Transcript for:
Finding Purpose and Fulfillment Journey

the first mountain is the mountain of success and then there's the valley of that midlife transition and then if you're fortunate and you find it the trail head up your second Mountain which is the mountain of fulfillment and so most men will never realize true success they will never make the money they need to be making to get to the top of the first mountain and to look around and say holy like there's literally nothing up here like they will just climb and climb and climb and strive and strive and strive but they'll do it in a really inefficient way because they're doing it from their conditioning they're not doing it from their zone of genius 2 1 Z hi and welcome to the show today I have with me Craig Vick he guides smart successful Misfit men in transition to clarify their purpose and create a path that lights them up Craig's work is now focused on lighting the The Genius of team as a competitive Advantage billionaires Executives Founders and Innovative teams around the world seek Craig's advice when making life-changing decisions this was a conversation about purpose how to find your true purpose how studying philosophy psychology and spirituality help you build a framework for understanding yourself and finding purpose discovering your purpose is an ongoing process of growth not a one-time event so be patient and loving to yourself and stay focused on the goal of what you want to achieve sometimes you just want to achieve knowing what your purpose is and then you achieve your dreams and then you achieve more of your purpose it's just an ongoing thing one thing I learned is that Craig coaches men and not women you find that coaching women gets a bit emotional and for me as a woman I was taken back by it I was like what do you mean you don't coach women what do you mean but you know what to each his own and if you just put it aside you will find find that this content of purpose does not discriminate men or women also in my practice I coach mostly women because I coach from my own life experience I resonate with women when I teach them about their femininity and about their inner godess and yet in my hypnotherapy practice it's equal for men and women because we all have past traumas that needs to be healed and we all want to install new empowering beliefs so if you put this aside and you just focus on the content lady this was a wonderful episode and now without further Ado on to the show hi Greg and welcome to the show how are you doing today I'm doing well I'm doing well it's good to meet you fantastic before we dive in can you share a little bit about your origin story and how did you find your purpose my origin story well I was adopted at Birth and I think that set me on a path of whether I knew this or not I I think I always lived with the Deep questions of who am I and why am I here and so when I had a child I could say unexpectedly I mean obviously we knew she was coming but I wasn't planning to have a child and that's something that I think a lot of adoptees repeat their life pattern their experience to try to work out what that karma is and I was no different in that regard but when that happened for me it really put me it really put some pressure on to figure out what am I going to do like how am I going right I was I had a Philosophy degree I was and still am completely unemployable I just didn't fit in the world and so I had to figure this out and uh it was a 20e you know really long grueling Journey lots of mistakes lots of failing forward and through that process I think it was a rock tumbler I eventually got polished and I realized what I'm better at than anybody else is helping people will go deep inside and bring out the clarity about who they are and why they're here and what to do about it and why do you think a lot of people struggle with that I love that question gosh how much time do you have I mean we we could go into other there so many facets to it we got 40 54 minutes something like that you know I could take so many different angles on this and it's one of my favorite questions simple answer is conditioning family conditioning religious conditioning social conditioning there's often you know things like military conditioning uh corporate conditioning we're told to be somebody that we're not and we're told from such a young age that we don't even think twice about it oh I just I have to give up what feels authentic for me I have to give up what feels natural for me I have to behave in these other ways because oh my God I could die and you know I mean we could talk about how that evolved in Civilization and when that started to happen in Civilization but it goes way way back yes as soon as you were leaving the tribe you were not protected sure so you always have to fit in that's right and that's where the shadow comes from because our Instinct as a chimpanzee relative is to beat our brother over the head and take his candy and then when mom or dad comes to us and says did you beat your brother over the head and take his candy no no I would never do that I'm the good boy that you want to take home and put in a nice warm bed after a nice warm meal and not leave out for saber-tooth tiger food right and we start to split from our instincts from our caveman operating system and of course we built a civilization on that we built what I call Society 1.0 which is the laws which is the Commandments which is you know conform or die and that if you fast forward that for thousands of years what do we end up with we end up with a pretty remarkable social experiment we call America freedom of speech right like freedom of religion right there's all kinds of freedoms that are now codified in law that didn't exist up until a few hundred years ago never existed before in the history of civilization you could never legally be as authentic as America offers in our constitution in our Bill of Rights and what has that led to well that's led to things like Silicon Valley and Wall Street and what has that led to well that's led to things like Instagram and Tik Tock and what has that led to that's led to a billion people saying look at me look at me be like me be like me but it's all for the purposes of the caveman operating system which is to survive and replicate so I want to be rich I want to be famous I want to be sexy I want to be happy and everybody's saying well then sign up for my class sign up for my class right and now you've got millions of these messages out there and ultimately we've arrived at a place