What's the scariest plant in the forest? What? Bam-BOOM!
Is that like racial because I'm Asian and-You h- Oh sorry, sorry. Scissors, paper, rock, who goes first? Sure. Alright, scissors, paper, rock.
So I go first? Yeah. Okay. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meat. Good joke.
So Alan, what's blue and not very heavy? I don't know. Light blue.
Oh, oh. Is this tequila? Yeah.
I think I'm allergic to tequila. Are you? It's fine, it's fine.
What? What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI?
Sorry. I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.
A guy walks into a British curry shop and he says, can I have one chicken korma? And the guy behind the counter says, korma raitaup. Oh. Cool.
Hmm. Fuck no. What's the scariest plant in the forest? What? Bam-BOOM!
Is that like racial because I'm Asian and- My granddad couldn't make it to Christmas dinner this year. He couldn't make it due to COVID complications. Was that a joke?
Nah, just my diary. What? Fuck. Okay. Why could...
Sorry. I just want to be like a good audience here. Look. My boyfriend dumped me so I stole his wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Oh my god. I feel like that was a laugh. I'm gonna drink this.
Um. Oh fuck. I'm winning?
Yes. Shut up. Do you think if something bad happens to a Buddhist, a Buddhist goes, ah, Buddha, coulda, woulda.
God, so dumb. So dumb. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many?
None. They all just sit in the dark and cry. Oh. Why didn't my parents get each other a Valentine's gift this year? Why?
Because they were both victims of the Robodebt scheme. Nothing? That's topical.
Fuck this. That's a good joke and the people at home will get that joke because that's a good joke. It's fucking bullshit. My sister thinks she's so smart.
She said that onions are the only food that make you cry. So I threw a coconut at her. My dad works at a chip shop.
Yeah, a microchip shop. He works at Pfizer. That's a good joke. Yeah, I know. Thanks.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember there are no speed bumps. Makes me sad. Because they died.
The children died. Yeah, I am a comedian. My comedy's been doing really well.
In fact, I was recently rated as one to watch by the New South Wales Police. Nothing? I was raised an only child, which I think was really hard for my sister. Alright, yeah. I think I'm having a reaction.
Are you okay? No, it's fine. Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the Nobel Prize! That's good. It's not bad. I like it. It's pretty good and I feel pretty sick.
My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially because his name is Steve. That's just rude.
That's just, uh... Can you see the Asian flush yet? No, you're good. I feel bad.
Sorry, did I fuck up the mic? Yeah. Yeah. You're good. I'm good.
You got this. Oh, thank you. You're so supportive. Nah, it's all good, man.
What kind of music do balloons like? Pop music. Good.
Ah, yeah. Someone should pop a gun in my face. Okay.
God! I wrote a song about a tortilla but it was more of a rap. You want to laugh? I do.
God damn it, I want to laugh too. Why do hamburgers go dancing? Sorry. What?
Fuck that up eh? Fuck I'm so hot can I take my shirt off? I'm sorry I'm so hot Is that okay?
Did I fuck up the sound? Did I lose? Oh I won? You're making off and telling a joke I'll take, I'll take, I'll hold it and then I'll Alright But still going or no another one, oh, so I'm so so I'm sorry Where do you go hat where do hamburgers go dancing a meatball? That was Oh.
Got it. Very good. My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her.
We just found out my grandpa is now addicted to Viagra. No one's taking it harder than me. It's not even funny. I think it's just a combination of everything. Yeah, okay.
Alright, I gotta go. Well done. Bye.
There's going to be a one-time. OK. All right. There we go.
Can I just say thanks for doing this with me? No, thank you. Should we? Oh, sorry.
OK. Sorry. All right, hit me.