found in the book of numbers chapter 13 beginning at verse 30. and it says this it says then caleb silenced the people before moses and said we should go up and take possession of the land for we can certainly do it but the men of that city who had gone up with him said we can't attack those people they're stronger than we are and they spread among the israelites a bad report about the land they had explored they said the land we explored devours those living in it all the people we saw are of great size we saw nephilim there and we sing like grasshoppers in our own eyes and we looked the same to them i want to talk from this subject and this first lesson in this headache series here it is family my head is hurting me my head is hurting me family i like to leap into this lesson today by articulating an axiom i was exposed to in a book i read a few years ago the arthur articulated this thought and here it is for my notetakers spiritual growth is not just a journey toward god discovery it is also a journey towards self-discovery in other words growing spiritually does not just increase my god consciousness growing spiritually also increases my self-awareness i don't just get to know god better when i grow up i also get to know me better when i grow up and i would argue it is incredibly and uniquely important to regularly and consistently emphasize this because i need everybody under the sound of my voice to listen to me and to listen closely the quality of my life is not just determined by what i believe about god the quality of my life is also determined by what i believe about me [Music] the quality of my life is not just determined by how well i know god the quality of my life is going to be equally impacted by how well i know me and all throughout scripture there are examples of individuals who did not reach their redemptive potential who got detoured on their way to destiny who got plateaued when it came to their progress not because they didn't know god well but because they didn't know themselves well come on moses knew god well come on i said moses knew god well he god said to moses i talked to moses he said all my other servants i speak to in dreams and visions but my servant moses i speak to face to face we've got a different kind of relationship they were so intimate with one another that when moses says watch this uh uh uh when moses his associates been began to talk in ways that were unhealthy and unhelpful about him moses wasn't even around moses struck me god struck miriam with leprosy are you hearing what i'm saying moses knew god well [Laughter] but he didn't reach his redemptive potential he got detoured on his way to destiny he got plateaued when it came to his progress because he didn't know him well he underestimated his own anger and as a result of underestimating his own anger he constantly put himself in position where he was triggered and he didn't set boundaries when it came to other people and as a result of that he responded in a way that undermined his influence and when you lose your influence you lose your leadership value in the eyes of god he says moses now you can see the land but you can't go in not because you don't know me [Music] you didn't know you well enough to protect you from you david knew god will god said of him this is a man that is after my own heart but but david did not reach his redemptive potential david got detoured on his way to destiny david had his progress plateaued because he didn't know himself he underestimated how the rejection from his father impacted not just his life but his leadership and how in his own leadership he created a breeding ground that birthed individuals like absalom and brought division and dysfunction into the kingdom to such a degree and a dimension that the latter part of his life was filled with chaos and paranoia and bloodshed not because he didn't know god well but because he didn't know himself well solomon knew god well god appears to him in a dream and trust him so much he asked him what do you want he asked him the question because he knew he could trust solomon's answer but solomon ended up not reaching his redemptive potential solomon ended up being detoured on his way to destiny solomon family ended up being plateaued in the area of his progress not because he didn't know god well but because he didn't know himself well he did not understand the implications of being born to bathsheba and how growing up in that corporate scrutiny because you know people talked yes and growing up under that corporate scrutiny created some emotional complexity and wounds in him some pain that he medicated through relationships so he used women not for a company but he used women to medicate pain and to address an esteem issue that was probably connected to the woman he was born to he knew god well [Laughter] but he didn't know himself well and i just need to pause for the cause and say in 2022 if this is going to be the year of greater this has to be the year where we make a decision i'm not just going to get to know god better this year i'm gonna do that i'm gonna do that but in addition to that i'm gonna get to know me better because when i look back in 2021 and 2020 and 2019 and 2018 and 2017 god wasn't a problem okay let me let me see if i can find some honest people yeah when i look back over my life i can see god has not been