where people are saying like I don't it's so confusing like who do I follow Andrew huberman's pretty good he seems like a scientist he's coming out of Stanford like some evolutionary biological stuff like that makes some sense to follow but there's so much out there how do you boil it down to what's relevant the individual right to what's effective and what's meaningful and so I think that you know ultimately we go from maso's level of survival the caveman operating system to society 1.0 which is the safety like bombs aren't going off at least in America right to the sense of belonging like finding your tribe to the sense of achievement success to ultimately that self-actualization which is where all these millions of messages we have to boil them down to what's relevant what's effective and meaningful for the individual and when we can find that we start to self-actualize we start to live our individual or our individuated purpose so that's a little bit more than the answer to the question you asked but that's kind of where my mind goes when we think about like yes yes that's where my mind goes too as a mother I'm like my child is going to grow up in a very different world than I did and he going to be bombarded by all those influencers he already is I mean in the same way that you know we were bombarded by radio messages and magazine ads and television ads but it's more intense it feels like it's more intense these days and uh and I feel like it used to be safer to be a child he's bombarded by 10,000 times because he's got all these channels and everything is quick cut and everything is you know it's just a constant Stream So how do i a not force him to lose his instincts yet keep him safe and B kind of like protect him from all those influencers is that what you and Stefan do I mean how do you protect him well right now he's not on social media whatsoever at he's three right he's 3 years old he's going to be four yeah he's going to be four and he watches about an hour unless a half two hour of TV a day and it's usually something educational and slow and sweet none of those like really fast Cuts or and even stuff from the 80s stuff that I grew up on you give him a slow media diet slow media diet yes something that is sweet and educational and not scary at all like I don't let him watch Disney cuz Disney is freaking scary for a child until they get numb to it for example you know a friend of mine she used to Nanny for children and she said to me Disney eats its babies whether it's the Hannah Montanas of the world or the children that it's you know consuming the content I think Disney just shws them up and sucks the life out of them for profit they're awful they are like Disney used to be nice but in recent years the more I learn about them the more I go down the rabbit hole of who and what Disney is H I don't like it but I like Disney songs still am still do yeah so how can you guide your child to find his purpose or her purpose how what do you do with your child you want to know what I gave my child I'll show you I made this oh I created this for my child because part of the question I was asking was you know what's my legacy to this child and so this is a game it's like a monu style so it's like a matching game oops right so you can see like you find two tiles for what age is that you know 3 four five it's a matching game I mean we grew up we played memory right right and so you know it's like when you see the two yin-yang like oh and then right so now you see the but if you notice they're all symbols it well that but it's a hero's journey one oh two 3 4 five six maybe you can say it out loud so people that are listening can can know what you're talking about oh sure sure sure so one is the Ora Boris the snake eating its tail two is the yinyang three is the triquetra which is like the ven diagram like the red yellow blue and you get the green purple uh orange and then in the middle is the white light right so like for instance so here's how I use this with my daughter she said you know dad cuz I was I was trying to figure this out and she's probably four or five years old and I'm trying to become an entrepreneur and you know I'm studying all this Tony Robins you know all the all the traditional success stuff you try to figure it out she says you know probably something she heard her mother say or whatever you know dad money is not the most important thing and I said fair enough I said what is the most important thing she said love and I said is that true and she said yeah I said how do you know I don't know I just know so I got out and I drew the three circles overlapping and I drew a heart for one and I drew a dollar sign for another and I drew like an ey right so like you know Vision or just you know the aesthetic and I said okay so if the love is really big but the vision is really small and the money is really small I said is that the kind of life you want and she thought no and I said but if we draw it really big for money right with a little circle for heart and a little circle for vision I said is that the kind of life you want she said no and I said so what kind of Life do you want she Drew three equal circles and she could see oh like there's a balance here that's beautiful so using principles to teach like she would ask me she said Dad how does the rain work and I said well you remember the aoris the snake eating its tail she said yeah and I said so the rain evaporates over the ocean and then the clouds blow it towards the mountains and then the you know the rain falls and then the rivers bring that water back to the ocean and then it evaporates and she goes oh it's just like the oror and I said exactly and so by teaching her principles and so just to finish for the people that are watching so they can right so so three is the triquetra the overlapping circles four is Ze which is the flag for New Mexico so it's basically a quadrant five is the wujing which is the five Chinese elements six is the meraba which all the the Pythagorean solids come out of like the pyramid the squares you know tetrahedron right these things come out of this so there's like a geometric kind of understanding seven chakras the eight is the bwa which is the stop sign shaped Chinese uh you know funu is based on this you know this is basically it's the Brady Bunch right the pure well this is upside down but the pure feminine the pure masculine the three brothers and the Three Sisters right and then of course in the middle is Alice the yya cuz we're not quite sure what's going on with her she