Transcript for:
Setting Boundaries with Men: Ensuring Respect and Value

are you sick of men never respecting you or treating you like the princess that you know you are do you wish you had the tools to wave your magic wand around and get the men your dating to finally treat you how you know you deserve to be treated well good news for you on today's show we're going to discuss how to set boundaries so that men actually value U you that way you'll never have to deal with a disrespectful man ever again and instead you'll get them to come correct from the very beginning welcome to the Players Club if you're paying attention to me and everyone else in the live stream please say here a present so that I know that you're here present and actively participating okay I know I'm late I had some issues with some software stuff okay got to get me a new computer right but we're here anyways okay sorry sorry for uh being late but welcome to All You Beautiful People we got uh ivy in the uh YouTube chat we got Missy America of course holding down the YouTube Missy America's here right is she here oh Missy America's not here I thought she were uh we got Ivy holding down YouTube chat we got Rachel here uh we got I see Coco I see mjt um I see teddy as well and lighten of course are OG as well um and r one of our channel members as well Rachel and IV are two two channel members okay we got sh over in the Tik Tok chat Scotty is here as well and uh much more we got Lola JL and Alita I believe okay Welcome All of You Beautiful People and the rest of you that will come to the show as time goes on let's get started here how to set boundaries I know a lot of you want to better understand how to set boundaries with men so let's get going so number one tell stories now what I mean by tell stories you need to be very aware that whatever you share with a man at the very beginning of your relationship or situationship with him whatever you want to describe it as is vitally important to the relationship why because that will clue him in to what you're willing to deal with or not so let me make this a little bit more clear specifically I want you when we're talking about setting boundaries to be telling stories about how your past relationships how they didn't work out in terms of that person mistreating you or disrespecting you and as soon as they did so your response was to walk away from that relationship and that person and never speak to them again I want you whether it be your most recent relationship or just your relationships that are in the past in general exes from a while ago I want you to be hyperfocused on telling this man stories about how when someone chose and dared and had the audacity to mistreat you or disrespect you especially in a romantic sense you were more than willing to walk away okay and I want you I want you to tell those stories in detail with uh a Vengeance okay I want it to be very clear to the guys that you're dating right the reason you're telling these stories is because before you even meet him right you telling these stories about your past experiences in your past relationships makes it very clear to him that you're not someone who is willing to stick around and deal with stuff uh past uh a certain point and if he is not prepared to treat you better than those past partners did right or he is not prepared to meet your standards you will walk away from him as well the same way you did with ex's see it's never about forcing someone to feel think or do something it's about allowing them to come to their own conclusions even though you've kind of inspired that thought process you get what I'm saying so when you're telling these stories about the experiences you've had with with an ex or why you stop talk to him or why this ex doesn't have access to you it becomes like a horror story like a cautionary tale where it's like if you don't want to end up like he did you better make sure you come correctly but you don't actually have to end up saying that what ends up happening is because you're telling the story you're indirectly letting him know your only option here is to come correctly because if you don't you'll end up in the I was going to say Gulag but you guys don't know what that is you'll just end up in the uh in the grave site of all the other men who tried me but failed okay so very important that you tell that story or those stories in detail okay I also very very important I know we're at the beginning but I need you to be paying very close attention because you're going to mess a lot of stuff up if you're trying to set boundaries you're going to mess a lot of stuff up if you do this part wrong so this is kind of the what not to do in terms of telling stories listen to me very closely look me in my eyes okay you do not do not come to that man and begin telling him stories about the guys who mistreated you that you stayed in the relationship or how they disrespected you time and time again and it took you a year 2 years 3 four months five 6 seven eight times of forgiving that man before you finally left the situation or before it finally just all blew up do not go into new relationships telling these new guys that you're dating about all the different ways you allowed another guy to mistreat you or cross your boundaries and all the different ways you forgave him even after he crossed those boundaries because the same way when you're telling him uh if you're telling him a story about how when another guy crossed your boundaries you didn't tolerate it and you move forward and he has no uh chance with you anymore is this and that shows him that you mean business is the same way if you're telling him stories about how your most recent ex mistreated you how he cheated on you 10 times how he cheated on you 85 times how you forgave him over and over and over again until finally 3 years down the road you just decided it was enough all you're doing is communicating to him that you are willing to tolerate the disrespect you are willing to tolerate the mistreatment and he says to himself well if you are willing to stay that long for a guy that messed up that much in that past relationship then you'll be willing to do the same with me and whether you realize it or not you're in directly communicating to him that you don't have to live up to very high standards because I'm willing to tolerate a whole lot right and you're saying that through the example of your last