[Music] did you hear what I was playing Lane I didn't think it polite to listen but I'm sorry for that for your sake I don't play accurately anyone can play accurately but I play with a wonderful expression when it comes to piano sentiment is my forte I keep science for life speaking of a science of life if you got the cucumber sandwiches club for Lady Bracknell I see from the book that on Thursday when the old shaman and mr. Worthing were dining here with me that eight pops of champagne as having been consumed yes eight bottles and the point I asked merely for information I attributed to the superior quality of the wines I've often observed that in matted houses the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand it's no more lies news of that I believe it is a very pleasant stage sir I have had very little experience with myself up to the present I've only been married once that was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and the young person I don't think I'm very much interested in your family life Lana no so it's not a very interesting subject I rarely think of it myself I'm very natural I'm sure thank you thank you these views on marriage seem somewhat relaxed really if the lower orders don't set a good example for us what on earth is the use of them they seem as a class to lack every sense of the moral responsibility how are you my dear Ernest what brings you up to town Oh what else should bring one anywhere eating as usual i see algae I believe it is customary in good society to take some slight refreshment at five o'clock where have you been since Thursday in the country what on earth do you do there when one is in town what amuses one Sam when one is in the country one it uses other people it is excessively boring and to all the people you amuse Oh neighbors got nice neighbors and you're part of Shropshire perfectly horrid never speak to one of them how immensely you must amuse them by the way in Shropshire is your County is it not yes yes of course hello why these cups why the cucumber sandwiches why such reckless extravagance in one so young who is coming to tea Oh merely aunt Augusta and Gwendolen yes it's all kinda I won't quite approve of your being here may I ask why my dear boy the way you flirted with Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful it just almost as bad as the way she flirts with you well I am in love with Gwendolen I have come to town expressly to propose to her I thought she would come up for pleasure I call that business cuddly unromantic you are I really don't see anything romantic about proposing it is certainly romantic to be in love but there's nothing romantic about a definite proposal why won't it be accepted what normally is I believe you and the excitement is all over the very essence of romance is uncertainty if I ever get married I'll certainly try to forget the fact oh I have no doubt about that dear algae the divorce court was specially invented for people whose memories are so curiously constituted just touch the cucumber sandwiches they are all especially but you've been eating them all the time it's quite a different motor notice my aunt have some bread and butter the bread and butter spur Gwendolen one is devoted to bread and butter a very good bread and butter it is too well you need not eat as if you were going to eat you to all you behaviors if you were married to her already well not married to her already and I don't think you ever will be why would you say that my dear boy girls never flirt with Mary the men they flirt with girls don't think it right oh that's it isn't it is a great truth and it accounts for the extraordinary numbers of bachelors one sees all over the place in the second place I don't give you my consent your consent My dear boy Gwendolen is my first cousin and before I allow you to marry her we'll have to clear up the whole question of Sicily Cecily what on earth do you mean what do you mean al-jabat Cecily I don't know anyone of the name of settling bringing the cigarette case mr. Worthing left in the Smith room last time he dined here yes do you mean to say the you've had my cigarette he's all this time if I wish to goodness you would let me know I'm in writing frantic letters to Scotland Yard on it very nearly offering a large ward well I certainly wish you it off the one I happen to be more than usually hard up what there's no good offering a reward now that the thing is bow I must say it makes no matter for now a look at the inscription on the inside I find that the thing isn't yours after all well of course it's mine you've seen me with it a hundred times and you have no right what one should read and was one shouldn't my more than half of modern culture is depending on what one shouldn't read oh I am quite well this is your cigarette case this cigarette case is a present from someone by the name of Cecily and you said you didn't know anyone of that name well if you want to know Cecily it happens to be my oh yes charming old lady she is two lives in Tunbridge Wells but then why does she call herself a little Cecily if she is your aunt and lives at Tunbridge Wells from little Cecily with her fondest love My dear boy what's on earth is there in that some aren't at all some ones are not tall that is a matter that surely my aunt may be allowed to decide for herself you seem to think that everyone should be exactly like your art that is absurd Oh for heaven's sakes is to call you uncle Uncle Jack now there is no objection I admit to an aunt being a small aunt that's why it all should call her own nephew her uncle I can't quite make out besides your name isn't Jack at all it's Ernest it isn't Ernest it's jack I'd introduce you to everyone is Ernest you answer to the name of Ernest you look as though your name was Ernest [Music] certain your name isn't Ernest it's on your cards yeah here's one of them mr. Ernest Worthing before the Albany I don't keep this as proof your name is Ernest if ever you try to deny it to me what a Gwendolyn or to anyone else well my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country and the cigarette case was given to me in the country yes because that is my clear up while your small on Cecily we're lives at Tunbridge Wells fools you heard your uncle go on you would much better have the hair thing out at once right dear Algie you speak exactly as if you were a dentist very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist if produces a false impression but that is what dentists always do now go on tell me the hair thing I mean mention I've always suspected you of being a secret and confirmed a bunburyist and I'm quite sure of it now bunburyist what on earth do you mean by a bunburyist and reveal to you the meaning of that in comfortable expression as soon as you are so kind as to tell me why you are Ernest in town and Jack in the country well first produce my cigarette case cute is a producer explanation and play make it as probable My dear boy there's nothing impossible about my explanation at all it's quite ordinary in fact Oh mr. Thomas Cardew who adopted me when I was a little boy made me in his will Guardian to his granddaughter miss Cicely called you Cecily who addresses me as uncle from motives of respect which you could not possibly appreciate lives at my place in the country under the charge of her admirable governess miss prism anyways a place in the country by the way huh that is nothing to you dear boy you are not going to be invited but I can tell you quite candidly that the place is not interruption I suspect that much my dear boy I have balm buried all over Shropshire on two separate occasions no no tell me why your Ernest in town and Jack in the country Oh My dear fellow I don't know whether you will be able to understand my real notice you're hardly serious enough when one is placed in the position of Guardian one has to adopt a very high moral tone on all subjects is once duty to do so and as a high moral tone can hardly be said to conduce to either one's health or one's happiness in order to get up to town I have always pretended to have a younger brother of the name of Ernest who lives in the Albany and gets into the most dreadful scrapes that my dear Algie is the whole truth pure and simple and the truth is rarely pure never simple a modern labor would be very tedious if it were either and modern literature a complete impossibility - that would not be at all a bad thing literary criticism is not my forte my dear boy don't try it leave that for the people who haven't been at a university they do it say well the daily papers what you really are is a botanist that's nur bunburyist the author most advanced bunbury's I've ever met what on earth do you mean you have invented a very useful younger brother called Ernest and almost you might be able to come up to town as often as you like I have invented a permanent invalid called Bunbury in order that I might be able to go to the country as often as I like Bunbury is perfectly invaluable if it wasn't for Barbara's extraordinary bad health for instance I wouldn't be able to dine with the Willises tonight I've been really engaged to aunt Augusta for more than a week what I haven't asked you to dine with me anywhere tonight I know you're so careless about sending out invitations it is very childish of you nothing annoys people more than not receiving invitations well you had much better time with your aunt Augusta I had the smallest intention of doing anything of the kind to begin with I died there on Monday and once a week is quite enough to dine with Wednesday relations in the second place whenever I do dine there I'm always treated as a member of the family and sat down with either no women at all or two in a third place I know exactly whom