there's blessing in the breaking even if it's just road rage as simple as that to maybe losing someone that you love there is no perfect way to heal the best-selling author and host the number one Health and Wellness podcast on purpose with Jay Shetty hey everyone welcome back to on purpose the number one Health podcast in the world thanks to each and every one of you that come here every week to become happier healthier and more healed and you know that I love sitting down with guests who allow us into their lives who allow us into their Journeys to understand more to help us not feel alone to help us feel connected in our pain and in our purpose and to recognize that we have so much more in common and that when we work together we can truly find the light in our lives now today's guest is someone who I believe does this with every step every word and everything she takes on in her life I've had the fortune of getting to know her over the last few years and I can honestly say that not only is she one of the most genuine and kind-hearted people I know she's also just one of the most loving and Soulful people who truly wants to change lives I have to start the episode by saying this I believe today's game is someone who's extremely on purpose I'm speaking about the one and only Selena Gomez one of the most globally and culturally celebrated artists actors producers entrepreneurs and most importantly I know to her philanthropists of her generation as a recording artist Selena has sold more than 210 million singles worldwide and has over 45 billion Global streams her upcoming biographical documentary which I want you to go and see Selena Gomez my mind and me is out right now I got to see it earlier I'll tell you all about it and in 2019 Selena launched her beauty line rare Beauty exclusively with Sephora as part of the partnership Gomez announced the rare impact fund pledging to raise this is outstanding pledging to raise 100 million dollars for mental health services for individuals in underserved communities philanthropy and activism have been key pillars of Selena's career and she's used her platform to advocate for many important causes Selena has raised millions of dollars for charity including Global Citizen and the lupus reaches research Alliance please welcome to the show Selena Gomez Selena it is so wonderful to be with you that was so nice I felt very like emotional and I felt so I felt so honored thank you for saying those kind words I I meant every word I think whenever I've sat with you we've always had a conversation about purpose yeah or is that a conversation about service always had a conversation that's reflective but I wanted to start with this because I we are going to talk about lots of deep and meaningful things today yes but I also wanted to start with this because it's my first memory of meeting you and you've you've probably forgotten this but at least for me here we go okay so uh you'd come over for dinner there's the first time we met and I remember that we were about to eat my wife had made dinner for us and we say a prayer before we eat but the prayer is chanted and sung somewhat in Sanskrit which is a language yeah that that a lot of prayers are in for for my practice and I remember having to do it in front of you and then afterwards opening my eyes and go I just had to sing in front of Selena Gomez and I actually do remember do you remember yes you were like I don't know if I should sing in front of you I was like please I thought it was beautiful yeah I thought it was amazing and also just to say the food was incredible I remember that more than anything I love that well I wanted to start off by just saying to you that I truly believe that this documentary is so special genuinely thank you it is it's powerful it's inspiring and it's the work that we so deeply need right now and your voice in the conversation the global conversation around well-being and mental health is the most powerful voice there is it really is thank you and so when you put out a piece like this and you let us in it only strengthens the conversation across the world and that's something that you're doing so I want to just start off by saying that from the bottom of my heart I'm so grateful to you thank you for starting out I think that is a huge part of why I decided to release it after having an internal battle I mean daily at one point maybe I shouldn't do this maybe I shouldn't release it and this is too honest this is too much of myself until I realized that ultimately it was meant for something bigger it wasn't just about me it was about other people and it took a life of its own and became what it is now which I'm still nervous about and I'm still anxious about but I think releasing it is a huge healing um a healing process for me and it's me letting go of that version of myself wow yeah that's so powerful to hear that I mean when I hear you say that that I feel like you're one of these people that you serve in order to heal and you give in order to let go and that's such a beautiful cycle because I think often we think when we're going through things that the more insular we go right but you're someone who opens up yeah and says here it is I think you know being in moments in my life whether it was my health or personal life friendships relationships I feel like giving myself completely to something is just the best way I can love but I never wanted the pain that I endured to put some sort of guard on myself and armor if you will and I'd never I never let that happen because I still believe and I still hope I hope for love and I hope for healing and I hope for change and I never want to lose that of course there are days where I feel so far away but I would rather continue to get my heart broken then to not feel at all that's the greatest sign of strength I mean that is such a powerful statement and I think with a statement like that you're encouraging so many people to feel heard I mean I think most of us feel far away from those things right and we're scared to admit that I mean you start the documentary with the promise of I'm gonna share my darkest secrets and when I heard that I thought wow like I was thinking Selena what was why is it that when we share our duck what happens when we share our darker Secrets not just for you but for any of us when you're with your friends when you're with your families like what what does that do I think at first it's frightening but I feel like if you surround yourself with people who support you and love you you have to be careful with who you share your story with I think that can be dangerous I'm sharing something that maybe was really hurtful or sharing a story about your internal struggles to someone who may not be giving you the right advice or guiding you another way that will only lead you to more pain is scary so first and foremost I would say making sure you surround yourself with great people and then I would say learn everything there is to learn once it's out once you say okay I'm dealing with depression then find out every single thing you can about what that means and when you have a relationship with depression as opposed to you know allowing it to keep sinking and inside of you it's it's a little bit more freeing I think to understand yourself better I want to know what triggers me I want to know why I get depressed and start asking yourself questions to open up yourself instead of you know it's easier said than done though I should say but instead of you know keeping it in I find that the biggest reward is letting it go yeah I I think there's that statement in the documentary that says you said your mom would always say uh if you're afraid of something learn more about it and then your fear will go away or something according to this she definitely did that when I was younger I lived in Texas and we were huge with um the tornado scene that was what was happening and I was terrified so I would bring like a cross and I'd bring like a big pillow and I'd lay in my bathtub because that's what I Googled is supposedly gonna help and my mom would just kind of smile at me and she the next day I remember she got me a bunch of books and it was all about thunderstorms and different clouds and formations and all this stuff and she just she just told me and she's like it's not that scary you know it's especially when you know that it's just a part of the world and I I guess they are still scary but now I understand what happens and yeah but I love how you're applying that to depression you're applying that to different things in your life I completely agree with I mean my favorite thing that I say in the documentary is that I I have bipolar I just I learn how to live with it and I just have made it my friend because that's truly what it can be to me now yeah and tell us about that process of when you first discover something like that like you said it's easier said than done the voices are so loud there's so much inner judgment yeah you know our inner critic is so painful to live with and now when you're saying I'm trying to work on making it a friend which is a beautiful transition tell us a bit about that journey of inner critic to in a friend well to be honest I've been to four treatment centers and I have a lot of opinions on you know rehabs if you will or you know places to go there's a lot that I don't agree with but um what I will say is throughout all of it learning lessons through dialectical behavior therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy there's something that's always been embedded in me throughout all of those different moments in my life and that was always to recognize when something was happening to me accepting it and I think once I realized that this was something that wasn't going to go away this wasn't something that was going to be fixed by going to these places it was more so what can I know about myself okay if I if I kind of go down this road I'm gonna get triggered and I know that feeling and I know how to avoid it however I go to therapy I also have you know medication that I fully I'm on that I believe in full heartedly and it helps me stay balanced but I still have to deal with it you know I still have days that are pretty low and moments that I'm just too over the top and I'm like I want to buy everyone a house and I want to save the world um but I just have learned to kind of understand it and the best part about that is also my family and friends learning how to live with it too they can be great friends to me in that way and that took a lot of time as well yeah I know