probably nonbinary in today's language anag which means nine sided shape the cabala which has 10 centers 10 Sphero and then Cosmos which to me that took me a couple years to figure that out but nine planets the Sun and the Moon makes 11 and then 12 is the Zodiac and so teaching her the hero's journey of we all start in the aoran State of Consciousness where we are one with our mother like literally umbilically attached even in the first year of Life the world is just a big boob right like everything is just make potential nourishment and so we don't really separate ego development into the yin-yang into that sense of Duality and separation until we're about you know one and a half two years old and then it's after that we're trying to figure out how does this all work there is a 13th symbol in there which is the the Flower of Life which is when you take the one and the 12 and you put them together you get 13 right and 13 is a bad number right it's a esoteric number because it's actually the completion depends on where you're from I'm from Israel so 13 is a lucky number actually it's it's a good number like men celebrate they become men they initiate into manhood at 13 so it's a good number yeah so there's a completion that happens there right and we've lost that kind of ritual initiation it's actually we can bookmark that for future conversation or later in this conversation but reweaving our ruptured masculine lineage is actually a a huge part of my heart's mission in this world and so you know having those ritual rights of Passage are so important for boys and and for girls yes but I think with girls you know there's a menstration that happens where all of a sudden like the hormones kick in and and yeah girls are at 12 and the boys are at 13 how do they determine that that's something I've never understood about I don't know you don't know okay I guess if you just think that girls they mature faster than boys so maybe that's it but I don't the answer is I don't know but there's something that happens phys theologically for girls for boys it's a psychological initiation maybe that they have to be ripped away from the comfort of the mother and of you know the culture that they're in and taken far outside of it and given some perspective and given some real deep psychological spiritual challenge like go you know walk three days with no food and no water and no clothes in that direction and then stand on a hill for 3 days and face the Sun and then if you make make it home you're a man right like they might not survive and when they come back they're different and they understand that now something else is expected of me in my Village and we've lost that and I think seeing the leadership we've had in the White House lately we've got some overgrown boys that were never initiated and it shows so you use that tool for your child do you sell it I sold them all I only made 111 of them and they're all gone oh wow yeah I know that's what everybody says like can I get one if I don't have this tool what can I do to give a child a purpose and then we can move into how we give an adult a purpose but start with kids cuz if they have strong foundation around purpose and around who they can or cannot be they won't have to go through the 20 years that you went through to teach people how to do this I put my daughter through Monas up through sixth grade and it is that's about 12 years old right and then they say look you know there's very few monor high schools but she was very clear she's like 12 is it she's like cuz then the hormones kick in and it's a whole other game and we don't want those kids in the same school as the kids before that and so there's a bit of an initiation that happens there as well or at least a demarcation I think Waldorf and monasi still handle it the best and this is basically you know monasi meets LSD frankly um that was how it came to me but um you know I think those are good um you know purpose specifically you know my daughter was six I took her out for uh ped tie and we sat down just did a basic Workshop that I had learned in one of my business courses in one of my entrepreneurial courses and it was list everything you don't want in your life list everything you do want in your life list you know Circle the three things that you want most and then write those on another page and like why you want them then you write your obituary what do you want people to say about you after you're dead when you were 11 she was six she was when you were six okay wow okay that's intense but it's they're really simple questions you know and you know kids obviously their answers are a little bit psychologically you know they just show up differently but if you can just let them have that we ultimately boiled it down to a 10 words or less thing that has always proven true for her I mean for my daughter it was always true I don't know if I could have gotten to that I think I'm just cut from a Different Cloth but for her it was to love and care for Animals a sweet and she's 22 now and you know what she does what she loves and cares for Animals she goes out she's working all week at a stable for race horses she's learning how to trim horse Hooves nice she decided she'd become a veterinarian which is what she always thought she would do and she until she realized it's so much science and so much big Pharma and so much just sad you know you're not seeing animals in a healthy State and helping them reach their potential you're putting them down you're doing surgery you're you know giving them drugs she wants to work you know so she got to uh right after her 22nd birthday like the next night she stood watch in this stable of a pregnant mayor and she got to watch a baby horse being born for the first time that's so beautiful it was so beautiful so she is living her purpose she is literally that's all she does and now we're working on putting a business model around it and she's looking at horse hoof trimming as something she can learn very quickly and apprentice and get clients immediately and she'll use that to pay for ralphing school and she wants to be like a ralphing cranos sacral therapist for horses and I'm like like great figure it out that's awesome so that's how I did it nice nice a please do more than 111 or however many you did cuz man that sounds so cool to teach kids like that you know what it is so this is a matching game like you grew up playing some kind of matching game right yes yes I did so this is a whole Suite of monu style right games and toys so like eing Checkers right