what's the one skill that's guaranteed to make you more successful more productive earn a higher salary and even make you a better leader yep you guessed it it's in the title emotional intelligence but when i've asked my female clients and the women i work with what emotional intelligence looks like at work and how to develop it they're usually stumped that's because they can't really explain what it is it's a vague concept in their mind even though emotional intelligence is widely recognized as the most important indicator of performance and 90 of top performers score high in emotional intelligence most people have a vague idea of what it means but that's okay because in this video i'm going to quickly explain what emotional intelligence is to remove any misconceptions that you might have and then we'll get stuck into my three favorite emotional intelligence strategies to help you go further with this really important skill now this is going to help you gain visibility as a strong emotionally intelligent contributor with real leadership potential hi i'm shade zurai and i help women like you hack their careers to advance faster overcome their limiting beliefs and confidently create the extraordinary life they deserve so first what is emotional intelligence well according to psychology today it's the ability to understand to use and manage one's own emotions as well as the emotions of others and it's said to include at least three skills emotional awareness which is how you identify your own emotions the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks and the ability to manage emotions which includes both regulating your emotions and helping others do the same given that we're in the workplace we're continually interacting with others with colleagues with team members management and clients the extent to which you understand what others are thinking feeling and how they process information is really important to ensure that interactions are positive productive and lead to the best possible outcomes studies have shown that leaders with high emotional intelligence are better skilled at creating connections and motivating their teams where people are engaged inspired and ultimately perform better so it goes without saying that employees with strong emotional intelligence skills are more likely to be sought out for opportunities and leadership positions within a company so while there are countless studies and theories that we could explore i wanted to keep this really practical and actionable for you so i have pulled together my top three strategies to help you hone your emotional intelligence and position yourself as a leader within your company first become better at identifying your own emotional state this first strategy is around emotional self-identification and self-awareness which is the ability to know yourself and understand your feelings but the reality is that we're actually not particularly good at articulating what emotion we're feeling at any given time which is a problem this is especially the case where we might emotionally react to something that happened at work maybe someone says something that doesn't sit well with us or there's a high pressure situation that you're navigating or perhaps there's a confrontation or a conflict that you weren't expecting rather than just reacting to it you want to become aware of what happens to your mind and your body in those moments now attachment theory and psychology indicate that how you experience emotions is likely a reflection of early life experiences your ability to manage your core emotions like anger sadness fear and joy often depends on the quality and the consistency of the attachment you developed with your primary caretaker as a baby it's actually quite fascinating when you start looking into this stuff so having self-awareness of what you're experiencing at any given moment is key to understanding how emotion influences your thoughts and your actions when i was studying positive psychology we were introduced to a concept from stanford's emma sapala who authored the happiness track and it's a way to simply understand the nature of the emotion you're experiencing i call it the energy plot you see all emotions have energy behind them sometimes high energies like anger or excitement and sometimes low energy like calmness or sadness these energy states manifest as being either high intensity or low intensity and psychologists will usually use these two dimensions positive or negative and high intensity or low intensity to distinguish emotions so what you want to become very good at at any given moment is being able to plot your emotions based on these two dimensions first ask yourself is it high intensity or low intensity then positive or negative another way to think of the positive or negative dimension is to ask yourself do i feel empowered or not once you've done a stock take on your physiology and how you feel you can do things to help shift you into the quadrant which is most productive for you in that moment and it's most likely going to be on the positive side high-intensity positive emotions include excitement elation and ecstasy and low-intensity positive emotions include being calm serene and content high-intensity negative emotions include anger anxiety and fear and low intensity negative emotions include sadness boredom and tiredness learning how to first identify your energy states allow you to then self-coach and ask yourself intentional and thoughtful questions like what made me feel this way what was i triggered by this is especially helpful when it's a negative emotion that you're experiencing when you think in this way it helps you create immediate distance from whatever the source of the emotion was and will help you both understand what may have led you to that emotion and help you mentally move into a more positive state and remember there's no such thing as good or bad emotion there are only good or bad reactions to your emotions two seek to understand when it comes to emotional intelligence a large part beyond us understanding ourselves is learning to identify and respond to the emotional states of others but given we're not telepathic how do we actually do this well what i encourage my clients to do is to seek to understand those they're interacting with and what this means in practice is two things first you want to listen to what they're saying not just what's coming out of their mouth but their physical expression their tone and all of the nonverbal cues that they're using these give you an insight into what others are feeling and how their emotional state might change from moment to moment and second ask thoughtful questions be curious instead of just taking something at face value ask them what led you to make that decision or what was the thought process that you went through to come up with that idea this allows you to go behind what's being said to uncover the drivers of motivation and it can really unlock where they're coming from or how they're feeling this helps you to be able to put yourself in their shoes taking on their perspective and seeing the world through their eyes this is huge and it enables you to not only connect on a far deeper level with people but to actually offer help and support to those who need it a big part of seeking to understand is putting all judgment and prejudice aside and being present and three focus on relationships once you're better aware of your own emotional states and those of others by paying attention to their non-verbal cues and tapping into where they might be coming from and what might motivate them the next step is to focus on how you work with others socially and professionally so that you can make your relationships more effective and enjoyable now there are a couple of pieces worth mentioning here you want to become aware of how you actually use non-verbal communication if someone says something that you disagree with do you immediately show it in your expression if you're suspicious of something or someone does that shine through on your face the emotional part of your brain is always on so even if you try to ignore it others might be picking up on it you want to be aware of what you're projecting because you may unintentionally be communicating something that you don't want to you also want to be able to pick up on when situations are stressful and then skillfully bring in some humor to help relieve stress this might be relevant at work during a stressful meeting or even for yourself in your personal life laughter brings your nervous system into balance reducing your stress and anxiety increasing feelings of calm sharpening your mind and making you more empathic and lastly try to see conflict or confrontation as an opportunity to grow when there is a disagreement seek to understand what brought about the disagreement what's the nature of the conflict ask questions to look beneath the surface to understand the interests that other people are protecting can you see things from their point of view how can you encourage others to shift their own perspective separate yourself from the situation emotionally by taking a step back and realize that any conflict is an opportunity for you to grow as a person so there you go there are my three strategies to hone your emotional intelligence skills to be able to position yourself for career advancement and leadership opportunities in the comments below let me know which was your favorite and which you found most relevant and if you enjoyed this video please like comment and subscribe i really appreciate it and of course if you never want to miss a video jump onto the website shadesarai.com and join my tribe for videos in your inbox every single week i'm shadow zorai and i'll see you next time you