relationship so as as it relates to telling stories you want to make sure you're telling stories of how you don't tolerate any type of disrespect or mistreatment and you definitely don't want to be telling him stories of all the different ways you allowed your ex to mistreat you and disrespect you while still staying okay so very very important so I'll give you a direct example right so let's say me and you are just starting to date me and you are just starting to head out and get to know each other and things like that and we're on this date so the type of story let's say you you want to think of a story that you can tell so let's say you are telling a story about your most recent ex and how your most recent ex cheated on you and you can let him know that hey you know um you know if you're talking about the relationship and how it ended and things like that you know me and my ex you know things didn't work out because I don't tolerate cheating whatsoever any type of cheating not even emotional cheating and I found out through a friend of of a friend that he had cheated on me with uh this girl at a party or whatever and as soon as I found out lit this how I want you to describe the story it's got to sound like a horror story as soon as I found out that truth and as soon as I was able to confirm it as soon as I had hard cold hard facts and real evidence that it actually happened that same day that same day I packed my stuff up packed all my packed everything up from the house packed everything up from the apartment moved my stuff out and that man never heard of me for the rest of his from me for the rest of his life till this day he still tries to contact me on the phone and you can even go as far as showing cuz it'll be an even better be even stronger if you can even show him look this my he still tries to contact me to this day trying to message me ask me if he can have another chance and this and that and d and to be honest with you I just have no feelings for him whatsoever because um at that point you know it's not about love if you if you really care about the person you'll know how to respect them and you won't be a cheater I don't tolerate cheating whatsoever so he is blocked he is denied he's never getting his opportunity with me ever again okay and when you do it and present it like that for me me me dating you it becomes a lot like a horror story like a cautionary tale like if you if I were to DARE try and do that to you I will end up just like he is now and that's good because this will set the table and set the uh uh h a foundation for everything that you're going to be building off of because see the thing for some of you is and I know some of your guys' questions will be well how do I get him to respect me after I've allowed him to disrespect me for the last one year of our relationship well the truth of the matter is it's very difficult when you allow the disrespect all the time and throughout the relationship and he gains an understanding of that's what you'll deal with and that's what you'll allow right um it's it's a lot easier to set the precedent at the very beginning and set the foundation at the beginning when he's still learning you and growing with you and trying to understand you and how you deal with things and approach things because from the very jump you'll help him understand you're not want of these girls that messes around you're not one of these girls that he can play around with and Run game on and run circles around you're one of these girls that takes things very seriously you know what you want you know you know about everything right and you're not willing to uh take any less than you know you deserve okay us as guys I'll be the first one to tell you and let you in on this little secret us as guys in the process of us meeting girls whether we're super emotionally intelligent or not we gain an understanding of the girls that we're meeting if which category they fall into if they're a girl we can mess around with string along and play around with or if they're a girl that we actually have to uh pull up our pants strap up our boots and stand up straight because she's not going to be willing to deal with too much okay was Missy America late today guys please report Missy America if she was late today cuz I didn't see her earlier in the chat on YouTube okay uh but welcome Missy America so very important that you guys understand uh that concept because this is going to set the foundation of everything so number one we have tell stories telling the right stor specifically now number two listen very closely okay listen very closely to number two this is hyper important I I'm going to rant here cuz I I know I'm going to rant okay please listen up okay it's rant time you must you must keep your word okay when I what I mean by keep your word if you tell him that this boundary when crossed I will respond or react like this that needs to be exactly what you do you cannot you cannot respond or react differently then you tell him you're going to respond or react do not do not talk a big game and then not back it up what I mean by that is if you're going to be about it and try to present yourself as someone who doesn't tolerate stuff and you tell him if you do this I'm going to respond like this you need to be about that if you are not prepared to be about that and keep keep your word on that don't even mention it at all okay I know I want us to touch this is hyper important you're going to listen to me you're going to ruin everything you're working for here trying to gain your respect in this relationship if you do this wrong this is the most important one out of all of them if you do not understand how to properly keep your word and to back up the statements that you're making you will mess everything up for yourself for the rest of the relationship why because men are accustomed listen to me this is super important men are accustomed to women talking a big game about what they will or won't do okay and how much they respect themselves and how different they are and all yada yada yada and we are accustomed to hearing them talk about it only for us as men to apply a little bit of pressure to you uh in in any type of sense right and after we apply a little bit of pressure to you you get emotional right about the situation or about me or about us and then you go right back on your word of what you said you were going to do or how you