and so there's 8 by8 it's the 64 hexagrams of of the eaching and so each Checker piece is a is a trigram which is one of these you know three line Stacks right but when you get to the other side of the board and you get kinged right where you stack two pieces together you form a hexagram and then you look it up on the board then you look it up in the book and you know you're going to play that a thousand times with your kid I don't know how many times you've played Checkers with your son I was bored out of my mind by the time my kid was four or 5 years old I never wanted to play Checkers again but it adds another level of like spiritual intellectual development for the parent cuz it's a conversation piece so it seems like you studied many methodologies you mentioned cabala that was my major that was my major in college yeah that's what I studied what did you study basically got a degree in mysticism ooh wow yeah I mean technically it was a major in philosophy with a minor in art and a minor in religious studies with a focus on Asian religion and art but the idea here is that you know I I created G games for each of these so Shakra manala iching Checkers right the Zia paresi right and so there's not just this one game but there's a whole Suite of games and toys and probably that's going to have to wait another 5 to 10 years until I finish developing and either selling or just building it to run without me uh the business called purpose mapping which is a derivative of those symbols so it's kind of the adult version of who am I why am I here you know what do I do about it so let jump into purpose mapping what is it how do you do it what is it what do you mean what is it like what do you want to know about it well like um obviously you map your purpose but how do you see it and and how did you develop it and what is the process of doing it so Stefan went through it did he talk to you about his experience no he didn't sometimes he doesn't share okay that's cool which is perfectly fine yeah it's totally fine so we talked about it afterwards and I said how is this different from like Tony Robbins you know he was in the Platinum program or how is this different from diamandis and his whole you know abundance group and the and the moonshot massive transformative purpose they call it and he says you know those are really intellectual ego-based decisions about what I'm going to do with my gifts what purpose mapping is is much deeper aligned with your authenticity with your Soul's purpose like who you really are at a deep deep level and then what are you going to you in the world that's a very smart answer it's very deep answer cuz I get what he's saying cuz we've been on similar circles so I get it and I'm also I think my lifelong journey is to be more authentic more my true self and it's it's a discovery every day like I'm I'm different every day but really to dive in into breaking through all those programmingsoftware question of like why do people not live their purpose I have another kind of tongue and Chic but I think it serves to consider you know this whole simulation theory that this is all a simulation that we live in a simulation The Matrix if we take on that perspective CU it's just a perspective it's just one way of viewing life mhm then we could take it a step further and say okay well it's a simulation it's a video game right and there's an objective and and what is that objective well the objective is whatever you decide it is you know it's to survive it's to procreate it's to find your tribe it's to you know make more money than God it's to self-actualize and live your purpose it's to leave a legacy you know live every day fulfilled and you know doing something meaningful it's kind of whatever you decide and that evolves but in every video game wherever you start the video game there's a backstory Super Mario Brothers what's the backstory I don't remember the Dragon stole the princess I mean it's the classic archetypal backstory the dragon has stolen the princess and it's the hero's job to I didn't play much video games as a child there's always a backstory to a video game okay and so what's the backstory of the video game of your life inside this simulation it's everything up to this moment and why are you not living your purpose because whatever blah blah blah backstory and the point of the video game is to break out of that back story that conditioning whatever that looked like for you cuz it's always unique and to break through into your self-actualized purpose and live a fulfilled Abundant Life with lots of dopamine and oxytocin and serotonin because that's ultimately what the goal is it could look different you could speak it differently but the bottom line is you'll have lots of positive neurochemistry in your brain if you're doing it right you'll feel good so how do you take people from the ego superficial goals to goals that are to do with I just want to care for animals and like things that maybe are not very shiny or cool and they are one's original purpose yeah such a beautiful question well obviously I think kids know if you catch them early enough you can figure out a way to interpret their answers and reflect them back I mean there is a bit of skill required there and again this is what I do better than anybody else on the planet I believe like nobody's doing what I'm doing at the level I'm doing it and there's lots of people you know Simon cynic is great and Mas and Kip is great and all these guys have their processes nobody goes as deep as I go that's how I'm wired so how do we do it with people the way I do it is I use a half a dozen different personality profiles an anonymous 360 feedback survey and then we have an algorithm we have a piece of software that I developed that boils all of that information down kind of that VIN diagram right those three circles we look at what are all of these pieces of data right all of these profiles all of the the survey feedback what are they all continually saying over and over and over again and by the time you get through the end of purpose mapping you go holy I can never unsee what I am seeing about myself like it's so clear and apparent I'll never be able to unsee it and then we put it on a one page strategic plan and then you just look at that every day and it reminds you because it's easy to fall off track we fall off track all the time all the time what's the process somebody goes to your website and then do you do that do you have somebody else to do it for them you mean my actual like what we what we do