You lost her and it hurts. It's been maybe keeping you up at night, stressing you out, you're consumed by it, you want this woman back in your life, but you don't know how to go about it. Maybe you've tried many different things and it hasn't gotten you the results you've been looking for.
Maybe you've taken other people's advice and still you're not in the position you want to be in because that woman that you care about, that you love, has yet to come back to you. But I'm going to lead you in a direction that's going to help you achieve what you're looking for. So, let's get right to it, all right. Number one step in getting her back is regain your masculine energy.
Now, what do I mean by this? I've seen a lot of men, I've had a lot of men DM me hurt because they lost their woman and they may be begging, they may be crying, they may be doing all types of things hoping that she will come back. And... You have to understand as a man, as a human being trying to win someone back out of gaining their sympathy is not a smart tactic, all right.
Because when you're in this state of being overly emotional, when you're begging, when you're coming across as weak and I don't say that to be disrespectful to you, but that's how it can come across that makes you less attractive to her. That doesn't create more desire in this woman, all right. If anything, it can repulse her. Now, yes, are there some situations where we've seen women fall for the sympathy or fall into that trap of sympathizing enough to take this man back?
Yeah, that's possible, but what kind of relationship are you now setting yourself up for? So, even if you can succeed with getting her back through those methods you're going to pay a bigger price for it. So, to regain your masculinity is to come across as more confident, to be poise, to stand strong in who you are as a man and yes, in your desire for this woman. There's nothing wrong with you wanting this woman back. There's nothing wrong with apologizing or acknowledging your wrongs.
There's nothing wrong with trying to make things right with this woman, but there's a difference between again, begging, pleading, crying, and being a confident man who understands that I am going to clearly express my feelings to this woman, but... If I cannot get her back I'm going to remain standing strong because that's the thing you're going into this trying so hard to make it happen that if that in that moment you don't get the reaction the response you want it breaks you again. And now you're back into that weak place you're back into walking away from your masculine energy and again, only making yourself less desirable to her.
So, you've really got to gain control of that because This is where a lot of men go wrong and you've got to understand that it's not just for the sake of getting her back it's for getting you back. Because the reality is that you've lost yourself in this situation and though I understand the pain of losing a loved one in this manner you cannot allow that to consume you to where it breaks you down and now not only do you become less desirable to this woman but now you lose focus on things you should be doing in your life. Now, you're falling off track in various ways.
Now, your health is taking a hit mentally and physically, all right. You aren't the man you need to be for yourself. So, we got to start there because that's the foundation you need whether it be to get her back or to simply get yourself moving in the right direction. So, regain that masculine energy and I feel the need to mention this.
When we're going through pain Emotionally, when we're struggling with things like this, one of the most important things to do, a therapist once told me this. One of the most important things to do is to take even better care of your health, all right. To make sure you're trying to get some sleep even though I know for some of you that might be a struggle if all you're thinking about is this woman. But to make sure that you're eating right, to go exercise, be active, be productive, all right. Don't just sit around the house moping all day that's only going to make things harder and worse for you.
Get active, get in the right mindset. Again, eat, drink, drink your water, drink whatever you need to drink, but get yourself to a healthier place. This will allow you to combat all that negative energy that you're taking on from the sadness and hurt from this situation. And again, it will not only be beneficial to you as a man, as a human being, but it will also be beneficial in getting her back.
The second step in how to get her back is do not overwhelm her, all right. So, here's another mistake I see a lot of men make in this situation. is that you're either trying to pressure her, you are dumping all these emotions on her.
And again, when we say dumping all these emotions we don't mean properly expressing yourself because there's nothing wrong with that, that needs to happen, all right. But we're saying that emotional dumping that just all over the place and you know again, not being poised, not having any control of yourself. This is very overwhelming to that woman. All right and again, why would that draw her back in? That's not going to make her want to come back.
Again, if you seem like you don't have yourself together that makes you less desirable in her eyes, but going further than that you overwhelming her stresses her out. It doesn't allow her to feel comfortable and at peace with entertaining being with you. And again, I have to say if you've ever seen it work it's working for the wrong reasons and it leads to other problems in the long run.
So, you've got to learn to yes, state your case, absolutely say how you feel, say what your desire and your intentions are, but do not overwhelm, do not pressure. Also, understand that if this is a scenario where you did something wrong, where you hurt this woman, all right. And it may have been just a...
a genuine mistake... I won't say genuine, an honest mistake, right. An honest mistake regardless you have to understand that you can't expect her to get over it on your time.
