Transcript for:
Three Rules for Success and Happiness

I'm a big productivity improvement self-help junkie where I'll be like okay I gotta make my bed now every morning make the bed cold shower do the Goggins mode hard shit early yeah you know just eat that frog that's so tempting but all that shit sets you up for failure. Hey there I'm Matt D'Avella and welcome to my short form podcast three rules. Each episode I ask a guest to share three rules that help them find success and happiness. Today I'm joined by Eugene Teo. a fitness coach and educator known for his no-nonsense approach to training, mobility, and building a strong, pain-free body. With a deep focus on practical science-backed methods, Eugene has helped thousands of people improve their movement, strength, and overall well-being. What's rule number one for you? So rule number one is timing everything that I do. Like now, I've got stopwatch going, lap timer is just on the go. So you're on the clock, Matt. Okay, pressure's on. Yeah, you better write faster. I time everything. And when I talk about that, people start thinking, oh, it's a productivity thing. You're trying to maximize your time. You are trying to homosify everything and get more shit done and set a deadline for all your tasks. And it's actually not about that for me. I can definitely see that as being a happy accidental side effect of it for me. But for me, it's more just about awareness and mindfulness. of whatever it is that I'm doing because you're probably in a similar situation where you'll get to the end of a work day and you feel like you've been so busy but you but you don't have anything to show for it and you're like what have I done and you get frustrated with yourself you get really beat up and you start just tearing something you're worthless you've done nothing today and I go through those cycles all the time where I'll get seriously depressed and I'll really talk down upon myself for saying you've done nothing you're worthless you've wasted eight hours or where'd that day go where'd that week go And this is a simple reminder, which ties into some of my other rules that I live my life by, but of saying, where did the time go? Not that it has to go to work. Like how many billable hours that I accrue today, maybe it's only going to be two, but I did accrue eight billable hours in lifestyle of keeping me happy, connections, family, whatever. It could just be taking care of myself by going for a walk because I need to clear my head about something. And at least I can recognize where the time went. Then I can make peace with that. And I think the timing thing was so powerful for me because I'm a big productivity improvement self-help junkie where I'll be like, okay, I got to make my bed now. Every morning, make the bed, cold shower, do the Goggins mode hard shit early. Yeah. You know, just eat that frog. That's so tempting. But all that shit sets you up for failure because it has an expectation assigned to it. You have to do this. It's a pass fail. Make your bed or not, or you're fucked up. And your whole life will be unraveled. There is no expectation here to me timing things. I just set the stopwatch, hit go, set the time when a new task starts, and that's it. I don't care if editing a video takes me five hours when it normally took me one hour. I don't care if it took me two hours to script something and normally it takes me 20 minutes or even longer. I just note it down. It seems like it's just a simple stopwatch. Start, stop. Start, stop, lap. Walk me through what that might look like in terms of chunks on a... typical day and also how you're able to look back at like how you spent your time yeah uh in a given day yeah so i've got a humongous to-do list like i'm sure you do we've got things that will never get completed um i have that as a running tally every single day that i'll be looking at and i'll be pulling out things that i know have to get done without becoming more urgent and i'll say there's 10 of those things that i've pulled out from the list of 50 i've assigned a rough budget of time to those those things I said, okay, realistically, I can get through these 10 things today or five things maybe on a certain day. And then I just start working through it. So, like I said, for my morning routine, I spend that first 10 minutes getting my day, starting with the to-do list. Then I get stuck into the first task. Whether it's four 15-minute tasks that will be timed and all lap timed or it could just be one two-hour task. That could be what it is until my first big switch where it becomes Meadow wakes up and it's family time, it's dog time. And that's... two or three hours that I just know I'm going to just, I don't want to say lose, but I'm going to spend on something different. Yeah. And then it's, I guess in a way it's keeping you accountable too, because you're like, well, okay, I've been with family now three hours. I really probably should be getting back to work and prioritizing. Honestly, it's the other way around because I'm a workaholic. I love being able to just sit there and spend 12 hours straight working. I love being in meetings with people, chatting with people, being productive in that sense. And I will never stop. and I'd be hanging out with Meadow thinking to myself, I should be doing this right now. I'm thinking about this next meeting. I'm thinking about this next work task. But now that I know I've assigned time. to different things, now I can be present in that two-hour window with Meadow. And they're the best two hours of my life because I don't think about work anymore. I literally just stop thinking about work, which I've never been able to do for the past 30 years of my life. It's always been just, you've got shit to do, get to work. Or this is looming, get this done. Now, that's all just changed from something so simple as me saying, no, you'll get to this work task at 4 p.m. today because it's on your to-do list and you know you've got your timer. set we've got these three hours are budgeted for meadow make sure she gets those three hours because if i had those three hours budgeted to write my next youtube video i'm giving that youtube video there's three hours undivided why am i not giving it to my partner why am i not giving it to meadow why am