today we're reflecting on our journey as men today's society most people the man gets a bad rap one thing that I've had to improve on is learning how to have conversations the right way listen to understand not to reply all my conversations need to be filled with me controlling my emotions one of the things that I've improved as a man getting clear on my vision and being Purpose Driven because if you have Vision you have Clarity on where you're trying to go and guys taking action is important but if you're taking action into the dark you may perish and one of the things that I've improved and grown as a man is respecting myself if you are not doing what you got to do to take care of your body it's no way you can say you respect yourself you feel good you play good you play good you get paid good we are talking about all of the things that we've had to do to improve as men this is going to be a real raw authentic conversation let's get exposed welcome to another edition of the Expose and expand podcast show I'm the man with the plan Jeremy Mattis I'm Joshua I'm going to give you the game mat and welcome to another edition of the Expos and expand podcast show where we expose you to the ideas the strategies the struggles the failures the people and the experiences that have gotten us from zero to Millions one of the things that we truly believe is your experiences and conversations with other people can give you permission to do things in your life and in today's conversation me and Josh are going to give people a lot of permission to start thinking for themselves to become the person that they need to become to remove all of the excuses from their lives to be the person that you're supposed to be today we're reflecting on our journey as men at the time this episode airs we're going to be 33 we're looking back all the way up to the time we was 18 and we're taking and we're talking about that in today's episode we are we are talking about all of the things that we've had to do to improve as men this is going to be a real raw authentic conversation let's get exposed and guys as always man we greatly appreciate your support So if you're watching on YouTube hit that subscribe button be sure to leave us a comment and if you're listening on any of the podcast players please hit that follow button and leave us a fivestar review We greatly appreciate it yes sir so let's get let's get in right into it yeah I I I think too it's just like like you said how we've improved as men and uh this convers I think the ladies will be able to walk away with some value from this convo but this conversation is geared towards men we're talking to men today and the things that we've grown as men and and and during our production Mee and when we was talking about this um this is something that I I really really wanted us to I guess take a deep dive into because in today's society most people um the the man gets a bad rap the man gets a bad rap oh the man is not doing what he's supposed to do he's not a father in the house he's not this he's not that so this is a conversation that I'm excited for for so for you what is like the first thing that you even before so Josh said this conversation we're talking to the men yes we're talking to the men but I also now we talking to everybody because part of what I think Society is went left and Men is not not men not being men is because women sometimes accept some of the BS so for me when I in the intro I wanted to help people understand that today we are going to really reflect on our journey and get people permission to either stop accepting be yes and becoming better or really ask themselves questions about how have I gotten better as an adult how how have I gotten better in all aspects of my life and just being real with each other so I want to make sure everybody understands that this is a conversation for everyone today to just really reflect on how you become better but like said Josh said we just really focus on manhood but one as I reflected on my life one thing that I've had to improve on is learning how to have conversations the right way meaning learn learning to listen to understand and not to reply learning to control my emotions and not raise my voice learning to really know how to have a conversation and be able to take what somebody says reflect on it and then in an articulate manner have a rebuttal or have a response being able to have a conversation with somebody and they say something that I don't agree with and without raising my temper without flaring up without being enraged because oh this person doesn't agree with me so I've had to learn that as a man that everything all my conversations needs to be filled with understanding all my conversations need to be filled with me controlling my emotions so that was one of the top that was one of the things that I've had to improve on as a man from the time I was 18 to where I'm at right now what what is what at what point did you realize that that's something that you needed to improve on I started to realize it in my early 20s when people was always like people close to me would always ask me like man you always raise your voice you always um you I'm sorry you always raise your voice and as I got as I've gotten older one of the things I wanted to improve on was my communication I understand that communication is key in life like key in all areas of your life so for me I started to realize nobody ain't going to listen to me because I rais my voice or or increase my my tone I need to be able to have productive conversations that'll be beneficial to the person that I'm speaking with so at year after year from the time I would say I was like from 23 all the way up until 30 I really that's something that I had to work on really really hard so for the person that's listening and they're struggling with the same thing how do they improve in that area how do they improve with their Communication number one it starts with awareness I think you got to be aware I was aware that every time I had a conversation I was I was raising my voice and I it was coming with with a lot of anger so I was aware of that that's the first thing after you are aware of it I think you have to start asking yourself and challenging yourself in those moments that is happening to go in the opposite direction so for me as opposed to raising my