Have you ever been in a conversation with a narcissist that left you feeling completely drained and confused? What am I saying? Of course you have.
But I'm not talking about just any difficult conversation here. I'm talking about those conversations where you feel like you're constantly on the defensive, trying to prove your worth or your sanity. And today we're going to turn the tables on all of that. And I'm going to break down 10 phrases that narcissists absolutely can't stand. phrases that disrupt their manipulation and help you regain control.
And at the end, I'm going to share my number one tip for using these phrases effectively because there is a right way and a wrong way. And we do want to make sure you come out on top in the end. So welcome to the Common Ego community. My name is Christina and I'm a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. And if you think you've been in a relationship with a narcissist, I have a free checklist that can help you see how your experience stacks up with the phases of narcissistic abuse because there are are very typical phases.
You'll find a link for that in the description box below. All right, so let's jump into these phrases narcissists hate. And the first one is, I'm not responsible for your feelings. And this one's really interesting because it's a phrase that you might hear from a narcissist themselves. And believe me, they really hate when you use their own tactics against them.
The thing is, we aren't actually responsible for other people's feelings. We're responsible for our behavior and they're responsible for their feelings. But when a narcissist hears this phrase, it can come off as very condescending. And you know what?
It probably feels that way when it's used against you too. So think about it this way. Have you ever tried to get a narcissist to take accountability? What usually happens?
They push it back on you and start talking about your feelings instead. And what comes next is usually some gaslighting phrase like you're too sensitive or you're overreacting. It really is just a diversion from their bad behavior. But when you use this phrase on them, it's not about you avoiding accountability, hopefully.
It's more like a literal explanation. So narcissists understand that they're not responsible for your feelings, but they fully believe that you are responsible for theirs. If you make them feel bad, for example, instead of addressing it, they're going to try to make you suffer for it. Because if they can make you suffer in their minds, the scales of justice have been reset. But we're not doing that here.
We're not stooping to that level. What we're doing is setting a boundary. And it's kind of like saying, I won't be manipulated by your emotional reactions. And yes, they might lash out or try to twist your words. But remember, that's just proof that it's working.
All right, so now let's move on to the next phrase. I'm not going to do what you want. Now, this is basically another way of saying no. And we all know narcissists aren't exactly fond of hearing that word. But when you use this phrase, you're probably going to see a whole range of reactions.
And trust me, they can be pretty intense. So you might see them manipulate you, or maybe they'll give you the silent treatment. Sometimes they might even fly into a rage.
And if you're really lucky, you might witness the full-on adult temper tantrum. It's kind of like watching a toddler meltdown, but in an adult body. It's not a pretty sight. But why do narcissists hate this particular phrase so much?
Well, it all comes down to their sense of entitlement. They honestly believe that you're only useful if you're serving them. So when you say you can't do something they want, you're basically challenging their entire world. worldview. And that's kind of a big deal for them because narcissists need things to go their way to keep believing in their own false image.
So any reaction you get after using this phrase is them trying to right the wrong, so to speak. Again, here, you're not just saying no, you're also setting a boundary. And boundaries are kind of like kryptonite to narcissists.
But the more you use phrases like this, the stronger your boundaries become. And the stronger your boundaries are, the less power the narcissist has over you. All right, so now let's dive into the next phrase narcissists hate. And that is, I don't agree with you.
This one's a real doozy. It's simple, but it packs a solid punch. See, if you've known a narcissist, you know they could never be wrong.
Never. So when you say you don't agree with them, you're not just challenging their ideas, you're challenging their entire sense of self. And they really don't like that. So what happens when you use this phrase? Well, you might see them get defensive real quick.
They might try to twist your words or gaslight you into thinking you actually do agree with them. Or they might just straight up ignore what you said and just keep talking as if you never said anything at all. But as we go through these phrases, remember that we're not stooping. so this isn't about winning the argument it's about standing your ground and asserting your right to have your own thoughts and opinions and that's something narcissists struggle with they want you to be an extension of them to think and feel exactly as they do so when you disagree you're reminding them that you're a separate person with your own mind and of course again we're not stooping i'm not saying that we should go around disagreeing with narcissists just for the fun of it but when you genuinely don't agree with something, it's okay to say so. It's healthy even.