she replaced me x2 tonight she replaced me next to Mary Farquhar who was always flirting with her own husband across the dinner table it is not very pleasant indeed it is not even decent and that sort of thing is enormous Lee on the increase the amount of women in London who fled with their own husbands is perfectly disgraceful it looks so bad it is simply washing one's clean linen in public this is now that I know you to confirm the bumpiest I naturally want to talk to you about wandering I want to tell you the rules under list at all if Gwendolen accepts me I'm going to kill my brother in fact I think I shall kill him in any case especially is a little too much it should stick little too much interested in him it is rather a bore so I'm going to get rid of Ernest and I strongly advise you do the same with mr. with your invalid friend who has the absurd name and nothing could induce me to part with bondrée and you if you ever get married which seems to me extremely problematic you'll be glad to know Bunbury a man who marries a tough knowing bondrée has a very tedious time in it oh that is nonsense if I marry a charming girl like one and she's the only girl I ever saw in my life that I would marry I certainly won't want to know Bunbury then your wife will you don't seem to realize that a married life three's a company and to his madness that's my dear young friend is the corrupt it's the theory that the corrupt French drama has been performing for the last 50 years and that the happy English home is proven in half the time Oh for heaven sakes don't try to be cynical it's perfectly easy to be cynical right dear boy it isn't easy to be anything nowadays there is such a lot of beastly competition of ours that's me aunt Augusta only relatives or creditors ever ring in that evadne Aryan now if I manage to get him away so if you might have the opportunity for comparison to Gwendolen may I dine with you tonight at Willis's oh I suppose so if you want to yes but you must be serious about it ice age people who are not serious about their meals it is so shallow of them good afternoon details an all-night hip you are behaving very well I am feeling quite well on - Guster that's not quite the same thing in fact the two things rarely go together dear me you look smart I'm always smart on time mr. Worthing are you are quite perfect respects oh I hope I am not that it would leave no room for developments and I intend to develop in many directions I'm sudden every whether to let ill turn on but I'm supplied to : dear lady Highbury I hadn't been that's it's at portland's tips I never saw a woman feel alter she looks quite 20 years younger and now I shall have a cup of tea and what are those nice cucumber sandwiches you promised it's certainly under Gaston Gwendolen you'll accompany me Thank You maman quite comfortable I am good heavens League especially especially there were no cucumbers in the market this morning sir I went down twice not even for ready money that will do Lane Thank You aunt Augusta I am greatly distressed to hear their new cucumbers not even for any money it really makes no matter Algernon I had some crumpets with Lady Highbury who seems to me to be living entirely for pleasure now I hear her hair has turned quite girls in grief it certainly has changed colour for much cars I of course cannot say thank you I quit the trick for you tonight l do not I'm going to send you down with many woman insu attentive to her husband it is I'm afraid I should have to give up the pleasure of dining with you tonight after all I put my table completely out your uncle would have to dine upstairs fortunately he is accustomed to that it is a great bore and I need hardly say a terrible disappointment to me but the fact is I have just got a telegram to say if my friend who seemed to think I should be with him yes poor Bunbury is a dreadful envelope well I must say L do not think it's high time that mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or die this is sharing what the question is absurd nor do I in any way I prefer this Martin sympathy with inlands I consider it morbid unless of any kind has had their thing to be encouraged in others Hill disciplinary duty applause I am always telling that to your poor uncle but he never seems to take much notice it's not at any improvement of his ailment girls I should be much obliged if you would ask mr. Bunbury from me to be kind of not a relapse on Saturday 5 rely on you to arrange my music for me it is my last reception and something that's really College conversation particularly at the end of the season when everyone has said practically whatever they needed to say which in most cases was probably not much I speak it to one very aunt Augusta if he is still conscious and I think I can promise you he'll be alright by Saturday the music of course is a great difficulty you see when one plays good music people don't listen and one plays bad music people don't talk but I'm sure I can run into the program I've drawn out if you kindly follow me into the next room for a moment very thoughtful I'm sure the program will be delightful after a few expecations thanks songs I could not possibly allow people always seem to think they're improper and either look shocked which is vulgar or which is worse but German sounds are thoroughly respectable language and indeed I believe is so Kundalini you will accompany me certainly mom are charming gage has been miss Fairfax pray don't talk to me about the weather mr. Worthing well whenever people talk to me about the weather I always feel quite certain that they mean something else and it makes me so nervous I do need something else would like to be allowed to take advantage of often had to speak to her about miss Fairfax ever since I have met you I've admired you more than any girl I've ever met since I met you public at any rate you had been more demonstrative for me I was different to you we live as I hope you know mr. Worthing the fact is constantly mentioned in the more expensive monthly magazines and has even reached the and my ideal absolute confidence told me friends called earnest I knew you really love me Quentin darling you don't know how happy you've made me [Applause] but you do really mean to say you couldn't love me if my name wasn't Ernest what yes yes I know but suppose it was something else do you mean to say you couldn't love me better that is clearly a metaphysical speculation and like most metaphysical speculation has very little reference to the actual facts of real life is we never personally darling I don't much care for the name of Ernest I don't think the names so to me at all it suits you perfectly it is a divine name it has some music of its own it produces vibrations well really Gwendolyn I think there are lots of other much nicer names I think Jack for instance a charming name there is very little music in the name of Jack if any told indeed it does not thrill it loses absolutely no vibrations I've known several jacks and they all without exception were more than usually plain besides Jack has a notorious domesticity for John and I pity any woman married to a man called John she would probably never be allowed to know the entrancing pleasure of a single moment solitude the only real safe name is Gwendolyn I must be christened at once I think we must get married you led me to believe miss Fairfax that you are not entirely indifferent to me well may I propose to you now I think it's an admirable opportunity I think it's only fair to tell you quite frankly beforehand dear Gwendolen yes mr. Wellesley what are you going to say to me you know what I have got to say to you yes but she didn't say it Gwendolyn will you marry me how long you've been about it you have very little experience on how to propose my own one I have never loved anyone in the world but you yes but men often propose for practice I know my brother Jer does all my girlfriends tell me so what wonderfully blue eyes you have they are quite quite blue I hope you will always look at me just like that especially when there are other people present for you besides mr. Worthing has not quite finished yet finished what may I ask I am engaged to be married to mr. Worthing mama to anyone when you do become engaged I or your father should his health permit him will inform you of the fact an engagement should accompany a young girl as a surprise peasant or unpleasant as the case may be it is hardly matter that she could be allowed to arrange for herself and now I have a few questions to put on you mr. worthy and why I am making these enquiries you win them in would wait for me below in the you can take a seat mr. Worthing Thank You Lady Bracknell I prefer standing I forgot to tell you that you are not down on my list of eligible young men although I have the same list as dear Duchess of Bolton has we worked together in fact however I'm ready to enter your name should your answers be what a really affectionate mother requires do you smoke well yes Lady Bracknell I must admit that I smoke I'm pleased to hear it a man should always have an occupation of some kind there are far too many idle men in London as it is how old are you 29 hmm a very good age to be married at I'm of the opinion that a man who desires to get married should know everything or nothing which do you know I don't nothing I'm pleased to hear it I do not approve of anything that tempers with natural ignorance ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit touch it and the bloom is born a theory of modern education is radically unsound fortunately in England at any rate education produces no effective whatsoever if it did it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes and probably made to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square