you're officiating a wedding congrats your friend or relative asked you to do it and you of course said yes even though in the back your mind you thought I've never done this before I have no idea what to do I'll worry about that later well now is later I'm Mark Allen grollo book solid full-time unboring wedding officiant and course creator trainer and Coach to celebrants and officiants all over the world the 10-step process I use every single time I officiate a wedding that process is going to be yours so let's start right away step number one to this process then is understand the timeline of your process now this is going to be a little bit meta because Step One is five little stages basically that you need to know before we Zoom back out to the other nine steps the first thing you're going to do in this process is number one meet with your couple for for the ceremony planning session as with every one of these five steps we're going to get more into detail in it in a few minutes about four to six weeks before every wedding ceremony I like to sit down with the couple for what I call our ceremony planning session where we work together to craft and create the perfect ceremony they want with everything in it that they do want and more importantly nothing in it that they don't want we'll talk more about this in a few minutes but the second step to this process is we're going to write their script and send it to them along with a questionnaire so after you have that meeting with your couple again four to six weeks before the day you're going to come out of that with all kinds of data and information to creating their perfect wedding ceremony that's what you'll need to put the script together the script that you're going to take into the ceremony and you're going to want to send them some questions so you can personalize their ceremony write their story all that good stuff more on that in a few minutes number three then to this whole process is you're going to run the wedding ceremony rehearsal so day before the wedding two days maybe in rarer cases you're going to want to get everybody together and walk through the ceremony now you might be thinking right off the bat some objections wait a second I don't know how to run a rehearsal I don't know how to Corral all those people wait I know some wedding officials who Skip the rehearsal do not skip the wedding rehearsal especially if it is your very first time you need it just as much as everybody else does but the second thing is guess what no one on the planet is more qualified to run the wedding rehearsal than you and we'll get there in a few minutes The Next Step then number four is to prepare the final draft of your wedding ceremony script so when you come out of that wedding rehearsal maybe a few things happen maybe there were some changes that need to happen but after the rehearsal you're going to come home and you're going to make the final draft print that out get it all ready that is the script filled with detail that you are going to bring into the ceremony itself more on that in a few minutes and number five of course then you officiate today we've all been working towards but how do you show up confidently what do you have to check on how do you make sure that once the ceremony starts nothing's falling through the cracks we're going to talk about that now you have a process and a plan and again if your couple says hey what are we going to do in the next few weeks you give them that road map now let's get to step number two exactly what you need to know next which is starting with a traditional 10 part ceremony outline a wedding ceremony has a lot of moving people and parts and things even when I meet people who are great in front of people they think well this is way different than standing on a stage and speaking what I don't want you to do is run to the internet grab a canned script and just go with that number one the first thing in a wedding ceremony is the wedding officiant opening remarks all right now I have a confession to make I am giving this a little bit of a modern twist even though I said traditional because you might have thought hey wait a second I've been to some weddings or I've seen some weddings on TV and the first thing of a wedding ceremony is the processional where everybody walks in then once they're at the front the officiant finally opens their mouth and says dearly beloved blah blah blah I'm gonna say you are correct but it doesn't have to be that way this is one of my top secret Silver Bullet ingredients for connecting with the guests and creating a wonderful atmosphere for yourself for your couple and everyone they've invited to be there so here's how that works you get to the front sometimes it's with one of the merrier's party and sometimes the merrier themself but not the merrier who's coming down the aisle so sometimes I'm alone when I do my opening remarks sometimes I'm with a party and one of the people getting married three things happen here first you introduce yourself really briefly so I just say my name is Mark you don't need to give your CV your family tree why you're qualified to officiate this wedding don't do that just say my name is so and so and you can say I'm the cousin of the Bride or the father of the groom whatever just really quick then the second thing is you're telling everyone whether or not they can take pictures and then the third thing you're going to want to tell everybody is of course to silence their phones and devices we don't want anything going off put everything on airplane mode even if you are allowed to take pictures keep it fun keep it light then you say let's begin and the ceremony starts that leads to number two which is you got it the processional when you say let's begin the song starts whatever the couple chose and people start walking down the aisle animals start coming down the aisle everything that the couple has decided will come down the aisle comes down that aisle and now it's time for part three of the ceremony which is the wedding officiant speech Lots you can do and say here you can recite poetry you can read song lyrics you can preach from a faith tradition you can tell the