yes i'm wearing the green shirt which means that we are continuing today our task a essay that we've been working on over the last couple weeks if you haven't watched the first two parts of this series the prompt analysis and plan and the introduction then make sure you go watch those ones first i'll link them up here but yeah today we are going to continue the essay and we're going to do so by writing the first body paragraph in my argumentative style essay that i do so the essay the theme is on technology and yeah i'm excited to get back into it [Music] hi guys and welcome back to the channel if you're new here my name is kate robson and i scored 80 in section 2 of the game sat in the 2021 march sitting and since then i've just been making videos trying to help you guys to be able to do the same because i think that's pretty important if you want to be a doctor you deserve a good shot so subscribe if you you're new here like this video if you do enjoy this content so i know that i should keep making this series and i will i think i was struggling with last time in the introduction was the thesis and making sure that i have a clear argument that i'm going with and i developed it into it being technology has a immense potential but so long as it does not change the human essence our status as free conscious beings its potential will be limited to the essence unto which people we provided the human essence that's a bit confusing so i think i'm going to develop that a little bit more um but essentially my idea for this essay overall is that my thesis is going to be that i don't think technology is going to be able to change what it means to be human unless it completely takes those senses away like to feel to think i think those parts of being human are just inherently human and if technology takes those away we can no longer be called humans because that's what defines our species i guess that's kind of my thesis perhaps that's a little bit more developed there certainly are counter arguments to that like are we humans if because of our bodies or are we humans because of our minds or does it have to be a sum of the two parts that make us that are what makes us human it's actually kind of an interesting discussion sometimes it just takes a week to develop your idea um but yeah so today we're going to write the first body paragraph and the first part that i wanted to talk about in terms of that thesis is how technology has changed a lot of things it's changed mostly our social structures i think the way that we operate the things that we rely on pretty much everything that we do in the world now um and it started with the industrial revolution mostly at least so i think i'm going to talk about that in terms of western the western world how the industrial revolution and the technology that was invented with that like the steam engine and things like that that that kind of like with a spark for making technology the backbone of modern society and how that's changed the world and how we operate now um so i want to talk about the fact that technology has done a lot and it probably will continue to and i'll talk about history a little bit and my knowledge of that um just talking about the potentials for technology so that's what we're going to talk about today um i'll kind of like break it down with you guys i'll write bit by bit but yeah let's get into it okay so the first thing i do is i write my topic sentence or like the the point of the paragraph um i try and be like fairly simple with these and try and just focus on clarity instead of sounding smart because i think like that has not served me well in the past so i'm gonna write a clear topic sentence by the way i'll just do a quick plug here if you do want some more help with your task a structure and how to actually write an argumentative style essay and score highly in section 2 in both task and task b i'm running an online course it's actually all available now for you to purchase and work through if you're not enrolled already click the link in the video description below and consider signing up because it hopefully will really help you with your essays that's the plug back to the essay so the topic sentence i think i'll start with today um is just about how technology has really changed our world that we live in particularly yeah i guess the world that we live in mostly the western world um but the eastern world now too it's kind of taking over um so i suppose i'll start talking about that okay i think i've kind of written like an extended topic sentence i try and explain the point of my paragraph first before i bring in an example just to make sure that it's very clear that what my argument is um so the what i've written is technologies change the world that we live in the social structures of contemporary western societies have been founded around the capabilities of technology to serve and assist us with a range of tasks technology has embedded itself so deeply within our everyday lives that on a macro scale it has significantly sped up the rate of productivity and our capabilities as a species and on on an individual level it has changed the structure of our social relationships and the methods by which we complete our everyday tasks so it's kind of like a long topic sentence but it's okay sometimes i suppose it's longer than others um yeah i just try and focus on like forming the argument clearly first before i bring in an example so now i will bring in an example and my example is going to be um i guess the industrial revolution i could have gone and chose um like an example of how technology has is deeply embedded in our everyday lives now um and expanded on those things but i think i would like to explore why it form has formed the backbone of our socials our society and i think that in