my name is Vin Jang I am a communication skills teacher and last year I flew to Sydney and presented to over 500 people teaching them the foundations to great communication and I want to share with you one of the questions that I answered from the stage about how to build rapport with people quickly without dealing with the awkward or boring small talk now this is a very powerful technique if you dare to try it and it will help you deepen relationships like this so make sure you listen closely because it's going to completely change the way you connect with others what's your favorite ice breaker when you want to build rapport with people you're not familiar with like colleagues okay here's my favorite and we're going to do it okay and if I do this and you immediately think it's weird you're weird so you ready fee y okay so we're College been working together for how long 2 years that's a long time so can I I'm going to I'm going to start this and I'm going to lead this okay so we're like ah phoi how you going hi hey we've seen each other for the last two years and I felt like we've hadn't had a chance to get to know each other I know this seemed might little bit strange but I really want to get to know you I love this game called high low Buffalo could I quickly play this game with you is that okay sure so high low Buffalo is a wonderful game that that that helps us deepen connections with others and high is something that's going great for you in your life low is something that's not that great and then Buffalo is I want to learn something interesting about you so could you share with me high low Buffalo and then I'll do the same or would you like me to go first you can go first you can go first thank you thank you you thrw me right under the bus thank you so so I'd love to share with you high L Buffalo uh the most wonderful thing for me that's happened today is I signed my first book deal and I'm sorry so yay woohoo are you proud of me now Mom brother doesn't have a book deal sorry that's fine so that's something that's going great for me and then something that that kind of sucks for me Phoebe is I was about to I was in America two weeks ago and I was about to do this massive gig for a massive client of mine and I got sick because my daughter caught RSV and then for for for us it's like a common cold but for my daughter her Airways were like struggled breathing I freaked out phoei to the point where I canceled the geek with the massive client of mine something interesting about me is if I wasn't teaching communication skills I'd be a chef yeah your turn uh the highs would be not expecting to be on stage this evening and the lows would be it's coming to year end um there'll be colleagues that are departing sort of in our organization so it's sad to to see them leave we had a great year we pumped out some awesome projects uh but I guess it's we always have to say goodbye the Buffalo yeah something interesting I would uh think if I wasn't I guess a product manager I would be a professional gamer oh wow and then notice what I do here what's really interesting what you just said there Phoebe was that you mentioned it would be sad when you have to part ways is there someone specific that's leaving that you feel a little bit sad about uh yeah who is that our team leader oh okay why why are you sad about that person leaving uh cuz we I guess spent a lot of long extended hours working together sort of being a soundboard to each other really smart guy to work with Wow and what's his name Alex Oh Alex do you know Alex no I don't I just thought I'd throw in a bit of a funny but can you tell me Alex and and and yeah of course Alex is amazing I'm actually kind of sad to going too what's the most valuable lesson that he taught you in your career what do you feel is the most valuable thing a trait a lesson to be strategic about your career wow that's amazing can we give her a big round of applause okay now what I just did many of you kind of go ew I don't want to do that that's weird again you're weird that's not weird this is called building a connection right and I took the courage to ask you that now what was I doing if you weren't paying paying attention what this does is it opens up threads within a conversation so all of a sudden instead of going so play this out hey phib how you going good how are you been oh yeah good what's amazing today oh oh my God yeah like um uh have you watched out the Dragons Were You bit disappointed no okay haven't watched it okay see see there's no depth there so what I do is I create structure immediately going hey I'm going out a limb I'm being vulnerable I'm saying hey I really want to connect with you I want to deepen the relationship I know it seems a bit strange framing can we play a game of higho Buffalo what I immediately did to her was I got her to reveal three threads right three threads something going well for her oh I didn't think I was going to go on stage oh we could talk about that oh I'm sad about going away I decided to pull on that thread and I got depth I found out that Alex really changed her allowed her to go get more strategic in her career and I learned all of this with this simple game of just being courageous to be the first to ask and I could have pulled on the thread of gaming that is so interesting and this is what we talk about and the moment you do this you build instant Rapport and then when you're in Rapport they will then ask you about your threads this is the power and and if they don't ask you about your threads then you bring your threads in after you've asked them enough about theirs and they don't ask you then you go you know it's so funny you say that because and then you bring in your version of it does that help it's simple it's basic never get bored with the basics I use this anytime I meet someone new and I want to get straight to the good stuff as opposed to what we did before with House of dragons does that help yes give her a big round of applause please phoei thank you very much indeed thank you oh