William Yuri and Roger fiser are the founders of the Harvard negotiation project they've written a book together titled getting to yes I recently read the book and want to share with you the key lessons according to the book negotiation isn't about splitting things 50/50 or insisting on your way or my way it is definitely not about winning or losing if you're asking who is winning you've already lost so what is a negotiation about then let me give you a few examples and you'll see two men argue in a library one wants the window open for fresh air the other wants it closed to avoid the wind blowing his papers so what do you do do you leave it half open a bit open or closed the librarian listens to both and then goes and opens the window in another room bringing in fresh air without disturbing the papers this leaves both sides happy another example two people want to share a cake but can't agree on how to divide it fairly regardless of how you cut it they will both complain that the other side got a bigger piece so what do you do well you ask one person to Cut the Cake and the other chooses first since the person cutting knows that the other side picks first he will split it evenly to avoid getting a smaller piece one last example two kids argue over an orange the parent takes the knife cuts the orange 50/50 and gives each kid half one kid eats the fruit and throws away the peel while while the other uses the peel to bake a cake and throws the fruit into the trash if the parent had asked why they wanted the orange both kids could have gotten 100% of what they wanted but they only got 50% as you can see from these examples negotiation is about finding a solution that leaves both sides happy without hurting the relationship so how do you do it how do you find those wise and practical Solutions like the ones we just saw here's a four-step framework that will make you a M negotiator step number one focus on interests not positions remember the story about the two men arguing over a window in the library it illustrates a common problem in negotiations where people focus too much on their positions instead of arguing about positions shift your focus to interests the benefits of focusing on interests are obvious but doing it can be hard positions are clear and specific interests might be hidden or vague so how do you find the interests of the other side simply ask why why do they want what they want try to see things from their point of view once you discover their underlying interests talk about them openly people listen better if they feel understood they think those who understand them are smart and kind if you want them to listen to your interests start by showing you care and understand theirs of course you need to communicate your interests as well the other side might might not know them to turn your interests into real options ask yourself if they agree with me tomorrow what do I want them to do step number two use Fair standards no matter how well you understand what the other side wants conflicts will always pop up you want lower rent but your landlord wants it higher instead of arguing back and forth use objective criteria to decide recall the cake example when two men couldn't share a cake having one man divide it and the other choose first is based on a fair standard objective criteria are unbiased rules that don't depend on personal opinions examples of this can be market prices legal requirements expert opinion or Fair standards that you both agree on in negotiation often people resist agreeing because they feel like you're demanding it but if you say let's check the rules or regulations it shifts Focus from what you want to what the rules say suddenly it's not you demanding it but the rules for example if your house Construction contract doesn't specify How deep the foundations should be and the contractor suggests 2 feet while you think 5T is the standard don't just compromise instead say look Maybe I'm Wrong maybe 2 ft is enough does the government have standard specifications for these soil conditions what is the earthquake risk here where do you suggest we look for standard to resolve this question here is how you can apply this principle effectively before you start figure out some Fair standards together with the other side for example say you want a high price and I want a low one let's figure out what a fair price would be what standards should we use by focusing on Fair standards you can turn a clash of interests into a shared goal step number three invent options for Mutual gain recall the example of the kids fighting over an orange instead of splitting at 50/50 they could have found a way for both to get 100% of what they wanted this scenario highlights the importance of inventing options for Mutual gain in negotiations so how do you invent Creative Solutions then here's how simply get together with your side or with the other side and brainstorm about all the possible solutions let the ideas flow freely don't judge or pick any of the ideas in the first stage separate the brainstorming from the collection session for brainstorming choose a few participants change the environment design an informal atmosphere Define the purpose after brainstorming start with the most promising ideas then discuss ways to improve them people often assume differences in negotiation create problems yet these differences can lead to Solutions remember the orange example A wise solution was possible because each side wanted different parts of the Orange it's absurd to think your differences lead to the problem it's actually the differences that lead to Creative Solutions step number four separate the people from the problem before starting a negotiation visualize a vertical line splitting a person down the middle on one side is the person and on the other side is the problem always put the person first and the problem second negotiators are people first your goal in negotiation is to soft on the person but hard on the problem often we are soft on the person so we end up being soft on the problem as well and we don't get what we want or we're hard on the problem but also end up being hard on the person damaging the relationship be soft on the person compliment whenever you can and appreciate the effort at every negotiation stage ask yourself am I paying enough attention to the people problem people have different viewpoints they're egos are easily threatened they see the world from their perspective often confusing their perceptions with reality they frequently misinterpret your words and fail to communicate their true intentions remember you must deal not only with their problems but also with your own your anger and frustration can block agreement as well your perceptions may be one-sided and you might not be listening or communicating effectively one of the best ways to prevent people problems is by building a relationship with the other side before the negotiation starts negotiating with someone you know is easier than with a stranger so arrive early to chat and stay a bit afterward get to know their likes and dislikes these informal interactions make future negotiations a lot easier multiple studies show that simply getting to know the other side increases the success rate by 25 to 30% okay now you might say all these four steps sound fair and nice but what if the other side isn't playing by Fair rules what if they use dirty tactics what if they are more powerful or what if they attack me personally here's how to deal with each of these situations let's start with dirty tactics people lie and use various pressure tactics recognizing these tricks often neutralizes them mention it directly Joe it seems like you and Ted are playing good cop and bad cop if you need a break to get on the same page just ask mentioning the tactic makes it less effective and may make the other side worry about losing you just raising a question can be enough to end it however be careful avoid personal attacks focus on the problem not the person instead of saying you put me facing the sun deliberately say the sun of my eyes is distracting can we adjust the schedule and meet later I can't concentrate like this what if they are more powerful if the other side has big guns don't turn the negotiation into a gunfight the best thing you can do is to develop your batna best alternative to a negotiated agreement think how you would feel walking into a job interview with no other offers think how difficult the salary negotiation would go now contrast that with how you would feel walking into an interview with two other job offers the difference is power the more easily you can walk away from negotiation the greater your power developing your batna not only enables you to determine what a minimally acceptable agreement is it will probably raise that minimum always develop your Batum before negotiating don't say let's negotiate first and see what happens without batna you're negotiating blindly what if they attack you personally when they attack you instead of the problem things get tough you want a fair solution but they tear down your ideas it's natural to defend yourself but that leads nowhere you push they push back and soon you're stuck so what do you do use negotiation Jujitsu sidestep their attacks here's how one look behind their position when they say what they want don't just say yes or no ask why they want it understand what is really important to them two if they keep rejecting anything you say then ask for their advice if you were me what would you do they will put themselves in your shoes and give you the solutions three invite criticism instead of Defending Your Ideas ask them what's wrong with them this will help you learn about their interests I would like to conclude this video with a great story that explains what negotiation truly is in 1964 an American father and his 12-year-old son were playing frisbee in Hy Park London few people in England had seen a frisbee before so a small crowd gathered after a while a man approached and asked sorry to bother you I've been watching you for 15 minutes who's winning in negotiations asking who's winning is like asking that in a marriage if you're focused on winning you've missed the point the real goal is working together and finding a solution that satisfies both sides interests I hope this was a useful video thanks for watching thing