the real reason you struggle with self- sabotage is because you don't fully believe you aren't resolved in who God says that you are and what he says about you hey my name is Coach Amanda Ross Harden and I am one of the coaches on The Callan team and I wanted to come on here today and just quickly talk to you about the topic of self Sab I feel uniquely equipped to speak with you about this because girl I can tell you some stories of how many times I have told God yes and then backed out how many times I was going strong and then something happened along the way where I decided that maybe I wasn't equipped enough maybe I wasn't capable enough maybe I had heard gu wrong and it was time for me to take a step back I could tell you many stories about how I intentionally made decisions that were in the opposite direction of where God was calling me because I was afraid because I was worried because I was not fully confident in what God had said about me so today I just want to talk to you quickly about what is self-sabotage in the first place and then second what's the true root of it and what do we need to do to overcome it so I have my notes over here on the side so if you see me going back and forth that's why so first and foremost let's Define self sabotage self- sabotage is the act of consciously or unconsciously hindering blocking or undermining one's own success progress or wellbeing now before we continue in our talk hearing that definition can you say can you admit can you affirm that you have self-sabotage if you can affirm that I just want you to put an ouch in the comment section just put a little ouch for me just say coach you're in my neighborhood or at least I'm down the street around the corner you talking about me it's the act of either doing it intentional or unintentional but you're hindering and blocking your own success your own progress your own wellbeing it's the process of saying man this is getting a little too good I got to figure out a way to mess this up it's the process of saying I want to go forward but I'm a little nervous about this what if this what if that and then you begin to hold back self- sabotage often manifests when it comes to our thought patterns negative behaviors obsessing with perfectionism being driven by fear um even some of the things that we say to ourselves right even echoing low selfworth um really repeating negative thoughts about ourselves and just really leaning into everything that could go wrong everything that could turn out bad and because we lean into to that we go ahead and go in the opposite direction of where God is calling us but today I want to just give you three simple tips on how you can start the process of overcoming self-sabotage and breaking this cycle in your life so the first thing I want to give you is that you need to feed your identity not your opinions one of the ways that self sabotage thrives is that it's like unregulated like it doesn't have any rule or any framework that it sticks to it doesn't have a boundary self- sabotage is very much so rooted in your thoughts people's thoughts the world's thoughts the culture's thoughts so it's unregulated it can kind of do what it want Say Say What It Wants so we have to transition from feeding our opinions meaning I'm meditating on what I think I'm meditating on what someone has said about me I'm meditating on you know seeing somebody on the internet saying that in order to do this you have to have this this and this versus me feeding my identity and the way that I feed my identity is with the truth of God's word the way that I feed my identity is in the presence of the Lord the way that I feed my identity is leaning into what the word says about me so the first tip is to feed your identity meaning get in that Bible all right the Bible is the ultimate truth this is the only source where we should be deriving our identity from feed your identity get in the Bible get in the word Get In God's Presence not your opinions feeding your opinions looks like scrolling on social media all day feeding your opinion looks like calling people to talk about all the reasons why you don't feel you're qualified versus going into the word and finding out why you are feeding your opinions looks like you just spending so much time meditating on your insecurities we have this thing especially as women where sometimes we can meditate on a thing so long that we make it much bigger than it is so you may not be the most eloquent Communicator so you may not have years and years of experience okay if if that's true about you what if what if what if God is still calling you with that what if God is saying okay you may not be as eloquent in speech but when I allow Spirit to influence what you're doing it's going to flow out in a way that you never imagin possible but if we spend time feeding our opinions we magnify that thing and what may have just been a little thing that we need to work on becomes this big blocker where we're like because of this thing I can't move forward so again I want you to feed your identity and not your opinions the second thing I want you to do is surrender control of the journey surrender control of the journey another way that self-sabotage thrives is that it kind of paints you this picture of the way that it's supposed to go and then you begin to process well what if it doesn't go that way well what if it's not perfect like this well what if it doesn't look like that right it paints this picture of if it's not 1 2 3 4 five and and you don't hit it perfect and you don't get it right then maybe you don't need to go maybe you need to self-sabotage it invites you to sabotage if Perfection is not possible but a lot of that y'all is really rooted in control and if there is one tip that I have had to apply it is surrendering control of the journey surrendering control of the journey one of the big ways that you're going to win over self- sabotage is that you're going to say God I'm willing to go on this journey with you regardless of what it looks like I'm willing to walk this path even if I'm not perfect I'm willing to go forward even if I don't have all the details and I don't know all the things and I don't have all the things together for a lot of us our obsession with control is fueling our self- sabotage because so sabotage is in our ear saying well you don't know about this and you're not sure about that and what if this and what if that and because of that we are holding back because we feel like if I'm out of control then it won't be perfect and if it's not perfect then it won't be good enough and if it's not good enough then I'll fail and if I fail then people will make fun of me and then if people make fun of me then everything they said about me when I was 5 years old is going to be true right self- sabotage thrives on you trying to be in control of the journey so you obsessed over this like perfect version of it and if you feel like you don't have what it takes at the moment or you feel like there's a possibility for it not look looking like that often times we don't go and we don't move forward because we are trying to control the journey and I want you to know if you want to overcome self- sabotage you have to surrender control of the journey the last tip I'll give you is take a b step sometimes with self- sabotage what you going to have to do is look that Joker in the face and say you know what I hear everything you're saying to me I hear everything you talking I know what you're explaining I get it you got me trying to obsess over perfectionism I'm feeling like an impostor I'm feeling low self worth I'm feeling doubt I'm feeling all these feelings but you know what I'm going to do I'mma take a b step you know what I'm going do I'm going to take a bold step anyway sometimes the way that you defeat self-sabotage is that you take a bold step this means that the thing that you already know God has told you to do that you keep avoiding it's time to do it this means that the thing that you supposed to be working on that you continue to put off and you putting everything else in front of it and I can't do it because of this and I don't have time because of that no no no we're going to take a bold step so you're going to find time this week 30 minutes in your schedule to work on that project to write that book to to get into that program whatever it is sometimes when self-sabotage you really got to look it in the face and take a bold step you want to know why because a lot of times when it comes to self-sabotage we spent so much time listening to what it has to say that we begin to believe it it it stops being um I'm struggling with perfectionism to I am a perfectionist it comes from I feel like I can't do this to I cannot do this it goes from I don't know if I'm capable to I am not capable if we listen to self- sabotage long enough we kind of start to lack the separation between the thought and our identity right and we begin to confess that thing but often times what happens when you take a bold step is that you reassure yourself you remind yourself wait a minute I know what self sabotage has been saying to me but look at what I've done look at look at what happened when I took that bold step you begin to gain traction and begin to gain that confidence so listen we GNA feed our identity and not our opinion get in that Bible we are going to surrender control of the journey you don't have control over what it looks like and even if it's not perfect or all the things it's going to be quite all right the Lord's going to be faithful and he is going to get you there and lastly you're going to take a bold step you got to remind yourself who you are okay remember who you are I love that part inner Lion King but literally you got to take a bold step so listen this is just a sneak peek into my talk during the call to women Master Class if you haven't heard about it we are hosting a free Master Class where you can come and be trained and be equipped for your call I am going to be teaching on the topic of commitment how to break the cycle of self- sabotage and finally okay finally Embrace God's promises over your life I really pray that you sign up for this master class I look forward to seeing you in the chat saying hey girl hello and helping you break the cycle of self- sabotage because it's time [Music]