as a company how do we deliver it right right yes so we do it at lots of different levels if you go to purpose mapping. comom I'm not sure you know we're in a major website overhaul and Rebrand right now now so depending on when this podcast is released and when people get there currently there's a video there's what we call the purpose mapping 101 video and it'll walk you through it you can just put in your name and email and there's a 30-minute video and you know it's a it's a lead generator but it takes you through the process it shows you the unique thing that I created that is you know distinct from everybody else's stuff and you go through it and then you know it's a lead generator so you get to the end and you're like ah I'm so close I can taste it let me book a call and let's talk to right and then you know if you want to go through the deeper process we can talk about what that is on that call but the deeper process is at this point it's 10 mini workshops so it's 10 90minut sessions where we we build a container for transformation because caterpillar doesn't just go out onto the edge of a tree branch and have a meltdown where the birds can get it and the rain can wash it away right it goes into a structure a cocoon a safe place to have its meltdown and there's something unique about caterpillars that is interesting interesting caterpillars contain what they call imaginal cells you ever heard that term before no I've never it means that these cells contain the image or the architectural blueprint of the butterfly and those cells are present in the caterpillar its entire life but the identity of the caterpillar is like holding itself together so strongly that it sees those cells and it says get out like that's like a virus that's like a pathogen right it sponges them until the caterpillar just starts feeling like n something it's time to you know I don't know I'm going to start building this cocoon I don't even know what this is I've never done this before and it just builds this cocoon it doesn't just go into the Cocoon and strap on wings and pop out the other side it melts down and that's a process and it needs a clear solid safe container when it reaches the point of what I call maximal dissolution it cannot dissolve anymore it's just snot it's just there's barely any caterpillar visible right the imaginal cells kick in and they start to reorganize like there's nothing added nothing is taken away it's the same stuff that's always been there just reorganizes it into the butterfly and here's the kicker the human heart contains imaginal cells no way so there's something in us that wants to wake up and usually in midlife we start feeling this my current life doesn't really fit me anymore I don't really feel something's off but what do we do we stay on the hamster wheel we keep running faster than ever drinking more coffee maybe medicating with other things or you know all the midlife crisis stupid that we do particularly men I work mostly with men I don't really know what midlife is like for women but you know empty nesting I mean you know that your son's just about four but you know a lot of women in their 40s and 50s don't even say that right a lot of women in our age group kids are leaving home and it's just like my identity is melting down I don't know what to do every day I got up and made him lunch and took him to school and this and all of a sudden that goes away and it's like who am I now and so there's a process and it takes a few years to fully melt down and you have to fully melt down because you don't want to see you know a wing on one side and a couple of caterpillar legs on the other side and you get this Frankenstein like you want a good thorough meltdown and a complete transformation in into the new thing mhm and so the first and 10th Workshop are all about that container and then the next eight calls the second through the eighth call I guess that's seven calls we go through each of these different personality profiles in the 360 and I have expert coaches they're way better than you know when I was doing these myself they're an expert in each of the different personality profiles and modalities and they'll take you deep into understanding yourself through those lenses and then in the ninth session will do what I did with Stefan which is I'll just boil all that down we distill it down we look at the VIN diagram we say what are these all saying in common and that's when people go holy that's me like that's the thing I'll never be able to unsee and I say that's great but let's put it on a onepage you know like take a Polaroid snapshot of you and your highest and best expression so you can keep that in front of you and you can aim yourself at that whenever you have to make a decision you won't get lost in the conditioning of well you know my dad said I should be a lawyer when I grow up or well you know my religion told me I should do this or the there's all this conditioning but when you see your authenticity and you have that as a reference you can say yeah that was there that conditioning but I'm choosing my authenticity I'm choosing the thing that I know is going to light me up and you do that compound those decisions over time and pretty soon you're a butterfly and it's just a whole other world and you're just living in a very different way in your life what did you discover about your purpose when you went through that process ripped over it this process didn't exist I wasn't trying to do this process I was just so voraciously studying myself after breaking up with my daughter's mother and being you know a single guess I was in my 20s and um we didn't last very long a couple years but um so I was probably you know mid 26 or so and I was just every single Friday night was my night off you know know on the weekend I had my daughter on Saturday nights or maybe it was vice versa it's been so long I can't remember maybe it was Saturday nights I would go to Barnes & Nobles and I would sit down and I would go to the the psychology and self-help and metaphysical sections and I would just get a huge stack of books and I would just sit down and just read read read read read and take notes wow right and I I stack of like two feet tall of notebooks of just trying to study about myself and also studying about business and you know building my first company and having all these workbooks from you know entrepreneurial workshops and Napster was out so it was you know 24/7 Tony Robin Steven cubby kosaki you know all these guys Brian Tracy just nonstop and they were all