these are such you know I I know that you do so much work in this space but today when I'm hearing you share all these insights and they genuinely are insights they're so powerful because even you just saying like I had to realize that I don't have to fix it or that it's not going to go away like these things make difficult things livable with right uh and when we look at the seasons or we look at the weather it's like you know it's gonna rain one day and you know it's going to be dark one day you know it's going to be sunny another day and when you know that you stop trying to fight it and change it yeah you can accept it which it sounds from what I'm hearing from you yeah I mean it's taken me a long time it's um that's not six years that's probably 10 years in reality but it it really it's really been interesting and I feel better and I feel great now that I can talk about it yeah yeah the thing you keep mentioning today is Letting Go and I think all of us are trying to know how to let go of old selves old parts of ourselves or or parts that don't serve us anymore and I remember when I when I lived as a monk some of the areas that we'd live in there were often we'd come across a lot of snakeskin uh and we'd always use snakes as an analogy of how we leave behind so snakes don't break out they don't rip their skin off they Slither out right and their skin just kind of like Falls away yes and then we would naturally not find snakes thankfully and find skin but that analogy was like really resonated with me the idea that when we're shedding when we're letting go it's not a aggressive process right how did you learn to become compassion and Karma with yourself because at first we can really feel like we're trying to break something off yeah I think I I tend to blame myself when I can't let something go I feel maybe something is my fault or I should have done more of this or less of that and it starts to become you know just like a really I kind of turned sad uh one thing I've noticed when I watched the documentary back for the first time I didn't even recognize that girl anymore and it broke my heart because I was talking about my body and my image and and I just hate that I ever felt those feelings and I think because I have a younger sister there's been this huge responsibility given to me in a way that has helped me and I say this about my fans as well or or people that have you know grown with me I've almost had to get back up every time more so for them than myself and that's something I've learned to really understand it's it's healthy to want to be strong for other people but I needed to recognize I needed to be strong for myself and that took a while and it took things like making myself uncomfortable and changing my um my thought process changing the things I watch on TV changing the music I'm listening to little things that I can adjust that will perhaps change my mood or make me feel better instead of worse you know it is some of these small things isn't it yeah oh my gosh I love scary movies but I can't watch them all the time I'm like happy and I'm like guys let's watch a scary movie everyone's like why why on Earth do you want to do that right now and you're kind of like yeah you're right do they manage to persuade you yeah yeah most of the time but it was Halloween so I got my way for for a few weeks you did what did you end up watching oh we watched Halloween we watched um Freddy Krueger Nightmare on Elm Street which one ruins your meat the worst like which one makes oh my goodness probably like hereditary something really dark but it was it was fun it was Halloween we were just celebrating yeah no there's I always call it Cliffhanger chemicals oh yeah I feel like when we watch things that put us into states of anxiety oh yeah or stress we release all these Cliffhanger chemicals and now you're like well why can't I sleep yeah exactly why am I having bad dreams yeah Robbie's like that so my wife's like that yeah she can't I have to she always gets really excited to watch things like that yeah I'm like Riley we can't do this because you will not let me sleep for the rest of the night so funny yeah yeah but I I think it's really beautiful to hear you say there's these little changes because I think that's what people feel hard is to change and I think when I watch the documentary the the greatest challenge you really empathize with is having to do this when every time you're in a car and then every time you get out the car this cameras there's people there's opinions there's you know that's something very few people can relate to but I think what's so brilliant about the how the documentaries made is that you really feel like we're living that with you yeah and so you're like wow even though I can't relate to what Celine is going through I can understand how it must be really challenging yeah and really stressful and so what's it like having to deal with all of this that all of us are dealing with too but you're dealing with it with an added layer of you know exposure yeah to be honest I don't know any different yeah that's what's really scary sometimes I think that's really sad and other times I just think well this is what I've been given and this is the path that I I want to continue to walk in and I know any moment I can you know quit and walk away and you know that's just not really how I was raised to be so maybe if it had happened to me later in life I would have had a different outcome but because I was raised in it I really had to learn the hard way on how to deal with it on how to not give if you will that click bait that people want and I mean I think I do my I do my best to try and eliminate these negative stories or this or ill or other people illustrating my journey it just I interrupt them with my truth and that's what I will always continue to do and that's what this documentary does as well it's it's going it's going to be me taking control of my story and no one can change that or say any different I I actually I'm so glad you addressed that because I've always found out with you that you always lead with love even in those areas and and I always am so in admiration of that and in awe of that because I see that whenever there's a narrative that whenever there's any narrative your your choice will always be the lead with love and inject love into that and to recalibrate when did you find the strength to start taking control of that narrative because I think that's an amazing skill that today people need it more than ever but when yeah when did you start developing the confidence around that needing to do that um I would probably say I started beginning to gain that confidence when I went through a breakup and that's something that was super public but all of those things that I'd felt so bad about myself and just so terrible every day I wanted to debunk those feelings I wanted to take control over that narrative because I did feel that way but the the greatest gift I got from all of that was me actually being honest with people sharing my story and gaining the confidence to know I am enough and I actually work really hard at being a good person and I know I'm a great person and when people paint these unnecessary stories it actually gives me pleasure to to just combat it with love like you said or kindness you know I think it's it's actually fun for me because it's it is who I am I don't I don't I can't waste my time if I'm to be honest with everyone in this room I don't want to waste my time being upset or um taking in all of the negative things that I hear online and I don't even hear it it's it's just what it gets really bad other people tell me and then I see inhumane things happening and people talking negatively about other women and it just drives me absolutely crazy and I think I'll just always be that kind of person and I would say I'm grateful for my past because it's made me a lot stronger yeah well I want you to know that you know we we see you for that thank you like it is it is whenever you do that I am completely mind blown because it it requires so much self-assurance it requires so much uh commitment to your truth and then also for for everyone else so thank you so much for leading the way even in that like another thing like no it's so hard to do it's so easy to it's so easy to be defensive uh and you've found because it's your truth you've found a way of sharing your truth without making it defensive of course that's I mean thank you I don't know if I intentionally do it but it works really well so I'm sticking to it yeah stick to it don't don't change it don't you teach it teach it yeah exactly teach it the new masterclass yeah no I I I genuinely mean I genuine that um one of the things that comes through in the documentary is we're just getting full access like that's what it feels right like full access at all times um and we get to see all of your relationships and you get to see the relationships that are long term you get newer relationships you get all these different people who are interacting with you and they're interacting with you in every element like we get to see you straight after an interview straight before an interview and and I could tell there was a time when you you feel a bit of angst because you get asked poor questions or like you know and I could see that in you and that really hit me because the reason we set up this conversation this this podcast in the first place was I was hoping that it would be a place where people like yourself could share your true purpose right and seeing you share on screen just how hard it can be to deal with just does it minimize the work you're trying to do what what happens tell me what what happens when you're asked I actually just feel it like insulted sometimes and like I I sit in what I worked I mean I work so hard I love what I do I love my job I love talking about my job there's different facets of my job that I love talking about for different reasons and when I sit down and I have to do press from you know starting at 8 am until you know whenever the night ends it's it's frustrating you want to spend that time talking about meaningful meaningful moments and I just I wanted that to be in the documentary because I felt like I know that a lot of artists maybe not everyone but I know a lot of artists and people in my position feel that way and I hope that it will only you know maybe shift that a bit and maybe stop asking people what word you associate with marshmallow and maybe ask them how they're doing um you know maybe just having a bit of an inspiration to do