello and Estimona's marriage is anything to go by, we'll see that this giving into emotions rather than reason is really a recipe for marital disaster. One of the biggest ironies in the play is that while Othello insists on the need for ocular proof before he'll be convinced of Desdemona's unfaithfulness, he doesn't actually care for it, because his deep-seated insecurities drive him to make his mind up about his wife's alleged betrayal before anything substantial surfaces, and indeed none ever does, but this never really mattered to begin with. This irony is sharpened by Othello's reiteration of the verb think when he reacts to Iago's insinuation of Desdemona's Dishonesty, when he says, by the world, I think my wife be honest and think she not. I think thou art just and think thou art not. I'll have some proof. So he claims to be thinking, i.e. to exercise the faculty of reason, but the more he ruminates on this, the further away he seems to move from critical thinking and lets himself be swallowed by intense feeling and emotional reactivity. And Iago, ever the shrewd observer of human behaviour, is not duped by Othello's pretensions to think, as he remarks acutely that I see, sir, you are eaten up with passion. Notice that thereafter in the scene, as Iago squeezes out piecemeal bits of so-called evidence about Desdemona's alleged straying, much of which is just flimsy and unconvincing from a third-party point of view, Othello doesn't proceed logically in his assessment of his wife's relationship with Cassio. And despite requesting Iago to give me a living reason she's disloyal, he immediately jumps to embrace a self-pitying, histrionic frame of mind with dramatic exclamations like this. death and damnation! Oh, oh monstrous, monstrous! I'm most foreboding of all, I'll tear her all to pieces."Perhaps one might argue that such depth of feeling on Othello's part, albeit dangerous when taken to extreme, is in a way reflective of the Moor's love for his wife. But if we consider love to be a demonstration of a calm, careful, and caring understanding of the other person, then such swells of passion may not really be love so much as a desire for for possession and a fear of loss. But then again, reaching for heightened emotionality in lieu of quiet reasoning is what enables Othello to fashion a romantic image of himself in alignment with how he's always seen his identity, as an underdog defeating odds, whether it be in his military position or a foreigner husband as a racial outsider entering a white society. Drama is what fuses need. to identify with a larger-than-life persona, even if it brings marital discord in tow. But as with all situations, it takes two to tango. So while Othello's irrationality is a factor in the breakdown of their marriage, Desimona's lack of resilience is also a contributor. Again, it's an irony of character that she should have first come across so strong and independent-minded at the start of the play, as when she advocates for her decision to marry Othello in front of both her father and the Senate, And yes, later on reveals such a weak sense of self-identity when her husband humiliates and calls her a strumpet and a whore. Distraught by Othello's insults, Desdemona asks Iago, Am I that name such as my lord did say I was? When a woman with a secure sense of self-esteem would not really require such external reassurance, and least of all from a man, Iago, whom she knows, has a history of speaking about women in disdainful terms. Like her husband, Desdemona shares his catastrophizing impulse as she concludes from Othello's tempestuous outburst that she has now lost him. But a bit of perspective may have her reframe this moment as a one-off incident that maybe just requires open, deeper communication with the husband, but instead Desdemona jumps to the devastating conclusion that he is on the brink of shaking me off to beggarly divorcement, viewing his verbal lashing out as a sort of de facto abandonment. Notice that the diction Desdemona uses in this moment is just as absolute and self-pitying as Othello's. For instance, when she claims, unkindness may do much and his unkindness may defeat my life, but never taint my love. The strong connotation of words like defeat and never highlights Desdemona's depth of feeling here, while the chiasmic binding of the two unkindness words visually reinforces her hope that they will remain bound together as a marital unit, despite her husband's disappointing and abusive behaviour. And that's it for my analysis of Othello and Desdemona's marriage. I'm not married, so obviously I lack the first-hand experience to comment on what's probably the most complex kind of human relationship, but I'm fascinated by marriage as a literary theme and I find Alain de Botton to be one of the best, most accessible and engaging contemporary writers on this topic. So I really encourage you to check out the School of Life's blog articles and videos if you haven't already, and I'll link them in the description box below. Otherwise, I hope my video has inspired you to think deeply about the dynamics of this Shakespearean couple's relationship. Do you think that Othello and Desdemona are good lovers? Why or why not? You can have your own standards for what you think makes a good romantic relationship or a marriage. What other moments in the play can you find which would support your view? I'd love to hear your thoughts as always, so please do comment below. And make sure to check out my extensive Othello playlist if you are studying the play at school, link in the description box below. Please hit the thumbs up button below if you found this video helpful in any way so that YouTube can share this with other passionate learners all around the world like yourself. Please subscribe to my channel if you haven't already and hit that bell notification so you never miss out on my weekly study videos going forward. You can also consider joining my membership program. for exclusive video requests and essay review perks. Just hit the join button below this video and I will see you guys, as always, in the next one. Bye!

