Self-Compassion as an Antidote to Shame

Introduction

• Presenter: Chris Germer
• Focus: Self-compassion as a remedy for shame
• Plan: 25-minute presentation followed by a 15-minute practice

Background

• Self-compassion: Gained prominence with Kristen Neff's Self-Compassion Scale (2003)
  • Only one scientific article in 2003; over 3000 articles now
  • Rise in interest alongside mindfulness
• Personal Experience: Germer, a psychologist, struggled with anxiety for 20 years
  • Tried multiple methods (mindfulness, beta blockers, etc.)
  • Discovery: Loving-kindness meditation helped alleviate public speaking anxiety

Key Insights

• Anxiety vs. Shame: Anxiety was a misdiagnosis; issue was underlying shame
• Self-compassion vs. Mindfulness:
  • Mindfulness: Awareness of moment-to-moment experience
  • Self-compassion: Loving awareness of the self
  • Both together can effectively manage difficult emotions

Understanding Self-Compassion

• Misconceptions: Associated with selfishness and weakness
  • Research shows self-compassionate people are less narcissistic, more resilient, motivated, and have better relationships
• Definition: Treating oneself with the same kindness as a dear friend during suffering
  • Kristin Neff's research: Majority are more compassionate to others than themselves
• Three Components (Neff's Model):
  1. Mindfulness: Awareness and acceptance of struggle
  2. Common Humanity: Recognizing shared human experience
  3. Self-Kindness: Warm and understanding attitude towards oneself
• Opposites:
  • Mindfulness ↔ Over-identification
  • Common Humanity ↔ Isolation
  • Self-Kindness ↔ Self-Criticism

Self-Compassion vs. Shame

• Self-compassion reduces shame (research supports this)
• Shame: A self-conscious emotion with negative self-evaluation
  • Difference from guilt: Shame attacks self-worth
  • Human beings are hardwired to feel shame for social cohesion
• Trait Shame: Result of treatment by others, not inherent
  • Cultural oppression and mistreatment contribute to shame
  • Shame is often more about perception of being devalued than actual fault

Addressing Shame

• Mindfulness of Shame: First step to recognition and alleviation
  • Shame is often invisible or denied
• Symptoms of Shame:
  • Physical: Sinking feeling, tightness, flushing, etc.
  • Mental: Self-criticism, confusion, vulnerability, etc.
  • Behavioral: Avoidance behaviors like anger or numbing
• Shame's Illusions:
  • Feels blameworthy but is an innocent emotion needing kindness
  • Feels isolating but is universally experienced
  • Feels permanent but is temporary and not a reflection of true self

Practice: Self-Compassion Break for Shame

• Exercise based on mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness
• Connection of shame to the wish to be loved
  • Recognizing this wish offers a doorway to self-compassion

Conclusion

• Encouragement to use self-compassion as a tool for shame
• Importance of self-care post-exercise
• Gratitude for participation and the learning opportunity