more and be better and and yeah it actually is pretty crazy because that that happens it's weird yeah it is really weird yeah and it's a it's interesting because I feel like there's such a trend that's been created about asking people clickbaity Buzzy you know moment questions and then you think well but this is a human totally with emotions and ideas and Views and and I think often people think oh well I've only got them for 10 minutes so I better just ask them all this stuff but you you forget that that there's a whole person behind that the documents really humanizes you what parts of you did you really want people to understand better or see more that you think they haven't been able to see over time just I guess where I was meant to be I in the beginning it really made me kind of sad I I wanted it to be a documentary that was really fun and about me doing this big tour and instead I felt so bad because we were filming these really intense moments and then I had to stop filming and I think I really ultimately wanted people to realize that I'm not really that put together I I can be and I feel much better now but I don't want people to ever look at me and think she has it all and she's figured it out and she is you know perfect or whatever I hope no one thinks that but I I just don't ever want to be that kind of public figure I want to be someone that hopefully could be a friend that could just some D disarm you from the celebrity-esque part of it I just want to be someone that people can genuinely walk up to and say hey I kind of I understand what you walk through I did too and have a conversation with yeah why is that important why do you think it's important that I guess for a long time your people did consider celebrity to be perfect or maybe it was portrayed that way sometimes maybe it wasn't but why do you think it's important for people to see that no one in the world including me anyone we're talking about yeah there's no one who's perfect but why is that so important it's important to me because I felt like I had to be when I was you know when I was going through relationships I felt like I had to be a certain way that's why in 2016 I was talking about my body and talking about my appearance and and talking about how oh everyone's gonna see me as this Disney kid No One's Gonna Take me seriously all of those moments that's kind of where yeah that's where all the confusion came from for me yeah yeah no that does make sense that's that's a really fascinating answer because yeah it's almost like you've had to live that way yeah and then you're kind of unpacking it for everyone and and breaking down that image that's created and I think that definitely comes across one of the things that stood out to me in that unpacking of the Perfection element that you're talking about we're so scared of imperfection because it reveals there's parts of us that are not ideal by some external comparison or by some internal Trigger or some past experience where we we have that feeling how do you now deal with your imperfections like how do you feel about parts of you that that are not perfect I'm okay with that I actually think a lot of who I am are just a few things that are not perfect even down to my laugh sometimes I used to be insecure about my laugh or you know the fact that I'll always talk during a movie or you know I always do something minuscule and I think little things like that make me happy because I feel like everybody else in the world they know for example a very small example but if it's Halloween I was a banana and I and I and I genuinely just like got the cheapest outfit put it on and roam around Times Square with my friends and have the best time and everyone kept sending me these memes because every everybody else kind of went all out and maybe I could have painted my face and done a little more but everyone looked really sexy and fun and and literally I was a banana that's basically sums up who I am um to a T and it was um that to me means that I don't have to be perfect all the time I'd rather be that girl yeah and how does that apply to work like how does that perfectionist mindset work in terms of like music or creation or acting like because that's beautiful in your personal life it sounds like there's this acceptance of you know we can be yeah we can be more in flow but then how does that apply to like writing or creating or building like well I think how I I don't I I well I always say this in any session there are no stupid questions I always have to say that out loud because sometimes I genuinely will think well what does this mean and how can I unpack this and create a um a song from this or how do I unpack this scene and do the best I can you know there are mistakes that happen in the studio and on set that actually end up becoming a part of it you know me messing up a line actually ended up being funny and we kept it in the show or you know there's something I said in a lyric that was wrong and it ends up being the biggest hook that we've got and I and I look for those moments yeah I crave I crave those moments that's a great example I love all the those yeah and it just that's what feels like magic right like it's it's when the imperfection can somehow become a part of the process where you're just like wow this this this actually feels like we got something and so I think when we start I love that idea applied both personally and professionally because I think even the parts of ourselves that we consider to be imperfect the parts of ourselves that we consider to be broken when you start seeing use in those when you start seeing purpose in those it's I always say that there's there's blessing in the breaking and every moment that you encounter in your life even if it's just road rage it's as simple as that to maybe losing someone that you love there there is no perfect way to heal there's no perfect way of dealing with something it's more just how am I going to be a better person how am I going to make the best choice for myself so that I don't end up angry at that person on the highway so that I don't end up ruining my day because of what someone did to me on the 405. you know I I want to also say that how can I turn something like losing someone I so dearly love into well how can I celebrate that person and the great things that they're update provided me or that they gave me that takes a lot of work so I don't say that lightly but I try my hardest to do that and I try to have my friends hold me accountable to reminding me hey let's try to flip this and try to turn it into something else yeah yeah absolutely I think what I'm gathering from listening to you is that again it's you're not saying I've arrived and this is how I think now you're saying this is what I'm trying to practice like this is the this is the approach that I'm mining in my own life and absolutely this is my practice every day is practice I I even said it last night at the premiere I was saying I don't I don't have anything figured out I'm definitely not like I'm sold I'm good it's it's more just this is a continuation yeah my story is not done and I can't wait to find out what's going to happen next and doesn't mean it's going to be easy and sure there's going to be bumps that happen but I'm gonna learn how to live with them yeah as someone who's so committed to moving forward what did it feel like going back to like your school and and all these old places I won't give away too many but in the documentary go and visit yeah what does that do well going home is is like to me it's it's untainted territory right it is safe it is simple and kind where I'm from it is all about you know being together loving each other I go home and people are like welcome home miss Gomez they're not you know treating me any differently and I enjoy and I enjoy visiting you know what made me who I am and it always gives me a good sense of of like oh I hope I can inspire people from where I'm from because there's not a lot to do where I'm from but I hope I can Inspire just one person to do something bigger than that yeah was there any particular place that you went back that almost gave you a a special feeling or or something surprise you that you're like oh I didn't think this was going to be yeah well my snow cone place I really I loved that place I would go with my dad all the time and my cousin and we would get the pickle snow cones with like you know grape in it and it would just be so yummy and amazing and it just you know brought me back to when it would be so hot in Texas and I was with my family and we would just stop there and sit outside for an hour and just talk and it was just the best yeah I love that yeah that's that's that's great to hear I think there's always I I have this park in my hometown it's called Broomfield Park and it's it's still Charming to me even though I don't think if anyone else went there'd be like I know but when I go back I know where I used to go and buy my my ice cream from and you know where the truck would be in this there's all these special moments that you that almost but it sounds like again like it sounds like it's not like you're like oh I missed that it's almost like that was a part of me and it's a beautiful thing but now I'm happy to be new and even today when we were just walking over here and we were talking about just you finding places that fuel you yeah uh and you it seems like you've become open to saying okay it's okay that life is changing and transitioning yeah and there's new places that feel more like home than old places I hate change I really do but I felt in the past year which is pretty just it's pretty new yeah I have really really embraced on the uncomfortableness of change and I think it's because I get so exhausted of the same thing over and over again and it scares me but I did learn that my world can be bigger by being in a different destination I work on my show only murders in the building it's in New York where I shoot and I never I've never spent more than a week or two in New York and I'm there for months and just that alone was an uncomfortable you know experience but I loved it and I loved the friendships I made and the knowledge that I was gaining the people I was around the park and walking and just how like Precious life is it's celebrated there's culture it just becomes addicting to to want to put yourself in these situations and see what happens so I will say in the past year I've felt more comfortable with change and I'm grateful for it and I just I'm going to continue to do that and I want that how did how did you get