the problem i've been the problem and so maybe this year as opposed to just trying to get to know god this is the year where i got to get to know me what you doing this year i'm getting to know me i'm researching me i'm reflecting on me i'm talking to me i'm listening to me i'm spending time with me i'm taking me out i'm knowing my likes and my dislikes my needs and my preferences my strengths and my weaknesses i got to know me and just like knowing god requires intentionality knowing me requires intentionality because how much we grow and how far we go is not just based on how we see god but also how we see us darius prove it it's it's in the text a foundational text here in numbers 13 family exposes us to an experience with israel that teaches us a lot about the power of insight i want you to see what's happening in the text family these people in this text i want you to catch this don't reach their redemptive potential they get detoured on their way to destiny they plateau in their progress not because they didn't have vision their issue was they didn't have value they didn't have a vision issue they had a value issue it wasn't that they didn't have value is they couldn't see it [Music] see i want you to catch this they didn't have a vision issue they had a value issue what does that mean darius it means they could see out they just couldn't see in and sometimes the issue in our lives is not that we don't see things for ourselves we can see dreams we can see vision we can see goals we can see potential but sometimes those that potential and those dreams and that goals don't become a reality not because we can't see it it's because we can't see us the people in the text saw the land right but they saw themselves wrong yeah it's right here in the text guys god's people had been led by moses in an exodus out of egypt they have been in bondage generationally over 400 years egypt representing watch this life that is inconsistent with the intention of our creator bondage pharaoh representing the devil moses is an antitype of jesus because he exists with this double consciousness he's born hebrew but raised egyptian jesus is born divine raised human [Music] moses leads israel out of a physical egypt jesus leads you and me out of a spiritual egypt moses sets them free from a literal pharaoh jesus sets us free from a spiritual pharaoh the devil moses leads them through a red sea literally paul says that red sea is a metaphor for baptism [Music] are y'all following me so far moses takes them the way and the route that god leads and this way is a way through a place in the space called the wilderness which is a desert and this wilderness guys is a transitional space it's where you out of egypt but you're not in canaan you're not where you were but you're not where you're going things are not as bad as they used to be but they're not as good as they can be he takes them this way because this way is a way that he wants to use to do some purging and to do some preparing you got me okay in the wilderness purging had to happen purging of what darius purging of issues purging of attitudes and purging of individuals he says because there's some dysfunction that you possessed in previous seasons that wasn't destructive but now that you're getting ready to go where i'm taking you you can no longer take that with you [Music] you've been able to come this far with that but you can go no further with that and i want to pause for the calls and ask is there anybody in here that's sensing i'm in a purging season there's some stuff i've been carrying for years and i get a sense right now i can't carry this into my necks i can carry this into my necks i can't carry that into my necks and i can't carry them into my necks i don't know who this is for but i need you to identify your this your that and your them because if you're gonna go to the next level there are some things you got to drop off in the wilderness [Music] he he puts them in the wilderness i want you to catch this but he only brings them out to take them in into a place called canaan which represents the father's intended end for their life so they only come out to go in when moses is talking to israel about the exit from egypt he never mentions the wilderness he only talks about canaan the wilderness is not even a part of the conversation he's saying i'm bringing you out of here for the purpose of taking you into there he never mentions the wilderness which means are y'all ready for this are you sure yeah okay here it is which means guys that the wilderness could be to one of two things it could be a stage or a state but it's not god's choice it's their choice he says this can be a stage that you go through temporarily or this could be a state that you find yourself in long term but that's not my choice this is this is your choice whether or not this is a stage or a state darris what do you mean well what about god's will let's unpack that then family because god's will is multifaceted right so there's something i would call the providential will of god versus the preferred will of god and the providential will of god are the things that god's determined to do independent of human assistance and participation it's it's him saying i'm gonna do this because i'm god it is it is him not concerned before he makes one before he makes any decision and not requiring the