You can't expect her to want to move past it on your time. I'm not sitting here saying sit and wait forever for this woman and we'll get a little bit more into that at the end of this video. What I am saying is... You cannot put the pressure of timing on her because you want this back, you're getting nervous, you're getting antsy, and all you're doing is making her feel again, more stressed out.
So, you're going to have to exercise a level of patience as well. And that patience will again, diminish the chances of overwhelming her in this moment and only making her withdraw from you even further, all right. So, let's keep this moving now we are at number three. And number three is acknowledge her...
feelings. So, there can be a tendency to be so caught up in how you're feeling about this situation that even though you love and care about this woman in your battle to get her back you're not realizing that you're dismissing her feelings or you're not giving it enough acknowledgement and attention. And again, if this was a part of the problem in the first place in this relationship Why would this make... Why would that make that woman feel like she can come back and be in a relationship with you again, if you're continuing this type of behavior of being dismissive?
You... And this is why it's so important and why I made number one regaining your masculine energy. In you getting back that poise, that strength, that confidence, you can now see things more clearly.
You can now be more present in listening and understanding, all right. Because when your emotions are all over the place, you're not humoring her, you're not understanding, you're not getting it. But now by again, calming yourself down, getting to a level head, you can now be more in tune to understanding where she's coming from.
Understanding what are her concerns and issues. And here's a big thing in acknowledging her feelings it's not just about her feelings that led to the breakup. Because many times as men we can be very focused on what we're seeing on the surface. But we're not understanding what's going on deeper within. So, let's say you guys just got into a fight about a female friend...
I don't know why this is coming to mind, but a female friend of yours called you at a time of night that she thought was inappropriate. And you was like it's not a big deal that's just my friend it's nothing going on here. And that led to a fight and that fight led to a breakup, right. You now...
have to understand that it's not... It may not just be about that one moment. You've got to be willing to go deeper if you want to get that woman back because what if the real issue is she feels like you're constantly letting women... cross lines that are inappropriate or that you are behaving in other ways that she deemed inappropriate and that yes, she may not have fully explained to you before. Now, that doesn't excuse the fact that she hasn't said it to you because she should be telling you what the issue was from the jump.
But it can happen, it can happen where the woman doesn't feel as comfortable or maybe she tried to and you may not have realized that you kind of dismissed that conversation. And so now... There needs to be a deeper discussion as to not just what went wrong that triggered the breakup, but what are all the issues she has with you? And not just she has with you, what are all the issues in this relationship?
Because if we're trying to get this person back we've got to create this environment that says things are going to be better, all right. And for them to be better you've got to be able to acknowledge how she feels, understand the issues, and then of course, make corrections. That's what's necessary. Without that again, she will still have hesitation and here's the thing, even if I got to keep throwing this back in and I'm sounding like a broken record, but listen, even if you successfully get this woman back by not addressing the deeper issue and only addressing the surface issue that happened, you're still now walking back into a relationship that is inevitably going to fail again. You're going to lose her again because you haven't gotten to the root of the issue.
You got to get there, that's the key. When you can fix that now everything else can be fall into place properly and now you guys can have a healthier, happier, more successful relationship. All right, so now let's get to number four, but before we get to number four real quick, be sure to get your copy of the book He Who Finds A Wife. I don't have it here with me today. but you can click the link in the description or the comment section or go to hewhofinds.com.
It's helping a lot of men out there. You can see the reviews on Amazon, trust me. It's a beneficial book for you to check out, all right. So, now let's get to number four. And number four is evolve.
Now, I specifically chose the word evolve and not change. Because to me, change can sometimes be a very surface act. So, it's almost like all right, well, she says...
This is the problem, that's the problem, you know, this needs to be fixed. And you may change those things on the surface, but evolving to me is an action where you connect with the issue in the way that you understand it. And by understanding it, true change, change from within happens. Because change on the surface is not sustainable.
It's in the moment, you're just doing this to get her back and yeah, you might win her back, but now you can't keep her. Because you haven't really gotten in touch with what the real problem is or you haven't gotten in touch with the next level you need to reach as a man to have a successful relationship. So, I say evolve in the sense of one, yes, understand the issue, grow, learn and grow. But also evolve as a man in general.
What are you doing to level up? What are you doing to become a better man? You can't just think about well, what do I need to do in the moment to make things right?
You also have to consider what will I need to continue to do to sustain this and keep this woman in my life and have a successful healthy relationship with her. So, evaluate both her concerns but also evaluate things that you may be overlooking as a man. Walking in your purpose because you need that, you need purpose in your life that's very important. Understanding okay, maybe you have some issues with communication. Let's work on that as well.