what is your income between seven and eight thousand a year in land or in investments in investments chiefly that's a satisfactory one between the duties expected of one during ones lifetime and the duties exactly from one after ones death lettuce used to be either profit or pleasure it gives you a position and prevents one from Quetta this is all that can be said about land I have a hug I have a country house with some land attached to it of course about 1,500 acres I believe but I do not rely on that for my real income no as far as I can make out the poachers are the only people who make anything of it how many and when that point can be cleared up afterwards you have a town house I hope a girl of a simple unspoiled nature like Wendelin could hardly be expected to reside in the country I have a house in Belgrave square but it is led out by the deer to lady flotsam of course I can get it back whenever I please within six months notice hmm I don't know her oh she's she goes about very little she's lately considerably advanced in years also nowadays there is no guaranteed respectability of character what number in Belgrave square 149 oh the unfashionable side I knew there was something however that can be easily altered do you mean the fashion or the side move if necessary I presume what are your politics I am afraid I really have none I'm a liberal unionist they counties tourists they down with us they're coming the evenings at any rate now on to minor matters I'm a parent living i have lost both my parents blue today's one parent mr. Worthing is regarded as misfortune to lose both looks like carelessness was your father he was evidently a man of some wealth was he born in what the radical papers call people of Commerce or did he rise from the ranks of aristocracy I'm afraid I don't really know the fact is Lady Bracknell I said that I had lost both my parents it would be near to the truth to say that my parents seem to have lost me I don't know who I really am by birth I was well I was found found the late mr. Thomas called you an old gentleman a very kind and charitable disposition found me and gave me the name of Worthing because he happened to have a first-class ticket for Worthing in his pocket at the time Worthing is a place in Sussex it's a seaside resort where did the charitable gentleman who had the first-class tickets to the seaside resort find you in a handbag Oh hot bag yes Lady Bracknell I was in a handbag a somewhat large black leather black leather handbag with handles on it an ordinary handbag in fact locality did mr. James or Thomas Cardew come across an ordinary handbag in the cloakroom at Victoria Station the bag was given in given to him in mistake for his own a club room in Victoria Station yes the writing line the line is immaterial mr. Bailey I confess if you're somewhat bewildered by what you just told me to be born or it's a leavened bread in a handbag whether it had handles or not seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life but to remind one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution an actress whom you know but that's unfortunate moments led to as for the particular locality in which the handbag was found a clicker at the railway station might serve to conceal an social indiscretion and this probably indeed been used for that purpose before now it could have it be regarded as an assured basis for a recognised position in good society may I ask then what you would advise me to do I need hardly say that I would do anything in the world to ensure gwendolyn's happiness mr. Worthing the Bell assume that is possible and to make a definite effort to produce at any rate one parent of either sex before the season is quite over I don't know how I could possibly manage that I could produce the handbag at any time it's in my dressing room back home I really think that should satisfy you Lady Bracknell sir what has it to do with me you can have me imagine that Lord Bracknell and a half good morning [Music] Algie don't play like costly tune did you alright oh boy you don't mean to say the Wendling refused you I notice way she has she is always refusing people I think if nurse neonate should have her question is his right as a trivet as far as she is concerned we are engaged her mother however is perfectly up burial I don't know what Gorgon is like but I'm pretty sure Lady Bracknell this one at any rate she is a monster without being of me struck unfair I beg your pardon Algy I suppose I shouldn't talk of your own aunt in that way before you my dear boy I love eating my relations abused it is the only thing that makes me put up with him at all raisins are simply a tedious pack of people who haven't there emerges the knowledge of how to live your the smallest instinct and when Ted - hi oh that is nonsense it seems I won't argue with you about the matter you always want to argue about things that is what things were originally made for oh my if I thought that I'd shoot like them you don't think there's any chance of Gwendolyn becoming like a mother in about a 150 years do you algae all girls become like their mothers that is their tragedy no man does that it is it is perfectly phrased and quite as true as any modern observation ought to be it's sick to death of cleverness everyone is clever nowadays you can't go anywhere without meeting clever people the thing has become an absolute comic mutants I wish to goodness we had a few fools left well I should certainly like to meet them what do they talk about about my clever people of course what fools by the way this is Wendell I know the truth about your being Ernest in town and Jack in the country oh the truth isn't the sort of thing one tells to a nice sweet refined girl to extraordinary ideas you have about how to behave to a woman the only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty and to someone else if she is plain that is nonsense what about your brother what about the profligate Ernest oh by the end of the week I shall have got rid of Ernest I'll say he died in Paris of apoplexy lots of people die of apoplexy quite suddenly don't they yes but it's a relative it's a song it's the sort of thing that runs in the families you want me to say a severe cheer love you and you're sure severe chill is not hereditary or anything like of that cat of course it isn't very well that my poor brother Ernest is carried off suddenly in Paris by a severe chill that gets rid of it and miss card you didn't you say she was very much interested in your brother Ernest won't she feel his loss a grace to you oh that is quite all right Sicily is not a silly romantic girl I am glad to say she has a capital appetite goes for long walks and pays no attention to a lessons at all oh very much like to meet miss Cecily I will take very good care but you never do she's excessively pretty and only just 18 does Gwendolen know you have an excessively pretty Ward who is only just 18 Oh doesn't just learn these things out when incessantly are perfectly certain to be extremely great friends I will bet you anything you like that half an hour after meeting they will be calling each other sister women they only call each other that after they have called each other a lot of other things first now if you want a good good table at witnesses tonight we really must go every change did you know it is almost 7:00 oh it is always nearly 7:00 well I'm hungry I never knew you when you want what shall we do after dinner go to the theater oh no I love listening well might we go to the club oh yeah I hate talking well let us draw from under the Empire 10 no no I can't bear looking at things it is so silly what shall we do nothing I lost at the age of three but although she may prevent us from becoming married wife and I may marry someone else and very often she can possibly do can alter my eternal devotion to you oh my oh darling the story of your Atlantic origin as related to me my mama with son pleasing comments has naturally stirred in me the deeper fibers of my nature your Christian was an irresistible fascination your town at rest at the Albany I knew what is your dress in the country the manor house Walton her picture there's a good coat of service I suppose may be necessary to do something desperate which would of course require serious consideration I will communicate with you Damien oh my - money [Music] yes a glass of sherry Lane yes somali i'm going bunburying yes I should probably not be back soon monday you may pack my dress Claire is my smoking jacket and my Bunbury yes sir I hope tomorrow's a Pinedale a miss you are lame she will go the only girl I have ever cared about in my life bent on earthly you so amused at who I'm just a little anxious about poor Bunbury that is all if you don't take care this Bunder it is going to get you into a serious skirt someday I love scripts they're the only things that are never serious at all that is nonsense never talk anything but nonsense no one ever does [Laughter] Shirley's not a utilitarian occupation as the watering of flowers is rather monsoons duty than yours especially at the moment with intellectual pleasures await you your job is on the table open it at page 15 we will repeat yesterday's lesson but I don't like it isn't it full of becoming language I know perfectly well but I'm a high street after my German lesson child you know how anxious your guardian is that you should improve yourself in every way he made particular stress on your German as he was leaving for town yesterday indeed he always lay stress on your German when he is leaving for town dear Uncle Jack is so very serious sometimes he's so serious I don't think he could be quite well your guardian enjoys the best of him and his gravity of demeanor is