participation of anyone to bring it to pass it is the equivalent of god saying i'mma offer salvation to the world because i said so i'm gonna give it to you free because i said so i'm gonna send my son jesus because i said so that is the providential will of god but then there's something called the preferred will of god and that's what god desires for you to experience is what he prefers for you to possess but he requires your participation [Music] so come on now so so so god deciding to offer salvation that's providential whether or not you accept it that's preferred did you hear what i he said wilderness family the wilderness was i want you to catch this the wilderness provided them an opportunity to step into canaan and kanan was his preferred yes he said i prefer you go here but that's not my choice it's your choice god take my marriage to the next level that's not my choice god heal my broken heart that's not my choice god get me out of this cycle that's not my choice lord give me more peace in my mind that's not my i choice that you have it i'll assist you in obtaining it but i will not do it for you that's not my choice trilogy this day who you're gonna serve he said i always give you a choice before there was sin you had a choice and i've always given you the ability to use or misuse choice you can eat from the tree or not that's your choice lord i want to stay in eden forever that's not my choice how you manage the tree determines how long you stay are y'all here so they got a choice to go into canaan moses sins are y'all all right yeah i ain't even started yet listen to me moses i ain't even got to my content yet moses sends 12 spies over into the land to spy it out they come back and this is what they say everything god said is there is there but something else is there that god didn't say would be there he said god said this was going to be a land that was agriculturally rich flowing with milk and honey he said we went over here here are the grapes the grapes are there and you said they would be there but there's something else there that you didn't say would be there giants are there so they affirm that everything that god said would be there was there but there was also something that god didn't say would be that was there so now they didn't believe oh my god that they could have what god said would be there just because they ran into something that wouldn't be there [Applause] did you hear what i just said yeah god said grapes are gonna be there he didn't say giants were gonna be there and when they saw the giants they started doubting whether or not they could get the grapes but if god didn't mention the giants it's because the giants aren't an issue to you getting the grapes if the giants would have been an issue i would have mentioned it y'all aren't talking to me and there's some people that are about to walk away from your grapes because of some giants and i want to tell you that the reason god's not talking to you about the giants is because the giants don't matter and the reason god did tell you this was coming is because it doesn't matter because what you see now doesn't change what he said then if i said it's for you it's for you if i said it's yours it's yours and i want somebody in this room to put your hands together and drop some fire in that chat if you're gonna get it anyway i'm getting it anyway i'm getting it anyway i'm getting it anyway divorce but getting it anyway bankrupt but getting it anyway close the business down but getting it anyway made some mistakes but i'm getting it anyway a just man falls seven times in a day but rise back up again i'm getting it anyway somebody say anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway [Music] i want you to catch this i want you to catch this so the bible says tr he says 12 spies it's so much of that comes back watch this and all of them saw the same thing but all of them didn't see the same thing [Music] because there were 12 of them that went over there 10 of them came back and said the land is everything you said but there are giants in the land and we were like grasshoppers in our own eyes and we looked the same to them wait one minute [Music] how do you know what you look like to them you don't you are projecting your own insecurities into other people and talking yourself out of fighting a fight that's fixed y'all missed it y'all missed it y'all missed it they said we're grasshoppers in our eyes okay now wait a minute you never called yourself a grasshopper until you saw the giant so you see yourself small cause you're comparing [Music] did you hear what i just said your comparison has you seeing yourself in a way you never saw yourself before you never had grasshopper issues before until you got to a season where you got exposed to an obstacle you didn't expect and how you respond to the obstacle reveals the size of your sense of self [Music] listen to me ten of them said we can't do it but there were two joshua and caleb and they said let us go up at once y'all better come get me he said at once let's go up at once not tomorrow not next week i'm ready now how about oh see i think some people forget that joshua and caleb were not born in the wilderness they were born in egypt so they came out of bondage into the wilderness y'all missed it in their mind they're saying it there is no way that i am going to waste that