And yeah, sure, they probably aren't going to like it. They might even throw a fit, but that's not your problem. Your job isn't to make the narcissist comfortable.
It's to be true to yourself. So let's do more of that. All right, so now let's move on to the next very powerful phrase, which is, I need some time to myself.
And this is another phrase narcissists love to use on you. But when you turn it around on them, that's when things really get interesting. So when a narcissist says they need space, it's usually because you're hitting too close to home and they need to shut things down. Or maybe they're just asking for alone time, which, let's be real, probably means alone time with somebody else.
Most narcissists struggle with being alone for extended periods of time because they need that external supply. But either way, they know they're not. as invested in the relationship as you are.
And so they might use a phrase like that to punish or control you. But when you say I need space to a narcissist, it's a whole different ballgame. To them, it's a major rejection. And narcissists do not handle rejection well at all.
You see, when you reject a narcissist, they take it very personally. They're hypersensitive and have overly inflated egos. So being rejected, it really cuts deep. And when you say you need some space, it's kind of like you're challenging their sense of control over you, while at the same time also challenging their sense of superiority. Because after all, they're the ones who get to make decisions like this, not you.
So what can you expect when you tell a narcissist that you need space? So a couple of things might happen. They might try to manipulate you and bring in a whole bunch of love-bombing tactics.
Or they might flip on a dime and just walk away. They'll convince themselves that you realized you weren't good enough for them and it was never going to work anyway. But if you ask for space because you actually need it and the only options the other person gives you are manipulation or ultimatums, this is not a relationship you need in your life. All right, so now let's dive into the next phrase. I've already made my decision.
So no matter what the decision is, you're telling the narcissist you've made it and you're not turning back. And this naturally challenges the narcissist's control. I mean, who are you to be making decisions without their input, right?
But this one goes a little deeper than surface level. When you say something like this, like, I've made my decision, I'm done, my mind is made up, you're basically telling the narcissist that they have no say in the matter. You're shutting down any chance for them to manipulate their way out of it this time. And that's another thing that challenges their very sense of self. You see, narcissists thrive on feeling like they're in control.
They need to believe that they can sway your thoughts, change your mind, or push you into doing what they want. So when you come at them with a decision you've already made, it's like you've pulled the rug out from under them. So next time you've made a decision and the narcissist tries to change your mind as they will do, stand firm and watch how they struggle to deal with the fact that they can't control you. And keep in mind that their reaction is not about your decision at all. It's about their loss of control.
And that's not your problem to fix. All right, so let's move on to the next phrase, narcissists hate. And that is, that's not acceptable behavior. And so this or any variation of this where you're trying to get the narcissist to take some accountability is not going to go over well with that. But something like this can be powerful.
It's direct, it's clear, and it sets a boundary that narcissists absolutely hate. So when you say that's not acceptable or this isn't okay, you're doing something that narcissists aren't used to. You're You're calling them out.
You're holding them accountable for their actions. And let me tell you, they don't like it one bit. You see, narcissists are used to getting away with all sorts of bad behavior.
They're used to pushing boundaries, manipulating situations, and treating people however they want. So when you challenge that, you might see them try to deflect. They might say something like, you're overreacting, or I didn't mean it like that.
Or they might turn it around on you and accuse you of being the one with the problem. but here's what i want you to know about this phrase you're not just addressing their behavior you're asserting your own self-respect it's kind of like saying i deserve to be treated better than this and narcissists they really don't want you to have any self-respect whatsoever they don't want you to stand up for yourself because the moment you do their power over you starts to crumble so if you find yourself saying a phrase like this just stand your ground no matter how they react And remember, whatever they do is not your responsibility. Their reaction is not your responsibility. Again, you're not responsible for their feelings. You're only responsible for your actions.
All right, so let's dive into the next phrase, which is, I trust my own judgment. So why do narcissists hate this phrase so much? Because narcissists spend a lot of time and energy trying to make you doubt yourself.
