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Is It Okay to Love Bad People?

Jul 6, 2024

Is It Okay to Love Bad People?

Overview

  • The lecture explores the morality and rationality of loving individuals who may be considered morally deficient or harmful.
  • Two main philosophical perspectives discussed: Love as a mental attitude and love as an action.
  • Examines examples from real life and pop culture to illustrate these concepts.

Key Philosophical Theories of Love

Love as a Mental Attitude (David J Velleman and Kieran Setia)

  • Velleman and Setia's Perspective:
    • Love is about appreciating someone's inherent value.
    • Everyone has value simply by being human, therefore it is rational to love everyone.
    • Velleman’s view is influenced by Kant, stating that our value comes from being rational, autonomous beings.
    • Setia focuses on the value of being human.
  • Implications:
    • We can love individuals even if they have done bad things, separating the attitude of love from actions.
    • Love does not necessarily mean condoning bad actions.
    • Examples: Parents loving their children despite committing crimes.

Love as an Action (Bell Hooks)

  • Hooks' Perspective:
    • Love is intrinsically tied to right actions and care.
    • True love cannot exist without acting lovingly and morally.
    • Critique of separating love from moral actions.
  • Implications:
    • Loving a bad person would mean either they don't truly love back or acting in harmful ways disables the existence of love.
    • Structural inequalities and trauma can affect one's ability to act lovingly.

Real-life Examples and Cultural Context

  • Parents and Offspring: Parents loving problematic or even criminal children.
  • Famous Relationships: Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s friendship with conservative justices.
  • Pop Culture: Taylor Swift's relationship with individuals that contradict her public personas.
  • Therapeutic Relationships: Therapists dealing with abusive patients and the psychological complexities involved.

Psychoanalytic Insights

  • Jessica Benjamin on abuse and projections:
    • Children in abusive households absorbing parents’ toxic projections.
    • Creates a paradox where they project their internalized ā€œbadnessā€ onto others.
    • Therapeutic relationships may challenge these projections, causing resistance.

Practical Considerations

  • Friendship and Romance:
    • Friendships and romantic relationships require taking each other’s values and lives seriously, which can get complicated if the other party has harmful traits.
    • Influence and vulnerability in close relationships.

Challenges and Critiques

  • Therapy-Speak and Pathologizing:
    • Criticism of modern therapeutic language as a means to avoid dealing with personal flaws and responsibilities.
    • Hyper-individualization can sometimes inhibit true loving relationships.
  • Role of Structural Inequalities:
    • Current life conditions and historical traumas influence actions and thereby complicate the idea of moral and loving actions.

Conclusion

  • Ongoing Debate: No clear-cut answers, but various theories and perspectives help shape the debate on the morality of loving bad people.
  • Self-Reflection: Understanding personal biases, ideals, and contexts in which one engages in loving relationships.
  • Invitation for Discussion: Encouragement to reflect and discuss personal experiences and thoughts on loving individuals with moral shortcomings.