comfortable with that discomfort I guess in the first place if you're someone who said you know like hey it changed didn't like change yeah like what I guess obviously naturally work and everything like that but yeah was there something internally were you like okay now I need because you've done this you've done uncomfortable things your whole life right yeah definitely like you've had to do so many difficult things whether it's going on tour when you're young or yeah transitioning careers you've constantly done uncomfortable things yeah but I think I had always kind of returned to the same behavior and the same pattern of maybe well I'm nervous of going out because I don't want to be seen today or I'm gonna just stay in because I feel anxious or I don't want to go out to that event because I don't want to get seen I just I was I was finding myself just being terrified of the world and that just isn't a way of living and it's easy to go do a job because well I I'm with a bunch of people they help me look good I do my job I smile and I'm done but taking spontaneous trips or you know getting out and going to the Balboa Park which is a very simple Park just doing that kind of stuff is necessary and I I noticed that New York really helped me it just really opened me up the show is really great and I think being around a bunch of New Yorkers it does something to you man it's good yeah well one of the biggest changes in atmosphere that you talk about the documentaries you go to Africa right and that's like a that's a big change you know even if it's a shorter period of time but you were still there for a concert there for a week yes but I mean that definitely wasn't the first time that I had taken trips um in in the in the vein of wanting to go for a mission and it was one of the most beautiful moments of the film for me because we actually thought we were just going to make a quick little video about you know what we were there to do and then we fell in love with the people we fell in love with the story and we started noticing that everywhere in the world mental health is very very real it's very much something that's affecting everyone um and then you kind of realize that the world is it's it's a small place sometimes because you're all kind of walking through pain and you're all looking at things in a different way but ultimately you all want to be happy and well I felt like they inspired me more than I could have done anything for them it was a really beautiful trip and yeah it was one of my favorite moments of the film people don't always understand how mental health exists ever in the world when you said that they're also experiencing mental health what was their experience of it compared to what we would understand as our experience in the US so yeah well I was I was talking to a woman named Betty and she was you know basically kind of the person touring or giving us the tour around the village and the schools and she was lovely but when we stopped to have a conversation we just were sitting down and she she told me her story and how she was dealing with suicidal thoughts and then how she went to a lake and sat there for two weeks contemplating not a day or an hour of moment it was two weeks and that was something that I felt floored by because that's different obviously we can have those thoughts but she dismissed herself from everyone and she had to find it with herself when so many people don't need to walk through that alone but she did and she did it well and she's proud of it and now she is in an incredible school and she's going to grow up to be the best influence for her Village for her sisters for everyone that she's around that's so so special and I I'm just having those conversations with someone from across the world it's mind-blowing you don't really know what people are walking through until you do stop and have a conversation at two weeks that I can't imagine that feeling what you must be walking through for two weeks to just be sitting there and did she feel the same from your deeper conversation with her did she feel the same feeling that a lot of people do here where it's like I don't know who to talk to and I don't know who to open up to and who don't know to trust she she thought that she needed to be everything for her family and she felt like she was letting them down same thing of not feeling good enough not feeling like her being there would even be helpful and you do find the similarities and in it and that's how I felt like I bonded with her it's incredible right like cross-culture cross world to have a human moment like that with someone what what purpose of those missions played in your life in terms of like you said that's not the first time you've been out and I'm sure it's not the last as well it's something that you want to continue to do I mean there was a moment in the documentary where you don't want to leave yeah I don't think I necessarily will always be broadcasting when I'm taking these trips or wanting to do more and help and travel so I think that I will probably have these quarterly or even just maybe once a year I kind of have to set time apart for that and I make it a priority just because I feel personally that everyone is my brother and sister we're all here together living being and you know wanting to navigate life together and I want to continue to travel the world and and be able to spread some sort of message or bring change in some form I don't know something you know I want to be able to continue to always do something and eventually I do believe my life will will end up being something along the lines of doing the things that you do you know I got a few more things to do first but eventually yes well you're already doing them you don't you're already doing them and I yeah there's that moment there's a moment in the documentary I think you're asked through a mirror envelope question yeah uh what is the what is your greatest dream or your ultimate dream I think is the word and this is exactly what you say you say I want to find a way to change lives and and I want to find a way to impact lives and I think when people think of their ultimate dream that's not the natural thing that comes to their mind right when did serving when did helping others become such a big understanding of this as well because it's not just I know you feel you're growing from these experiences when did that become an ultimate dream like when did that yeah what was your dream as a little girl and then you know how did that evolve I think that I I was just I was just gonna say my mom I mean from a very young age we we didn't have a lot but it didn't matter it was every Thanksgiving we were going to you know we would go and and help out in soup kitchens and my mom would talk to me about you know why we were there and explained to me The Way of the World and we would you know see see really hard things and Texas you know can be very you know be very uh conservative and my mom would just break those barriers for me and explain to me how beautiful people are and how complicated and complex things are about the world she never protected me in in a way of not showing me the bad things she showed me everything and that's what has always been a part of my life I mean down to I'd be on set and I'd be talking to the director and someone would come give me a water and if my mom noticed that I didn't say thank you she would just remind me gently in a way that was like Hey next time be aware and be thankful and it's kind of like oh yeah you're right sorry Mom but you're right you're you are you got to be aware of of people and you have to be aware of what people are walking through yeah I mean that's such right yeah yeah no and it's such a I think that's such a beautiful message to anyone who is growing up with a little bit more in terms of anyone who's grown up even you know everyone goes through so many difficult things but I felt the same when I first went to India I was around nine years old when I first went to India and and I remember we didn't have a lot growing up but we were still traveling to India we were in a car and you look out the window and and you see kids your age I remember you know just seeing tons of kids my age on the streets and just it was just yeah it just made me aware that there was a whole other world out there of experience that I only learned about later on yeah but I I couldn't agree with you more that when you feel like you're part even a small part of the solution the problem starts to feel more Within Reach right and I feel like sometimes when we push the problem away or we try and keep it out of sight yeah it just feels bigger and harder and more difficult absolutely ignoring it is is not fun I've done that before it just you end up coping in ways that you never thought that you would and you end up feeling disappointed because you just you don't want to ever feel like you're doing the wrong thing I believe that everyone deep down knows what's right and what's wrong and when you're at your rock bottom if you will because I believe that everybody does eventually have one of those moments hopefully it's just going to get lighter and lighter because you can start to attack it in a way where how do I approach this and figure out how to get myself out of this state of mind and I've learned how to do that in the past few years and I'm really grateful for it it's a choice sometimes but then I also hate when people say that because sometimes they genuinely wake up in a depressive state and I can't get out of bed but I allow myself to have that day and just focus on things that can make me feel better instead of pushing it away and saying no it's fine I'm gonna go out I'm gonna go do something I'm gonna go get my adrenaline up I'm gonna ignore it and ignore it and ignore it it doesn't help at all yeah and it's you just said there that everyone goes through a rock bottom Moment Like if everyone goes through that in their life in different ways how have you become more mindful of your fears and rock bottoms because I think often we ask people like would I look at your life and I think you've gone through so many difficult things and you know how do you deal with fears now because we all still have fears we all still have worries but I feel like you've found a way to become mindful of those things and become a bit more prepared for them well thank you I I think maybe you are seeing a good side of me because I have the hardest time doing it I don't know my fears are relatively you know they're quieter maybe I should say you know like