Transitioning as Parents of Adult Children

Introduction

• Speaker: Dr. Jim Burns, parenting expert and president of Homeward
• Focus: Transition from parenting children to parenting adult children
• Based on his book: "Doing Life With Your Adult Children"
• Importance of adapting to new roles as parents

Key Principles

Principle 1: Redefine Your Role

• You're Fired: Transition your role as a parent; you're not in control anymore.
• Reinvent Relationship: Focus on becoming a mentor and coach rather than a controller.
• Letting Go: Allow children the freedom to become adults, even if not acting like it.
• Grief in Change: Acknowledge the sense of loss as children move away.

Principle 2: Unsolicited Advice

• Advice as Criticism: Unsolicited advice is often seen as criticism.
• Experience Teaches: Allow children to learn from their experiences.
• Ask Permission: Seek permission before offering advice.

Principle 3: Understand Their Culture

• Study Their Culture: Understand millennial and Gen Z culture.
• Shaped by Technology: Recognize technology's role in their lives.
• Values and Beliefs: Be aware of differences in societal values, like tolerance and views on cohabitation.
• Enabling vs. Helping: Ensure you're fostering independence, not dependency.

Challenges and Solutions

When Adult Children Violate Values

• Can't Want It More: You can't desire their success more than they do.
• Tough Love: Allow them to face consequences of their actions.
• Avoid Being One-topic Parent: Broaden the relationship beyond disagreements.
• Unconditional Love: Continue to show love despite disagreements.

Handling Failures to Launch

• Land the Helicopter: Stop hovering and allow them to experience life.
• Encourage Responsibility: Let them bear consequences to learn discipline.

Dealing with Your Own Transition

• Find Joy in the Empty Nest: Engage in new activities and experiences.
• Build Legacies with Grandchildren: Spend quality time and impart values.

Conclusion

• Offer Respect-Based Relationships: Shift focus to respectful interaction with adult children.
• Support for Parents: Services like counseling available for those struggling with these transitions.
• Resources: Recommendation of Jim Burns' book for further guidance.

Final Thoughts

• Vision of Control and Respect: Letting go of control fosters better relationships with adult children.
• Support Available: Reach out for help and guidance when needed.