season of my life and settle for a state that is less than god's best i am tired and it's my now season [Applause] somebody just put in the chat now now now it's my now season i want a breakthrough now i want peace now i want joy now now faith is the substance faith is now faith is not then faith is now now faith is the substance of things hopeful the evidence of things not saying they say at once for we're well able to take them yeah they didn't deny the existence of the problem [Music] let's say giants there but they ain't got nothing to do with me so the majority of israel becomes influenced by the majority of spies but what's scary is the majority was wrong so here's some of our problem look at me here's some of our problem you want to be successful and normal let me come back [Music] that's the problem because if you're normal you're with the 10. yeah the normal is the 10. [Music] and that's the problem you want to be normal and successful and you can't be both some of you are too loyal to i feel this in the holy some of you are too loyal to normal you're too loyal to normal you're you're chasing normal you're you're seeking normal you're you're pursuing normal you feel like something's wrong when you're not normal when normal is wilderness normals normals wilderness marriage is a wilderness marriage that's normal normal finances wilderness witness finances normal mindset will just matter you can be normal but you also know that means you're going to be mediocre god deliver us from the desire for normal i know some people are trying to get delivered from bad and some people are trying to get delivered from worse but i'm praying that god delivers us from normal lord set us free because normal isn't working normal is wilderness are y'all okay if you're okay put i'm okay in the chat if you're not okay but i'm not okay there's so much in these guys i mean have time to deal with this because why moses send them i'm not gonna bother that [Music] god already told us it's ours so i don't need your opinion on possibility i just need i i don't need your opinion on whether or not we should go there i just need you to tell me what's there god already said we're going and there are too many people like moses you second guessing your options because you're listening to too many opinions watch this guys let me get to what i'm actually trying to say i've been i've been going all this time just to get here [Music] so that entire generation ends up dying in the wilderness i want you to catch this except for two of them joshua caleb and it wasn't god's fault they could not blame this on god's will here's the issue they end up dying in the wilderness are y'all ready they end up dying in the wilderness and it wasn't because of their talent it was because of their thinking they were thinking about themselves wrong there were giants there that's true but they aren't grasshoppers so the giants didn't kill them the grasshopper did [Music] and i'm trying to tell some of you it's not your giant problem that's killing you it's not the giant obstacle that's killing you it's not the giant opposition that you're facing the problem is not the giant on the outside the problem is the grasshopper on the inside if we can fix the grasshopper we can kill the giants listen to me the problem was not with their hands the problem was with their head their head was hurting them did you hear what i just said i said their head was hurting them and i don't know who i'm preaching to but i need to pause for the calls and tell you i don't know what was hurting in 2021 but i'm telling you it was probably a headache did you hear what i just said i said i don't know what was hurting in 2021 but it was probably a headache because as your mind goes your life follows so every ache in life is tied back to a headache your head hurts you relationally your head hurts you financially your head hurts you professionally your head hurts you spiritually my head is hurting me if i can fix my head i can fix some of my aches how do i know if my like a life ache is actually a headache if the ache is chronic and incessant it's probably a headache what does that mean if my relationships are bad all the time that's a headache it's something about the way i'm thinking about relationships that's contributing to the dysfunction in them are you hearing what i'm saying guys how am i thinking about this because i can't fix that until i fix this i'm done y'all tired i got a minute 48 seconds left and what i've learned is god's headaches have two things they got symptoms and sources and when i look at this text i'm wondering like man what contributed to them believing they were grasshoppers where did they get that from so here's the question i think we all got to ask right who's it are y'all i hope you're all goodness and uh who is influencing the way you think yes not just whose influence and what we do who's influencing the way you think about a thing so i want you to look at your relationships what do you think about them what do you think about relationships now who's influencing that and i don't know if we we vet those sources the way that we do the way that we should we grasshoppers okay i don't even want to judge you on that yet let's not talk about that let's talk about where you got that from i i don't even want to argue about whether or not it's true where did you