said you were going to respond in this situation and you do exactly what I want of you or what I expected you to do in the first place and so everything that you just wasted all of your energy yapping about how you're so different and how you respond like this and how you don't tolerate this goes out the window not only does it go out the window but it also shows me for the rest of our relationship that you if you ever have a boundary if you ever have an issue if you ever have a problem I don't actually have to take you seriously because there won't be any real consequences to any of your issues or problems or anything that goes wrong in our relationship as it relates to to you why because if there ever is something that I do that crosses your boundary I can do the exact same thing and apply the same amount of pressure and eventually you will fold like a cheap lawn chair do not allow men to see that you won't keep your word on your response or your reaction to things you are better off if you know that you're a weak person if you know that you're someone that you you know you fall apart when pressure comes or you know you probably can't keep your word on cuz you're too nice and you're too caring and you're too forgiving you're better off not even trying to set the boundary in the first place you're better off not even trying to mention how you'll respond or what you'll do or what you're about to do in the first place because it's a waste of your time and you're better off just forgiving him then pretending like you weren't going to forgive him only to forgive him that makes you look very very very weak and when the men see you're weak like that oh boy they will take advantage of you like you wouldn't even believe you'll get played and you'll get played hard okay so it's vitally important that you keep your word on things and specifically what I'm talking about is keeping your word on whatever boundary you set and whatever reaction or response you're going to have if someone crosses or specifically in this case if that guy crosses that boundary okay so whatever the particular mistreatment or disrespect that you're saying you won't tolerate is or you're not about is or you're not willing to deal with is make sure that that's exactly how you respond if he ever does that thing to you and make sure even aside from uh just the the crossing the boundaries make sure any way you describe yourself the way you are the way you care yourself the way you approach relationships make sure anything you mention about yourself you show him that with your actions as well I don't want to start yelling at you I don't want to tell you you're a bad person but this is very important for us to discuss I'm going to discuss an example with you that for some of you it might hit home but I want you to understand how foolish you look so that you can correct this for the future because the same thing applies in this example when I'm talking about keeping your word I'm even not just talking about setting the boundaries and telling him how you respond I'm also talking about how you talk about yourself and what you're about so for example if you meet a guy and you go out on a fancy dinner date with this guy and on this fancy dinner date he's just asking you about your experiences and how you like to date people and what you're looking for and you get on your high horse that some of you might have been in this situation and you get on your high horse tell me if this is you actually and you start telling him well you know I just hope you know you know I don't sleep with guys on the the first date I'm not that type of girl I like to build relationships and build a connection over time so I hope you're not thinking that you know we're going to sleep together on this first date because that's not me I don't act like that I'm you know a classy type of woman and you go on this whole tangent about how you're so different you're so classy you're so respectable you ain't going to be sleeping with nobody on the first night only to have the date go on and you're enjoying the date you really like the date you like his Vibe you like the energy you like how you guys are getting along right he's very charismatic and lo and behold by the end of the night you're back at his place and after a couple of bottles of wine and some more good conversation you have slept with that man tell me if that's you okay I know it's painful to admit but tell me if that's you and the reason I bring that example up is because that's another way you make yourself look very very foolish because you're better off not even mentioning that to men or telling that to men because as soon as you say that and go back on your word about that you look like an idiot you also look very weak-minded you look like someone who can't stand up for yourself and the reason I bring up that example even in relation to setting boundaries and getting men to respect you and value you is is because one of the easiest ways to show men that they don't have to respect you or take your boundaries serious is to have them see that you don't even take yourself seriously enough to stand on what you just said you're about so if you're not prepared to actually be about or be the different type of classy woman that doesn't sleep with people on the first day if you're actually not prepared to do that then don't even mention it if you're actually not prepared to fight off Temptation or to not put yourself in temptation's Way by going over to his house and getting drunk right and you know that your you get super aged up and you know your Squirtle starts squiring and you just can't control it anymore if you know that's you don't even bother seeing anything in the first place you're only going to make yourself look worse for the future and you're going to make it that much harder to actually set a boundary or to have him take you seriously when you actually want to be taken seriously and once you do that at the very beginning especially in that example doing it on the first date there you go now you've set the You' set the foundation for the rest of the relationship and you're going to be literally for the rest of your relationship you're going to be working uh sorry trying to swim upstream trying to undo the damage that you just did from the very beginning of that relationship okay and I don't want that for you which is why I'm giving you this advice now be someone that can