hello sagers 16 years together happy anniversary 2008 16 July I proposed to you yes of course it wasn't a very filmy one but uh I was thinking that you know 16 years ago like commitment today many people were wishing us happy anniversary and it felt like uh later they said like oh it's not a marriage anniversary you know so I wanted to ask you about this thing because for me my perception used to be like you propose if it is a yes it's like forever it's like for Life the commitment so uh marriage anniversary actually is like the second SEC on second number you can say in the priority list but this is our important day yeah it's I think one of the most important days especially changed my and your life forever uh I was I think I was just 18 years old uh at that point uh and uh guilty for that well not guilty I think in general you were 21 I was 18 and I didn't know actually anything about a relationship it was my first relationship and uh here I am still with you so the relationship is uh going strong uh still uh but I think at that point uh when you proposed to me I did not understand what exactly commitment meant or what exactly are the roles of a boyfriend you know what exactly should a boyfriend be doing I I later realized that actually a boyfriend uh should regularly call the girlfriend and if they are in a long distance relationship yeah and and you know this created a lot of problems between us because back then calling was very expensive yeah and who would call and I think you found out some plans so that we could call each other at um at least a limited cost yeah Tata that time a new one in fact I think I was the one of the latest last I think it were the last one to keep that do number till 2022 I think I had uh Tata doomo and yeah I think overall I didn't understand what relationship meant and it created a lot of issues for me personally uh because there was I mean when there a mismatch between two people like for you it was clear what a boyfriend or a girlfriend meant so you knew that exactly and I should have also known it but for me it was like the profession comes first or at that point I was a chess player and a student so that was very important and this was just something like fun you know like uh like that for me so so I guess you were at a different commitment level I was more like okay great you know I like am and now she's my girlfriend cool thing you know for an 18yearold boy I know but one of the question is so I think uh whatever you said a few things come up one is that why uh in our society maybe is it like that that profession and you know when you have a girlfriend it's like this thought this separate thought so this is one thing which I would like to ask and and um another one is I also sometimes wonder because you were 18 and at 18 girlfriend boyfriend or you know being in love or you you kind of see some relationships so for you it was a first relationship as well as it was something where maybe you were the first one in your group to have get into a relationship so sometimes we learn from other people's relationships right I think that way I think I was not the first one because when I was in school I saw my friends being in a Rel relationship but it was always made fun of uh it was never thought that this could add something positive in the life of people also because the approach to relationships was very when you were young especially yeah when I was maybe 14 15 16 and you know you have these uh flings in the school where two people come together and then everyone makes fun of them everyone's talking about them and I think that really played a role for for me and that made me feel like maybe um this really impacts like I I think someone got into a relationship and they were very good at uh studies and then they started dropping a bit and then I started so all these little relationship yes all these little things played a role and also I think your uh environment plays a big role for example uh how how has been your family's uh experience were there love marriages in your family or were there arranged marriages and I think this plays a big role as well I think you come from a family where uh your parents had a love marriage while I come from a family that had arranged marriage so that was also a difference of uh maybe thought process culture and so on that's true so but but uh we can talk about that but in general so commitment for me it meant like forever commitment and that's why even today this day uh marriage certificate I feel doesn't change much it's just a paper in the sense and you start living together yeah sure but uh the level of commitment if a paper has to change I don't connect with it you know yeah you used to say all this even before I think when we got married and I used to just put it on the side saying that maybe she's just talking uh some nonsense things yeah and but now I I get your point and I think uh the the paper is just meant for the society as such uh while for us maybe it's more important that the feeling of uh love remains between the two couple and I think the most important it's a question like can you really just because there is a paper you sign on it can you start loving somebody more which means that were you not loving them in enough yes no I think the argument which people do give uh for marriage is that it helps in the present sort of setup that we have like for example if things don't work out or if there are certain things that so there is all that I agree in the court of law the marriage uh legal perspectives I understand but what I mean to say is if we talk only about a moral value or a moral perspective or even just love in its true sense then then we do we agree uh between each other that AER a paper cannot change that feeling for each other no definitely not but I think for for for people it does uh because there a doesn't matter they can think what they want you know for me it did change after marriage uh but now it feels no longer connected to that way but I think when I got married in 2014 uh immediately after marriage if you remember things became much easier for us we could stay together we could travel together we could go to tournaments together we like the best roommates ever yeah we could we could actually play some amazing uh circuits in Europe where we played like first 2014 the moment we got married we I think we got married in Feb in June we went to Spain and we played Four back-to-back events and then a few th one in Germany then we went to ches B's office it was some 62 let's not go so far yeah 62 days together and uh I think that was a very nice thing because of marriage we could do which I think in hindsight in hindsite at the end Society we could have we could have done it even without marrying each other but I don't think I was confident that fine we can we marry and marriage is beautiful but what I mean to say is marriage cannot be the factor where the commitment level changes the commitment it's more like commitment level is the same M and there is a marriage you know that adds to some new things to it yeah that way yeah I think commitment first we have to understand what does it mean for what does commitment mean for you yes uh commitment is not like a principle not like a you know a force not like anything which just needs to be there in a way where uh you feel guilty about something wrong if you do wrong it's more which comes from within it means that you feel that love from within where you feel like so for the thought in my mind was I love uh I definitely love the