especially to be commended in once so comparatively young as he is I know no one who has a higher sense of duty and responsibility I suppose that is why he often looks a little bored when we three are together Natalie I can't surprised at you mr. Berlin has many troubles in his life I don't know him it and surely ality would be out of place in his conversation you must remember his constant anxiety about that unfortunate young man his brother I wish dear uncle Jack would that that unfortunate young man his brother come down here sometimes we might have a good influence over through this prism I'm sure you certainly would you know things like German and geology and things of that kind includes a man very much I do not think that even I could produce any effect on a character that according to his own brother's admission is irretrievably weak and vacillating indeed I do not think that I would desire to reclaim him I am not in favor of this modern mania the toning bad people into good people at a moment's notice as immense shows so let him rape you whatever you're done I really don't see why you should keep a diary oh I'll keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful secrets of my life if I didn't write them down I should probably forget all about that memory my dear Cecily it's the diary we owe Harry but with us yes but memory often chronicles the things that have never happened and couldn't possibly have happened I believe that memory is responsible for nearly all the three-volume novels and movies things our students speak slightingly of the three-volume novel Cicely I wrote one myself in earlier days did you really miss prism how wonderfully clever you are I hope it did not end happily I don't like novels event happening they depress me so much the good end it happily then the bad unhappily that is what fiction means I suppose so but I don't think that's very fair and was your novel ever published no it was abandoned on this lady child these speculations are profitless ah but I see dr. chasuble and how are we this morning miss prism you are I trust well miss prism has just been complaining about slight headaches I need you to do her so much good to have a short stroll with you in the past dr. chasuble I have not mentioned anything about a headache no you miss prism I know that but I felt instinctively that you had headache indeed I was thinking about that and not about my German lessons when the rector came in I hope Cecily I do or not being inattentive oh I'm afraid I am that is strange were I fortunate enough to be miss prisms pupil I would hang upon her lips mr. Worthing has not returned from tell you we do not expect him to oh yes he usually likes to spend his Sunday in London he's not one of those whose sole aim is enjoyment test by all the Constituent fortunate young man his brother seems to be but I must not disturb a junior and her people any longer did Julia my name is Leticia doctor a classical illusion merely drawn from a bagging office I shall see you've been no doubt it even come I think it dear doctor the day we'll have a stroll with you I find I have a headache with pleasure miss prism with pleasure we might gain response schools are you with me you political economy in my absence the chapter on the fall of the rupee you may omit it is not what do sensational problems have the melodramatic slide horrid political economy for me geography mr. Ernest Worthing was just driven on the station if Walt is luggage with him mister elsewhere the Albany W Uncle Jack's brother did you tell mr. Worthing wasn't that yes miss he seemed rather disappointed I mentioned that she went miss prism work here in the garden he said he was anxious to speak to you privately for a moment ask mr. Ernest Worthing to come out here I suppose we better talk to the housekeeper about her room yes miss I have never met any really wicked person before I feel rather frightened I am so afraid he will look just like everyone else he does you are my cousin Cecily I am sure you are under some strange mistake I am NOT in fact I am more than usually told my age but I am your cousin Cecily and you must see from your heart uh Uncle Jack's brother my cousin Ernest my cousin but you mustn't think that I am wicked little Cecily I'm not wicked if you're not and you've certainly been deceiving us all in a very inexcusable manner I hope you've not been leading a double life pretending to be wicked and be really good all the time that would be hypocrisy well I have been rather reckless how do you glad to hear it in the fact that you mention this subject I have been very bad in my own small way I don't think you should be so proud of that so are you sure it must have been very pleasant oh it's much pleasanter here with you I can't understand how you're here at all Applejack won't be back to Monday afternoon and that is a terrible disappointment for I'm obliged to take the first train up on Monday I have a business appointment when I am eager to miss could you miss it anywhere but in London the appointment is in London well I know of course how important it is not to keep a business engagement if one wants retain any sense of the beauty of life but I still think you would better wait for uncle Jack to arrive I know he wants to talk to you about your and the great thing about my what your and the greeting he went up to buy your outfit I would never look at Jack buy my outfit he has no taste in neckties at all I don't think you will require any neckties uncle is sending you to Australia Australia waits on a dime yes well he said it dinner on Wednesday night that you have to choose between this world the next world and Australia well the reports are received of Australia in the next world have have been particularly encouraging and this world is good enough for me yes but are you good enough for it I'm afraid I'm not that that's why I wanted to report a little sensitive you might make that your mission if you don't mind oh I'm afraid I've no time this afternoon well would you mind you know for me myself this afternoon it would be rather quixotic with you but I think you should try I will I feel better already you are looking a little worse yeah well that is because I'm hungry oh I shouldn't remember that would what is going to be an entirely different life one requires regular wholesome meals of Bob Jessica me thank you yeah I'd sooner have a pink rose why because you are like a pink rose little Cicely the Miss prism is a short-sighted haired lady you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life miss prism says that all good books are snare the ice now that any sensible man would be happy to be caught in I don't think I should like to put any sensible man I wouldn't know what to talk to him about I can understand a woman through me I do not deserve so neologistic affairs but precept as well as the practice of the primitive church was distinctly against matrimony lasted until but that by persistently remaining single immerse yourself into a permanent public temptation oh man should be more careful this very slippery leads Lincoln attractive always mister wedding we did not look for you to Monday afternoon I returned sooner than expected dr. chasuble I hope you are well dear mr. Worthing I trust this garb of woe does not be taken some terrible calamity my brother more simple deaths and extravagance still living his life of pleasure dead your brother Ernest dead mr. Worthing I offer you my sincere condolences you've at least the consolation of knowing you're the most generous and forgiving of brothers oh poor Ernest he had many faults but it is a sad sad blow very sad indeed were you with him at the end no he died abroad in Paris in fact I received a telegram from the manager of the Grand Hood help what's the cause of death mentioned a severe chill it seems too dear miss prism charity none of us are perfect I myself in peculiarly susceptible to drafts will be internment take place here no he seemed to it to have expressed a desire to be buried in Paris in Paris I feel that hardly points any very serious state of mind at last no doubt you wish me to make some slight allusion to the tragic domestic affliction this Sunday my sermon on the man and the wilderness can be adapted to most any occasion joyful or as in the present case distressing I have preached at its harvest celebration confirmations on days of humiliation and festival days the last time it was delivered as a charity sermon on prevention of discontent among the upper orders the bishop who was much present was much struck by some of the analogies I drew oh that reminds me if you mentioned christenings I think dr. chasuble I suppose you know how to christen all right I mean you are continually christening to I regret to say constitute duties in this parish I have often spoken to the poorer classes on the subject but they do not seem to know what thirst is but is there any particular infant in whom you're interested in mr. wedding your brother was I believe unmarried was he not usually are but it is not for any infant dear doctor I very fond of children no the fact is I would like to be christened myself if you have nothing better to do but surely mr. ware the new been christened I'll run it I don't remember anything about it but - have you any grave doubts on the subject well I certainly intend to happen of course I don't know if the thing should bother you in any sort of way or if you think I have - oh now I'm not at all is it sprinkling and indeed they are murder of adults are the perfect economical practice imagine you need new applications sprinkling is all that is necessary or indeed I think advisable or whether it is co changeable at what hour do you wish to say no me performed oh I might trot around