40 Things I Know at 40 That I Wish I Knew at 20

1. Relationship with Yourself Reflects on Others

• Treat yourself well to attract respect from others.
• Poor self-treatment leads to tolerating poor treatment from others.

2. Actions Earn Self-Respect

• Feel better by doing worthwhile things.
• Respect is earned, not given.

3. The Only Failure Is Not Trying

• Failure exists only in not attempting.
• Success and failure are mental constructs, blurred after action.

4. Self-Sufficiency

• No one and nothing will solve all your problems.
• Feeling mildly inadequate is normal.

5. Be the Partner You Want

• Be healthy, fit, loyal, and trustworthy to attract similar traits in a partner.
• Ask yourself if you would date yourself.

6. Value of Compounding

• Health, wealth, knowledge, confidence, and relationships compound over time.
• Start building early for long-term benefits.

7. Diminishing Returns

• Exciting activities (social media, casual sex, drugs, etc.) lose value over time.
• First experiences are often the most impactful.

8. Focus on What Matters

• Turn down exciting things to focus on meaningful priorities.
• Prioritize correctly to achieve focus.

9. Responsibility Reduces Suffering

• Taking responsibility empowers action on pain.
• Avoiding responsibility prolongs suffering.

10. Blame Gives Away Power

• Blaming others gives them control over your happiness.
• Retain power by not blaming others.

11. Don’t Proclaim, Just Be

• True confidence, intelligence, and wealth don't need proclamation.
• Represent qualities through actions, not words.

12. Action Motivates

• Motivation follows action, not the other way around.
• Start with small actions to build momentum.

13. Commitment Creates Love

• Commitment fosters a perfect relationship, not vice versa.
• Love grows from the act of committing.

14. Passion Through Competence

• Passion follows doing something well.
• Competency breeds passion.

15. Everything Comes with Sacrifice

• Good experiences have inherent negatives (e.g., marriage involves fights).
• Enjoyment and pain are linked.

16. Meaningful Stress

• A happy life involves meaningful stress, not an absence of stress.

17. Exercise as an Investment

• Exercise to gain long-term energy, not as a trade for indulgences.
• Consistent small workouts are better than intense sporadic efforts.

18. Trust People

• Most people are good, and trust is better than constant skepticism.

19. Life Is Replete with Problems

• Problems evolve rather than disappear.
• Solutions generate new, better problems.

20. Growth Involves Pain

• Growth includes loss and grieving of the old self.
• Embrace the discomfort of change.

21. Reject Being Normal

• The average person is unhealthy, anxious, lonely, and in debt.

22. Ability to Say No

• Saying no defines your identity.
• Accepting everything means losing self-definition.

23. Loosely Define Yourself

• Fixed identities are self-imposed prisons.
• Be flexible and open to change.

24. Avoid Assumptions

• People's and your own circumstances are often misunderstood.
• Everyone’s experiences are unique.

25. People Think Less About You

• Others are preoccupied with themselves, not you.
• This realization is liberating.

26. Confidence in Failure

• Confidence comes from being comfortable with failure, not avoiding it.
• Avoiding failure is narcissistic.

27. Accept Being Disliked

• Necessary for doing what needs to be done.
• Impact often comes with opposition.

28. Public Perception

• Expect some to see you as a joke while others see you as life-changing.
• Hate is proportional to impact.

29. Daily Health Habits

• Floss and wear sunscreen daily.
• These small actions have long-term benefits.

30. Power of Ordinary Actions

• Extraordinary results come from consistent, ordinary actions over time.
• “Overnight success” hides years of effort.

31. Holistic Partner Choice

• Partner is more than romantic; they become your confidant, advisor, and more.
• Choose wisely.

32. Love Is an Amplifier

• Love enhances both good and bad in relationships.
• It is not a solution to problems.

33. Trust and Integrity

• Trust forms the foundation of relationships.
• Honesty builds long-term happiness.

34. Common Relationship Issues

• Recurring problems in all relationships indicate you might be the problem.

35. Emotional Use

• Emotions are not inherently bad; responses to them can be.
• Channel emotions constructively.

36. Embrace Mornings

• Morning routines have positive impacts.

37. No Need to Prove

• You don’t need to prove anything to anyone, including yourself.

38. Life Advice

• Try advice like clothing; discard what doesn’t fit.
• Good advice lasts, bad advice doesn’t.

39. Meaning in Struggle

• Meaningful things require effort and struggle.
• Enjoyment comes from the effort.

40. It’s Never Too Late to Change

• Age is not a barrier to starting something new.
• There is always time to change, stop making excuses.

Bonus: Meditation Benefits

• Meditation improves mental well-being.
• Apps like Headspace offer guided meditations to develop the habit.