we live in a world that technology has made things easy right but I think a lot of Christians struggle with with allowing technology into that aspect of our marriage because we afraid that we are sinning imagine him doing those things to you or when he had done those things to you in the past and then talk about it with each other so if you're in a long-distance marriage and you're constantly watching erotic movies reading erotic novels reading erotic articles or you are watching you know pornography or you doing all those things and then you saying that your body is calling before call iton call it will call now because you Awakening the [Music] love hey guys welcome back to my YouTube channel my name is Victoria a in case you're seeing this face for the first time if you're first time out on this channel thank you so much for stopping by thank you so much for you know watching my content please make sure that you subscribe if you have not we are still going to 50K okay so please make sure that you subscribe make sure that you like this video so that YouTube can keep on recommending these videos to new people thank you so much once again for being here and to all my OG's thank you guys I appreciate you guys you guys are so dear to my heart God bless you so much okay so today I've come with another interesting topic that I want us to talk about and also I would like to hear your views in the comment section below but before we get into that I want to introduce you guys to something very exciting yes okay Valen is coming hey where is your boyfriend hey you sit I know I'm sorry I don't me to pressure before I know there's been a lot of pressure especially this weekend on Instagram if you're a Nigerian you know what I'm talking about but for those that have a boo a b and a husband or a wife I've come with really interesting deals for you I know that you know it can get very tricky trying to get you know uh trying to get um gifts for your spouse in this season and if you're part of those people that still get boxers and singlets for your boyfriend or for your fian or whatever you guys call it these days or your husband please this is a no okay if you're one of those people that only get flowers and perfume for your wife or for your um partner your female partner in this season please we need to upgrade okay and I've come with a very interesting deal for you guys yes I'm introducing you guys to Olivia's collections Olivia collections with a z at the end I'm going to leave the link below in the description box I'll also leave it named here yes they they'll be running some sales interesting saves and I'm telling you I've been buying from them from her rather I've been buying from her you know you guys know that my husband is a socker for shoes okay so I always get him shoes on his birthday on Valentine's or whatever even wedding anniversary I get him shoes and I have Olivia collections is tested anded their shoes last a lifetime you know really amazing designs you can go to the in Instagram page to check you know the page out okay however they will be running some Valentine's package this Valentine's season okay so um she has different packages I'll just be going through a few of them so for the 20,000 package for the guys you get a bag of um slight SP um pair so slides you guys know what slides are um a lavish leather belt and also perfume um for the ladies the uh the list is the 22k package it comes with slides it comes with um hand dryer or straightener and perfume and chocolate okay and then for the guys the 25,000 package comes with uh a bag of bisoke shoes yes and her shoes are great I'm telling you guys that and I'm not just saying this because she's my sister-in-law yes she's my sister-in-law but I'm telling you guys she has great things I'm not even going to bring it to you if I don't if I haven't tested it and tried it okay so 25,000 package for guys it's a pair of shoe um and perfume um and then the 25k package for women is uh a pair of slides U mini bags a mini bag and also perfume and chocolate um 28k for guys is a a bag of shoes um lavish leather belt and perfume anyways you can go to her page to see the packages it's going to the sales it's going to start from January 30th to February 5th so it's good for you to pre-order so that you know your deliveries can be made in time okay all right guys so let us get to today's video all right so today's video is actually a question that one of you asked I think she sent the she sent this 5th of January so that's about 2 weeks ago sorry I'm just trying to get through my my DMs many of you have sent me DMS that I've not been able to get through it on Tik Tok I have over the last time I check I had over aund and something DMS that I have not responded to just because it's overwhelming okay I would try to get to it but I'm not making any promises I'm so sorry um but if you've sent me any important DMS that you want me to respond to please resend it so that it goes to the top of my DM and then I'll check it out okay all right so um I'm not going to mention her name but she sent me a message and she said hello Mom blessed morning to you from Nigeria I am a big fan of yours and I have been following you online for about 2 years now wow thank you so much all right she says your content has been such a blessing to me even until I got married last year I'm not going to call the the dates so she said thank you for all you do on this space God bless you amen she said please I love to ask a question that has EMB boing for a long time I have tried searching for any of your videos on that but I haven't gotten yet I think I actually have one video on that I think I even responded with me and my husband but it was a Q&A so we didn't really delve much into it but she said that um please how can I manage sexual urges as a married woman my husband got an appointment in a certain country and relocating to meet him would take about 9 to 10 months and our chances of seeing is still is until then so she cannot see him until 9 to 10 months and it has really been a battle for me battling with serious urges almost every night H how how much I can relate and she said I have prayed I've cried I've told him over and over till I'm tired most times I feel better during the day but at night I'm always missing him and just want to hold him close a we both were virgins before we got married and our marriage was