you have to kill yourself in order to win the love back that you want but the thing is you're not willing to do that and I guess that's okay because very few men are and that is why over 50% of marriages end in divorce and only 10% of men can save a marriage when the wife wants a divorce so what's separates the 90% from the 10% that is what I'm going to share in the next few minutes because once you are able to do the four things I talk about today you will see an immediate and major shift in your marriage she will will respect you more she'll speak to you differently and she'll tap back into that woman that you thought was gone for good let's talk about the big problem first ego is the enemy Ryan holiday says in his book ego is the enemy of what you want and of what you have of mastering a craft or real creative Insight of working well with others of building loyalty and support Eagle repulses these things with ease being a man means a lot of things right but more than any I would argue it means self sacrifice I mean David goggin puts it pretty well 22 who's going to carry the boats and the logs that's you buddy so the question is what are you actually sacrificing we sacrifice our time our energy our resources and most importantly you have to sacrifice your sense of self in order to serve the better good the people you love this means letting go of who you think you are and trusting God that you are meant for more but we have to talk about what the ego's main role and goal in life is you see your ego is a self-protective mechanism what this means is that it's ultimate goal your ultimate goal in your subconscious brain which controls 97% % of what you do what you think and who you are it's not happiness it's to survive therefore in situations that threaten you it will Retreat and protect now this will show up in conversation with her through excuses defensiveness logic avoidance your ego says I'm safe I don't care that I'm pushing her away she's a threat right now to me so the next logical question is how does she threaten you she does it through the tests she tests You by pulling away withdrawing using apathy criticizing you defending against you shutting you out talking to another guy and not reassuring you essentially she challenges every aspect of who you are as a man by the way I have an exact framework on how to pass all of her tests with ease it's one of the most powerful videos on the channel I'll show you at the very end of this one how to access that but my good friend the other day were talking about the idea of test why woman test no matter what there is like if there's peace in your house she'll open the window to bring in the wind right just to cause a little bit of chaos but here's why she does this let me read the quote she's a reflection of you what she mirrors is a part of you she couldn't trigger you if there wasn't one to pull let me say that again she couldn't trigger you if there wasn't one to pull reflect on what she's bringing up in you be curious give God praise lead accordingly and it's so funny because I recently had a podcast with the tire Dad you can check him out on Instagram and one of the first things that he said was how what causes marriages to fall apart is ego you when you stop working on how you guys fell in love in the first place yeah you can get complacent and then a lot of it I always say this is is ego a lot of it was my ego so um I think that's a big thing with husbands and men in general is they can take offense to what their wives are doing and take it personal when it's really they're going through something you know so the question for this video is how do you overcome your ego well this video is going to show you four ways to do so and one of the first ways the only first way is to identify her role in it all you see she is your Oracle a woman is an oracle if a man has the ears to hear and the heart to feel she will reveal everything he needs to know about himself and his capacity to love she is his mirror reflecting his strength integrity and Clarity or revealing his weakness fear and confusion as a thought experiment let's say you're up in heaven you walk up to God and say in this life I want humility patience and compassion so God says all right I'm going to give you arrogance those who will annoy you constantly and a wife that makes it hard for her to love you see you cannot grow and you cannot gain these qualities in yourself to achieve the love you want without being challenged Comm C's never made a good sailor so recognize in her she is giving you a gift through the challenge through the conflict there is a truth in there that she is trying to show you through her Challenge and your ego doesn't want you to see that because that means you have to change the question is how does she challenge your ego she tests their integrity through boundaries she will often set boundaries or voice expectations to see if you will respect them this challenges you to become more self-aware empathetic and disciplined when you honor these boundaries it demonstrates your ability to act with integrity and respect the second way is encouraging emotional vulnerability now she will often seek deeper emotional connection prompting you to express your feelings openly this pushes you to move Beyond surface level communication and explore the depth of emotions between you two she will hold you accountable to your words she'll often remember what you say and hold you accountable to promises this challenges you to be consistent reliable and follow through on commitments I'm actually going to pause on that one right here because I'm currently dealing with a client who is really struggling with his idea his wife wanted forced him essentially his words forced him to make a promise that he knew he