i letting myself be distracted i'm not sitting there thinking about oh my god i should be thinking about meadow right now i'm just i'm thinking about the work there's a big mismatch and those are the sort of questions i ask myself in this whole big reinvention of like why am I so unhappy how do I live my life I was like where are my deficits in life right now I'm very good at work I'm very good at content creation all that kind of stuff where am I really lacking I'm lacking a lot in my personal development I'm lacking a lot in my relationships and my family life and I don't want to live my life that way some people love living their life that way they're very happy to just be the workaholic I say cool that's fine but that's not for me So they may take a slightly different approach to timing things and just, and they may look at it from a productivity, get shit done, beat the clock. Let's get these tasks done all the time. But for me, it's just accountability, as you say. What's rule number two for you? Rule number two is taking five minutes morning and night for me to journal. I keep it very simple. I try not to make it too complicated with a lot of different ideas and trying to like make it a really extensive to-do list or anything like that. I just have some very simple prompts I ask myself at the start and close of each day. The close makes more sense. So we'll start there. I ask myself, what went well today? What didn't go well today? What am I grateful for? What lessons have I learned? And then I also have a couple of more open-ended questions that may change, which could be like, what have I learned or what will I change? What will I do differently? What have I really enjoyed? And then the final question is, what will I do tomorrow? What am I excited about tomorrow? And that sets up a little bit more of my to-do list, which then flows into the next day's morning journaling, where I look back and I say, okay, all these things I'm grateful for from the last day, all these things that I'm happy about and not happy about, the things I need to improve, I can pull them into today's to-do list and then actually have a to-do list I've got to write up for myself in that five-minute window. I keep it short intentionally. One thing, because it's simple, so it's low barrier, but also... I keep it small so I don't get stuck into a procrastination spiral because you can always just keep going on and on and on and writing more to-do lists and writing more prompts and keep going with it. We don't want that. I just want it to be simple so I can get on with my day and get started and have an anchor point. Yeah. I really think so much of self-improvement is about self-awareness. And I think a lot of people go through the world blind to how they may be coming across in certain situations. to their own thought patterns. And so something like journaling, specifically these prompts, which are great, are just like a really quick way to kind of gut check yourself and kind of see where you're at and how you're progressing over time. Because I imagine if you keep running into the same problems over and over and over again, it's like, okay, I'm gonna have to eventually, it's not about beating yourself up, but eventually I'm gonna have to address some of the root causes of why these things keep happening. Or- just accept them. I'm going to get into internet fights every once in a while. That's part of the business. You know what I mean? Like maybe it's more about approaching it in a way that doesn't really affect you negatively as much. Exactly right. Exactly. A big part of is acceptance and knowing that, yeah, there are going to be some things you're just going to have to just live with. And then ask yourself, can you happily live with that? And I can for like internet wars. I'm happy with that until it affects family life. Yeah. or the the version of me that i bring to the world because i do know if i get too caught up in the internet fights i become very negative as i just first glance like i don't want to be that kind of person that's like another another these are this is actually another prompt i do um put in that journal well sorry i don't put in the journal but i ask myself in this journaling moment and this is like a slight extra rule but also we'll call it a part 2b to the rule it's this principle based on um be do have which you may have heard of before essentially It's built on this idea that so many people are living their life backwards, where we think, let's take it from a physical fitness perspective. If I have that shredded dream physique, then I'll be able to do all these really cool things with business or relationships, and then I'll finally be happy and I'll feel fulfilled and achieved because I've done all those things. Whereas life happens in the reverse. If you decide who you want to be every single day, that will then dictate to you the things that you must do and how you must live your life. And then you'll be able to have all the things you really wanted with happiness and achievements or whatever else it may be. So what that means for me is every single morning I ask myself, just mentally in my head, I don't need to write this down. Sometimes I might need to though, you know? So what kind of father do I want to be? What kind of business owner do I want to be? What kind of friend do I want to be? What kind of partner? What kind of family member do I want to be? And how would that person act? How should that person act? in for today or for in this current situation if i'm at a crossroads if i've been introduced to a new business venture or a really big whatever decision say what would a good business owner do they might do they might work harder but what would a good family member do what would a good father do might be a bit different which one do i want to be pulled more towards and also importantly what am i choosing to do instead or what am i choosing to do in general what is like the devil on your shoulder saying you should do you And being aware of those things. Because as soon as I started living my life in alignment with who I want to actually be, that really opened up a lot of doors for me in terms of... Well, it gave me a lot of clarity on what I need to do each day. Whereas otherwise it used to just