Lecture Notes: Setting Boundaries with Men

Introduction

Purpose: Discuss how to set boundaries so men value and respect you.
Goal: Avoid dealing with disrespectful men and ensure they treat you correctly from the beginning.

Participants: Ivy, Missy America, Rachel, Coco, mjt, Teddy, Enlighten, and others.
Engaged the audience by acknowledging their presence and encouraging participation.

Importance: What you share at the beginning sets the tone.
Key Stories to Share: Discuss past relationships where you left when mistreated or disrespected.
Avoid: Avoid discussing how long you stayed with someone who disrespected you; it signals tolerance for mistreatment.
Example: Describe leaving an ex immediately after cheating as a way to show intolerance for such behavior.
Cautionary Tales: Use stories to indirectly show men they'll face consequences for mistreatment.

Consistency: Respond exactly as you told him you would when a boundary is crossed.
Consequences: Not following through makes you seem weak and unreliable.
Real Job: Ensuring men take your boundaries seriously involves consistent reactions and not bending.
Weakness Example: If you say you don’t sleep with men on the first date, then do, it undermines your credibility.

Small Mistreatments: Address minor disrespect to set a precedent.
Actions Speak: Show consequences for small infractions proportionately.
Example: If he’s late, let him know it’s unacceptable and follow through if it happens again.

Prize Mentality: Treat access to you as a reward and remove it when boundaries are crossed.
Painful Consequences: Removing access should make him feel the pain and reflect on his actions.
Methods: Choose what kind of access to remove based on what he values most (e.g., texting, phone calls, seeing in person).
Psychological Impact: Ignoring messages is more painful than blocking, as it signals disinterest.

Desperation: Ensure he’s desperate for your forgiveness before you consider taking him back.
Power Dynamic: This position of weakness ensures he’s ready to meet your standards.
Examples: Don’t explain why you’re ignoring him; let him figure it out and come begging for understanding.

Commitment: Follow these steps to set strong boundaries and ensure men respect and value you.
Q&A: Opened the floor to more questions to clarify and address specific scenarios audience members might have.

Example Questions: Handling different responses from men like unfollowing after being ignored.
Realization: Some men may reveal they don’t care enough, which is a good filter to understand their true intentions.

Real-Life Applicability: Encouraged women to reflect on their past relationships and adjust their approach according to the discussed principles.
Empowerment: Emphasized the importance of knowing and enforcing one’s boundaries consistently.

Invite to join Discord for further discussion and share personal scenarios for advice.

Long-Term Impact: Importance of setting boundaries for future respect and healthy relationships.
Avoiding Pitfalls: Don’t try to change his mind after you’ve established limits; hold strong.
Emotional Considerations: Balancing empathy with assertiveness to maintain one’s self-respect and ensure relationships are healthy and respectful.