couldn't keep now he wanted to keep the promise but deep down he didn't want to upset her so he appeased to her instead of saying hey I don't think I can do that that's not fair and holding true to his values and boundaries he said okay I'll do my best and he broke that promise inevitably and now she will not let it go because he's the one that said through his word that he would do that your words and actions must line you must have an honor a code as a man for her to trust you she will also mirror your behavior she will mirror your energy your commitment your emotional stability she serves as a reflection of your own growth in areas of needing Improvement this can challenge you to become more conscious of your actions and their effects and she will demand leadership and initiative she will Express a desire for you to take the lead in certain areas whether in planning decision- making or guiding the relationship forward this challenges you to embrace responsibility and demonstrate confidence I mean pretty much every single guy here can admit that they were complacent in their marriage that they stopped taking the lead that they said you know we're just going to go through the motions day by day I'm at peace I'm happy everything's good she wants forward as much as you want forward progress in your career she wants to in the relationship the first step is that you initiate a physical romance and desire so what's the next step for her it's going deeper and saying oh we're committed we're boyfriend and girlfriend monogamous now we're going to get married now we're having kids but after the kids things often times get worse don't they for most men got worse after the kids is it because the kids are stressful no it's because you stopped taking the relationship forward you didn't have a road map or a blueprint how to gain more depth of commitment and devotion and growth within the relationship context and that's what she responded to not because there was more stress now the most unfortunate thing about your ego is that it's almost impossible to see it's like this thing behind you that no matter where you turn we talk about Shadow work hear a lot in this channel Shadows comprise your ego it's your subconscious it's the things that you don't recognize but there is a process and pattern to become aware of that let me share through a story now if you asked derck a few months ago how he planned on tackling his ego he would have brushed it off with a smirk ego look I'm car from perfect he'd say but my wife just needs to stop complaining so much all that changed the day he came into the home to find a note on his counter his wife had packed her bags and she left for her sisters she really did it he muttered staring at the note he thought back to the last argument when she said you never listen I feel like I don't matter to you he dismissed her pointing out all the things he did for the family now those words echoed in his head days turned into the weeks and Derrik couldn't shake the nagging thought what if she was right then one night over drinks with his best friend Derrick vented his frustration she said I don't listen I don't know man I've I've given her everything his friend cracked a joke but then got serious for a moment he said have you ever just thought what she needed that simple but the question lingered for the first time Derrik began reflecting on her complaints the late nights at work when she asked for more time the moments where she tried to open up was only met with Solutions instead of understanding he started to see a pattern in himself not her faults but his now he was questioning everything he thought he knew about himself in their marriage determined to make things right Derrick reached out to his wife he admitted how blind he'd been how he dismissed her needs and failed to listen it wasn't an easy conversation and didn't fix everything overnight but it did open the door Dereck did not stop there he took action he started showing up in ways that mattered sharing his feelings honestly making space for hers and trying to be less defensive all the time through constant personal inner work he stopped seeing her complaints as attacks and instead as mirrors reflecting what he needed to do to change to grow to become the man she needed it wasn't easy but over time his wife began to notice the changes the man who once dismissed her was now leaning in listening and stepping up for the first time in years she felt seen now before we dive into the ability to identify and eliminate aspects of your ego let's first look at a mindset shift that can be tremendously helpful Lance opens the door to possibility Tony Robins once said if you act like it's the first day you got married then it'll never be the last when you first fell in love it showed a glimpse of the type of connection that you could have with her you saw the best in her not the worst her actions were seen through a positive lens you were trying to constantly impress her you wanted to be the best man you could be for her and you thought about her constantly non-stop when you would just see her again there was this desire without attachment without need just wanting to give value and love to her but you see your emotions are created and then they follow into actions but your actions can create emotions this is even shown through studies there was a study done on happiness right the key study there's participants where they were given a small amount of money either $5 to $20 and randomly assigned to spend it on either themselves or others buying a gift or donation it didn't matter they then reported their happiness levels afterwards those who spent money on others reported significantly higher happiness levels than those who spent it on themselves and it was