Because here's the thing, whether you get her back or not, you still got to become better. If your plan is to be in any other relationship going forward, you're still going to have to become a better man. So, it's best for you to learn from this situation. Now, I feel the need to say this, I'm laying out this whole dynamic coming more from the angle of Maybe you made mistakes and things that you did wrong. That does not mean she is absolved of any issues in the relationship that she contributed to.
It does not mean she doesn't have wrong on her end, but we will address that at the very end. But getting back to the point at hand, evolve, grow, learn. It is necessary if you want to get this one back.
And understand this, when you truly evolve and this is why I use... Another reason why I use the word evolve. Change on the surface can still cause a lot of women to be like man, I can't trust this. How do I know this is real? But when you truly evolve, when that change happens from within and your energy now changes, your mindset starts to change, she'll see that.
In just interacting with you she'll pick up on these things and be like, okay, wait a minute, this seems legit. Like, it doesn't mean she will still have some hesitations and concerns, but she will feel a lot more peace about giving you a shot, a lot more peace about coming back together with you. So, really, really focus on evolving as a man.
And now we are at number five. And number five tip on how to get her back is be honest, all right. Now listen, I've coached...
Whether you realize this or not, I've coached a lot of women, I've coached a lot of men, I've coached a lot of couples. And I've seen a lot of situations where men in relationships for various reasons struggle with being honest. And a lot of times it wasn't even... with malicious intent. It wasn't even he was doing shady things.
It was this struggle to be transparent and be open. Sometimes being concerned about how she may handle a truth even though in reality in that specific situation she could have handled it and it would have made things better. And so, now this man or men that I've coached, men that I've seen in life will tell this lie trying to escape the issue of the moment. trying to escape any potential backlash right now or awkwardness from this discussion, but then set themselves up for worse later. You see what I'm saying?
Because let me tell you something about women. She is paying attention to everything you said, okay. She is remembering the words, she is mentally recording.
So, now, if you guys have a discussion again and you say something different trust and believe she picks up on that, all right. Trust and believe she is looking for any inconsistencies. And if you are now trying to get this woman back you cannot risk being inconsistent. And the only way to avoid that is to be honest. Because if you're not honest and you're trying to finagle this story in different ways you are more than likely going to misstep and say something wrong that now raises a red flag.
And again, even if it wasn't malicious intent, even if it wasn't the specific issue wasn't that bad, the specific thing that you lied about. The fact that you lied again makes it a struggle for her to trust that she can be with you. So, whether the truth is going to hurt, whether it's going to be uncomfortable, you've got to be willing to speak it.
If you want again, not just to get her back, but to set yourself up for a successful, healthy relationship, then you got to be honest and you got to work on that. Now, listen, I always tell people it's not what you say it's how you say it. So, learn how to deliver your...
honesty with tact. Learn how to deliver it in a way that your woman can receive it, all right. There is a responsibility on the giver of the message to say it in a way that it can...
The person can be receptive to it. And so, embrace that responsibility but do not shy away or run away from being honest because man, like I said, if you're trying to win this woman back a surefire way to kill your chances is for her to catch you lying one more time. Number six is be thoughtful.
not materialistic, all right. So, I actually came across this came across this on the internet and it was a really good point to me because you'll see a lot of men in these situations essentially trying to buy their woman back. Give her gifts, give her flowers, give her all these different things, right. And I'm not saying those things aren't nice and I'm not saying that there aren't women who that may not be their love... That could be their love language, you know what I'm saying and they may appreciate those things.
But at the same time, What's more powerful is being thoughtful. What's more powerful is being more in tune with where she's at, how she's feeling, being more considerate of her. This is what you're going to need for this again, a successful...
Successfully winning her back and for a successful relationship. You do not want this woman to come back to you because you keep providing financial benefit. Like, that's not...
That can't be your foundation because again, if you're only able to get her back by buying her stuff, you will lose her again. You'll be right back at square one. We're not just trying to get her back, we're trying to help you sustain this going forward.
So, go to what is more important and that's again, being thoughtful, being considerate. And yes, sometimes that thoughtfulness may involve getting her this thing that maybe she told you she really liked and it was a long time ago and now you can go get it for her. And again, it's the thought more than the actual purchase of the gift that will send a powerful message. But don't just think it's about gifts. It's just about in general understanding her, being open, you know, being willing to listen to her.
Again, creating that safe environment and that's the key thing is that when we say safe environment, when I say safe environment don't think physical danger, think emotional safety. Think emotional peace, all right. How do I help her feel more at ease around me?