five if that would suit you perfectly perfectly in fact I - other ceremonies to be performed at that time a case of twins that occurred in one of the outlying cottages on your known estate portuguese the carter it is hard working mad oh I don't see much fun and being christened with other babies it it would be childish would help us five do and reply admirably and now dear mr. Worthing I shall intrude into a house oh sorry oh no longer I'm merely beg you to be not too much bowed down by grief what seems to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise this seems to me a blessing of an extremely obvious kind [Laughter] because you've got on you go be changed out yesterday my child my child what is the matter Uncle Jack do you look happy you look as if you had a toothache I have got such a surprise for you do you think he's in the dining room no brother Ernest here I've devout half an hour ago What nonsense fire it got a brother don't say that Uncle Jack no matter how bad he may have behaved you in the past we are still your brother you couldn't be so heartless as to disown him oh I'll tell him to come out here and you will shake hands with him won't you Uncle Jack these are joyful tidings after we had all this resigned to his loss it suddenly turned seems to me peculiarly distressing my brothers in the daddy I don't know what it all means I think it's perfectly absurd heavens [Music] brother John I have come up from town to tell you that I am very sorry for all the trouble I have caused you and that I intend to lead a better life in the future Jack you are not going to refuse your elder brother's heart nothing will induce me to take his hand I think it's coming down here disgraceful he knows perfectly well why Uncle Jack do be nice there must be some good in everyone and this has just been telling me about his poor invalid friend mr. Bunbury must be much good who was so kind to an Indian and leaves the pleasures of London to sit by a bed of pain oh he's been talking to you about the pardon Barry has it yes he's told me all about poor mr. Bunbury and his terrible state of health Bunbury well I won't have him talk to you about Bunbury or about anything else it's enough to drive one perfectly Frank of course I admit all the faults were on my side however I must say that brother John's careness to me seems peculiarly painful I expected a more enthusiastic welcome especially considering this is my first time coming here well Jack you don't shake hands with Ernest I will never forgive you well this is the last time I shall ever do it it's pleasant is it looked to see so perfect a reconciliation I think we should leave the two brothers together who certainly this isn't my typical past the reconciliation is over beautiful action today dear charm which are very happy stories possible I don't allow pun brain here I have placed mr. earnest things in the room next to yours I trust that is all right what mr. earnest luggage I am unpacked it and put it in the room next to your own his luggage yes sir three portmanteaus a dressing case two hot boxes and the luncheon boss I'm afraid I can't stay for more than a week this time Merriman auditor da odor at the dog-cart at once mr. earnest has suddenly been called back to town yes check what a fearful liar you are I haven't been called back to town at all oh yes you have I haven't heard anyone call me your duty as a gentleman calls you back my duties as a gentleman is never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree Oh like you quite understand that well certainly isn't darling you are not to talk of Miss Cardew like that I don't like it well I don't like your clothes what on earth don't you go up and change it is perfectly childish to be in mourning for a man who's really staying with you for a whole week in your houses against I quote your tears you are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as against doors anything else you have got to leave by four five trip I certainly won't leave you so long as you are in mourning it would be most unkind why you would stay with me if I wasn't morning I suppose the person friendly if you didn't well with you go if I change my clothes yes see if you're not too long about it I've never seen anyone takes so long to get dressed with such little results well that is better at any rate between eras of address yes you are occasionally I am overdressed I always make up for us by being always over educated that is ridiculous your card back then average and your present in my garden I really observed however you've got to be fun for five trade you have a pleasant journey back to tap his bun ring as you call it it's not with a great success for you I love Cecily and that is everything I am I see her before I go to the roses I thought you were the Uncle Jack he's gone to order the dog-cart is he going to take you for a nice Drive he's going to send me away then we have got the part and freed so this is very painful pausing it is always painful to part from people the absence of the dog yes and consequently meant for publication when it appears in novel form I hope you will order copy pray earnest don't stop I did nights in taking from dictation I have just reached absolute a fashion you may go on I'm quite ready for more don't call when one is dictating one must speak fluently and not off besides I don't know how to spell this easily ever since I first look upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty I have dared love you while they are passionately devotedly hopelessly I don't think you should say that you love me widely passionately devotedly hopelessly helplessly doesn't seem to make what sex doesn't Sicily the dog class is waiting to come round next week at the same hour [Music] if you knew you were staying well until next week at the same hour I don't care about you will marry me won't you you silly boy of course why we'd been engaged for the last three months for the last three months yes it will be exactly three months on Thursday and how do we become engaged Wow ever since dear Uncle Jack first mentioned to us that he had a younger brother who was very wicked and bad you of course suborned the chief topic of conversation between myself in miss prism and of course a man who's much talked about is always very attractive one things there must be something in him after all I Dennis it was foolish of me but I fell in love with you Ernest and what was the engagement finally settled and the 14th of February last what art while your entire ignorance of my existence I determined to put an end to the matter one way or another and prolonged struggle with myself I accepted you under the sterile tree here the next day I went into town both participating in your name and it is the vehicle with the tuna that's not I promised you always - where did I buy this for you it is very pretty isn't it yes excuse like always give it but you being such a bad life it would take you all your dear letters bring you any letters you need hardly remind me of that I remember all too well but I was forced to write your letters for you I would always do times a week and sometimes oftener do me read them Cecily I couldn't possibly they make you far too conceited the three you wrote me after I had broken off our engagement I'm so beautiful it so badly spelled even now I can hardly read them without crying a little that was an engagement of a broken off on the 22nd of March last you may read the entry if you like today I broke off my engagement with earth I've gotten better to do so the weather continues charming but why was it broken off well what have I done I don't nothing at all I'm very hurt indeed destiny to hear that our engagement was broken off particularly when the weather was so charming well it would hardly been a really serious engagement if it hadn't been broke would fall at least once besides I forgave you before the week was out oh what a perfect angel you are Cecily you dear romantic boy I hope your hair curls naturally does it yes with a little help from others are you so glad you promise you'll never break our engagement off-again accessory I couldn't possibly now that we have actually met besides there is the question of your name yes of course you mustn't laugh at me darling but it had always been a girlish dream of mine to fall in love with someone whose name was Ernest there is something in that name that seems to inspire absolute confidence any married woman whose husband is not called Ernest but my dear child do you mean to say you could not love me if I had some other name but what other name dear sweet only don't see any reason why you should have objected to the name of Algernon it is not a bad name in 30 it is rather aristocratic name by half the chaps in bankruptcy court are called Algernon but seriously Cecily could you not love me if my name was LG I might respect you Ernest I might admire your character but I'm afraid I could not give you my undivided attention your director here is very experienced in the writing ceremonies of the church yes dr. possible is the most learned man he has never written a single book so you can imagine how much he knows I must meet him on a very important christening business I shall be gone for more than a half an hour considering we have been engaged since February the 14th and since I had only met you today for the first time I think it rather hard that you should beat me for such a long period is half an hour thank you may take 20 minutes I'll be back in there time impetuous boy I like his hair so much I must enter his proposal into my time a Miss Fairfax has just called to see mr. Worthing on very important business miss Fairfax Stix is it mr. Worthing in his library mister wanna thing went in the direction