quite young before he left but the appointment was also an answer to our prayers which I understand so he had to leave while I round up with my NYC here and join him she said most of the advice I've have gotten here from are from elderly ones and I more on prayer and spiritual stuff but I have thought that probably I could get more practical tips from you ma'am I have tried keeping myself busy throughout the day but at night I always feel I need him so so much what can I do please I would appreciate to respond okay first of all I'm sorry that I did not respond to this as soon as possible okay I'm trying my best I'm really trying my best here um and I need to also let you know that you know I totally relate to how you're feeling I know what it feels like to you know long for your partner's touch you know be sexually frustrated when you're in a long-distance marriage I mean the whole essence of you waiting all these years to do it so that in marriage there's no restriction right um but we live in a time now that especially with this Jacka syndrome happening in Nigeria now you know couples are constantly apart and that could cause a lot of strain already in the relationship and also frustration sexually so I totally get that I can relate to it so much because I mean one year we just went through one year of that so I get that I understand your um I understand it and I think that sometimes it's even worse for virgins because because somehow there's this assumption that because she've not been doing it for a while it should be okay since you know long distance should not be difficult for you there's always this assumption but it's not really true because the truth is once you awaken love once you awaken that side of VI and especially if your partner is good at it if you're a firsttimer it's it's it can get very very intense okay it can really really get very intense where you're not getting it as you ought to and also depending on your sex drive so let's get into it okay um like I said this is something that I went through um but before I even get you know into details the first thing I want to first of all highlight here is that not everything is permitted in your marriage and I know sexually right I know even I have said that in the past that oh everything as long as you're married you can do anything but I know that even then I put I I let you know that there are certain things that are not permitted in marriage right and I know that sometimes it is this fear of you you know I don't want to sin by committing adultery but I also don't want to sin by being lustful I don't want to watch pornography because it's a sin nor masturbates because you know it's a se but at the same time I'm feeling this urges and my partner is not around and you know what do I do right you know how do I navigate this because the feeling is there so what do I do with this feelings right um and I know and I'm telling you it's different for those that are single because again if you're single and you're keeping yourself it's different than the that's why you see people single people that are having sex it's difficult for them to stop cuz once you are waking up you know the songs of Solomon says oh daughter of Jerusalem or whatever don't awaken love before it's time because when you awaken it is like you've awakened that part of you it's difficult I'm not saying it's impossible it's definitely possible but it's difficult for you to let it go but it's even easier for you to let it go when you're single because you know that oh it's not like there's somebody there that you're longing for you know yeah unlike when you're married you know that first of all you are licensed to to have those feelings you are licensed to have sex but you cannot have it you know because your partner is not here so I just want to establish that it is difficult for married people right Dan it is for single people way difficult right however like I said initially there is always this notion that you know and I'm sure a number of preachers have said it but I want to be certain that they also put a balance that as long as you're married God permits anything you know and we always use this verse this Bible verse marriage is Honorable and the bed undefiled you know I have to go back to that scripture and I realized that it's not actually a statement it's a commandment right let marriage be kept honorable and the bed be kept undefiled and the Bible and then he went on to tell us how you can defile the bed of marriage he says through sexual immorality and through adultery so now the big question is what is permissible in marriage in in sorry what is permissible during sex and marriage because really God did not really dictate how we should have sex and marriage because I also believe that God left it to us and and also there's the Holy Spirit to help us know what is right and know what is wrong however this is what people mean when they say that anything is permitted in marriage one thing first of all need to know is what is marriage as SL marriage is between two people a male and a female byly coming together to be one in the presence of God so when we say that and I say that you know marriage anything is permitted in your marriage bed as long as it is a marriage a biblical marriage between two people using what God gave the two of you to sexually please yourself anything is permitted whether it is your hand your mouth your body your leg whatever it is as long as it's between the two of you there is no third party in your mind because when we talk about third party sometimes we only talk about third party in terms of oh inviting threeome or four some no no no third party in your mind third party in the objects that you bring into your marriage bed yes okay God what God gave us everything we need to be able to satisfy each other in our marriage okay sexually so when we say that everything is permitted as long as it is between the two of you you you're meeting each other's sexual needs you know in your marriage between the two of you only both in your mind physically and in every other aspect so that is my own interpretation of that verse through the help of the Holy Spirit right okay now that we have that out of the way another thing that I've constantly said here and you know every time on this channel is sex is not just penetration and I think this is the Bedrock for answering this question many