So some of you may have come across videos by the School of Life which is an organization that provides therapy services through literary, artistic and cultural engagement. It's the brainchild of the Swiss English philosopher Alain de Botton. and the channel covers topics that explore how literature, art, and other forms of creative expression can help us live better, more meaningful, and fulfilling lives. Now, I'm actually a massive fan of their content, and recently, having developed an interest in painting, which you'll probably have picked up from some of my other videos, I read one of de Botton's books called Art as Therapy, which has inspired me to consider, believe it or not, new ways of looking at the relationship between Othello and Desdemona, the married couple who is at the center.

of Shakespeare's Tragedy of Thelo. Now, the first section of de Botton's book explores how art can be instructive for understanding how we can be better lovers, where he outlines the primary qualities of a good lover, and of course, how these are reflected in art. Now, these qualities include attention to detail, curiosity, patience, resilience, reason, perspective, and sensuality. And this got me thinking about how much of these traits I possess and exhibit in my personal relationships.

But I also found myself wondering how much of Othello and Desdemona exhibit these traits, and whether the breakdown of their marriage has just as much to do with the presence and absence of these qualities as it does with Iago's manipulation. So in the rest of this video I'll be wearing the temporary hat of an armchair psychoanalyst and I'll examine whether Othello and Desdemona are good lovers to each other based on some of these traits that de Botton has outlined. So buckle up because this is going to be an interesting one.