voice let me just take a deep breath but also doing some therapy as we've talked about in previous episodes for me it really started with the awareness and then going to therapy to understand where that anger was coming from how to control it how to cage it in and just every time I'm having conversation exercise the muscle because it had became a bad habit of just raising my voice all the time and just talking with so much emotion that I had to really rewire my brain and really start to rework that habit to a habit of let me be calm let me have a mellow conversation a typical normal conversation no that that was good and and like you said guys it's the awareness but then also the intention the awareness of hey here's the issue but then the intention to say on a daily basis I'm going to change this habit I'm going to improve this habit so for you guys that are struggling with something again get aware about it and then be intentional every day with it so before you continue that was great how you just pulled out those two things with awareness and then being intentional because the biggest thing that I didn't even think about that yes I was intentional and wanting to fix my problem I wasn't just making an excuse oh this happened and this happened when I was a kid and this and this and this I took accountability for my actions and I and I put some intentionality behind it saying you know what I want to fix this so who whoever is out there stop making excuses and put some attention behind the things that you want to improve and grow on so my guy what's the one thing that you've had the first thing one of the things that I've improved on as a man um is getting clear on my vision and being Purpose Driven and the Bible tells us that the uh people will perish without vision and for me I understand how powerful and important it is to have to be a man that has vision and to be purpose-- driven because if you have Vision you have Clarity on where you're trying to go if there's purpose behind what it is that you're doing that's going to drive you and that's going to fuel you right so many men are not clear there's no Clarity on their vision and then they don't have purpose so that's why they're not living the life that they deserve that's why they're not living the life or they're not living up to the standard of which they know they're supposed to be living so how did you start like how did you become aware of that of knowing that I needed to be have Clarity and vision because my life wasn't changing it was the same thing over and over and as I sat down and I reflected and I asked myself like why is my life not changing why am I not making more money and then it it bore you down to those two things I wasn't clear on what it is I was after I was just getting up and just taking action and guys taking action is important but if you're taking action into the dark if you're taking action into the blind there is no Clear Vision or plan behind it you may perish so for me that's what I experienced in my life but as we've mentioned on several episodes you and I have not only got better in Vision planning and vision casting in our business but also in our personal life as well so now I know what I want my life to look like in every area of my life I'm clear on what that vision is but then two I'm getting more clearer on the purpose of why God has me here on this earth and the way that that's happening is just spending time in prayer spending time with him and then also understanding that um he you know he's in control of everything so these things are happening in my life because it's a part of the purpose um that he's that he set for my life got you so you said you got tired of living the same life and think wasn't changing and that's when you realize you had it to you had to get clear you had to start meditating and having conversations with God and talking about purpose all help help somebody understand what does it look like to gain Clarity in their life what is that look like for you to gain Clarity you said I got tired of just going in the same direction and then I eventually got Clarity what is that look like how did you get clarity in your life is it help me understand that process is it going in the dark room and just sitting down and journaling for just just getting Clarity one for me it just starts with God and just really allowing him to set the foundation and set the path of where I should go so it's sitting down and listening and and and I as somebody sent me this a while ago and they and they said sometimes you being still is more powerful than you taking action so I had to sit still and allow God to reveal things in my life so through prayer and through fasting one that has allowed the vision to become clear but then two when you sit down and you think about the things that you want your life to look like right sit down and audit those like audit your life and what do you want okay what do I want my business to look like what do I want my family to look like what do I want my personal life to look like what do I want my finances to look like most people don't even sit down and think about those things most people don't know what they want in any area of their life so if you don't know what what it is that you're want you're just shooting in the dark but once there's Clarity once you sit down and you say hey this is what I want my life to look like and it's clear you have something that's going to drive you every day I like that be still be there is there is so much power in being still and and and and what and I'm sorry I lost my train of thought but yes be be still I like that I think because a lot of people we we just take action take action yes guys taking action is super key and super important but sometimes you have to be still and allow things to just take place the way that they're supposed to and then also understanding that the dots may not connect in the future while you're looking into the future but the dots May connect when you look into the past because I look at our life and the things that we've been through the things that we've experienced the things that we saw and when we were going through those tough times when we was going through having you know losing family members we didn't understand why those things were happening or why they happened but as we progress through