for example this documentary coming out I am still nervous I'm nervous for the reaction um even though I know that I have good intentions behind it I think that I just have to understand that my fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of the more that I face my fears the more that I feel I'm gaining strength I'm gaining wisdom and I just want to keep doing that and I just hope to get better hope to get smarter I hope to become stronger and be a great person yeah that's I mean that's a phenomenal answer and it's yeah I don't think I'm seeing the I don't think it's a good side of you Celine I think I'm I'm like what are you I guess so I think uh you know I I don't think it's a good site because I don't believe you have a bad side and and but I but I think it's a it's your truth that we're seeing you know it's it's this it's the uh it's the essence of us yeah that I'm trying to see in you and myself and my anyone around me anyone I meet whoever you bump into it's like when you see someone's Essence that Essence is pure and is genuine it is like strong and powerful and capable and it's the everything else is not a side of us it's just stuff that covers us up right right like doesn't it feel that way like you're absolutely right yeah like I feel like I don't have a we don't have a I don't have a side of me that I don't like I have stuff that's covering over who I really am exactly and it's out of how do you navigate controlling those things and taking control of your yourself yeah yeah and I love what you just said about how confronting your fears is what gives you a sense of confidence and strength because when you get through something tough it does it feels incredible I mean walking through all of those moments that I'm you know sharing with everybody else it is really great I mean it's so sad to watch but I would not be who I am of course it's such a cliche if it wasn't for that but facing your fears and and tackling them it's the only way to get through them I feel yeah you said intention is so important there and I think that anyone who's in the public eye sometimes all you have is your intention because you can't control anything else yeah what role is intention played in your life and then with this work more clearly what is your intention for everyone who's going to watch it like what is your hope and wish for the different people that will see it but first of all what role is intention played in your life especially as things have continue to grow you know I I think maybe in the past five years I I felt like projects I was a part of even endorsements something like that the intention behind me being a part of anything needed to be good I if I did if I got a lot of money I'm just being super transparent from doing this line for a T-shirt and I've been just making this up there's a huge part of me that actually feels uncomfortable with the whole idea and that's just me I I have to think okay this is thank you but I need to figure out how this is also not going to be just about me it's going to be about everyone that's involved in this how can I turn it into hey we're gonna do some percentages to this and this is how we're gonna do the deal I then feel more comfortable stepping into a situation and accepting it but I've never based my decisions on what will get me to the top quicker what will what will um make me number one what will I break records all of those things to me are just bonuses they're just great if it happens it happens that way but that's never been my intention and some people in my position would think that's kind of stupid you know it's it's the whole point of doing it is to break these records is to do all that stuff but for me and I think the reason why I am who I am is because just enough is what I am I think that I just want to be enough and that doesn't have to be me killing myself trying to be number one on something um or striving to be number one for something it it's exhausting yeah how do you define being just enough now like what is what has that evolved and I'm sure it would change and I'm sure bro but right now what is that I feel you know I feel I feel open I feel ready for relationships and change um I will be shooting season three so I'll be in New York for quite a bit and I can't wait to see what will happen and all the people I'll meet and all the people I get to spend time with again like Stephen Marty and it'll be fun yeah I love that well Selena this has been such a beautiful conversation and the good thing is we don't have to end it here but we get to invite we get a very special guest he's joining us today a very special gift for my audience here and and our community and everyone who's listening and watching we get to have your mom on the show which is amazing it's really fun so I am so excited about this because to be able to talk to you both about the incredible work you're doing together her incredible lessons that she shared with you over time that you spoke about so beautifully today and I got to talk to her before we started recording as well and just hearing about how Innovative and creative she is yeah I mean it's amazing so if you're okay with that I'd love to I would love it bring out your moms please Mandy over in a second so we will go and grab her yeah amazing so we're so excited to have you here Manny this is amazing this is really special when when I heard that I was going to have this opportunity I I think it's always interesting hearing about someone's journey through someone else's lens especially your mom like you know who else in the world and now now my mom's gonna be upset that I haven't had her on the book I've never had German I haven't so now now I feel the pressure make my podcast I'll just make one there we go and have her on there I love it but I was gonna say you know it was just so beautiful uh in the documentary and even just now hearing what Selena had to say about the amazing impact you've had on her hearing about you going to the soup kitchens when Selena was younger uh in the documentary as I said before hearing about how he always encourage her to learn about things that scared her yeah and and that would help her I mean these are really I hope you feel extremely proud of this incredible human being and just you know from an outsider's point of view just how incredible it is to see someone sharing their truth with so much bravery so much courage and impacting the lives and saving the lives of millions of people across the world and and I'm sure you feel a big part of that sir I mean honestly I I always hope to be a role model as in the sense that I was honest about everything with her and and who I was and as a person because I feel like sometimes if parents project a Perfection then their kids feel like they have to like live up to that or or achieve more you know and I I just wanted her to always know I'm a person I'm gonna mess up and at I was 16. so I was even more of a lost person so I'm kind of surprised she came out as great as she did but yes I'm very proud of her and um you know I played a little role in it and then she's like navigated herself into a wonderful adult and there's been ups and downs but it's just been um it's been an honor to be her mother what is what does that feel like I mean that's a whole another experience having a child at 16. I mean that's that that's a very you know challenging stressful thing for yourself to go through you're obviously not mentally in a space to be raising a child because you are a child and you're trying to figure out um who you are and even in some of my really hard times I feel Selena came into this world at the perfect time because I was really lost myself and I wasn't going down the right path and then when I found out I was pregnant I was like oh I have someone who's going today I'm responsible for and they're gonna look up to me for guidance and even at a young age that hit me and I'm thankful that that hit me and that I dealt it I did allow that pressure to make sure that I was trying to do everything right for her but that was a moment that when you're 16 in that phase you're trying to figure out your path in life and I think I kind of lost a little path of my life because I had something more important and to to like take over and I think that the delay adolescence is something that um I felt like even now you know I still feel like I'm a little bit youthful even though I'm like creaking and popping when I walk you know I I still sometimes feel like I have a little bit more Adolescence in me and still things to learn and so as as a teen it was um it was really challenging and it was really one of those beautiful like vortexes of of being young and being able to keep up with a child and having that energy so I was able to go to school I went to a conservatory after so I would take her to school and when she started kindergarten and then I would go to school and then I would go to work and then I'd come home and do her homework and put her to bed then do my homework and do it all over and I think about that now and I'm like no way no way I'm like I have a hard time getting up for my my little one now so I was like I was way too young then then I'm like way too old no but you know what I mean it was just like where was The Sweet Spot I just kind of skimmed by it and you know accepted the challenge no that's incredible moms are amazing I know how moms do it Mom's across the world my mom included just yeah unbelievable resilience and unbelievable found tolerance and you know that I mean that sounds like such an incredible journey and you know as you were telling me earlier you haven't yet managed to watch the documentary right I've seen Parts but you haven't been able to bring yourself to actually watch it tell us about what that feels like and how hard that is well first everyone's telling me how fabulous it is so it's like making me it's making me more and more eager to kind of put that guard down but the reason why is because like we lived some of that together we've went through that and we've found healing and we've moved past some of it and even if it's um something that she went through and I didn't know she went through it it's as a mother it's gonna affect me of like oh it's gonna hurt my stomach it's gonna put me in that mindset and I I'm gonna wish I could go and protect her and she you know she was amazing and came through so much that I already feel like I protect you a lot yeah and I I was like maybe I could just get through the holidays to not where I'm going up to her all the time going I'm sorry I didn't