i want to very quickly cover the basics of attachment theory there are three types of organized attachment and the first one is secure what we all long for and my little aid memoir for this is love is available love is given and i am worthy to receive it and when those three things coexist then you are most likely to have a secure safe attachment to your key attachment figure then we have insecure avoidant attachment where maybe your chief carer is very very practical very functional kind of mum or dad or whatever and you learn that actually there's no use sharing your needs or getting upset or crying because there's no cuddles and you emotionally decide then that you're on your own life is diy i gotta suppress my feelings and needs because there's no one there for me and that can be already in existence a low expectation of emotional support by the age of one and we say here that the attachment behavior is deactivated the system's been turned off we also have insecure ambivalent as the third type of organized attachment where sometimes your knees get met and sometimes they don't so it's all about being hyper vigilant to see are they in a good mood or they're in a bad mood and it's all very unpredictable i put myself in this category that i had a very angry father and a stressed out mother and i was always putting the mood thermometer up to see whether it was kind of safe and you get this ambivalent response of where go away you're making me angry don't leave me and we can find that quite confusing when we have an ambivalently attached client and it our video on that by the way which is available on the website has got some great role play exercises showing how they look in the counseling room and we say here that the attachment system is hyper activated so these are all ways we've managed our childhood there is also disorganized attachment a category added by mary mayne to bobby's original um it we can touch on it if you like looking at more severe trauma and abuse but for now these will do us okay