of directory some time ago right awesome lady to come out here mr. birnley is sure to be back soon and he may bring tea yes miss miss Fairfax I suppose one of the many good elderly women associated with Uncle Jack and some philanthropic work at London's I don't quite like women who are interested in philanthropic work I think it is so forward of them miss my name is Stephanie car to destiny card you what very sweet name something tells me that we are going to be great friends I really like you more than I can say and my first impressions of people are never wrong nice of you to like me so much after we've known each other I'm here to beat your time or place it down and because like me or not Oh with pleasure and you always call me Gwendolyn Muthu if you wish that's just quite settled is it not oh I hope so perhaps this might be a favorable opportunity for me mentioning who I am my father is Lord Bracknell you've heard a pop I suppose I don't think so outside the Family Circle pop I'm glad to say is entirely unknown I think it's just quite as it should be the home seems to me to be the proper sphere for man and indeed once a man begins to neglect his domestic duties he becomes painfully effeminate and I do not like that it makes men so very attractive sess leaves lemarcus views on education a remarkably strict has brought me up to be extremely short-sighted it is part of the system so do you might find no clear to through my glasses you're too dark Wendelin I am very fond of being looked at you I have a short visit I suppose no I live here your mother no doubt or a female relative of advanced years and resides here also oh no I have no mother nor impact any relations indeed my dear Guardian with the assistance of miss prism has the arduous task of looking after me your guardian yes I am mr. Worthing's ward Oh he never mentioned to me that he had a ward how secretive of him he grows more interesting hourly however I'm not sure that this news inspires me with feelings of unmixed tonight I'm very fond of necessity I would like to ever since I met you but now that I knew that you are mr. Worthing's Ward I cannot help but expressing a wish you were well just a little older than you seem to be and not quite so alluring in appearance in fact if I might speak candidly I'll pray to you I think they would ever one has anything unpleasant to say one should always be quite candid well to speak with perfect candor Cecily I wish for 442 and more than usually playing for your age Ernest has a stronger upright nature he is the very soul of truth and honor disloyalty would be impossible to him as deception but even men of the highest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the physical chance of others modern illness ancient history provides us with many painful examples of what I refer to if it were not so history indeed really quite unreadable I beg your pardon Wendelin what did you say Ernest yes oh but it is not mr. Ernest Worthing who was my guardian it is his brother his elder brother oh he never mentioned to me that he had a brother I am sorry to say they have not been on good terms for a very long time that account for it and is now that I think of it I've never heard any man mention his brother the subject seems almost distasteful to most men Cecily you have lifted a load from my mind growing almost anxious it would have been terrible if any cloud had come across a friendship like ours but it's not of course you are quite quite sure it is not mr. Ernest Worthing who is your guardian quite sure in fact are you going to be here I beg your pardon dearest gwendolyn I see no reason why I should make a secret of it to you or little County newspapers Georgia Chronicle for back sometime next week mr. Ernest Worthing and I I need to be very my dear Cecily I'm afraid there must be some slight error mr. Ernest Worthing is engaged to me the announcement will appear in the Morning Post on Saturday at the latest there must be some misconception Ernest proposed to me exactly 10 minutes ago it is certainly very curious before you ask me to be his wife yesterday afternoon is 5:13 if you would care to verify the incident trains you soon I never travel without my diary one should always have something sensational to read on the trade I'm so sorry dear it's st if this is any disappointment to you but I'm afraid I have the prior claim it would distress me more than I can tell you dear Gwendolen if there were to cause you any mental or physical anguish but I feel bound to point out that since Ernest has post you he has clearly changed his mind if the poor fellow has been entrapped into some foolish promise I shall consider it my duty to rescue him and with a firm hand I will never we are you are [Laughter] [Applause] have been widely different as usual are there many interesting wolves in the facility miss Cardew oh yes a great many from one of the hills quite close one can see five counties five counties I don't think I should like that I hate crowds I suppose that is why you live in town quite well-kept garden this is Miss Cardew so glad you like it miss Fairfax I had no idea there were any flowers in the country oh why was I was calling here miss Fairfax as people are in London personally I cannot understand how anybody manages to exist in the country if anybody who is anybody does the country always calls me to death ah yes but that is what the newspapers are calling a who a cultural depression is it not I believe aristocracy are suffering from it very much just at present it is almost an epidemic among them or so I have been told may I offer you some tea miss Fairfax thank you detestable girl but I'm a piety sugar no thank you sugar is not fashionable anymore hey hog bread and butter bread butter please cake is rarely seen in the best households nowadays [Laughter] [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] may I ask if you engaged to be married to this young lady course not what such an idea in your head [Music] around your waist is my dear colleague mr. jolly I beg your pardon this is Uncle Jack I need to be married this young lady here Davin's Gwendolyn I need to quit doing of course not holding your pretty little head thank you you name I felt there must be some slight error miss Cardew the gentleman who is currently embracing you is my cousin mr. Elton on Moncrief thank you not denying it so I could tonight but my name certainly is John has been [Applause] there is display questions I would like to be allowed to ask my guardian an excellent idea mr. worthy there is one question we would like to put to you where is your brother Ernest we are your brother Ernest so it is of some small importance to us to know where your brother Ernest isn't present Gwendolen Cecily very painful for me to be forced to speak the truth in fact it is the first time in my life I have never been reduced to such a painful position by very inexperienced doing anything of the kind but I will tell you quite frankly that I have no brother Ernest I have never had a brother not even a very time and I have not the smallest intentions of having one in the future at all none not even engaged to be married to anyone it is not a very pleasant situation for a young girl to suddenly find yourself in let us go into the house they will hardly venture to come after us in there no probably aren't they [Laughter] is what you call plundering I suppose perfectly wonderful beauties no right whatsoever to plumberry here oh that is absurd one is a right to boundary where everyone chooses every serious bunbury's there's that serious boundaries good heavens who and one must be serious about something if one wants any amusement in life I am serious about bunburying wonder if you are serious about I haven't the remotest idea about everything I should plan seem you have such an absolutely trivial nature well the only small satisfaction I have in the whole of this wretched business is that your friend Barbara is quite exploded you have to be able to go down to the country as often as you used to do Algie a very good thing too your brother is a little of color isn't it dear jack you won't be able to disappear to London quite so frequently as your wicked custom was not a bad thing either as for your conduct towards Miss Cardew I must say that you're taking me in a sweet simple innocent girl like that is quite inexcusable to say nothing of the fact that she's my ward I can see no possible defense at all for your deceiving a brilliant clever a thoroughly experienced young lady like miss Fairfax to say nothing of the fact that she's my cousin well I wanted to be engaged to one that is all I love her what I simply want to be engaged to Cecily I adore there is certainly no chance of you marrying miss Carter I don't think there's much likelihood jack of you and Miss Fairfax being united if it was my business I wouldn't talk about it it is very vulgar to talk about one's own business early stockbrokers and people like that ever do an enemy at dinner parties how can you sit there calmly eating muffins while we are in this horrible trouble you seem to be perfectly heartless well I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner the fossil would probably get on my calves one must always eat muffins quite calmly it is the only way to eat them say this perfectly heartless you're eating muffins at all under the circumstances whenever I'm in trouble eating is the only thing that concerns me indeed when I've been really great trouble as anyone who knows me intimately will tell you I refuse everything but food and drink at the present moment I am eating muffins because I am unhappy besides I am particularly fond of muffins well that is no reason why you should eat them all in that greedy way I wish