Overview
The speaker explains why women test men in relationships, the common ways men fail these tests, and practical frameworks men can use to pass them and strengthen attraction and connection.
Why Women Test Men
- Women test men to experience a wide range of emotions, which is a core part of the feminine dynamic.
- Testing often arises from a craving for connection when a woman feels emotionally distant from her partner.
- Tests act as a selection mechanism to ensure the man remains a strong, reliable partner who can protect and provide.
Common Reasons Men Fail These Tests
- Men often operate from a scarcity mentality, placing women on a pedestal and fearing losing them.
- Many men lack emotional regulation tolerance and are uncomfortable with negative emotions, leading them to seek quick solutions.
- Men frequently try to resolve emotional challenges with logic rather than emotional support, which fails to meet women’s needs.
The Concept of Frame
- Frame refers to a man's perceptions, beliefs, emotions, and actions—his worldview and how he holds himself.
- Women test men by challenging their frame to see if they remain confident and undisturbed.
- Maintaining a strong, positive frame is crucial for leadership and attraction in the relationship.
Examples of Testing and Frame
- Minor comments (e.g., criticizing appearance or choices) are common ways women test a man's confidence and reaction.
- Major tests, like threats of leaving or divorce, are ways partners assess if the man can remain unwavering and certain.
- Passing tests is about responding with confidence and emotional presence, not defensiveness.
Three Frameworks to Pass Tests
- Be the “shore”: Stay grounded, non-reactive, and emotionally solid in the face of her emotional waves.
- Respond to her emotions: Practice mindfulness, actively listen, and reflect her feelings back without trying to “fix” them.
- Use humor (agree and amplify): Playfully acknowledge her comments to show unshakable confidence, using humor for yourself, not just to get a reaction.
Key Takeaways
- Women’s tests are natural and ongoing in relationships, serving emotional and evolutionary purposes.
- Men who develop tolerance for emotional discomfort and maintain their personal frame will deepen attraction and connection.
- Responses rooted in emotional attunement and humor are more effective than logical arguments or defensiveness.
Recommendations / Advice
- Practice emotional tolerance and remain grounded during conflict or emotional outbursts.
- Regularly reflect and communicate genuine understanding of your partner’s feelings.
- Use humor carefully to maintain confidence and lighten tense situations, but ensure it aligns with your relationship dynamic.