get that from our head is hurting us this is really weird guys because miles monroe put it this way the graveyard's not just filled with tunes it's filled with unfulfilled potential it's filled with people that never got to canaan because they hear head was in their way it's like you got all this talent but your head is hurting you somebody put in the chat get out of my head get out of my head you could have started it by now if you just got out your head you could have wrote it by now if you just got out your head you could have fixed it by now if you just got out your head i'ma tell you something i think there are three sources we need to vet number one other individuals association produces assimilation i don't have time to deal with this guys but i'm just gonna throw this out maybe we'll circle back around later at some point and deal with it but all companies that you enjoy is not company to add value and you have to ask yourself what part of me is connecting to the dysfunction in them what in me still like that and i'm not saying both can't happen but i am saying some of us are getting our grasshopper mentality from others because it's grasshopper conversations and it's grasshopper type complaints here's another one though it's not just other individuals sometimes it's our experiences bad experiences in the past create beliefs about the future so some people believe they can't because they tried before and they didn't so now that experience has become an authority and so so they believe because i didn't do it then i can't do it now boy i don't have time when sometimes jesus will tell you just throw your net on the other side of the boat so let me actually something has has failure done something to your faith think about that has failure done something in your faith other individuals other experiences here's the other one assumptions improper assessments of your own ability make assumptions you've improperly assessed what you can do somebody put in the chat i don't know what i can do put it in chat i don't know you don't know what you can do it is he that has made us not we ourselves get in and know he could lead an army there was nothing about gideon's life that said army leader nothing moses didn't know he could speak in front of people jeremiah didn't know he could prophesy joseph didn't know he could raise a messiah the joseph in the old testament didn't know he could survive a pit and prison there's a you in you you hadn't met yet and you making assumptions about what you can't do without trying my head it's hurting me and i want to do something really quickly i want to just pause for a moment of um reflection holy spirit spoke to me this week and um said darris make sure your preaching is pastoral pandemic not being in person every week can have you preaching to masses and not raising a family [Music] dearest everybody that listened to you you had been called to raise make sure you're not neglecting the raising of a spiritual family just by feeding the message just just nothing nothing i wasn't out of line not ordinary holy spirit a little check say make sure your preaching is pastoral and so i want us to do some reflection here because this is not a it's not a conference i'm not an evangelist i'm not throwing a word and going to getting on the truck and leaving somewhere else i'm a pastor this is a spiritual family and we need more than information we need integration into our life so this is what i want to do i want you to create some space right now wherever you are and this is part of what i believe god remember god doesn't cause everything but god can use anything and i don't believe god caused covet but i believe god wants to use it in some way he wants to redeem it in some way and i think one of the things he's trying to get us to do guys is he's really trying to get us to see the importance of personal alters and we don't have one so in if you can't have an encounter with god outside the four walls of the church there's something wrong with the way we're approaching this and i want to tell you my time's up i want to tell you i want you to pause for a moment wherever you are and ask god because see i don't know the answer to this and that's god god show me where my head is hurting me holy spirit right in my living room holy spirit right in my car holy spirit as i sit in this chair holy spirit as i take this walk holy spirit as i'm right here on vacation wherever you are holy spirit show me where my head is hurting me there are some things i've watched god do in and through my life this caused me to see the only thing that has ever been in my way was my head and i just want you right now to just pause and say holy spirit show me where my head is hurting me i need to know i need to see [Music] [Music] see [Music] so father i just pray right now for each and every person under the sound of my voice god deliver us from headaches yeah where our head is hurting us and i just pray right now that your holy spirit which is our illuminator our enlightener i pray that your holy spirit would enlighten us god show me where my head is hurting me so that i can get out of my egypt out of my wilderness and into my canaan i ask this for your people in jesus name if you agree say amen put a man in that chat clap your hands all over this studio come on let me hear the phrase the high praises of god be heard