Now, one of the main disconnects I find with Othello and Desdemona's relationship is that the husband doesn't really seem very interested in his wife as a person. From the start of the play, we see that the reason Othello gives for why he loves his wife is that, well, she loves him, or at least she showers him with an amount of attention and adoration that he deeply craves. This is reflected in his self-justification speech to the Senate, when he claims that she loved me for the dangers I had passed. and I loved her that she did pity them."So it's quite clear from this statement that there's a transactional undercurrent in their marriage, which may be more emotional than mercenary, but nonetheless provides an early hint of the ego-bound foundations in their marriage. A key imbalance in the couple's dynamics is curiosity. Desdemona seems far more curious about Othello's voyages and personhood than he her. And we know this because later, when Othello questions Iago's reluctance to marry her, he's forced to say that he's in divulging his thoughts about Desdemona, he presents an understanding of his wife that is characterised by broad generalities associated with conventional, if not archetypal notions, of a virtuous woman, rather than by any specific observations that are unique to Desdemona the individual, whom we, the audience, will observe elsewhere in the play as someone who is much more complex and someone who doesn't really fit in with the crude mould of this idealised Madonna. We see this when Othello claims to Iago,"'Tis not to make me jealous to say my wife is fair, feeds well, loves company, is free of speech, sings, plays, and dances well, where virtuous these are more virtuous."Now, this sort of assessment also shows a skewed perspective on Othello's part. By applying a framework of virtue in his view of his wife, Othello actually sets himself up for inevitable disappointment the second his wife starts behaving in ways that depart from this sterilized ideal. For instance, when Desimona gets annoyed by Othello's refusal to promise that he'll consider forgiving and reinstating Cassio, or when she loses the handkerchief he's gifted her. By the way guys, if you find this video helpful so far, I'd massively appreciate it if you could hit the thumbs up button below and subscribe to my channel so that you don't miss out on any of my top grade lit study content going forward. I'd also encourage you to check out my membership program by clicking the join button below if you want exclusive access to members-only study content and make special video requests. I'll see you there. But of course Desdemona is human, so it's only natural that she has a temper and would misplace things. But in Othello's mind, these common human flaws are magnified to a disproportionate degree only because he set such an unrealistic bar for his wife to begin with. That said, Desdemona also shows a lack of willingness to truly understand the root of her husband's wrath, especially as it pertains to Cassio. Surely, given the two men's history of professional respect and personal goodwill, it would seem strange to see such an about-face in Othello's attitude towards his lieutenant, or at least strange enough to warrant deeper investigation. Is my husband angry about his lieutenant or something else? However, we notice from the heated exchange about the loss of the handkerchief, That Desdemona is less interested in finding out the cause of her husband's irritation than in pushing through her own agenda of securing Othello's promise to her, as we see in the scene. Fetch it! Let me see it! Why, so I can, sir, but I will not now. This is a trick to put me from my suit. Pray you, let Cassio be received again. Fetch me the handkerchief. My mind misgives. Come, come, you'll never meet a more sufficient man. The handkerchief, I pray, talk me of Cassio. The handkerchief! A man that all his time hath founded his good fortunes on your love, shared dangers with you. The handkerchief! In sooth, you are to blame. So instead of asking Othello just why he's so obsessed about the handkerchief's whereabouts. Desdemona's impulse is self-defense, this is a trick to put me from my suit, a desire to establish the validity of her point of view and a need to express her frustration of not being properly heard in the moment. Insooth, you are to blame. So swept up in the emotional intensity of the moment, Desdemona doesn't recognize that the more she pushes for her voice to be heard, the more she pushes her husband away, both emotionally and literally, as we see from Othello's rash departure after this moment. So perhaps what would have rescued the marriage from the rapid deterioration after this point is a simple timeout between husband and wife. And for each party to ask, what's really going on behind why you're so upset? Is this really about the handkerchief? Or is it about my devotion to you as a wife? Is this really about reinstating Cassio? Or is it about wanting... more attention and authority in the marriage. So a little bit of curious digging about the other person could perhaps go a long way in mending cracks. But this is, of course, maybe a modern expectation, because back in the Renaissance era, when women were largely deemed a property to their husbands, it would not have been surprising to see a blatant disinterest in viewing their spouse as a complex individual in need of nuanced understanding. Now, I'm often amazed by how humans behave in ways that are self-destructive, even when we often know that this is the case. A great example of this is our tendency to resort to snap emotional judgment rather than taking the time for logical reasoning. And perhaps this is a reflection of a natural impatience and desire for quick answers, but if Othello and Estimona's marriage is anything to go by, we'll see that this giving into emotions rather than reason is really a recipe for marital disaster. One of the biggest ironies in the play is that while Othello insists on the need for ocular proof before he'll be convinced of Desdemona's unfaithfulness, he doesn't actually care for it, because his deep-seated insecurities drive him to make his mind up about his wife's alleged betrayal before anything substantial surfaces, and indeed none ever does, but this never really mattered to begin with. This irony is sharpened by Othello's reiteration of the verb think when he reacts to Iago's insinuation of Desdemona's Dishonesty, when he says, by the world, I think my wife be honest and think she not. I think thou art just and think thou art not. I'll have some proof. So he claims to be thinking, i.e. to exercise the faculty of reason, but the more he ruminates on this, the further away he seems to move from critical thinking and lets himself be swallowed by intense feeling and emotional reactivity. And Iago, ever the shrewd observer of human behaviour, is not duped by Othello's pretensions to think, as he remarks acutely that I see, sir, you are eaten up with passion. Notice that thereafter in the scene, as Iago squeezes out piecemeal bits of so-called evidence about Desdemona's alleged straying, much of which is just flimsy and unconvincing from a third-party point of view, Othello doesn't proceed logically in his assessment of his wife's relationship with Cassio. And despite requesting Iago to give me a living reason she's disloyal, he immediately jumps to embrace a self-pitying, histrionic frame of mind with dramatic exclamations like this. death and damnation! Oh, oh monstrous, monstrous! I'm most foreboding of all, I'll tear her all to pieces."Perhaps one might argue that such depth of feeling on Othello's part, albeit dangerous when taken to extreme, is in a way reflective of the Moor's love for his wife.