know you know because mothers do like you know you want to take away your kid's pain you don't want them to have to experience that even though that is part of developing who they're going to be and you know who we all are is our pain and our suffering and our growth so it's like I I either I'm gonna have to be in that mood where it's that time where I'm just like I'm not getting out of bed today and I already know I'm going to be a little funky um and then watch it and then just be alone and kind of cry and then call her and tell her I'm sorry that I wasn't there in that moment but you know it you just can't helicopter parent so it just it just feels all right like her first breakup she ever had I cried yeah I was like oh enough to like the movies like they didn't make it I love it so mum's hot though that's a mom's Heart Like unless you're a mom you can't you don't you know talk to it it's hard to fully understand like yeah just everything you just said there of like wow look we've already lived through that we've healed through that to revisit that again that's painful to feel a sense of guilt that I wasn't there for someone in a certain way I didn't know what they were going through that carries a single I mean Selena hearing that from your mom like what does it feel like when she's like she hasn't been able to watch it because of all of this how does that feel well it's it's not far off I've only seen it twice wow um and I I've premiered it a few times for people and I've stepped away from watching it I think I relate to my mom because some of those moments were really hard and it's not so much if you don't mind me like saying this it's not you not being there it was me not letting you be there that was the hardest part and it was also not letting most of my my people like my family in because I was in so much pain and I was walking through all these things and and in a way I am glad that I walked through some of it alone because it made me who I am but at the same time it breaks my heart to know that I had to walk through that when I didn't need to do it alone um so it's very much it's I relate to her I understand why she feels that way for sure and I get it so yeah it's wonderful hearing both your perspectives on it because I think it again just just you being him Andy and I'm so grateful that you genuinely are here because it it just grounds us back into we're not watching a TV show right like I think Alec did such a great job with it because I I even though I'm not feeling his mother it's like I I can feel what you're saying through the way the story's told but I think often when we watch things like this we're like oh yeah that's a TV show it's not someone's life and then when I'm sitting all of a sudden with you I'm like oh no no but this is real life like this is someone's actual life and emotions and that you know that having your voice in this conversation is so useful for that well I mean I look at at like kind of go when we're going to um the premiere last night I I had a moment before where I was crying I'm like I'm gonna need to cry and just get it over with even though I was just there to support her and I didn't watch the film um the power and the fear which I always call fear the false existence appear in real and so like the fear is like everyone is seeing you in your darkest moment and that it's out there for the world to judge and and they will judge it however they will because even you know again not seeing the documentary I hear it's very real and raw and honest and open to do something like that it's it's for me I cry out of fear of like how you were feeling and like how I could protect you and then I was like I know that the little bit I did in in the the interview I was down a week afterwards because it did put me back in that place even though we weren't there and I I blacked out the minute you know Alex said action and he was so nice about it and um my lovely friend dear friend Emily who does my hair and makeup she was like she was like they're going because she was all crying and then she's like I didn't know I'm like well now everyone's gonna know and there's something beautiful to that because it's you're exposing a lot and that can be fearful but you're also giving a lot if that's how you look at it and so I think it can make those dark moments really beautiful yeah yeah well I think that's something you as a family seem to have definitely embodied the idea of using your pain to serve others figuring out a way to make sure that these stories are not just told in silos but they help other people feel connected and you know with what you're doing with Wonder mind like tell us a bit about the mission behind why you founded them why you brought that to life because I feel it comes from the same place of like we're going through these things personally but we also know this is a collective Global Challenge and so we want to be a part of supporting those communities when I was really young uh and I was about seven years old I did have my first and only suicide attempt wow however you say it and it it it didn't happen seven years old and I think that traces back the time of always not feeling like I like nothing around me made sense in my world and it was just like I felt like I was and you know nothing bad was happening it's just like this seems wrong to me this seems wrong to me I seem wrong like how how do I fix this but from that moment I've always carried I think that moment in my life in my mind of like not wanting anyone to ever feel that way which is what led us to 13 Reasons Why and some of her fans opening up to us when I read that I knew that needed to be a conversational piece and from the response of what it it did and opening those conversations I inspired me to do more but it was like about the timing of what what we wanted to do and how we're going to use it and so collaborating and and figuring out what's missing out there uh as a support system was the ecosystem that we're we're you know planning and working tirelessly to create where all of it is cohesive and you have one place to go to see that you know we actually Target it really a filter of fillings so everybody has feelings that might not be a diagnosed medical condition but also how can we put out content every day that you know keeps it light but keeps it real and keeps it open for conversation and build a community where everyone will feel safe and not ashamed of like a feeling that they're having and not ashamed um I heard you guys talking about perfection it's like I I I don't like to pretend there is perfection you know I I like I think Perfection kind of puts a little bit of pressure whenever you can just be like just be and like so I you know I'm not a big social media fan but um definitely go to wonder mine where we share positive messages but um I think what you know inspired me was creating this for everyone and content for people to have access to that can't afford to get treatment or don't need treatment but they need someone to say hey check this out you know so it's really for everybody yeah thank you so much for sharing your personal experience though because I can imagine that you know the fact that you've held that close to you for this long and now that's coming out in this beautiful way but when you're holding on to it it doesn't feel that beautiful always I mean Selena how old were you when you first learned about your mind I don't think and this is probably fair enough to say like she she never really hid a lot of stuff um when I was younger I never was aware that we didn't have enough I was never she did such a great job of I feel weird talking about you were under right here but you did Mama you did of of being who's this woman you speak of um I have like explaining situations to me that we would be in and um and I feel around 18 I kind of started to realize more of her story and obviously it broke my heart and there are things that I never knew were going on and she did such a great job of just letting me have a really great childhood and um then once I realized we could be open and honest with each other that's kind of how wondermind started as well we we really you know ended up working together on an interview and we we shared such interest with you know the person I was interviewing with us and we thought hey this is something we could probably do together and it happened that way and it was it's been really fun I I do want to I know this is like a Love Fest but like I do want to there's a moment that um like you touched me during that time that I don't even know if you remember I remember I was doing that going to school going to work trying to get her out of the the neighborhood I grew up in and try to give her a better life and this was pre-her doing anything besides directing films with kids on the street yep but she he wasn't doing anything professionally I was sitting in front of a mirror and I was trying to get ready and I just started crying I was crying I was crying and she come up behind me and she was so young and she like started playing with my hair and and she's like what's wrong and I said I just don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing and she goes you'll figure it out just keep going and it was like I was like she's already smarter than me so yeah it's like it was like a really good like strong moment like you don't ever want to you know I I think being vulnerable in front of her allows you know the vulnerability to you know be welcomed yeah absolutely yeah I think that's I think that's so true as we're growing up it's like we often look at our parents as perfect unless they let us in yeah or by the time you figure out that they're not and and it's interesting that you're saying that at least you thought you were just always open and honest with what you were going through and with with your own challenges and your own struggles when you're when you're going through your own stuff and you're watching your child go through their stuff like what's going through a mother's mind in that situation like how are you dealing with your own stresses and pains and trying to be there and often as as Selena said and you said children don't want their parents involved at a certain time right like I can relate to that completely like I think you know I listen to everything my parents said up until I I was 13 years old and then from like 13 to 25 I didn't want to hear from them and then after 25 I was like oh you guys were the best yeah yeah you're right but everything and you go through that Journey so you know when when