you want to be in your 50s bitter and angry thinking about how much more different life could be if only that thing didn't happen no because you're not a victim and we don't do victims over here Detachment in a nutshell is that Detachment is not that you don't own anything it's that nothing owns you this video is going to be a complete breakdown of how you're going to go from attached to detach and finally enter your unbothered girl era let's start with a famous story about the Taoist farmer maybe you've heard it maybe you haven't but it's going to change your life a long time ago a poor Chinese farmer lost a horse and all the neighbors came around and said well that's too bad the farmer said maybe shortly after the horse returned bringing another horse with him and all the neighbors came around and said well that's good fortune to which the farmer replied maybe the next day the farmer's son was trying to tame the new horse and fell and all the neighbors came around and said well that's too bad and the farmer replied maybe shortly after the emperor declared war on a neighboring nation and ordered all able-bodied men to come fight many guys or were badly injured but the farmer's son was unable to fight and spared due to his injury and all the neighbors came around and said well that's good fortune to which the farmer replied maybe and the story goes on and on now I share that story because that may be mindset which I'm going to get into is exactly how you need to approach your life and dating see taoism is neutrality to life all outcomes in all situations and I share that story to remind you that more often than not bad things often come with a silver lining it's just how you choose to perceive it that determines how much power and control it has over you so there's two mindsets that I want you to start practicing in your daily life because remember you can't grow into a new version of yourself without practicing it on a day-to-day basis when you get faced with situations that are unfavorable because that's life you have to practice your new mindset otherwise you're going to live in and from your old mindset which clearly isn't serving you these are the two mindsets that I personally use when I for starting my growth Journey that completely transformed my life so the first one like I just mentioned is the maybe mindset this goes off of the Taoist farmer story as humans it's easier for us to attach to an outcome even if it's a bad outcome telling ourselves it's negative or it's bad is easier to do than telling ourselves maybe we'll just see what happens in the last five years of my life I have gone through quote-unquote extremely negative experiences I don't see them as negative because I practice these mindsets and they're a part of my daily life but if I didn't have these mindsets and I didn't follow exactly what I'm telling you in this video I would have crumbled there would be no longer me vaquita here sitting with you right now talking to you because I would have been done whenever something happens to you just tell yourself maybe I don't know we'll have to see what happens it might be good it might be bad when we get faced with the situation that might seem like it's bad because that's how we're choosing to perceive it we have to tell ourselves maybe I don't know it seems bad it could be that's how I'm perceiving it right now but I don't know how it's going to turn out so let me wait before I label this situation as negative because once we label something as good or bad we attach to that label we attach to that meaning that we've put on it so if I say this is really bad now I'm attached to that label of this is really bad and now all I'm thinking about is how bad this really is when in reality it could be good that's why you always have to wait until you see the unfolding of this negative or bad experience it could start out as negative or bad and you could label it that way but then it could unfold into the best and biggest blessing of your life and we have seen that time and time again where somebody cheats on you or somebody breaks up with you you think it's the worst thing in the world and you're never gonna heal and you're never gonna meet anybody as special or as amazing as that person and then what happens that situation that you perceived and labeled as so bad and catastrophic ends up leading you to the man of your dreams and you are now in the healthiest most beautiful most vibrant relationship of your life and that wouldn't have happened if this situation here did not happen and that brings me to my mindset number two and that is this or better there's no this sucks this is awful this is my life is ruined this or better I'm either gonna get this or I'm gonna get better and either one is pretty damn good to me when I was applying to universities I was dead set on one University it was like everything that I banked on I didn't get into that University I got into another University that I really didn't care to go to but I ended up going to that University because I am obsessed with Harry Potter and I was like this dormitory looks like Hogwarts so I went with that University now if I didn't go to that University and live with the people that I lived with and went through the experiences that I went through at that University and got very humbled at that University I wouldn't be this version of myself so in that moment me not getting into that University was so catastrophic and detrimental but I was like whatever it's fine like what am I gonna do call them and tell them to like let me in now so I had to let it go and then I was led into this different path