of us think that until the thing enter the thing that is when sex has happened but that's not true sex goes beyond that in short I always say that um sex starts way before the intimacy starts you know sex starts from the the teasing from the touching from the you know holding and the robbing and all of that before the action starts all of those is sexual right so when and that's why you know sometimes we try to put wiggle room as long as and I know even when I was single there were times that I made that mistake also as long as we are not you know there a lot of us you know we call ourselves vins but really the only thing we did not do was the thingin entering the thing but you see a number of you know Christians engaging in oral engaging in you know physical sex without you know the thing entering the thing right um and then you say you're not having sex as long as penetration has not happened but that's not true sex goes beyond penetration right that's why I said that God gave us all the organs we need to be able to please each other sexually it is not just the vagina and the penis that is just for sex right so as long as we know that and we have that at the back of our mind it makes answering this question very easy I know that we Christians struggle with this so much but one thing you need we need to get in our head is the sexual organ we have is not only the VJ and the penile no they are other sexual organs that's why you know if your husband you know kisses certain parts in your body it awakens you that is sex so if you're doing all the things outside of marriage you are still sing kissing Romancing all those things if you're doing it outside of marriage it's still sinning some of us did it thank God for grace and mercy and mercy is still available for you but don't take it for granted okay so when you have that at the back of your mind that sex is not just penetration you understand that even when my partner is a part we can have sex without being together and that's where this video is going to and answering this lady's question when um of course before me and my partner and this is one thing if you are your partner if you're going to have a longdistance marriage have a conversation about how about how you're going to navigate sex before you guys separate so that you have an agreement if you need to maybe consult your pastors or consult your marriage counselors you know to be in order to be able to maybe maybe if one person is you know objecting you can have a third party coming to let him know that okay it's okay it's not the sin as long as you guys are married right that would really help but have that conversation I have that conversation before so that you guys navigate for us we definitely had that conversation because sex is a very important part of marriage you can't take sex out of marriage as a matter of fact in the presence of God the husband and wife becoming one with sex is the coming of one with God that's the Covenant of marriage sex that's why even in love if you've not consumated your marriage the marriage can be dissolved as if it never happened without any record of it yes if there was no consummation right but once consumation happens then it's difficult for you to even get a divorce and it's the same thing with God yeah okay so now sex is an important part of marriage like I said you can't take it out of marriage so therefore because sex is so important in marriage you cannot afford not to be sexually connected there are couples who have to have know a couple that they've been apart for 3 years the wife is in the US the husband is here they've been trying to come together but it's not happening so in 3 years because they are Christians they will not have any sexual interaction is that what we saying and this is what is been preached in church and people are sexually frustrated in church and then they are tempted because you see the place you don't feed just like spiritually when you don't feed your spiritual mind the devil will come and attack you spiritually it's the same when you don't Fe your sexual side you are allow you are leing a vacuum that the devil come and attack and that's why the plan of God was never for husband and wife to be a part that's why said I know there there are extenuating circumstances that causes to be a part but as much as you can try to be together that's one of the reason why you know me and my husband had to compromise on the country that we were like okay if you are to stay here it's going to take a longer time for you to come and join me so um let's look for something that will be shorter right because marriage was never meant for us to be a part and that's how attacks comes in marriage that's when fornication comes in marriage adultery comes in marriage a lot of things happens in marriage we you know where we are not together loopholes have you know have created and it could be in your mind sexually frustrated wife and then there's one colleague that is suddenly becoming nice to her and telling her all this beautiful things and before you know what is happening a careless case happens and all all of and all of those things so I'm not saying this is the case obviously this is not the case but I'm saying that you know it was never God's design that we should be a part however there are situations that even in the Bible men will go for war and they'll be there for you know for days for months sometimes for years before they come back to their Partners I don't know much about them so I'm not even going to try to explain how they survived it but thankfully we live in a world that technology has made things easy right but I think a lot of Christians struggle with with allowing technology into that aspect of our marriage because we afraid that we are sinning satisfying yourself has always been equated to sinning even inside of marriage and it's true because sex is supposed to be between two people right however because like we've laid the foundation that sex is not just penetrative as long as it's the two of you satisfying each other there is no sin in it there is no and I'm saying this based on my own interpretation of the scripture and you know with the help of the Holy Spirit I believe there is no sin in it right and that's why sometimes it's important that you get to know study the word for yourself and help ask the help of the Holy Spirit to interpret the word to you