Explaining My Depression to My Mother: A Conversation

Introduction

• Theme: Description of depression as a dynamic and changing entity.

Personification of Depression

• Shape-Shifter: Depression varies in size and impact.
  • Small as a firefly.
  • Large as a bear (overwhelming presence).

Coping Mechanisms

• Play Dead: Avoidance on bad days (dark days).

Mother's Suggestions and Responses

• Lighting Candles:
  • Metaphor associated with the church and memory of death.
  • Not afraid of the dark, which may be problematic.

Anxiety and Its Impact

• Description:
  • Acts as a hostage taker within one's own mind.
  • Anxiety described as an unwelcome guest (cousin) brought by depression.
• Social Life:
  • Plans are made but the desire to attend is absent.
  • Social engagement is not appealing.

Insomnia

• Nighttime Routine:
  • Romanticizes staying up late and walking at night.
• Counting Sheep:
  • Suggestion to count sheep is ineffective.
  • Mind occupied with reasons to stay awake.

Happiness

• Perception:
  • Temporary state likened to a fever.
  • Hollow happiness compared to a pin-pricked egg.

Fear of Living

• Perspective on Life:
  • Not afraid of dying but afraid of living.
  • Loneliness and busyness as coping mechanisms.

Reflection on Family and Loneliness

• Father's Absence:
  • Anger turned into loneliness, loneliness into busyness.
  • Avoidance of confronting loneliness.

Conclusion

• Summary of Experience:
  • Depression as an inescapable return to bed.
  • Feelings of being a stranger to one's own experiences.

Mother's Understanding

• Continued Misunderstanding:
  • Mother's lack of understanding parallels speaker's own confusion.
  • Highlighted disconnect in communication and comprehension.