life as we got older and we got mature and we start you know getting exposed we started to understand why those things was why those things um happen yeah so what I the train of thought that I lost was when you said be still and there's power in being still because when you like you said when you were still you able to gain Clarity Brandon bashard is an is a high performance Coach and he's somebody that studies High performers and he wrote a book called high performance habits and he said man I've studied thousands of millionaires some billionaires and I noticed that they all had these six key habits and the first habit that he said that everyone had was Clarity was Clarity and that was a that that was a breakthrough for me because like J said when you have Clarity you know where you're going you know why you're doing what you're doing every day and you're able to make adjustments when you know where you're going and you know the direction you're going in you're able to make adjustments if you don't know where you're going you can't make no adjustments and you like you said you just in that hamster wheel you keep going and doing the same thing over and over and over but when you have Clarity that's not that's not the case so good good first point my second thing that I've had to improve on as a man since I turned 18 was not needing and seeking validation not needing and seeking validation I've done a lot of therapy and through therapy I've realized that part of why I used to seek validation was just from childhood traumas and I'm so thankful to my wife asle because this happened before we got married this happened early on in our relationship we was at the movies and we had saw one of her friends and it it turned into a double date because they sat close they sat right next to us and it just happened sporadically it didn't happen that's why I just believe everything happens for a reason so we watched the movie something happens in the movie and I said I made a dumb comment like somebody phone went off and I made a dumb comment and you and Ash knowing me she saw that I was It was a comment that I was trying to seek validation from her friends I I never met them I just wanted to be cool so the movie's over we walking back we walk into the car with them we having a conversation I I just made more com more more comments that was showing that I needed that validation we got in the car and asked and I L why I love her she challenged me she was like why you said some of the stuff you said I'm like what you mean she was like you just everything you said was you was trying to get their validation I just don't understand saying why I don't get it and at the moment old germ I'm getting upset I'm talking I'm raising my voice and she just she she was like you know what don't even worry about the germ and and I missed that moment to grow but luckily I went back and I reflected on it and I started to realize like dang I do seek a lot of validation so thank you for helping me understand that Ash and the reason why I wanted to tell that story is because you need people in your life that challenge you but for for me as far as seeking the validation I had to improve that because once once you do that you start living your life for other people and I got tired of living my life for other people as opposed to living for germ and what doing what germ wants to do as and not trying to make someone else happy so that's the second thing that I've had to improve not seeking validation what do you think that cuz I think that's something that a lot of people struggle with so why do you think that people seek validation from other people and how do you overcome it we've said this before in another episode as far as seeking validation it's just the world that we're raised in our parents subconsciously they they make us think about it oh don't wear that the school what are your friends going to think about you oh don't do this what are your friends going to think about you they're training you subconsciously to start thinking about having a thinking what other people think of them other people's perception of them is so important so number one it starts sometimes with our parents when they're telling us oh don't go out the house looking like that the world GNA think about you a certain way and then it's also I think part of it is just sometimes the culture that we're in everyone wants to be like everyone wants to be adored nobody wants to be the bad guy nobody wants to be a villain so you're seeing that especially now with social media it's becoming more out there more prevalent of being accepted so living growing up and your parents are telling you to seek validation I Allah hey what you going if you think about what your friends going to say and then you seeing it in society you you it becomes ingrained in you so I think that's how we start to seek validation as far as how we overcome it it's again it goes back to what I said you got to be aware Ash in that story she made me aware she when she challenged me on why I'm seeking it and I reflected on it and I realized it was true and then for me I just really started to do part of it was me doing affirmations I'm that guy I don't seek validation I start telling myself I don't do that then going to therapy understanding why I was seeking validation is because I had holes in my shoes in the second grade and I ain't want to get rank I ain't want no boys to f i a want no boys take off on me so it's just those things that are mixed together but now I've been set free and I live for myself and my family only no that's great man that's that is that's really good point so my next Point um and one of the things that I've I've improved and grown as a man is respecting myself respecting myself the same respect that I want from other people is I have have to give that respect to myself understanding that everyone doesn't deserve my time and attention understanding that I am him I am that guy and living in that as well because it it goes into a little bit of what you were saying but understanding that I got to respect me most men don't respect themselves and they wonder why they don't live the life that they want to live they wonder why other people don't respect them because they're you're not treating you're not respecting yourself so if you don't respect yourself other