They want you to rely on their opinions, their judgments, and their way of seeing things. So when you say you trust your own judgment, you're basically telling them their efforts have failed. So think about it this way.
How many times has a narcissist tried to convince you that you're wrong, that you're overreacting, or that you're just, you're not seeing things clearly? they do this for one of two reasons either they're trying to direct your attention away from their bad behavior or they actually believe that they're the authority on your life and maybe sometimes it's a combination of the two so when you say i trust my own judgment you're not just showing confidence you're also rejecting their attempts to control your thoughts and your decisions and they really don't like that so this is when they'll pull out all the stops to tear you down They might remind you of past mistakes or moments of poor judgment. And if they don't have anything to go on, they might just resort to name-calling or picking at your insecurities, even if those things are completely irrelevant to the topic at hand. So the next time a narcissist tries to make you question your own thoughts or decisions, stand firm.
Remember that they're only upset because they're trying to control you. And don't back down. Okay, so on to the next phrase.
I deserve respect. This one is simple and direct. and it hits the narcissist right where it hurts.
You see, narcissists usually treat respect as a one-way street. They demand it from everyone around them, but they rarely give it in return. So think about how many times a narcissist has disrespected you. Maybe they've belittled your achievements, ignored your feelings, or treated you like you're less important than them.
They do this because they don't see you as their equal. They see you as someone who's there to serve their needs and boost their ego. So when you say I deserve respect to the narcissist, you're not affirming yourself, you're discrediting them. It's a pretty warped way of thinking, but it definitely describes their reaction.
And their reaction could range from mocking you to all out anger. But the one reaction you're not going to get is the respect you asked for. And so when you say I demand respect to a narcissist...
One thing you need to understand is that this is not about changing them. This is not about demanding that they treat you with respect because they're not going to. It's really just about asserting your rights.
So think of it as affirming to yourself that you deserve better than what this person is bringing. And when you look at it this way, their reaction is irrelevant. So another phrase that narcissists hate is, I don't need your approval. And this one, it can really be a game changer when you can say it and you can really mean it. it sends a strong message about your own independence and it shows that you're not relying on them to define your value it's a quiet yet very powerful way of saying i'm okay just as i am and i don't need you to validate that even if you don't fully believe it in the moment this statement sends a powerful message to yourself that you can exist without them and without their approval not everyone has to like you and if you're dealing with someone you don't even respect Does their opinion really matter anyway?
And let's not forget that narcissists do not want you to be confident. And that's one of the reasons why they hate this phrase so much. In fact, literally every effort that they have put into this relationship has been to undermine your confidence and self-esteem.
So when you say you don't need their approval, they may or may not believe it at first. But whatever you do, make sure your actions back it up. And the more they do, the more it will bother the narcissist.
And the next phrase narcissists hate to hear is this conversation is over. It's a great way to put your foot down, especially if you're following through. So when you use this phrase, you're taking control of a situation that's probably gotten really out of control.
And you're also setting a very clear boundary. It's like saying I'm done with this back and forth and I am not playing your game anymore. And this is a powerful way to shut the narcissist down because we know that narcissists thrive on keeping you engaged.
keeping you triggered, and getting you emotional. They want to drag things out, twist your words, and wear you down. But when you say this conversation is over, and you actually walk away, you're cutting off their supply of drama and attention. It's kind of like unplugging their power source. And so they might try to keep you talking to pull you back in or to trigger you so you feel like you have no choice but to respond back.
I think most of us have been there at one point or another, but stick to your guns and walk away if you need to. Whatever you would want to respond with is not worth getting sucked back into the conversation. And as promised, now I'm going to share my best tip for using these phrases, and that is to avoid any sort of emotional response to their reactions. This may take some practice on your part, but if you want to maintain control with a narcissist, it starts with controlling your own emotional responses. because those responses will absolutely serve as supply for the narcissist and will undo any of the work you've done to throw them off their game and if you need a little help getting there click the video that just popped up on the screen for some of my best tips for holding back that reaction and exactly why it works so well But before you do, go ahead and hit that like button if you haven't already, and I'll see you next time.