because sometimes a number of people interpret scripture based on their culture so it's like when you're asking and married about you know sex long distance sex when you're married their response will be different from when you're asking an African Pastor because somehow our culture is how we interpret scripture through the lens of our culture sometimes and that is dangerous so basically what I'm saying in this video is that they are have a conversation with your partner before you guys you know go your separate ways that in the meantime how do we navigate this issue of sex what are your beliefs in short these are things we discussed before you even get married what do you believe if we had there's a time and me and my husband talked about this in short we were literally long distance so those were conversation we had to have if there's a situation where we have to be long distance what happens to our sexual relationship Intimacy in a marriage what happens right those are questions you should ask before you even get so that you know the person's mindset about that and you guys can work on it before marriage cuz sex is important in marriage so anyways I my husband discussed that and we you know we discuss it way before married so we discussing it again when I was about to travel but us just you know reminding oursel of the agreement we've had right and it was just a no-brainer for us because there was no way we're going to be apart for one year and then have no sexual communication no sexual interaction it's impossible we are married right my body will long for him his body will long for me and you know there are crazy times and in order to allow the other person not to sin not saying that sexual orzen is you know an excuse for you to sin but sometimes if you're able to help the other person why are you holding back back so the ways that I think that you guys can handle it as a married couple is first of all ensure that you know you communicate communication is very important let your partner know when they are in the mood right sometimes it's not even how you you know you just intentionally feeling sometimes it's hormone sometimes is your body just craving your partner and there's no sin in it so first of all know that it's not the sin that you're feeling that way right and know how to communicate that let your partner know that ah babe I'm hot Okay then if I was feeling like that I when I call my husband some sometimes I just send a picture if I send him a picture he knows what I'm saying okay it doesn't have and of course please don't include your face in the pictures because internet is a very dangerous place so you have to be very very careful you know no matter how careful you are sometimes you cannot be too careful right so make sure that you send safe pictures sometimes if I send it to him he knows what I'm talking about on WhatsApp now you can send picture that you can once you view it once it deletes from your from from the person's phone so harness do technology privacy principles okay right sometimes you say sometimes it's just a seductive message learn how to you know sext okay learn how to text you know sexual conversations right go and learn how to do that you know and sometimes it's not it's not that hard just text him how you're feeling right or you know share your fantasies share the things that you you if he was here what what would you guys be doing or what would you like to do to him what would you like him to do to you you know talk about those things when you have your when you're feeling that way call him let him know that ah guy but know they do me they do me one kind one kind you know communic sometimes just talking about it talking about how it feels talking about the things that you do to each other when you see each other it helps okay so be open in your communication about that right so if you're able to communicate that and communicate your fantasies communicate how you're feeling communicate what you want what you like him to do to you communicate what you would do to him if he was there commun communicate everything in your mind the wild imagination that's why I said see if you marry your friend these things is easy than when you marry somebody that you guys don't really understand each other and especially if you're virgins right this is a time for you to like let your fantasy go out as long as it's between the two of you I'm not too wild that you know can get very crazy I scared the other person but just be honest and raw with your partner that's what you guys are married for you licensed to do this thing okay all right so communicate openly and then and the power of social media okay now the thing about you know um uh long distance intimacy is that you need to be also very careful it cannot be something you do persistently because um just like uh having okay let me start with this all right and please if you know that you are a fanatic or you are a person that believe that longdistance sex is not permitted in marriage please you can just click off from here you I've made my point to you if you're struggling with this this is what you need to hear okay all right if you guys are you know in Long s marriage and then you want to engage in that there are certain things that you need to first of all note you know and be careful about the first like I said make sure that you have to deal with your imagination a lot I know it's not gifted imag imagination but you need to awaken your imagination think about the things that you want your partner to do the things you would normally do when you guys were together you know once you together and then talk about those things with each other you know talk about the times that you know certain things happen in your marriage bed talk about me memories and you know exciting times that you had and you know what how you would like that to happen again and all those things just to be able to awaken the other person right if you need to send pictures that will you know of certain parts that the person likes please go ahead is your husband he has already seen everything and he's entitled to seeing it whether virtually or physically okay all right and then when you when you do that right um be mindful be ensure that your imagination is only your partner it's not somebody else okay and then you're thinking of what you guys have done before you know what you would like to