terms of western democratic societies the industrial revolution is kind of to blind so alrighty i went off on a bit of a tangent there but i've kind of written most of the paragraph now um it's probably approaching the finish line in terms of this paragraph um but i think i'll add a couple extra things so what i've written here i've probably written like in terms of the peel structure like p e e um plus a counter argument so i've like tried to expand on how my example explains the argument that i've raised which is that technology has changed the world that we live in um so yeah i'll just read out what i've got i just wrote the industrial revolution was the catalyst for the formation of a new social life for humans living in western democratic societies in the late 19th century changing everything from where the majority of the british population lived with most moving from the country into into the city for work to the importance of the family unit the invention of the steam engine sparked a new eras sparking oh that's repetition um realizing new potentials for the human species to be able to move around and trade goods and services locally and the increasing size of social circles within europe these new potentials quickly spread across the globe and unleash the new age the age of technology maybe like that of technology is nicer contemporary western societies have developed out of these potentials developing these technologies to assist us with any task from seeing a relative who lives overseas to solar-powered cars and biotechnology technological chips to solve neural pathologies certainly and now this is where i go into a little counter argument one's experience with technology is heavily dependent on where one one lives the political freedom of one society and any other cultural or religious restrictions but the majority of the west and now the east is heavily reliant on technology for i don't know for like for social progress um i don't know communication and um everyday tasks and then i don't know how great this sentence is this probably shows my like lack of cultural sensitivity i suppose but i've said even xingping leader of one of the most communist countries of the modern world strongly believes industrialization is the way forward which like is kind of inaccurate in a sentence because china has like i think believed in industrialization for a while as the way forward for the for their nation um so perhaps me saying even even him believing that it is a way forward is like kind of assumptive i just wanted to kind of throw in a way of acknowledging that even like traditional maybe not traditional but maybe non-western countries that are not focused on like social progress and productivity like within the capitalist system um even communist countries are seeing that as well maybe i'll just change my wording slightly just to make it a bit more like culturally sensitive and accurate um but i suppose this is a good example of just making sure that your statements are accurate and saying what you actually want to say um and kind of questioning your own assumptions um yeah um okay modern world um an ideology an ideology um absolved of the um productive forces of western capitalist societies perhaps that works probably could develop it a bit more um let me know below in the comments what you think um an accuracy of that statement i'd be willing to listen and change it um but anyway we move on so i've kind of like done my analysis i've tried to prove that technology has changed the world we live in um perhaps i could add like maybe expand a little bit more um and just with something a bit more casual maybe like we um we sleep i i sleep next to my phone um surely the common habit of individuals sleeping next to their phone is enough to prove to prove that technology is really changing how we live how we operate and live our daily lives okay cool and then i'll probably just finish it with like a linking sentence um something that will lead me onto my next paragraph um i follow just like the simple peel structure because it does the job um and i might say something like um so my next paragraph is going to be about how i don't think it although it has changed everything it won't change the essence of what it means to be human um okay surely the common habit of sleeping surely the common habit and i live our daily lives but i don't know i don't like starting sentences with but but will it change who we are who we are in our essence i'll leave it it's good for now i feel iffy about using but to start sentences but you can i suppose um just in terms of sentence structure it's like not the greatest but i can't really think of anything else that i want to say right now so yeah that's a work in progress but um that's essentially my body paragraph one i'm pretty happy with it um it's actually kind of easy to write in the end i think because i've got a fairly solid understanding of the industrial revolution and and technology and stuff um so yeah i hope that helped i hope you took something from that learned how i at least write my body paragraphs and that it helps you write better ones yourself obviously we don't know what kind of mark this essay would get um i struggle to mark my own essays because it yeah it's just like so subjective i can't i struggle to be objective with my own essays um but yeah i mean this is what has come from me so yeah let me know in the comments what you guys think of it where this is going and how you would improve it or change it or anything um i appreciate your feedback really i do it seems like you guys are liking this series so i hope you like this video and i hope you can't wait for the next one thanks so much for watching subscribe if you're not already and i'll see you for the next video very soon [Music] what you got [Music]