couple's Love Story whatever you do I always recommend start with the couple's love story again that's some of my secret sauce I've built an entire brand called unboring Wedding around it couples love having their story told guests love hearing their couple's love story and so this is the part where you gotta talk for five or ten minutes as the wedding efficient of course if you're a family member or a good friend you want to reflect on the two standing in front of you today what you love about them all that good stuff then number four you get into the Declaration of intent and or exchange of vows we call it now there is some confusion around this sometimes or we kind of conflate the two terms what is the Declaration of intent versus the exchange of vows are they the same thing well let's tackle the first one Declaration of intent comes from traditionally asking the couple are you hear of your own volition and of a sound mind basically to get married and of course we want them to say yes so that is the Declaration of intent where they are declaring their intention to get married and that really is where we traditionally get the I do because that is the response to it typically do you come here to get married of a sound mind something to that effect and they of course say I do now the vows of course come from getting more specific this is where the couple want to make specific promises to each other to be faithful to never leave to keep giving foot rubs and making coffee whatever it is sometimes the vows can have a lot of levity especially when the couple write their own personal vows to each other so it's worth mentioning right now that there are three ways to say the vows again I have a whole YouTube video on the three Styles but really quick here the couple can write and read their own vows to each other or they can repeat after you line by line by line you feed them a line they say the line you've not next line they say the next line you get the picture and the third style is you ask them a big long question Abby do you etc etc etc as long as you live and Abby says I do so once the vowels are done it is time for part five which is the exchange of rings so after they've exchanged vows typically then the Rings are a concrete physical symbol of the vowels and so that is a good time after they've exchanged their vows orally now we say we put the rings on they give rings to one another as a physical symbol of these vowels and yes of course I have an entire YouTube video on how to successfully Exchange rings in the wedding ceremony you can check that out but after the rings are on now it's time for number six which is the pronouncement of the couple when the couple have made their promises and they're wearing the Rings now it is time for you to pronounce them married or wife and wife husband and wife whatever they're comfortable with and then they kiss this is the kiss part number seven is the signing of the marriage license now I know if you're watching this in the U.S you're thinking I have never seen that in my life I know I am trying to single-handedly export this from Canada in commonwealth countries like Canada Australia it is more commonplace to sign the papers right there in the wedding ceremony I love this now even in Canada some officiants traditionally have put the signing before the pronouncement and the kiss so it's kind of whispery and serious intense I prefer to do the pronouncement the kiss everybody cheers and claps so there's a lot of levity in the room then I say we're gonna sign the papers we'll be right back the DJ plays a fun song or the live band or the friend with an iPhone whatever it is I asked the couple to choose something really fun there think Sign Sealed Delivered by Stevie Wonder people kind of start chair dancing we go over and we sign the papers in plain view the photographer takes pictures all the guests get to see it it's pretty great American friends give it a shot but then you come back to the center your couple are facing the aisle now and it is time for the next part which is number eight the wedding officiant closing remarks now you might think let's push those closing remarks all the way to the end after I send them out please don't do it I have a YouTube video on that called the Grand Finale the biggest way to end a ceremony is this way don't send your couple rocketing up the aisle and then try to shout at people about what's happening next this is perfect when they're facing the aisle smiling at their guests their guests are smiling back at them and you just give some quick closing remarks a few things you say what the couple are doing next typically heading out for photos or something like that they will rejoin us and then you tell the guests what's in store for them the bar is open head to the Terrace it is cocktail hour enjoy the grounds and the music and the reception will start at 6 p.m on behalf of the couple and their family you thank everyone for coming and you ask everyone if they're ready to celebrate I always love ending with some levity like that and then you get everyone on their feet for number nine which is the presentation of the couple so it is time to wrap this whole thing up everybody's standing and you say friends and family I present to you for the very first time Mr and Mr so and so and again the couple's going to tell you what to say their last names or first names only as husband and husband whatever it is there's a few ways to say it but you're going to make the big presentation up they go up the aisle everybody clapping and cheering and then if there's a wedding party typically two by two arm and arm and with that we have tackled the 10 parts of a traditional wedding ceremony yes with some Modern twist there so you can tell your couple you know what you're doing you gotta plan and now it's time for number three where you meet with your wedding couple for a ceremony planning session as we mentioned in the first part of the first part this is a one hour meeting where you will meet with your couple sometimes virtually if you need to better in person though maybe I'm just old-fashioned but sitting down four to six weeks before the day with them to plan out