But if we consider love to be a demonstration of a calm, careful, and caring understanding of the other person, then such swells of passion may not really be love so much as a desire for for possession and a fear of loss. But then again, reaching for heightened emotionality in lieu of quiet reasoning is what enables Othello to fashion a romantic image of himself in alignment with how he's always seen his identity, as an underdog defeating odds, whether it be in his military position or a foreigner husband as a racial outsider entering a white society. Drama is what fuses need. to identify with a larger-than-life persona, even if it brings marital discord in tow.

But as with all situations, it takes two to tango. So while Othello's irrationality is a factor in the breakdown of their marriage, Desimona's lack of resilience is also a contributor. Again, it's an irony of character that she should have first come across so strong and independent-minded at the start of the play, as when she advocates for her decision to marry Othello in front of both her father and the Senate, And yes, later on reveals such a weak sense of self-identity when her husband humiliates and calls her a strumpet and a whore. Distraught by Othello's insults, Desdemona asks Iago, Am I that name such as my lord did say I was? When a woman with a secure sense of self-esteem would not really require such external reassurance, and least of all from a man, Iago, whom she knows, has a history of speaking about women in disdainful terms.

Like her husband, Desdemona shares his catastrophizing impulse as she concludes from Othello's tempestuous outburst that she has now lost him. But a bit of perspective may have her reframe this moment as a one-off incident that maybe just requires open, deeper communication with the husband, but instead Desdemona jumps to the devastating conclusion that he is on the brink of shaking me off to beggarly divorcement, viewing his verbal lashing out as a sort of de facto abandonment. Notice that the diction Desdemona uses in this moment is just as absolute and self-pitying as Othello's.

For instance, when she claims, unkindness may do much and his unkindness may defeat my life, but never taint my love. The strong connotation of words like defeat and never highlights Desdemona's depth of feeling here, while the chiasmic binding of the two unkindness words visually reinforces her hope that they will remain bound together as a marital unit, despite her husband's disappointing and abusive behaviour. And that's it for my analysis of Othello and Desdemona's marriage. I'm not married, so obviously I lack the first-hand experience to comment on what's probably the most complex kind of human relationship, but I'm fascinated by marriage as a literary theme and I find Alain de Botton to be one of the best, most accessible and engaging contemporary writers on this topic.

So I really encourage you to check out the School of Life's blog articles and videos if you haven't already, and I'll link them in the description box below. Otherwise, I hope my video has inspired you to think deeply about the dynamics of this Shakespearean couple's relationship. Do you think that Othello and Desdemona are good lovers?

Why or why not? You can have your own standards for what you think makes a good romantic relationship or a marriage. What other moments in the play can you find which would support your view? I'd love to hear your thoughts as always, so please do comment below.

And make sure to check out my extensive Othello playlist if you are studying the play at school, link in the description box below. Please hit the thumbs up button below if you found this video helpful in any way so that YouTube can share this with other passionate learners all around the world like yourself. Please subscribe to my channel if you haven't already and hit that bell notification so you never miss out on my weekly study videos going forward.

You can also consider joining my membership program. for exclusive video requests and essay review perks. Just hit the join button below this video and I will see you guys, as always, in the next one.

Bye!

Transcript for:Exploring Othello and Desdemona's Relationship

Transcript for:
Exploring Othello and Desdemona's Relationship