regardless of the amount this is known as pro-social Behavior generating emotions towards others giving others being of service because when you get outside of yourself that selfishness is what causes the pain the neediness everything that rejects her is because of selfish intentions which what your ego ultimately needs and so when you take action that goes against your ego that's serving others not even not even through your wife right but giving without anything in return because the idea of a covert contract we talk a lot about is giving her but you want something in return she feels that so being able to be full yourself not needing anything from her that's what produces the attraction Paradox of wanting her but not needing her the study underscores how actions can shape emotions and self-concept by showing and behaving generously it enhances both mood and one's sense of identity of as a caring and connected individual there'll be another video at the end of this one by the way the attorney Robin tells a story that put me in tears when I listen to it so now that we understand the ego how your wife points it out in you and the role it plays let's finally learn how to integrate it the first thing you need to do is to identify the victim the victim is the entry point into where the ego lives think of the last time you had a fight what was it about what did you feel what was the story you were telling yourself on why she had to change not you where were you giving your power away then as a thought experiment I want you to flip the script okay what this means is create a world in your mind just for a second to say that what if everything that happened to me I created it was my fault if this was the case in that scenario how would it be true just write out how that is true just as a thought experiment I don't care what she did or who influenced her behavior just write that out step number three is to take the fear and transmute it into love your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it you see what the ego does what the victim does is that whenever you're in a situation it thinks how am I being affected what do I need from this it is a selfish motive as we talked about before so all you have to do because that's a subconscious automatic process use your Consciousness your power your gift of focus and attention an ability to change your thoughts and think okay this is what I don't want this is what I'm afraid of so conversely what do I want so as an as an extreme example to prove the point let's say your wife is having an emotional affair with someone okay some guys deal with this in that situation it's pretty clear what you don't want you don't want her to have the emotional affair turn physical you don't want her to fall in love with this guy you don't want her to abandon you but if you operate from that function in your brain when you're interacting with her when you're texting when you're on the phone call with her she can feel the fear in your voice the holding back the selfish intentions right not thinking about how you led there how it's her fault how she's doing this to you instead what if for a second you said what do I want from this I want her back not what you don't want but what you do want I want loyalty I want honesty and you see when you focus on what you want in the relationship I know it seems like it's such a simple shift but that is the answer here to focus on what you want and the thing is the way it goes against I know it seems like even what you want is selfish but you're creating a positive response because of what you want is honesty if what you want is love she wins from that but the way you interact with her in the negative of saying what you don't want in terms of the lack of loyalty or whatever it is it's attacking her where it's me versus you but when you focus on what you want through love and connection it creates that win-win relationship where you get your needs met but so does she step number four is not what do you have to do to get what you want but who do you have to become Thomas Jefferson said to get what you've never had you must be willing to do what you've never done you see the ego is Never Satisfied it comes from a place of lack and so therefore it looks outside of itself in the environment to fill an emotional void this makes you become needy and it repulses what we want whereas the Apex man feels abundance they are full so they give fully without expectation and they receive what they want this is a simple process to overcome your ego but it's not easy where it's difficult is the blindness where it's difficult is overcoming the emotions right you're a smart man but when it comes to emotions in the situation it's almost like you are stunted in your development you can't think clearly and that's why it's so powerful to get help because if you had the same situation with yourself but you were getting it from a friend you can tell them exactly what to do but your emotions cause you to be conflicted did right is it even best to be with her should you put the work in what if she what if you do all this work and then she pulls away this is why is important to get outside help from an expert someone who has had thousands of calls of situations like yours I know you feel that yours is unique but just getting on the call for 5 minutes with our team you can see automatically where you are blind where you haven't seen the correct answer and getting that coaching it leads to so much value so right now click the link down below set up a call with our team okay the call is free but make sure you're fully committed all right thanks for watching the video here is the video on test in the Tony Robbins video smash like if you like the video and I will see you in the next one cheers