be chaos. I want to do everything. Yeah. Or I'm just sort of open to just being a very reactive person to everything that gets thrown at me in life. Whereas now I have these grounding thoughts to help me weed through distractions, to help me weed through... Whatever life throws at me and just say, okay, no, you've got this opportunity. You've had this thing happening in your life. What kind of person do you want to be? Is it a good father? Okay, how would a good father respond to the situation? What would they do? How would they show courage? How would they show up? How would they act? And then just do that. Even if it doesn't feel good. Even if it doesn't feel comfortable or habitual or instinctive to you. People think that you're just born a certain way. But everything is trained in life, in my opinion. All your personality traits, they're trained and we're habitual creatures and you can affect those habits through intention and that's, these help, these help guide me a lot. I'm going to be back with the third and final rule in a moment, but first, one of the ways I'm supporting this podcast is through Patreon. 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Thanks for considering. What's your third rule for either success or happiness? My third rule for life that's really helped me so much has been having a very simple wardrobe, which is something I've had a lot of questions on the past year because that's what I've been implementing it for. It's only been maybe the past 12 to 18 months where I've done away with all my gym gear. So all of my... joggers, hoodies, whatever. And what you're seeing me in now is the same outfit I wear every single day in different color configurations. But even then, I have very specific color configurations I shoot towards. And this is probably a very simple one that people are very familiar with. You know, Steve Jobs does it, Mark Zuckerberg does it, you do it as well. Very simple, minimalistic wardrobe. But it's taken out so much stress, hassle from the day of decision-making. But also... from a content creation perspective. Oh, I know this well. It's helped so much. Yes, it really does. From reshooting stuff. Let's take that B-roll from the other day, which I was wearing the same exact thing in. Yeah. It has been so profound. But for me as a gym person, like I'm training a lot. I'm in this environment a lot. So I had to choose outfits that were versatile for both gym and life and for being a dad or whatever, I can go out and... And so people ask me like, why are you wearing these hiking boots or why are you wearing these... these work pants or whatever, or these jeans when you're training. Like, well, they're comfortable and they're versatile. And, like, I don't sweat and stink that much. So, I can leave the gym and go on with my day. and not worry about a thing i guess how much time do you think it's saved you in terms of what you wear every day your daily routine um being able to have the same exact wardrobe that you go to every single day in terms of time saved not that much you know maybe five minutes a day which does add up definitely mental strain huge humongous but also the regret where i'd look back on footage Or just look back on photos or whatever. I could, don't think about content correction, could just be about like a photo I took of my family. I'm like, man, that was a really bad outfit choice. Yeah. It looks like an idiot. Yeah. Now, I mean, I can have that issue now as well. Yeah. Telling yourself like, what was I thinking wearing those pants? Yeah. Every day too. Yeah. I've ruined, I've ruined the whole year of footage. Yeah. You're really placing a bet on this outfit. I really am. I really am. Although I do feel like there's a lot less regret associated with things. there's a lot of decisions around this what have you learned about embracing a minimalist wardrobe that you would like people to know who are maybe hesitant about doing it for themselves first i would wonder what the resistance is and for me the resistance to adopting a minimalism the first i feel like what i wear told a big story about who i was like wearing like different stylish clothes or different t-shirts different band t-shirts sort of to show off my music or whatever you And that was a hard thing to sort of get rid of. Like I've got hundreds of band t-shirts from different concerts and whatnot I've been to. I never wear them anymore because it's not part of my wardrobe. But that was a big thing that was hard for me to get rid of. And I feel like a lot of people have that resistance with certain items of clothing for whatever reason. But I do feel like when you find your staple wardrobe, your, as you say, uniform, which I think is a perfect word for it. When you find your uniform, that can speak volumes about who you are. That is the title thumbnail combo of Matt D'Avella. Sure. Not plain white t-shirt, boring man, but we know what you're about up front. Right. No fuss, simple, and efficient, which is great. And that doesn't mean that everybody's minimalist wardrobe will say that. Because you can have a very exuberant, outgoing, wacky minimalist wardrobe. It doesn't mean just the one colored t-shirt or the one thing. It can be the style. Like I have 10 t-shirts that have different colors in the same cut. So you've got to find for yourself what does that mean for you. Minimalism has gotten the bad rap, I guess in the wardrobe sense, because they see a Steve Jobs or a Mark Zuckerberg or even us who just wear the one t-shirt or whatever. Right. Lifeless, not creative. Yeah. Whereas it's more just about the concept and how much do you want to apply to yourself. And it could just be one t-shirt, one pair of pants, one pair of underwear for the rest of your life and just that's it. But give yourself the freedom if you want to, just dip your feet in. And you'll start to see the benefits of it. Well, Eugene, those are the three rules. Thank you so much for doing the show. Thank you. I really appreciate the time. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. If you want to get these rules summarized into a weekly newsletter, you can subscribe at mattdiavella.com slash three rules. Thanks so much to Eugene for joining me. Check out the links in the description to learn more about his work.