the ceremony why don't you just send them a PDF because we want to craft the ceremony we don't want to just send them a script and say here here's what I plan on doing you're going to want to guide them through the parts brainstorm along with them through everything we just talked about because they will have preferences and options for every single one of those parts okay so once you've gone through the 10 parts don't stop there I always ask my couples three more questions because this is their chance to adapt those traditional elements based on their preferences and some of the choices you might want to give them as you know what's going to happen but the second thing is you want them to be able to add anything and everything that they want to add so my prompts for that are I asked a couple three other things number one do you want to add any religious elements to the ceremony maybe your couple's very religious they want prayers they want blessings they want something from a faith tradition number two we want to ask them if they want anyone else to participate in the ceremony you're going to be doing most of the talking as the officiant but do they want someone else to come up and maybe say a prayer or give a reading and the third thing we want to ask them in terms of adding things are do they want some sort of Union City ritual there are lots of things that you can do in a wedding to basically embody the union that's happening there's Rose ceremonies there's jumping over the broom there's shots there's more traditional religious stuff maybe hand fasting or sand mixing or candle lighting things like that remember this is an aside and a rabbit Trail maybe but as officiants and celebrants we are just facilitating the vision of their perfect day it is all about them it's their ceremony they're the boss we are just serving them doing everything they want and again nothing that they don't want so once you have this ceremony planning session and find out everything that they want for the 10 traditional Parts but also those three additional Parts you are ready for number four we're going to create a detailed shareable ceremony script so when you come out of that meeting with your couple you're going to have all the information you you need to craft the script and I don't know how you were taking notes I use a spreadsheet that I've honed over years and years maybe you're writing things down in a notepad maybe you're just jotting notes on a cocktail napkin hope you were I hope you're more organized than that but that that'll do but again you're not going to read from the cocktail napkin in the wedding ceremony and I'm not reading off my laptop spreadsheet so now we have to make a wedding ceremony script now a wedding ceremony script needs two components it does need all the words you are going to say but that's not all it needs I see way too many scripts as a course creator and coach for helping people with weddings coming up in just a few days I see far too many wedding ceremonies scripts that are just the words that the offician are gonna say but that doesn't make any sense that's only half done it doesn't make any sense because a wedding ceremony as we said before is so many moving people moving Parts cues song starting people standing people walking the other half of a wedding ceremony script is all those moving Parts in there as well so you want all that stuff in there so it's super detailed no questions no stone left unturned the only thing that your script doesn't have yet is your wedding officiant speech which is totally fine because that could be a surprise for your couple for me no couple has asked to see the story before I get up there and speak they want to be surprised but that is the only surprise and that's why we move on now to step number five once the script is done easy to read full of detail send your couple the wedding ceremony script and a questionnaire so maybe you're going to send them a word file or a Pages file something like a file or maybe you created your script and would I recommend Google Docs that way it's fully shareable they can pop in there and work on it in real time with you now in the same email I send a little question engineer and so however you want to personalize the ceremony this is a chance to ask them questions to make that happen you don't need to interview them or interrogate them over the phone or under a bare light bulb just actually send them some questions and I find it's a lot easier to ask them to do some homework and write their answers because then it's written down and you can move it on into your script tweak some of the wording and things like that and use it as actual material that you're going to put into your written script I have a full online course unborn wedding Academy and just two hours The Core lesson of that alone is full of my story writing secrets to just make sure you absolutely cannot fail to tell a story that will blow everyone away I've been honing this method for 10 years and you can check that out as well but moving right along after that you've sent the script you've sent the questionnaire they take some time with it they get it back to you number six now you're gonna write your wedding efficient speech so like I said when they have filled in their answers and you get two sides of the story now you can write that story and I'm going to recommend leading with it don't save it for Reserve don't say a whole bunch of kind of wedding platitudes and then tell the story deploy it like a ninja hook everybody at the beginning get them interested and then you can move on to some of the more sentimental things some of them maybe some faith-based things but you know a really good serious and even spiritual wedding is not anathema to a good story I would say you can have both you can have a very serious movie moving weighty part of your speech and also a really great love story and in fact it is that emotional ride that makes people really love it and remember it so well number seven is to format this so it's really easy to read you do not want to get up there and have to squint or put the book look over your eyes and cover your face or or even worse you