your child doesn't want your help when when your child is not allowing you in like what goes through a parent's mind especially when they're going through their own work themselves I just needed more therapy and and a feeling um and if you feel because I I want to use this term lightly like you feel like you failed in some capacity so then you're like I know I took that opportunity to try to see maybe where were the missteps I took as a parent was I too open with her was I too liberal with her or you know should I not let her do Barney you know like it's just all these decisions that that you know what you make you just reflect on and I think I think um as parents we have um this capacity to decompartmentalize your feelings and then prioritizing everyone else's like I was telling you earlier when we were we were talking it was it's easier to bury your stuff and then kind of focus which then becomes unhealthy for the receiving party and for yourself because you're not taking care of yourself so um I I was I went through it um a lot of days didn't get out of bed there was just like a lot of crying a lot of therapy and I had a therapist because I also I had a miscarriage during the madness and you know I had this therapist who gave me the best advice ever she's like just I need you to leave your house once a day and go go to the movies buy a ticket I don't care if you watch it but every day you need receipts that you left your house and so I would like walk through the mall just like crying being lost and you know not knowing what to do and I would buy stuff and I'd have to go and take it to her in each session and I didn't I didn't even ask her the purpose I was like she's just trying to get me to get out of the house and um then I realized the whole like after about six weeks of doing that I started feeling more comfortable with being even more vulnerable because I'm crying and I know the world's gonna be okay and nobody's judging me people are asking me hey are you okay that kind of thing and you know I'm just like no and then you know you just keep walking but like that judgment that everybody's afraid of it showed me that you know because I was mad that I failed as a mother and this is in my eyes not like you you know like I felt as Selena's mother and then I also my body hurt my other baby so I was like angry at myself completely and I needed to see that oh the world's alive and there is forgiveness and I can still find happiness for myself because I was just like being a mom with something and the only thing I really knew to do since the age of 15. so when that's gone you're you're just like oh I'm supposed to have hobbies that don't even tell my child I'm supposed to do things you know so it was um a lot of growing you know and it's hard when you're in it but when you get out of it it's fantastic it really is it's just you feel lighter and you feel like more hopeful you know and that then when you have that next opportunity or that next you know downtrodden moment you know you're gonna get out of it it's like all right I just gotta get through this just gotta figure it out gotta Vibe through it and and then it'll it will pass yeah so I think yeah you were talking about Rock Bottom a little bit earlier yeah definitely hitting rock bottom it does it feels like you're breaking through what's really refreshing hearing both of you together is just I feel like this is gonna heal a lot of parent children relationships like listening to you both today because I'm just thinking so often we think our thoughts to ourselves and we never share them with the people that those thoughts are about yeah so you know I'm sure there's so many children out there who their thoughts are like I wish my parents did this better and my parents could have done this and those are valid thoughts and then there's parents out there at the same time having the same thought of like I wish I didn't do that to them and I would you know and often we just never find out we never know because we don't get to have these open honest dialogues and so I really think this on top of everything this is really going to inspire a lot of parents yeah it's because it's even even listening to you I'm just I'm thinking of my parents and I'm thinking of my friend's parents and I'm thinking that everyone needs to be able to open their heart because somewhere everyone's painting themselves the villain and someone's painting themselves as the person who messed up and got everything wrong yeah and in our head we're thinking oh they got away with it or you know they don't they're not aware of it so I find I mean did you were you always open to therapy and always open to this self-work was that a part of who you were as well always and that was or was there something you kind of turned to at a certain well I will tell you a haunting little secret that um when I was really young in junior high I wanted to be a criminal psychologist so um that's why I always say that she's making fun of me in murders maybe that's that one day I'm that person but um I I was already reading on serial killers at that age because I was fascinated with the the mind and I didn't come from you know an environment where therapy was even talked about but I just at a certain age I really felt like super depressed and so I had to go out and explore it myself and go through tons of doctors and you know you would say one thing and it was just like they go hey are you seeing things I'm like I saw a black butterfly the other day and they go oh so you're hallucinating and I'm like am I so like I had to go and I wasn't but it was a real black butterfly so they I had to learn like how to understand myself and and my mind um on my own and um finally I also I I did I went away to a facility and it was the first time I got to really spend all that time it was best uh 28 days that I I've spent and you know on myself and um yeah you just like you have to kind of build that relationship with your mind and and I think people are so afraid of being honest with themselves because then they have to face it but what like helped me is I realized like you know in this relationship I was parenting her the way I needed to be parented not what she was needing and that is how I feel like I made my contribution to Healing this relationship was like okay pull back I need to know her and her needs not like be the mama bear even though I still haven't lost that completely but like you know sometimes I just need to listen and not fix it and and so that was the biggest thing I think um I really went on a little tell spin there but like that was the biggest thing that I I learned through you know that whole time that we were separated it was like seeing who I was and how other people see me and I do that every day I'll say something I'm like okay how did that come off to someone else you know because I have ADHD so I'm quick to like spurt out whatever's in my brain and then like they really didn't need to know that but it's out there in the world now the self the self work in this room is the amount of like self-reflection and self-awareness in this room is really strong this is yeah this is yeah this is very powerful stuff no and and you did not get lost on a tangential I I think everything you just shared with us even you just coming to that conclusion of knowing that you're parenting someone that you deeply love in a way that you wanted to be parented I think that is at the core of so much of how we all live yeah right we're all loving people the way we wish we were loved and we're all hurting people the way we wish we weren't hurt and it's it's so it's it's just fascinating when we finally you know look beneath the surface and uncover why it's all there and yeah where it is and to do that together and separately I love this idea that there were times when you had to do this at a distance from each other as well I think that's such a healthy message to be out there as well in the world I think we're often all trying to solve all our issues in the same place yeah definitely I think there are moments even you know even in friendships where it wasn't necessary for me to take a step back and um figure out what is serving me what's not serving me what makes me happy what's challenging me what's helping me move forward versus what's not I think it's really important I think when we're looking from the outside in we we limit people to certain experiences we remember them for certain people we expect them to be with people that they're meant to be around the way families are meant to be like there's all these meant to be yeah and and then it's like well no in reality there's space there's distance there's reflection there's there's the need for all of these things with with the work that you're talking about earlier with me as well in terms of how you're now taking these messages on screen yeah you know which you're sharing which I know is such a big part of the work and I I feel so excited about that like that fills me with the greatest amount of Joy knowing that we're going to see better representation of mental health on screen I think that's that's huge uh where did you start to realize that from 13 Reasons Why as we spoke about earlier like where did you start to realize that was so important for people to see that representation on screen well I think it comes back to not wanting people to feel like I did at seven years old it's like I'm so open like with you know oh I'm bipolar or that I have ADHD you know I was misdiagnosed for a while so like I was always so open with it and you know even in a town where they're so accepting in certain capacities it it's still like well she she's not stable and I even would joke and go yeah I'm crazy I'm crazy I'm crazy and and I was like not supporting myself in that and I didn't want anybody to feel that way so you know during 13 reasons why we worked tirelessly the entire team to make sure we were executing the the whole point of it and that you know we're losing teens every day to suicide and it's it's horrible and unnecessary and you know how do we how can we as adults and that's why it was so important I think for me and Selena to go out and talk about it so parents would watch it together you know and once that got the reaction it got you know I heard different opinions and I wanted to hear everyone whether they thought it was a bad idea a great idea it touched them it offended them like I really like listened to everything and all the you know data and I've always been someone who enjoyed storytelling and so I I like to tell stories and