people won't give me give me example or two of how men in don't don't don't respect themselves one is just just they um where they're giving their time and the things that they're giving their time and attention to because the things that you're looking at the things that you're putting in your head are the things that are in your subconscious mind and sometimes those things come to fruition so respecting myself meaning that I have to you know let me give you another way to look at it how do I respecting myself how do I talk to myself how do I treat myself most people have so much negative selft talk and they wonder why they can't move forward they wonder why they can't um achieve the goals and the dreams that they s they set for themselves but you're always constantly NE talking negatively to yourself and then because you talk negatively to yourself you think it's okay and then you allow other people to do it for other people to do it to you and then before you know it your confidence is low you're not you're not doing the things that you want to do you're not making the money that you want to make so yeah that's really good points really really good points as far as respecting yourself you because again like before like I would just allow anybody to control my time and my calendar that's not respecting myself right and then because I wasn't respecting myself because I wasn't in control it it it led to a life of turmoil I I mean I don't want to say turmoil that's a a really aggressive word to use but it led to a life where I felt like I wasn't inol of my life other people was in control of my life not me so when you start respecting yourself those things change what was that turning point for you was like man I'm to I'm I'm him and I'm going to show him myself some respect so it was it was a few different things number one when it this just like operating in hey I'm him is just understanding that one we're made in Genesis 1:26 says we're Made In His Image he's a great God so I need to start operating in that that's one two I couldn't get the things done that I wanted to get done because I'm giving everybody else what they need and then I got tired of it I got tired of the the stress I got tired of the frustration I got tired of the procrastination and put myself last so now I put me first and everything and again I'm not 100% there yet but that's something that I'm intentional about that's something that I'm saying hey like this is something this is something that I want to change in my life I those are all great points another way that I feel is though not only only just men but just people don't respect themselves is what they put into their bodies that's a huge thing that people don't understand like you got to respect your body and that's something that I just wanted to touch on because well I see you know in the western culture in America we are the most o obese continent in the world and for us when if you are not doing what you got to do to take care of your bodies know way you can say you respect yourself and that's another thing that has to do with respecting yourself making Health a priority and like you said not only just what you eat but working out as well and just being conscious about it cuz if if you working out and you're eating right it it it it it allows you to feel good you feel good you you you no what is it you feel good you play good you play good you you get paid good so that relates in so many different ways in your life but if you're not respecting yourself if you're just putting trash in your body you're not working out all you're doing is destroying your body and subconsciously you're destroying your confidence cuz I don't care who you are when you look in the mirror and you look and you love what's looking back at you that helps build your confidence and it all starts with those little things eating right and and working out just so you understand my guy cuz you butcher that when you look good you feel good when you feel good you play good when you pay when you play good you get paid good when you when you get paid good you live great that it sounds the same it sounds the same so so guys the the the the third thing that and my third and final thing that I want to talk about today that I've had to improve and my my journey as a man is the it's really understanding and respecting the power of energy so that means three different things number one it means the energy that I bring to the situation the energy that I put out into the world number two where is my energy focused is it focused on things that are not taking me in the direction I want to go in or is it taking me in in in the in in the direction that I want that I want to go in or number three also with energy is it is is understanding the energy that I'm receiving from other people meaning stay away from people with bad energy people that when they around you or you around them you just your spirit is not in a good place so as I've grown as a man I used to always want to be around everybody I've always wanted to show love to everybody and I still and we still do but I'm being very conscientious and understanding the power of energy in all in all those three different aspects that I just described give us an example of like how that relates to I guess real life like the energy that you get from other people so we're fortunate enough that we have a lot of conversations and conversations sometimes fills with opportunities sometimes conversations filled with challenges that help us grow and just focusing on the opportunity aspect some of the people that have wronged Us in the past if you just some some of them didn't always give off good energy and if I would have focused on that and understood the importance of that where I am now I would have realized that if I feel this way now what am I going to feel like in the future so if somebody if I feel uneasy around somebody first conversation the second conversation is it going to get better or is it going to get worse I think you need to be open to Opportunities and expose yourself but also just read that energy so if you're around somebody and you just always feel uneasy and that energy and that and the aura is not what you want it to be recognize that so that's what it looks like to me in real life you think about it all like just think about some of the