How do I make her feel more at peace with the situation? How do I make her feel more comfortable that she can get back in this relationship and we're going to be at a better place? That's what she really needs.
The other stuff is nice window dressing, but the thoughtfulness, the safety, the peace, that's what's going to really take you forward in this situation. And now, number seven and remember I have bonus or whatever you want to call it after this number seven. But number seven is focus on you and live your life. Now, listen, I know we're trying to get her back, right.
And it's very easy to get just so locked into I got to do things to get her attention and to make it work for her and all that. But understand that... You living your best life, you focusing on you, your growth, your happiness, your health is actually going to make you more attractive to this woman, all right.
So, one, it's necessary for you and as a man again, you cannot want this woman back so bad that you will risk losing yourself in the process. And the reality is that you probably did somewhere along the way lose yourself and it's fine, it happens to the best of us but now you have to regain self. Now, you have to regain placing your focus on more important things.
Not to say that she is not important to you, not to say that she may not indeed be the one that you need to have back in your life, but she cannot be held above your purpose. If you're a believer, she cannot be held with above your relationship with God. She cannot be held above you getting yourself right for you. That's what needs to happen.
But again, the... bonus, the beautiful thing that comes out of you focusing on you and getting to a better place is she will see that and that will be impressive to her. That will look good to her, that will make her desire you more. So, it does help in that way but it has to start with you first.
And when you take that route you're going to see much better results. But like I said to you there's a couple important things I have to mention to you before we wrap up this video. Number one, Is she really the woman for you or are you just attached? Just about, I think it was about a couple of weeks ago I got a DM from a guy and he was like, you know, I'm trying to get my girl back I lost her.
And I'm like, all right, tell me what's going on. And I can't remember all the details, but I can tell you that the details involve things like she doesn't show me any respect. She does this and that, you know, she don't treat me right.
But man, I just can't get over how I want her back. And it happens listen, I'm not even here to judge you. Though I don't want that to be you and though I don't want for him to remain in that mindset I understand that it happens.
But the reality for him and what may be your reality is that that wasn't love, that wasn't attachment. And sometimes it can happen for various reasons. It can happen because you've given a lot of time, energy, and invested even money into this woman. You know what I'm saying it could be you don't want to be alone.
There's guys out there who are relationship guys. They want to have a woman in their life. They're not really about running in the streets and so they try to hold on dearly to this woman at all costs. But again, that's not love that's attachment.
It also may be abandonment issues. It could be all kinds of unresolved trauma. There's various reasons why men try to hold on to women who are not... for them, who are not best for them. And you become so consumed with getting her back that you lose sight that you may be better off without her, all right.
And so, you've got to take a step back and you've got to recognize what's really going on here. Am I reacting emotionally to just losing this woman or is she truly the one who is best for me and I made some mistakes and I need to make this right? If that's the case, cool. And if you are a believer I'm going to encourage you to pray about it because again, that will help you get in the right mindset and help you get more in touch with what God wants you to do in this situation, all right. But in general...
You've got to make sure you do your due diligence to explore what's really going on here. Attachment or true love and connection. And then number two, the second thing I have to mention to you is you must still hold her accountable. Listen, I understand how easy it is especially when you've made mistakes as a man and you love this woman to make the situation all about what you need to fix.
But I've seen so many men set themselves up for disaster because now you've given her a scapegoat, you've absolved her of her issues. You've absolved her of the things that she needs to correct. And what you don't realize is if you don't handle that too, you're only setting yourself up for an unhealthy toxic relationship. And I understand the fear is in this moment, well, how can I hold her accountable when I'm trying to get her back. I get that.
Get your stuff together first, make sure you're coming correct, all right. And then once you've established that do not skip the step of not addressing the concerns that you have on your end for her. Or the things that you recognize that she needs to be willing to correct.
And here's the thing man, you may love her, you may want her back, but if she is not willing to do her part especially, especially, after you've done yours, after you've made your changes or you've evolved as a man and you've listened and all these things I mentioned here. You did all that and she's still going to deflect and run away from what she needs to do, let her go, plain and simple. Let her go, even if you believe she's the one for you, she's not ready yet, all right. And in time, she'll realize what's going on and what she needs to do, what she may, she may not.
Because unfortunately, some people never face their issues. You cannot let that deter you from what you need to do and how you need to stand strong in this situation. So, yes, correct yourself, but be willing to hold her accountable as well. Hey, thank you for watching this video.
Be sure to check this one out right here. And I'll see you there. Is the three reasons why a man shouldn't chase after a woman.
Now, I know for the women who are listening, some of you got your ears wide open and you're probably not even feeling the title so much, but there is a very good explanation.