saying the same thing using different language you need a why you need a mission you need a purpose you need a primary aim you need right you need you need you need and I'm like do I need all these 50 different things I'm like no they're all talking about a vision right something you know that big enough to change the world that I'll probably never actually but it inspires me a mission which is a 3 to 10 year big hairy audacious goal a milestone which is breaking that down to something like the semester in grad school like a chunk I can actually manage and then daily action steps you know like every single day taking those action steps but where does that what does that align to and that was the purpose and so you know I had done men's work and when I was 18 I was initiated into mankind project and so it'll be 30 years next September and I learned about Shadow work and I learned about goals and a lot of these yian you know psychological Concepts I was very fortunate to discover these at an early age and you know I'm kind of wired to gravitate towards these sorts of things and so those came up as I was reading all these books about myself and about just being healthy as a man being healthy in relationship being healthy you know healthy health wealth love and flow right like those things are the the basic Wheel of Life you need all of them but they have to align to achieving your mission and that mission has to be aligned with coming Fully Alive and giving your gift in the world and living your purpose and so that chiropractic adjustment of the soul of the existential strategic and tactical that was just a you know a big huge long you know decades long process of coming to realize all the pieces of the puzzle and that everybody is just talking about these 13 pieces of the puzzle even though they're using different proprietary branded language to sell you on their version of it it's all the same stuff what matters is are you getting a complete picture and does it all align and are you living congruent with it that's what matters cuz that's where you get the result and what happens with your clients after they get the full picture like what are some success stories or how did people shift their lives depends where you're starting from so the book that I'm working on right now is the nine stages of masculine development and so you can think about this in three broad Strokes the first mount is the mountain of success and then there's the valley of that midlife transition and then if you're fortunate and you find it the trail head up your second Mountain which is the mountain of fulfillment and so most men will never realize true success they will never make the money they need to be making to get to the top of the first mountain and to look around and say holy like there's literally nothing up here like they will just climb and climb and climb and strive and strive and strive but they'll do it in a really inefficient way because they're doing it from their conditioning they're not doing it from their zone of genius and so they don't have the leverage they're not in flow enough you know McKenzie did this research study and found Executives in flow are 5 100% more productive than when they're not in flow well if you're not working from your zone of Genius Like Stefan just somehow worked in his zone of genius and it worked for him you know Steve Jobs Bill Gates Richard Branson all these guys Stephan is a genius he is a genius but he lived in that and it compounded over time there's so many Geniuses that we will never hear about right because they they're doing something I talked to one yesterday he always wanted to be a leader in the armed services he's from India but he had a breathing condition and so he didn't get accepted and so he ended up in it but he always knew it wasn't the right path for him so he did the thing that he was conditioned to do that's what his father did it's where everybody was making money and you know it's just it was the trend and so now he's in midlife and he realizes like h i could do so much more with my life I could have such a greater impact and I could be so much more fulfilled so most men will never get to the top of success mountain and for those men the success story is we help them actually get to the top of success Mountain which allows them to look around and go this ain't fulfillment in maso's hierarchy this is just achievement I want to get to self-actualization in order to get to the top of the second Mountain you have to go through that Valley which is the cocoon and so we help men go through that because most will never do it they'll just they'll either stay on the golden hamster wheel of the first Mountain because they're making money and they're afraid to get off of that trust life they will golf their way to the Grave because they're just they're playing not to lose instead of playing to win and keep going in the video game they'll just stay on the same level of the video game and just do something like surfing or golfing or you know traveling around going all to all the Civil War sites they're not growing they're not leaving a legacy they're just spinning their their wheels and it's kind of sad or they'll do something really stupid to try to get those dopamine hits you know they'll build a makeshift H glider and go kening off the backside of the first mountain and they end up dead in the hospital in rehab divorce you know bankrupt whatever it is we help those men get through the Dark Forest between the two mountains by building that container and actually doing the systematic work to face what's in there and what does it look like in real life it's 10 workshops we go through the personal no I mean I mean like as as far as no no I get it I get no as far as success like what what are some of the successes or like the guys that reach the top of success Mountain yes yes so we had a guy we went through a few years ago who was broke he was he had like some mental health issues he was totally lonely he ended up dating a beautiful yogini because he started building a practice around helping Founders they call him the Unicorn whisperer now and he coaches you know founders of billion dollar companies and you know he turned those mental health challenges into a real gift he got the gold out of his shadow out of the cave wow Joseph Campbell would say the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek and so that's what we do in that dark Valley in that cocoon and he ended up he didn't even buy it he got some investment banker or hedge fund