right person there a right guy out there you know you were a perfect man for me and I knew that you whether things work out between us or they don't it's possible it could go in any direction but I've not loved a wrong person you know sometimes you know there are wrong people in your life you know that that this the the whole intention of the relationship doesn't fall in the place but when you know that you know you both are want to try your best to make it work you both want to give it your best that's a little different that is the commitment then nothing like it's not like sh Things become different or it's not like um you want to keep on you know hold on to something hold yourself back sh you know you kind of have that fear you kind of separate that it's like day one the commitment and today after 16 years the commitment you you don't feel anything separate as a commit on a level of commitment yeah think I can verbalize it in words because I am incapable and that's my one of the biggest problem to verbalize in words maybe what you are saying is commitment means you have the feeling which is special for one person and not for others so perhaps that that special feeling remains for yours for one person now I would say that uh for lives and for whatever existence it is wherever science goes it is just yes just a feeling for you like that's all I know like it it it it brings Bliss it brings um it is that's the thrill of it I I will never be able to explain 100% uh what exactly it means but that is you just feel it and it just directs you in that way yeah I also feel like m maybe it's also a lot to do with uh the culture that we are in and I think uh why would you say that there's only one person that you should feel this for and not for many is also a question that needs to be thought of uh while it's very common yes like everyone thinks this way that there should be one person one special person thinking is there acting is not there uh if you see in general there is a lot of um yeah this is another topic I would not like to get into it right now maybe at some point because uh I think today is a great day it's a positive conversation and yes but I mean about Commitment if you talk about commitment then uh maybe if you are talking about that feeling that starts on day one for some couple and that remains sort of till the very end correct that zing in the relationship or that newness that freshness and you never regret you never regret the feeling of why I'm in love with this person true you know I think I I personally have reached this point where I have uh I'm at complete peace with this relationship with you being in my life but I'm sure that when I started the relationship there were moments and unlik factors unlike you uh I had certain uh doubts at various points and I used to think like uh is this is this the relationship that I want to be in or is this where I want to be not because I found any other girl or something but it was just because there was a lot of pressure from all around also career I think was very important factor you were doing CA you loved chess uh you came from a background and I think in general over a period of 16 years we both have learned one thing that at different phases one of us was there strongly you know wanting it to work because of which we are over here because of which we survived at some point it was you at some point it was me and uh yes uh when it began uh I just I think majorly you more than me uh at least in the before marriage and I think uh what I feel exactly for a relationship is that it does not have to be very perfect or anything it just has to be to people who kind of care for each other uh and they are living together and they're ready to evolve for each other I think that's the most important uh point that I would say in a relationship because you you fall in love for certain reasons with someone and then you evolve as a person as as life goes on as things happen to you as experience about and then the problem is that many times both people don't evolve together someone is stuck in the past someone is stuck in certain things and I think that really does a disservice to the relationship I I think if both people keep evolving and are open to sort of changing themselves then relationships will flourish no oh yes I mean you would really uh if you believe believe in love then I don't think you would ever land up in a situation where it's not working out because two people want to make it work out or majorly one person is rigid uh or you know basically at that moment you don't want to change something which if at all it's creating a problem in the relationship and you're not ready to understand to think Beyond uh logic and have a name of being together because there is Beauty in being together you know not because what the society will think if we are not together that can never be the reason and uh I think it's it's been a beautiful Journey with you because um I think I in general have been a have been very extremist like I have been extremely rigid in many things and uh I have been extremely flexible in very few things I would say so for me it was very important to evolve through my rigidity and you have been extremely flexible person and I don't if I imagine myself being with another rigid person I don't think uh in my life I would have been able to evolve uh this much because yeah it really is very important uh to have such a kind of person in life and I want to thank you for being in my life 16 years and it's just uh I don't think I I think our journey has began um before big bang no I I have the same feeling for you as well I I feel like this relationship has helped me evolve as a person has made me uh see things within me which I would have otherwise not seen uh I'm sure life would have gone in some other direction but this Direction with you has been wonderful and so a big thank you to you uh and I think uh this is a good start to our podcast absolutely one of the most important thing for me was that after I get married you know my husband can never tell me not to play chess or not to go to a tournament like I I just knew that this is something I won't be able to tolerate right so thank you you stopped playing chess on your own I swear I never you never imagine where life will take you until I was going to play chess like yeah you you were in love with chess actually this is something maybe we can discuss in the next episodes where what happened like for you chess was everything you enjoyed playing chess and then now you feel like not not playing tournaments you are still connected to chess you commentate you uh work at chess base India you do stuff related to chess but when it comes to playing on the board you're like no I you know when we have started this podcast one question I'm going to leave because uh at the end of it if at all you know anybody sees it to get their perspective because we many times it can be a deep topic like one topic and we go deep into it or sometimes we hop and generally we have so much that I am a person who can just hop from one subject to another subject but I can also you know talk about one subject very deeply so how should it be I'm not sure as a people can let us know in the comments what this should be we should also have a title to our podcast uh something which is interesting maybe yeah it will evolve for now I think it's good enough uh we should we should stop it we have this by the way beautiful mics yeah this was all for the mic testing so see you but we kept talking bye-bye