people that have wronged us that energy was sometimes it was off so learning from that learning from that but then also just understanding putting out good energy people reciprocate that so I want to touch on that that was the first thing I said just putting that out so what you put out people sometimes they reciprocate that no that's good that's good so my last and final point of how I've improved as a man over the years is taking accountability for everything that happens in my life stop blaming other people stop blaming the environment stop blaming your past stop blaming whatever you got to take take accountability for everything that happens in your life and so often especially the way that we were raised it was just always oh I'm from the hood oh um this person did and no one took accountability and when you don't live a life of accountability you you're going to live a life of of turmoil you're going to there's going to be a life of suffering because you're not going to you're not going to own the issues that's happening for me once I start owning everything that happened into my life my life begin to change I begin to understand that everything is happening because of my decisions whether it was right or wrong everything that is happening in my life I have to take accountability for accountability is what we need in today's society Ash and I we talk about this all the time I stress it to the kids that you are accountable for what you are at in your life and no one else you can't blame oh my mama did this my daddy did that the world did this and this and this everybody goes through things the reason why you are where you at in your life is because of you and solely you you cannot blame anyone else so that is definitely something that not only the man but Society we need to understand it's extreme accountability and I'm very thankful that you brought that up so many people blame other people oh I was late because of traffic oh I was late because this oh I didn't I didn't get the work done because of this person oh it was it's always somebody else and it's never me and and for me when I I used to live that life where it was blaming other people and it was just as you look at it no you got to take responsibility like the example I just gave about traffic you know when you get up in the morning we all know that there traffic in the morning so that that if we know that it's traffic and our normal route without traffic is 30 minutes we know okay we need to lead the house extra 15 minutes earlier you get what I'm saying or most people that's and that's that's having these Health crisis in their lives whether it's mental health or physical health or anything you got to take accountability for that what were you doing that led you to that point because it didn't start there you made bad decision after bad decision after bad decision then you want to blame society you want to blame the environment you want to blame everybody else n that was you and you got to take accountability for that uh I was yes on everything except you know the mental health some people supposedly I I just from the research I've seen are are born with mental health issues so I don't want to make light of the mental health no I I I I agree and but as far as like other issues with health outside of mental yes I do think like you got to ask yourself what decisions LED you to where you are I think mental health is definitely yeah some people can be born with those things but then also I I feel like the way that God designed us as humans we can overcome anything and I think sometimes and again I'm not discrediting anyone that has real mental health issues but now Society has pushed I got mental health I got mental health everyone having mental health issues now everybody got a issue it's just like n people just don't want to take accountability people don't want to take accountability they're looking for something else um to to to fill that to fill that void not only accountability but just putting in the work to get better just put in the work to get better they would much rather just oh this is what it is as opposed to saying this is what it is now but this is what I wanted to be in the future and I'm going to take the proper steps to work to get to where I want to be so now you're right about that you're right about that I think that's something that everybody not everybody but excuse me I think that's something that we definitely need need to bring back to Western Society removing the sense of entitlement that we have and putting in accountability to and and understanding that where I'm at in my life is all solely because of me and my decisions so yeah this has been a very very good one for sure I don't know about you but I got a couple more points no let's keep going there no I I would say we have do um part two to this okay cuz and that was and that was going to be the the last comment that I wanted to make Guys these are not the only three things that we've improved on as a man we want to make sure we keep the shows under 30 minutes so you guys can get edified um you know either on the car ride or in the gym or you know if you're you know sitting around hanging out with your family so um we definitely have more points yeah so guys be expecting part two next week because this is something I definitely want to continue to talk about I want to continue to be vulnerable let people know that my struggles so that they can give permission to look themselves in the mirror and ask themselves what do I need to get better at how do I need to grow how do I need to involve and change so we definitely going to have a part two any party R that's it no it's just uh guys if you're listening to this make sure as jerem just said look look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself are you living the life that you want are you living the life that you deserve and if not be intentional about it also if you're not um if there are things that you know you need to improve on be intentional about it focus on fixing those things so that you can grow and become the person that you're supposed to be and live the life that you deserve guys we have our junman agreement I'm not going to say if you got value because I know you got some value today guys because of the value that we 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