would have some gee cake I don't like to UK ik 506 I suppose a man may be allowed to eat his own muffins in his own god you just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins I said it was perfectly heartless of you under the circumstances that's a very different thing but the muffins are the same algae I wish to goodness you would get you can't possibly ask me to go without having some dinner first that's absurd I never gave half my dinner now whatever does except for vegetarians and people like that besides I just made arrangements of dr. chasuble to be christened at a quarter to six under the name of Ernest My dear fellow the sooner you give up that nonsense the better I've made arrangements this morning with dr. Charles ball to be christened myself at 5:30 night naturally we'll take the name of Ernest when the lid would wish it we can't both be Krishna and it's it's absurd it's ass I have every right to be christened if I like there is no evidence at all that I ever was christened by anybody and I should think it extremely probable that I never was and so does dr. Charles one is entirely different in your case you have been christened already yes but I haven't been christened for years yes but you had been christened that is the important thing quite sir so I know my Constitution can stand it if you're not quite sure he'll ever haven't been christened I must say I think it's rather dangerous you're venturing on us now it might make you very unwell you can hardly have forgotten that someone very closely connected to you was very nearly carried off this week in Paris by a severe chill yes but you said it yourself that a severe chill was not hereditary it's used to be I knew but I daresay it is now science is always making wonderful wonderful improvements and things you are always talking nonsense Jack you are again the ideas you have have a hospitality mmm Algie I have already told you to go I don't want you here why don't you go because I haven't quite finished my tea yet and they're still a muffin laughing [Music] [Applause] the fact that they did not follow us at once into the house like anyone else would have done seems to me to show we have some sense of shame net they are eating muffins that looks like repentance they don't seem to notice us could choke off they're looking at us what a fun train approaching that is very forward of them let's maintain a dignified silence [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] too bad your engagement was a made-up story [Music] try to forget about my name dear though I don't wish to pray I did I do husband [Music] [Applause] oh this signified silence ISA produce a most unpleasant effect a most distasteful one but we will not be the first to speak certainly not there is one question I would like to ask you mr. Moncrieff kindly answer me the following question why don't you pretend to be my Guardians brother in all of this I might have the opportunity of meeting you certainly seems a satisfactory answer does it not yes dear if you can believe him oh I don't but that does not affect the wonderful Museum is answer true my forgotten and matters of grave importance style not sincerity is the vital thing mr. whirling what explanation can you offer me for pretending to have a brother was it in order that you have might have every opportunity of coming up to town to see me as often as possible can you doubt it to miss Fairfax I have the gravest doubts on the subject this is no time for German skepticism their answer seemed exceptionally satisfactory especially mr. Worthing's that seems to me to have a stamp of truth upon it I am quite content with what mr. mauve said his voice alone instills one with absolute credulity true high forgotten there are principles at stake that one cannot surrender which one of us should tell them the task is not a pleasant one could be both no will you take the time for me and one your Christian names are super old I am [Music] [Music] [Music] villain what does this mean merely the time it takes to be married to mr. worthy mama come here sit down sit down immediately hesitation of any kind it's a side effect of GK in the young the old applies F my daughter said in fights by her trusty maid whose confidence I purchased by a means of a small coin I followed her it once by a luggage train her unhappy father is glad to say under the impression that she's attending a modern usually lengthy lecture by the university did I have never understood him on any question I would consider it wrong but of course you would clearly understand that all communication between yourself and my daughter must cease immediately from this moment on this point has indeed on all points I am firm I'm engaged to be married to Gwendolen Lady Bracknell you are nothing of the kind sir and now as regards it all - not a dog yes employed friend mr. Bunbury resides he's not even present in the years somewhere else in fact Babri is dead did one break that must have been extremely I killed him this afternoon he died but Bunbury oh he was quite exploded I was not aware that mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation if so is well punished for his morbidity my dear aunt I guess I I mean to say that he was found out Bunbury could not leave that is what I mean so Bunbury time he seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his position I'm glad how about that he made up his mind at the last is of diffidence of action and my nephew Algernon is now holding in what seems to me a peculiarly unnecessary manner that lady is a Mississippi card you my wall I am engaged to be married to Cecily aunt Augusta I beg your pardon mr. Moncrieff and I are engaged to be married baby back now I do not know whether there's anything peculiar exciting in the air and there's particular part of Hertfordshire but the number of engagements that gohan see to me considerably above the proper average but poor average Texas district said lay down but our guidance I think the preliminary inquiry on my part will not be out of place mr. Worthing is Miss Cardew at all connected with any of the larger railway stations in London any desired information until yesterday I had no idea that there are any families or persons whose origin was it terminus miss Cardew is the granddaughter of mr. Thomas Cardew of 149 Belgrave square swj vex Park Dorking Surrey and the sporran five sure envy that sounds not unsatisfactory three is less is always inspired confidence even in tradesmen but what proverb I have never anticipated I have the court guide to the period they are open to your inspections in your background I have known strange and as in that publication miss cardew's family solicitors are Monsieur Markby Markby and Markby Markby Markby Markby the very highest position in their profession indeed I am told that one of the mr. mclees has occasionally been seen at evening parties so far I am satisfied well that is very kind of you Lady Bracknell you will also be pleased to hear that I have in my possession certificates of miss cardew's birth baptism whooping cough registration vaccinations confirmation and the measles of German and English variety a less crowded with incident I see them perhaps so much too exciting for a young girl I am NOT myself in favor of premature experiences gwyndolin the time approaches for our departure we have not a moment to lose about a hundred thirty thousand pounds in the five years that is all good my lady Becker so pleased to have seen you again and poets miss Kajol seems me immense attractive young lady now that I look at her because at the present day have any really solid qualities any of the qualities that lasts and improve with time we leave I regret to say in an age of services come over here pretty child your dress is sadly simple and your hair seems almost as nature might have left it a thoroughly experienced french maid produces a really marvelous results in such a brief space of time and the number representing one to a young lady lansing and after three months her own husband did not know her and after six months nobody knew her hey little around the media know the side view is what I want yes quite as I expected there are distinct social possibilities in your profile the two big points in our age are its what in principle and its what a proper to the desired ear style largely depends on the way the chimney is worn they have one very high just ever-present Elgin oh yes of Augusta there are distinct social possibilities in Miss cardew's proper accessory is the sweetest dearest prettiest girl of the hair world I don't give two pence about social possibilities never speak disrespectfully of society iljin are only people who can't get into it to do that but of course you know that Elton on has nothing but his debts to depend on but I do not approve of missing area managers when I really thought Bracknell I am not fortune of any kind but I never trained for moments of allowing that to stand in my way well I suppose I must give you my consent I think you want Augusta Sicily you make you Smith thank you very back now you may also address me it's all about staff or the future you want to cast us the manage I think had better take this quite soon I think yours Augusta if you want accustomed to speak frankly I'm not in favor of long engagements they give people the opportunity of finding out each other's characters before minute which i think is never advisable you forgive me Lady Bracknell for interrupting you but engagement it's quite type of a question I'm miss cardew's Guardian and she cannot legally marry without my consent until she comes of age that's consent I absolutely declined to give I asked everyone is extremely I may also say in ostentatiously eligible young man he has nothing