don't want to be reading the script and not think that you can look up and around and find your place back down again if somebody laughs or cries or something happens you don't want to think as you're reading I gotta keep my eyes glued down because if I look up I'll never find my place again so the way around that of course is nice big fonts I write my speech more like a poem it looks like it's written in stanzas so that I can easily find my place in the lines and I'm even moving my thumb down the page as I read so that if somebody laughs and looks up or the bride makes a comment or something my thumb is right there on the line where I stopped reading and I can look up look around look back down and know exactly where I was which leads us right to the next point which is time for the wedding rehearsal you take that script it's like 99 percent done now there might be some changes that happen again on the other side of the rehearsal but typically it's done and you bring that script into the wedding rehearsal get there a little bit early meet with your couple show them the script again they might not have looked at it for weeks or been thinking about it at all you don't want to start the rehearsal and then figure out what's happening your couple are the boss I've said that a few times so meet with the bosses of the ceremony pull them aside before you start and say can you take a look and make sure the processional is still looking right you still want all these elements once it's time to start and maybe you say hello to a wedding planner or music person or even photographer they show up introduce yourself to the vendors get comfortable now you're ready to rehearse the wedding run the wedding ceremony rehearsal in three fun tight Parts okay I have a whole YouTube video that goes into major depth on how to run the wedding rehearse so you can check that out but really quick here you're going to run the rehearsal in three parts first of all you are going to call everybody in the round at start time and after you've checked with your couple and they've signed off that the script is all correct tell everybody here's what we're going to do we're gonna talk it through the rehearsals in three parts you say to everybody we're gonna talk the ceremony through as of right now I look at everybody and say you don't have a clue what's happening tomorrow in the ceremony so I am going to give you the major parts about what is happening part two of the rehearsal then you tell them is then we are going to walk it through we're going to practice that's going to be messy and sloppy and it's going to take some time and it's going to take maybe about 20 25 minutes to iron out all the Kinks but that's okay that's why we're here we're going to practice a few things at the front but then the third part of the rehearsal you tell them and I'm telling you is that we're gonna do it again really quick just one more time so a second time if you're counting and the third time is a charm and that's for tomorrow there's no other human on earth more qualified to run this wedding ceremony rehearsal than you you have the full script you're bringing that to the rehearsal and you might want to Circle and highlight the walking Parts the standing Parts the moving parts and the cues and that's all you need to practice 35 40 minutes tops to make everyone feel great which leads to number nine we're almost there show up at the wedding ceremony early for the final checks I'm going to recommend that you show up about an hour early I do 45 minutes or so and you want to get on site and make sure that once the ceremony starts you can rest assured that you took care of every detail and so you don't want to be walking down the aisle to start the ceremony and wondering did I do everything did I do everything did I do everything no you want to be confident that I did everything I could that's not to say something unexpected might happen you're going to roll with it and just laugh at it that's fine but it won't be a case of where are the Rings or where is this or that thing is left undone you want to cross every T and Dot every eye before the ceremony so spend some time doing these five checks just I have a video of course about all the last checks you should do before a wedding ceremony but very generally you will not end up on Tick Tock for all the wrong reasons when you do these pre-ceremony checks number 10 we are a bit nervous of course I'm nervous every ceremony few minutes before we're all lined up at the back we're all gathered together the guests are all seated the music is playing there's a bit of a hush people are Whispering there's a buzz in the air it is time to start this thing so the last thing I do is I go ask the couple if they are ready to go and then I take a deep breath and I walk down that aisle I turn and we've come full circle now you are going to give those opening remarks you smile everyone's looking back at you like goldfish in a bowl it's super nerve-wracking every ceremony I start I say good afternoon everyone and nobody says anything back I mean nobody not even not a few people like at a business conference where it's just not a great I mean nobody says anything and I always say let's try that again this is a celebration good afternoon everyone and everyone shouts back and claps and good afternoon and I say are you ready for Sam and Abby to get married and everybody cheers the cork has popped already the party can start with the ceremony you have your script everything is written down all you have to do is read well you've made sure you can do that because you have formatted your script well you've practiced reading all you have to do now is stand there be a really welcoming confident presence you crush your opening remarks you've broken the fourth wall with the guests they're comfortable with you you're comfortable with them huh okay you're not as nervous as you were before and then you say with that let's begin and with that the processional music starts and off you go check out more of my stuff on unbornwedding.com subscribe to this channel so you never miss a thing and I wish you all the best in the world I know you're gonna have a great time