manager to basically give him an island off the coast of Panama Island Ma gual for the back taxes that he owed but he gave him like a a payment plan on it so he basically financed it for him and he just goes down there and plays Ultimate Frisbee which is like his Flow State his favorite thing to do like he wins Ultimate Frisbee tournaments that's like his his thing he travels all over and so he just takes a bunch of people down there and they just play on this pristine Beach where there's like no infrastructure no civilization at all except for some plastic bottles that watch up on the beach and they clean up the beach and then they fly home so that's one example another example of a first Mountain success is a you know a broke skinny lonely hippie who was traveling around in a backpack in India and ended up marrying a beautiful Australian woman and now he's totally ripped and you know he probably put on 20 pounds of lean muscle and he's uh he became the head copywriter for a $10 million internet marketing company and making you know really healthy amount of money and was able to get to a place where he's like I want to have kids and take my life to the next level so that's beautiful those are some success Mountain like the first mountain of success stories and we just Chiropractic adjustment of the Soul here's your leverage and they take off and it's amazing beautiful the more interesting ones are the ones about the men that come to me from the top of success mountain or lost in the dark forest and they say I don't know what to do I don't know like I don't know what then because the first mountains or the second mountain is often in a fog the first mountain is everything we're told from Boyhood go to school get good grades make good money so you can have the house the wife the kids the cars the toys the vacations and it's like they get the all that stuff and they're like now what so when they come to me with the now what question that's to me the more interesting client because they have the resources they have the skills you know their children are usually leaving or they're gone already flying you know the nest they've got this incredible amount of potential and capacity and they really want to do something meaningful with it and those conversations turn into some really profound philosophical conversations about the meaning of life and then they all get back to the most important thing in life is love they like the money to keep coming in they definitely want the love yeah of course it's really about the Deep philosophical thing that came up so this guy's got hundreds of millions of dollars in real estate he was suicidal that's crazy it's crazy right and this is the thing that like these guys come to me and they're like my therapist has never made more than $80,000 a year he literally laughed at me when I said I think I might be depressed like they can't understand what these men are going through and then it's just oh poor millionaire but you see a lot of you see a lot of successful people or especially in Hollywood successful actors actresses that's right they have all their you know they're rich and famous and not so happy and they're miserable and people are like oh Poo you know you could poor millionaire like but they're real they're just people just like us what happens is they run out of dopamine they're at the top of their game they have nothing to strive for and so what we do is we create a second Mountain a new goal that can take them decades something that will leave a positive like a massive transformative positive impact leave their legacy so what was the goal for that guy you know we're not entirely there yet but you know what's interesting is is he's already having these experiences of fulfillment he's like you taught me to chill like I don't have to go and acquire more and buy more and he still is doing that but he doesn't feel driven by it so he's opening his heart and he's realized izing huh there's something deeper in my heart that wants to come through and he says I've never been happier in my life nice it's unnerving he's like I don't know what to do with it I was like breathe deeper into your belly like open up your belly and like allow that breath down and you work with men primarily you don't work with women we're fantastic I would love to I've got some women in my network I'm going to reach out to and say you know maybe they can they can coach the women cuz one I don't feel qualified two they do some weird thing with me where they try to turn me into some kind of like emotional surrogate husband or something I don't I don't know what it is but I don't like coaching women you know there's i' I've loved the women that I have served and coached and it's been awesome but there's just something that I just don't want that type of energy of you know like I'm just it's a leaky container and I just don't like that so I serve men it's something I've done for 30 years it's just something I do very well and I think that a woman would be better suited to go to these deep places with women there's something to it there's something to it I can understand that it's also a different journey I mean I'll never know what it's like to be a mother I I'll never be able to understand that and so a lot of the midlife transition for for women is you know it's very different yeah yeah it's very different yeah I I coach women primarily for for the same reason because I I coach from my life experience even though when I coach men it helps them a lot like even if it's just like a shortcom conversation like I change some people's lives and for now I work with women primarily but I'm so open it's the focus but at the end of the day what I have to offer what you have to offer is something that everyone needs what is your specialty what do you focus on in your coaching well I focus on I do hypnotherapy which doesn't discriminate men women's the same but I also have teaching around um creating some kind of an alter ego I call it awaken your inner goddess unleashing your inner superhero and I use the different Yen archetypes the light and the shadow where the teaching at the end of the day is looking at them and embracing everything that you are loving all that you are yeah because I mean without that how could you ever feel fulfilled you're cutting off you're using half of your power to cut yourself off from the other half of your power there's nothing left like where could fulfillment live yeah and also going back to places in your life or you you did something bad and you're ashamed