so a bad situation turned amazing because I got to experience things that made me the person that I am today this or maybe mindset is more about saying I'm either going to get what I want I want to date this person I'm either going to date that person or I'm going to get better so let's not attach to the outcome of I need this man and he's the only one that I want blah blah blah gotta make it happen no I'm either gonna get him if it's meant to be it will be or I'm gonna get better so it's a win-win like why are we not using this mindset more it's just such an easy thing to implement if you practice it daily so that is the key do not let me down I want to touch on emotional Detachment because emotional Detachment is the biggest thing that you have to master because emotional attachment is the biggest thing that goes on in the world everybody has an experience with being emotionally attached to someone something a place an outcome something that they've conjured up in their head and thought this has to happen and if this doesn't happen this is going to happen and so I don't want this to happen so this has to happen emotional Detachment means feeling your emotions but not becoming them and feeling your suffering but not becoming it so you can feel your emotions but you can't become them you can feel your suffering you can sit there and be like this really sucks right now but I don't want you to become your suffering because the moment you let your suffering engulf you and become your personality you have entered into victimhood so emotional Detachment in dating you want to be able to love somebody out of dependence hunger and craving and Obsession you want to love somebody from a pure place of I am my own person I am standing still and solid in this concrete version of myself you are over there doing the same thing we have feelings for each other we're vibing let's come together and let's enjoy life together but regardless of us being together we are still our own people and so I don't rely on you for happiness and you shouldn't rely on me for half happiness so many things in life can happen so if you're dependent on these things to bring you happiness and to make you a human being like give you a smile or make you feel loved or make you feel great then you've lost already don't want you losing I want you winning so you have to make sure that you become your own person on your own and how are you going to do that there's two ways one you're going to take yourself out on your own you're going to get to know yourself who are you what do you like what do you dislike who are you without any emotional influence who are you you need to ask yourself that question and you need to continue to ask yourself that question until you can solidly sit on your own for months you have to create a home within yourself that you love coming back to every day every second you know when you can just walk into a home maybe your childhood home maybe your own apartment and it just feels like the weight of the world is off your shoulders that is how I want you to build a relationship with yourself that coming home to yourself is the best part of your day that is how I want you to start loving yourself that when you look at yourself it's like a breath of fresh air you know that you have yourself you've trusting yourself you feel so confident in yourself and about where your life is going that when you look at yourself it's like home that is how I want you to look at yourself and if you haven't already subscribe because I'm going to be dropping so many videos on confidence and how you're going to be building this home within yourself I am my safest space I am my best friend I am my biggest supporter because everything else has the chance of leaving everything you are solid and who you are right here think of yourself as like a lighthouse you're surrounded by flow and movement of the water and rocks and the shore and the sand you know blowing up but that Lighthouse is saying so strong in concrete it's letting life happen around it but it's still solid it's good it knows that it is the light so it's shining its light on light but it's not being phased by what's happening around it you have to give your yourself so much love that when you get anything less than what you can give yourself you walk away and you say no not good enough because if you're coming at me with that but I'm up here and you're coming at me with love like here why why would I bring myself down to that love when I'm already giving myself so much more than you're offering me we're not happening see ya it's not gonna work why would you do that you just wouldn't and you have to remember that when you do do that stuff to yourself when you think that you have to have the last word and everything when you think that you have to go on and send these monologues and these paragraphs to somebody you're going to look dumb AF and do you want to look dumbass no you don't so you gotta start doing things that literally make you look dumb you're making yourself look dumb when you go crazy and nuts on the phone because somebody didn't text you when you feel like you have to serve Justice and say oh my God why didn't you text me back how could you do this we went on a couple dates you said you liked me but now you're not acting like you like me what happened why did you do that to me literally who cares I literally do not care if somebody tells me something and then they do the opposite I just know that that's not my person I just know that that's not a friend that I want I know that that's just not somebody I want to be around if you go back on your