if I can you know show and like I was telling you earlier I like using Silver Linings Playbook because they're bipolar but they're having a life they're having a relationship and as it may come with challenges every relationship comes with challenges it's not just mental mental issue that someone has that causes those challenges we're all people and if we just learn to understand each other there'll be less fear of it and then people will get more treatment and they'll just be more happiness and I know sometimes I feel like I'm being like the world's gonna be happy you know kind of like that but you know and again like my adolescence that's still there but I I that's what inspires me is to um I scared off people by talking about myself in a negative way and by you know not sharing enough so it's like or sharing too much so then it's like navigating that and like you know like I I mentioned like one who Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and growing erupted favorite films loved them but that's not the reality Selena or I live in every day you know I have been in a facility and but it was not like what's being portrayed it was it was a beautiful experience and and made me a better person for it so it just like media loves to you know tell all of the bad stuff it's like we could use it as as like educational without preaching and so like let's just tell stories of real people dealing with mental health issues in different capacities and show that you can that you're all right you're gonna make it it's like and you just need to give yourself that that permission and then once you give yourself that permission you're gonna come out a happier person I like I embrace my ADHD like I really do yeah we have a lot of fun together well I think this is painting a beautiful picture of just how like we always want growth to be this perfect line right you know we expect expect growth in families individually to just look like oh we're just all growing at the same time and isn't this beautiful and it's like well no growth is not that way yeah and growth is being patient when my daughter wants to grow this way and yeah I'm trying to figure this out or I'm going to be patient while my mom pivots and shifts and that's what growth is growth is being patient with each other and growth is holding space and being okay when we're not being the nicest people to each other absolutely there's so much more to growth and so I want to thank you both for displaying then sharing that with us today no thank you because it's uh yeah it's it's special seeing it from this perspective for sure um rather than either or I we we end every on-purpose episode with a final five which I'm gonna ask to both of you okay um so you'll do one question at a time each okay uh and these are one word to one sentence maximum great um they are not questions like what's your favorite color okay uh they're all thoughtful questions okay as you would expect okay so uh question number one is what is the best advice you've ever received or heard when it comes to Mental Health I'm sure it's like in a brene brown book man I'm feeling great right on my wrist yeah I think though the best advice that had been given is is probably what I have thoroughly said throughout my documentary and speaking with you is is learning how to make it a part of your life like that's why I say make it your friend because I think you have to understand why and sometimes you may not always know why but if you can understand that it's a feeling like my mom said where maybe this will pass and and maybe you just gotta go through it and you have to have the day in bed crying you have to do those things in order to figure out what it is that's going to set you free from it um maybe that would be my advice make you a practice Yeah um I think mine was uh take your time that was what I was told when I went to that's true yeah take your time it's really good yeah yeah what's some of the second question what's some of the worst advice you've ever heard or received when it comes to mental health that it's all in my head and I can just control it like stop having bad thoughts yeah yeah I was gonna say somewhere along the lines of like you're fine I mean yeah I had someone say to me literally like you're so dramatic you make up everything you know that was so hurtful the worst I felt in the worst calmed down it's like has that ever worked all right question number three how would you both Define your individually your current purpose in life I fully feel that I am exactly where I'm meant to be I am meant to share my story and in this season of my life I want to be loved the way I love people I want to give the way people live so generously given to me and I want to continue to work on become a becoming a better and a happier person every day it's a beautiful purpose I've received so now I want to give oh wow this is this is really beautiful answers our question number four uh what's something you used to value that you don't value that much anymore oh people's opinions I agree it's so exhausting I I would say it is nice to hear great things but I I accept compliments in a in a manner where I can appreciate them but I I have to learn how to just know that I gotta keep a straight head I gotta like understand that everything is a gift and not to let things get to my head yeah because I always say um if you accept all the compliments in internally then you'll have to accept all the negative so just be careful just like be selective with what you let in yeah yeah yeah there's a beautiful quote I can't remember who said it but it says uh uh don't let compliments get to your head and criticism get to your heart yeah I love that yeah I love that that was very poetic with what yeah I was trying to say it's been said Thank you thank you for just repeating it no no but I think it's such a beautiful yeah it is and yeah and and I think that's also when we're mindful of giving compliments to others I think something that I've learned is that I I enjoy and we've talked about this today I I really enjoyed the art of learning to see someone's Essence it's something that I try and live by because and then when you want to compliment someone it's like how do you give a compliment that is an empty flattery or that isn't just surface level and I think when we get compliments like that they don't go to our head they do go to our heart yeah you know it's different so I hope that we can also learn to complement each other and more yeah you know beautiful and genuine ways Fifth and final question question number five is if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be practicing forgiveness wow I I probably would would say something super simple and cheesy but treat others the way you want to be treated yeah and then we throw in the Forgiveness yeah and honestly that's the biggest thing yeah forgiveness yeah yeah I say we can't paint all right let's do it Mom forgiveness Cafe that's right wait can I ask you a question yeah okay when is the last time you did something for the first time oh wow where did that come from okay when was the last time I've been practicing this time then the most interesting answer that came to mind straight away even though it was a couple of months ago now I went trekking with gorillas in Rwanda wow and it was that it was amazing it was yeah it was a few months ago and it was the most incredible experience that sounds like wild yeah so they're mountain gorilla and they're not you don't they don't have any technology on them or you know they're not treated a certain way they're not in a zoo or they're not trapped you're in their home and you have to set out early in the morning to go and look for them and the people that are doing these tours they know where they usually are so they take you in that direction oh my God then you finally discover like this family of gorillas and I thought I'd see one or two I was very I wasn't skeptical but I was kind of like yeah who knows you know right we saw 18 gorillas like a family so no so you know I wish they cuddle each other oh yeah but they don't they the guides tell us that the only thing you have to do is maintain your distance you're not allowed to try and touch them or their kids because they see that as violent but the gorillas are just so peaceful and they're so calm and they have this sound that they make this is my favorite part of the experience so we were told by our guide that if you make this sound it basically tells the gorillas we come in peace and so this sound is so you have to make that sound and the gorillas make it back to you or they'll do it to you as they come closer just to let you know hey we're not trying to harm you we're just going to walk past you I love that it is really special so that was the most recent memory of something well that's a hell of a one I know I was like yeah he's like yeah that was beautiful yeah it was really it was really truly special it was uh you know it's just being with another creature that another form of life that is uninterested in you yeah it's it's very humbling in a good way yeah yeah this form of life doesn't even care that I exists taking pictures and the girl is just like yeah whatever yeah I'm like okay that's a good question I guess that's a good question well Selena Amanda you have both been so gracious with your time today you've been so kind and generous with your energy and this documentary is going to change so many lives and it is going to shift the culture of how we share our pain in a way that truly positively impacts the lives of people across the world and so thank you both we really appreciate it so much thank you for sharing your heart for years for sharing your soul and for taking the time to create something that's truly going to be talked about for years and years to come oh boy thanks thank you Jay you're the best thank you for your friendship as well of course Mandy thank you for opening up so vulnerably with us today about your experiences about you know all the gifts and the challenges that come with loving family and each other and also for leading as part of this movement and everything you're doing with Wonder mind and trying to help people all across the world with mental health and wellness thank you so much for your commitment to that no and thank you thank you for everything you do yeah yes all together we can make it happen I love it yeah thank you yes perfect thank you if you enjoyed this video you will love my interview with Kendall Jenner on insecurity and finding confidence can't wait for you to watch it