okay today's AWA winner is SWAT off I think I'm pronouncing that correctly but not sure he's from India and this is for April 21st 2019 um just a coincidence I just finished watching uh goalie boy which I think is popular in India right now pretty good I enjoyed it pretty good flick so if you guys want a movie recommendation there you go all right anyway swov you wrote an issue essay it looks like okay it doesn't look very long that's a little bit concerning four not too bad 450 words okay that's not too bad so the prompt says some people believe that the purpose of education is to free the mind in the spirit others believe that formal education tends to restrain our minds and Spirits rather than set them free and then the task says Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning you should address both views so hopefully SWAT off did that all right let's just get into this track changes education provides insight to people in Eclectic Fields the knowledge is The Epiphany so that people can have the right point of view in respective Realms sounds good but not really uh proper usage so it comes across a little bit awkward the phrasing not really a grammar mistake um it is kind of a grammar mistake to say that right there so that's kind of a grammar mistake but the phrasing is a little bit awkward I agree with the assertion that the purpose of education is to free the Mind and Spirit people are made conscious about many different things with the help of Education they can think so this is a runon sentence right here and a run-on sentence is when you have two independent clauses and you don't have a conjunction or a period often times there's only a comma in the middle or maybe nothing so here swov has a comma in the middle and this is a pretty big grammar mistake so there's a couple ways you can fix it you can just put a conjunction and they can think of certain things in their respective perspective and this should be from there comma which means it frees our mind rather than Keeps Us restrained this introduction has some issues so the biggest uh issue is grammatical there's just too many grammar mistakes a little bit of awkward phrasing as well um I see his thesis his thesis is is right here I agree with the assertion right there I see that um people are made conscious about many different things and I kind of see his outlined I'm not sure exactly what his supporting ideas are right here first of all the more people are educated they are more the more so again this is a uh kind of the misuse of the phrase the more conscious they are of what is right and what is wrong and they can judge wisely this in order helps people again awkward phrasing not to be restricted on the convention or Traditions which might also be wrong for instance in our community there are many superstitious beliefs or old traditions which are biased to some people again biased to some people I'm not sure what that means unclear meaning or it might not be good to follow it should be they right so we we need a plural pronoun here not a singular noun because he said beliefs and traditions the dowy system in our society used to be a compulsion in marriage typically you would you you you should use verbs and adjectives rather than nouns so you should say used to be compulsory in marriage which used to be very difficult for the the poor people to manage comma but in New Generation literate people know but in or for newer Generations comma literate means can read and write is that what he's really trying to say here literate people know is disadvantages and most of them try to ignore such Traditions I mean a lot of grammar mistakes um underdeveloped a little unclear at times I think the dowy system would be a good example you just have to make sure it connects to exactly what you're saying here and for me that's not that clearly I mean sorry it's not that clear I know you say that um the traditions and the conventions might be wrong and you're saying that people with education can judge wisely what's right and wrong but again it's not jumping out to me that well um even if it were you do have a lot of grammar mistakes though secondly the Contemporary people are well educated and are not conservative as the old generation people and not as conservative as the older Generations as we look in the context of our period our precedents have has the different perspective in the manner just in the manner of fashion they wouldn't accept wearing short cloths exposing the body parts so I get what he's saying here the problem is the syntax the the phrasing the grammar so there's just too many words coming together here and it's not really a complete independent grammar free sentence they used to criticize such fashion but in modern generation people are not restricted in such thought they think again we have another runon sentence here think that they need to behold what they like and further it is the matter of the education that has taught the people to have freedom or their own way of living on the other hand old people used to fall certain okay okay I kind of get what's going on here um but still the same issues from the first body paragraph are present however some might think the formal education so this should be no asked tends to restrain our minds and spirit rather than setting free education makes us to follow no two makes us follow some theories or beliefs that have been discovered but these limits are the matter of people whether they objective to it or not again not sure what that means rather education has taught us to be subjective people have their own perspective their own way of thinking so this is another run-on sentence some might see a thing well and some might see the same thing bad it's the matter of their own perspective again another runon sentence okay to sum up education has taught us so many principle or Norms which helps us to be virtuous but there are other prominent purposes of it that is again another runon sentence here okay so what I'm going to do um the structure is not bad I kind of get the ideas as you can see the main issue is grammar and lack of clarity because the issues are significant in my opinion um I feel I have no choice but to give this a 3.0 um with that in mind if swov really wants to improve you know his main focus or your main focus should be on improving your grammar especially these two things number one runon sentences and number two to a subject verb disagreement and in fact number three we had some singular and plural issues as well if you work on those three things and then kind of keep your ideas and structure constant I think I think you can get up into the fours um you know if you have a rapid Improvement I don't see why you can't get up into the five if you really work hard and really focus on your grammar because I see the ideas I know you're thinking and the structure is pretty good as well but we just we really need to uh clean up the writing and if we do so you'll be on uh an upward trajectory all right thank you so much uh swad off for entering the AWA uh Lottery uh I hope this was helpful and swov I hope you can work on your grammar and uh go ahead and get this uh essay a little bit tighter and a little bit cleaner and like I said I think the score will be higher all right everyone have have a good day