but he looks everything what marking one desire oh it pains me very much Lady Bracknell to speak quite frankly to you about your nephew but I do but the fact is I do not approve of his moral character at all I suspect him of being untruthful untruthful impossible he is not Sony I feel there can be no possible doubt about the matter during my temporary absence in London an important question of romance he obtained admission to my house under the false pretense of being my brother Ernest under an assumed name he drank I've been informed by my Butler an entire pint bottle of my peers are at Bruges enough wine I was specially reserving for myself continuing in his distaste for deception he succeeded in the course of the afternoon in alienating the affections of my early ward he subsequently State team and devoured every single muffins and what makes his conduct of a more heartless is that he was very well aware from the very first that I have no brother that I have never had a brother not even very kind and I have not these smallest intentions of having one in the future I told him so distinctly myself yesterday afternoon ahem mr. Worthing after careful consideration I have decided entirely to overlook my nephew's conduct do you that is quite generous of you Lady Bracknell by decision however is unalterable I declined to give my consent well I'm really only eighteen but I always admit to 20 when I don't evening parties you have come to me right of making some slight alteration indeed a woman should ever be quite accurate about her age it looks so calculating eighteen but admitting to twenty-eight evening parties and where they won't be long before you are of age and free from the restraints of tutelage I don't think your Guardians consent is after all a matter of any importance pray excuse me for interrupting you again lady Bachrach but it is only fair to tell you that according to the terms of her grandfather's will miss Cardew does not legally come of age until she is thirty-five but does not seem to me to be a bread objection 35 is very attractive age not in society is full of women of the very highest birth who are seven three toys have to make 35 a year to my knowledge remains 35 ever since she arrived at the age of 40 which has been many years ago now I see no reason why artist says they should not be more attractive at the age you mentioned than she is at present there will be a large accumulation of property LG could you really wait for me till I'm 35 of course I could essentially you know I could yes I felt it instinctively but I couldn't wait all that time I don't like waiting waiting even five minutes for anyone it always makes me rather cross I know I'm punctual myself of course but I do like punctuality of others and waiting II need to be married it's quite out of the question but what is to be done then Cecily I don't know mr. monkey my dear mr. Worthing as Miss Cardew states positively that she could not which mystery is 35 and in micro time bound to say it seems to me to show us so much impatient nature I would beg of you to reconsider your decision what's Lady Bracknell the matter is entirely in your hands the modes you consent to my marriage with Gwendolen most certainly allow your nephew to fine perform in alliance with my ward you must be quite aware that what you propose is out of the question oh then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us have to look forward to that is not the Destiny I proposed for Quintin and anon of course can choose for himself come dear we've missed 5.6 trains to miss anymore would expose us to comment on the platform everything is quite rare for the christenings boasts these gentlemen have expressed a desire for immediate baptism at this age the idea it's grotesque and images I don't know that I forbid you to be baptized I was not scared of such excessive what Ratner will be highly displeased if you learned that that was the way in which you are wasting your time and money in our to understand there are to be no christenings at all this afternoon I don't think as things are now which would be a much practical value to I've ever stopped I am grieved to hear such sentiment from you mr. Worthing they say that the heretical views of the Anabaptists news in which I have refuted in four of my unpublished sermons however as your present mood seems particularly secular you will return to the church at once for I have just been informed by a Pew open era that for the last hour and a half miss prism has been waiting for me in the best read miss prism here you mention a miss prism yes Lady Bracknell I'm on my way to join her pray allow me to detain you for a moment this matter may prove to be a vital importance to the Bracknell and myself it's asleep miss prism a female of the repent aspect remotely connected with education she's the most cultivated of ladies she's the very picture of respectability it is obviously the same person o celibates madam has been for the last three years miss cardew's esteemed governess and valued companion in spite of what I hear of her I must see her she is a patron the streets in charge of the perambulator that contains a baby at the male sex you'll never return through the elaborate investigation of the Metropolitan Police the perambulator was discovered at midnight standing by itself in a remote corner of Bayswater it contained a manuscript of a three-volume novel of a more than usually provoking sentimentality but the baby was not all the honing of the day you mention a day that is forever branded in my memory I prepared as usual to take the baby out in its perambulator I had with me also a somewhat old and but capacious and if we take at least a work of fiction I have worked on it if you would occupy hours in a moment of mental abstraction [Laughter] [Applause] but where did you place the handbag please miss Frizzle this is no this is a matter of no small importance to me I insist on knowing where you place that handbag what's railway station for a moment what do they wait here for me [Laughter] what do you think this means Lady Bracknell I dare not even suspect dr. transyl I need hardly tell you that in families of high position strange coincidences are not supposed to occur they are hardly considered as a thing [Music] while Jack seems strangely agitated you your guardian has a very emotional nature this noise extremely unpleasant it sounds as if he is having an argument I hate arguments of any kind but I'm always bolder and often convincing it just stops now mr. handbags examine it carefully before you speak the happiness of more than one life depends on your answer it seems to be mine yes the setting of a gala Street omnibus younger in happier days caused by the explosion of a beverage I forgotten that in an extravagant mood I'd have that placed there the bag is undoubtedly mine oh it is such a great great he convenience being without it all these years miss prism more is restored to you than just that hand 90 I was the baby you [Music] marry what I do not to die but that is a serious blow but then again who has a right to cast a stone against one who is suffering cannot resent its wipeout enacted folly why should there be one law for men and another for women there is the ladies who can tell you who you truly lady broch oh but I hate to seem inquisitive but would you kindly inform me who I am I'm afraid that the news I have to give you will not altogether please you you are the Sun my poor sister mrs. Moncrief and consequently elder Dawn's elder brother I always thought a brother especially how could you remember that I had a brother my brother where did wang puchen it promised you with more respect in the future you have never paved like a brother to me in all your life whereas also today old boy I admit I did try my best however though I was out of practice good heavens I quite forgotten the fact your decision on the subject of my name is irrevocable I suppose I never changed except in my affections what didn't go well nature you have to wonder illness at once aunt Augusta a moment at the time that Miss prism placed me in the handbag I even christened already every luxury that money could buy including christenings Peppa's lavished on you by your fond enduring palette then I was christened well that is settled now what name was I given lets me know the worst being the eldest son you are naturally christened after your father yes but what was my father's Christian name I could not at the present moment recall but the generals Christian name was but I have no doubt as he had once he was eccentric I admit but only in his later years and that was a result of Indian climate and marriage and indigestion and things of that kind how did you recollect what your father's Christian name was my dear boy I was never on speaking terms of the man he died before I was a year old his name would appear in the army list of the period I suppose all to Guster the general was essentially a man of peace except for in his domestic life but I have no doubt that his name but a pen in any military directory is the obvious to the last forty years these records should have been my constant study and Generals maximum malum Magli gossip exact mark be makes me mob more creepy 49 Christian names earnest John Logie Quentin in my name was Ernest let me it's after all I mean naturally it is Ernest yes I remember the journal was called Ernest I knew I had some particular reason for disliking the name [Music] Wendelin is a terrible thing for a man to find out that all of his life he's been speaking nothing but the truth on the contrary aunt Augusta for the first time in my life I realized the vital importance of being Ernest [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] you [Music] you