incorporate talk about it whilst you think about those things with him imagine him doing those things to you or when he had done those things to you in the past and then talk about it with each other and of course whilst you're having this conversation your body will be you know you're imagining things your partner is there you're both talking you're both you know and then you you basically have intimacy virtually okay have intimacy virtually you know using your your physical features your hands your your voice your you know your body and all of that just talk to each other and be with each other and you know please each other whether you are together or you virtual as long as you're married there is nothing in it it's intimacy as far as I'm concerned it's not until there's penetration that sex has happened no there are other ways but you have to also be careful because it can get very addictive and it can make you very lazy sexually so such that when you get together you prefer to do you know help yourself than to do get to intimacy so you need to be very careful this is not something you do all the time these are things this is something you do maybe you know every once in a while when they you know when it get out of hand sometimes just talking about it helps you to you know and talking about you know future things helps you to get your get it off right I know that you know any I don't want to use myself as an example in this scenario just cuz I don't want people to think nasty things but um you know when you it's not something that you do like I said you know you have to be mindful of how often you guys engage in this it's not something you do all the time so that you don't get dependent on it there times that you can get very lazy can get you know addicted to it and before you know what is happening it can get out of hand so make sure that first of all your imagination or your sorry your fantasy is connected to your spouse and you guys are connected to each other you saying things to excite each other you're reminding yourself or remembering things that you guys have done to each other in the past and then you know you guys are enjoying yourself but try to space it out as often as possible so that you don't get dependent on it right and I'm telling you a time will come that you your body will not even want that virtu thing anymore it will want the real thing but you will get to that stage where you know that thing that is Ping that is making your body do Gish Gish it will come down it's because it's just the beginning I'm telling you it will come down and another thing that I would also say you know apart from satisi helping yourself you know virtually having virtual intercourse and stuff you also need to make sure that you keep your mind occupied I know you said that you work and it's difficult at night and all of that you also need to be mindful what kind of movies are you watching what kind of things are you what kind of thought are you thinking what kind of you know you you to you need to be careful what kind of conversations are you listening to that is making you up up up every time cuz I remember when I was in school then when I have papers to write I don't used to think sometime that's been a while sister what's going on brother I don't they even think that side anymore because my mind is so busy and occupied so maybe you need to you know really engage your mind um get something get busy so that you're not thinking of that all the time right because it's not healthy no matter how much you know virtual thing helps it's not sustainable so you also need to find ways to make yourself not always be in that situation so if you're in a long-distance marriage and you're constantly watching erotic movies reading erotic novels reading erotic articles or you watching you know pornography or you doing all those things I you saying that your body is calling before call iton call it will call now because you Awakening the love right so first of all be mindful of the thought you think especially at night right um engage yourself make sure that you keep yourself busy right keep yourself engaged keep your mind engaged focus on you know the other things that you need to focus on don't engage in sexual conversation if you know that those things trigger you know the things that trigger you the things that awakens you and try to stay away from it until you and your partner are together I'm telling you that really helped me at the beginning it was really tough because we're aart and my body was always calling for him but the moment I entered school I was busy with work when I come back I'm always tired I just go to bed you know also engage yourself spiritually I know you said their content I'm telling you it also helps sometimes you just need to like focus on God focus on what God is calling you to do in that season focus on you know for me our time apart really helped me to build a relationship with God a more deep relationship with God because see when your partner is there sometimes you're not able to pray as long as you want fast when you want and all of that because your partner is there but now is a time to actually consecrate yourself you know actually give God yourself give God your time hear from him have relationship with him I really use that time to like build that with God and that really helped me cu the people will always engage your mind you're always thinking of other things that you want to do for God and you know your calling and all those things right so make sure that you know you engage your mind spiritually engage your mind physically psychologically and also just really know your triggers and stay away from the things that triggers you right but there will be times that your body you can't help it hormones will come you're ulating you know those kind of seasons and in those real occasions engage yourself virtually right so that is my advice let me know if you guys have any advice in the comment section below um yeah let me know what you guys think in the comment section but this I'm going to remember to follow Olivia collections on Instagram and start to do your Valentine shopping okay book ahead so that you guys can get everything sorted out before the sales is over all right thank you guys so very much for watching until meet again I still remain Victoria I did fashion I'll see you guys in the next one okay bye