of yourself and just taking that younger version of you and loving him or her and embracing and and caring for and integrating and moving on and and I like what you said about Vision I don't call it Vision um for me it's more like creating an alter ego of the person you want to become that's the vision and just stepping into that cuz when you create that Vision those how did you call those cells the imaginal cells yeah they wake up that's how you activate them that's right yeah we we do a piece of that as well and it's it's crucial yeah I would I would add one thing though and this is just from my men's work experience is for me it absolutely everything you said going back finding the hurt little boy inside you know what does he need basically growing him up for me that's what it's been right nurturing him letting him be who he is where he is what he needs listening to those needs helping him learn to advocate for his own needs and providing for just like any child right like a four-year-old can Advocate but still needs help to actually get those needs met but eventually we want that child to be able to meet their own needs that's what we call an adult right and so we have to raise up those parts of us that didn't get the parenting we would have wished we had and there's also for me I went back and cleaned up all of the residue all of the mess that I had left even though technically it wasn't my fault cuz I didn't know better it was still my responsibility and so part of growing that part of me up was going back and saying hey I made some mistakes here and I want to apologize and also I want to rebalance you know the karma I guess you could call it what can I do to rebalance things so that I can move forward feeling totally balanced and clean inside myself and so it's you know it's the inner psychological work and to me there was also doing the actual relational healing and and you know accountability work I learned from Men's Work to clean things up that was a big part of it too yeah there's something magical that happens when men come together and when women come together and we need those circles too and we need the circle bu together as well of course but it's also it's it's important doesn't happen a lot in today's society I think it should happen more it doesn't but you know what that's just the backstory of the video game you got all these non-player characters running around exhibiting bad behavior and immature behavior and and it's like yeah okay whatever there's I I know enough people that are actually waking up leaning in growing themselves up showing up in life showing up in the world and you know staying in the stretch cuz that's where flow happens just 4% beyond what we believe we're capable of so we never really get there it's just a practice of continually finding where that edge is and then how can we lean in a little bit further beautiful words before we say goodbye for now two questions one what are your three top tips to living a stellar life a stellar life okay and number two is where can people find you cool three top tips for living a stellar life Stellar meaning star meaning mean the best life you've ever wanted to have you know from my own life experience I would say particularly for men I don't know about for women but it's probably not too different get clear on your purpose do the Deep work to excavate what is trapped in your Shadow so to me that's maybe number two but also part of number one getting the gold out of the dark cave and cleaning up you know the mess cleaning up being accountable for the things in the past because what that is is that's about reclaiming our energy attention and power that's stuck there and so it's worth it to go and and just do that cleanup work even though it's a little embarrassing and is there a third one I think it's um I think maslo really nailed something now he never made a pyramid but using that as a checklist do I have my survival needs met do I have my belonging needs met you know do I feel safe not just there's no bombs going off but do I feel emotional safety like uh secure attachment you know like looking at this as a checklist those are the things that I work on with business teams if you want to achieve more you go back and make sure that your deficiency needs are actually met and achievement will just naturally progress from there it's hard to achieve it's just like kids it's hard to learn if you didn't get breakfast in the morning and you know you come from a broken home like it's just hard to learn well it's the same for us you know even if we did have breakfast if we don't feel emotionally safe in our work environment if we don't feel a sense of belonging in our lives we're not going to be able ble to achieve at the level where we ultimately pop out into self-actualization and go wow I am living my best life so I think maslo is a really good checklist yeah beautiful and where can people find you and work with you and your team sure purpos mapping. comom and you know what I'm you know what I'm going to do for you what I'm going to do just because I don't know what the website will look like when people actually get there let's call it purpos mapping. comom SL stellar s e l l a r and I will make sure that there is something there I'll put that uh 30 minute video there so even if we've updated the page and it's no longer available on the homepage they'll be able to find it at purpos mapping. comom Stellar how's that sound sounds fantabulous thank you so much I appreciate you thank you for being here thank you for sharing your purpose with us and uh helping all of us uh go deeper with our thinking about our purpose can I ask you a quick question yes what is the one major insight you're personally taking from today's conversation it's not an inside but it's a way of looking at things that there are those levels those mountains where people that everybody wants to come to achieve success but when you're there there is always something deeper and deeper and deeper I really like that concept and I like the visual of the mountain and the valley and another mountain in the valley I think this is the way I see Life how I see Enlightenment and everything in our Evolution and I also love the imaginary cells that are in our hearts yeah that's uh that's beautiful okay so thank you so much and thank you listeners remember to go deeper reclaim your energy attention and power and have a stellar life full of deep purpose and fulfillment and enjoy wherever you are if it's day or night this is Orion till next [Music] time