word after telling me something I don't need to go fight Justice I just need to say all right whatever bye like I'm over it you gotta keep moving forward you can't attach to that because you've sat there and said oh my God okay he's really cute he's just my type he has a dog he's tall oh my God he's my guy and then now you've taken that because now you've told yourself a story about this person and now when that person goes against what you've conjured up in your head you start going nuts reality is not lining with your imagined idea of how things should be or how you want things to be there's a discrepancy so you're trying to fill in the Gap by going nuts and going crazy and fighting Justice for yourself but the best Justice that you can fight for yourself is simply walking away in silence and telling yourself this or better maybe maybe that happened for a reason I don't know we'll find out we'll see but all I gotta do is keep going and keep focused on my lane and my path if that's situation works out then it works out I just don't I don't know when maybe we'll work out in the future maybe it won't but I will be okay thinking is ruining your life this is something that I have practiced for so long that has so deeply changed my life and that is that I don't think what do you mean Makita you don't think I don't have thoughts I don't sit there and think about things I don't think about why he didn't text me I don't think about he texted me for three weeks straight and then he went cold and silent I don't think about why that person might have said something and maybe it kind of offended me I don't think about things and you need to stop thinking as well you have to just sit there and just like not have thoughts in your head and this is coming from somebody who had anticipatory anxiety and was ruminating 24 7. walking down the street thinking if that person's looking at me and saying oh she's so ugly thinking why that person said something that hurt my feelings and now I'm feeling like are they always thinking that about me stop the thinking and if you haven't watched my video on feminine energy go watch it right here because it's also going to change your life because you need to learn how to be and be okay being the solution to all of this is self-control because if you have self-control and you can control yourself you are controlling your emotions you are controlling your state of being how happy do you feel on a day-to-day basis how much joy and love are you bringing into your life you have direct control over those things because you can control yourself you can't control other people you can't control if Jimmy is going to text you today you can't control if Mike is gonna give you all the love and attention that you're craving you can't control those people maybe they'll give it to you maybe they won't but you can't sit here waiting for them to do it you have to wake up and say I'm gonna have a good day today why am I gonna have a good day today because I'm gonna make it a good day I'm gonna go get myself my favorite Starbucks drink I'm gonna go for a walk down by the river and just listen to the birds chirping and just chill and be in my own Vibe I'm going to come home I'm going to make myself the best breakfast ever I'm gonna sit with myself I'm gonna enjoy it I'm gonna have a great day why because I'm in charge I am the commander-in-chief I am in charge of how my day is going to go and maybe Abraham Hicks as she always says this doesn't mean that because I'm choosing to have a good day contrast won't exist contrast is always going to exist but it's how you choose to perceive it like I said in the beginning of the video how you choose to perceive something is how much power and control it has over you life is just life there's going to be contrast there's going to be people that we want that don't end up wanting us back there's going to be heartbreak there's going to be sadness there's going to be loss but your level of attaching to that thing is going to dictate how much easier you get over the hurt how much easier you let the situation go and how much faster you move into your bigger blessing if you're attached to anything you've already lost because your attachment is controlling you you're out you're out you have no power left because now your power lies in something outside of you and we all know oh maybe you didn't know now you know we can't control anything outside of ourselves we physically literally tangibly undeniably cannot control anything else but ourselves and the more that we try the more we go crazy it's just an impossible task and you're making yourself sick over trying to control I don't know why we've conditioned ourselves to believe that the more we suffer the more power and control we have over changing the outcome think about how stupid that sounds you believe that the more you sit the more you get sad the more you get depressed the more you ruminate the more you feel like my life sucks the better chance you have at changing it but I'm here to tell you and this is the only thing that you're going to need to know suffering does not give you power so you can either sit on the couch waste your life waste your days and let blessings that are meant to come into your life pass you by or you can choose to say this or better maybe maybe this maybe that we will see I'm good on my own so I don't really need that situation so if it happens it happens if it doesn't I'm good about it this is how you need to live your life if you like this video don't forget to subscribe check out all the links in my description box and I will see you in my next video bye