keep your word if you can't keep your word don't say anything at all don't even open your mouth cuz if you're not actually going to be different if you're not actually going to act different if you're not actually going to uh you know uh have him face consequences for those boundaries don't even bother saying anything you're just wasting your time wasting your breath and you're making yourself look worse does that make sense to you guys this is a really important one so I want to make sure we're all on the same page about about this okay hea says it makes you look like a pick me it does okay right and and that doesn't mean that you can't tell him uh hey this is a boundary for me hey this is how I carry myself right hey this is what I'm about and I don't compromise that I'm saying that you should be able to do that but I also know because I'm a realistic person I know we don't live in a perfect world I also know some of you beautiful people in this live stream are very forgiving and find it very difficult to be mad at the guys that you're uh you like a lot or you love a lot and so if that's you some of you can fold very easily and so I want to advise you if you're going to be uh someone that folds very easily don't be trying to take my advice and set these boundaries like your Thanos and like and a snap of a finger everything can change right when in reality you're softy and you'll fold like a cheap lawn chair it just makes it worse for you okay so don't be don't be doing that if you're someone who can't control yourself uh uh when uh someone wrongs you and you immediately want to forgive them and go back to things being easygoing okay so uh next we have uh so first was telling stories next was keeping your word okay next we have I want you to start small okay what I mean by I want you to start small I want you see in the process of growing any relationship with any guy just like any other human being we're all flawed okay you and him and so there's going to come a point in time in your relationships in which you guys buttheads there's going to come come a time in your relationships in which you guys disagree there's going to come a time in the relationship which you guys argue and don't see ey to eye that's all good there's also going to come times where you guys mistreat each other some sometimes it's on accident not every time it's on purpose I want you to take the opportunities of the smaller um seemingly less uh significant uh mistreatments or disrespect and I want you to take those opportunities to show him show him show him that you mean business okay what I mean by that is showing him that if he disrespects if he's not prepared to treat you like like a princess if he's not prepared to meet your standards and expectations there will be consequences but he needs to be shown that now not every consequence that he faces needs to be out of this world and you know the the worst thing ever okay it doesn't need to be the end of the world so you want it to be proportionate to whatever it is that he did to you or whatever however it is that he mistreated you that's why it's great to do that in a small way when it's something small so I'll give you an example of what I mean by something small and how you can show a guy and make him feel that you don't tolerate people crossing your boundaries so let's say for example you're dating a guy and um you notice that a lot of times he comes late for the date like and I'm talking like an hour late so let's say you guys plan a date for uh 9:00 p.m. and he always will come like 10:30 you know what I mean and he doesn't say anything he doesn't message you he just shows up late he's never on time he's never scheduled for the date and by the time he shows up he's always like an hour and a half late you know what I mean and you're getting sick of that you don't appreciate that that's not what you're here to deal with you're not going to be dealing with that for the rest of the relationship and so you let him know after the first time or even maybe even the second time you let him know look I'm not doing this where you're going we're going to be planning dates and I'm going to be sitting here waiting at my house for an hour after we had planned to like actually be out on the date and I'm just supposed to be waiting here like a damsel in distress until you decide that you want to pull up prepare yourself for the time that you're supposed to prepare yourself for if you can't then we're not going on this date and if you show up an hour late or you show up late uh for our date again we won't be going out on this date I'm not even going to come out okay and let's say that's what you let him know that's the boundary that you set obviously you're not going to break up with him because he's showing up uh he shows up late for a date but at the same time this is not something that you want to continue tolerating and you taking that as disrespect or mistreatment and so you need to set that boundary so he knows that there's consequences for that and so the next time when he pulls up uh let's say and he pulls up you guys supposed to go out on a date at 10: p.m. and he pulls up at 11:00 p.m. you actually need to not step outside of your house you don't message him you don't apologize for not showing up you don't give him any explanation as to why you're not showing up you just don't answer his message you take off your going out clothes or you go out somewhere else with your with your girlfriends and you head to bed and he'll see you another time when if you feel like seeing him and you never listen to me listen to me even when you start small you never never do the job for him of telling him why you didn't answer him or why you uh aren't going out with him or why you aren't uh went went back into your house right you allow him to be a grown man and do the critical thinking of understanding oh she did mention that she doesn't like when I show up late for the date if I even want an opportunity for her to speak to me again I should apologize for what I know I already did okay so that's why it's so important as soon as you spot something where you're like this is disrespect I don't like this even if it's small you let him know I don't appreciate this I don't appreciate what you're doing I don't appreciate how you're treating me or the relationship if you do it again this will be my response to you and you make it very clear of what your response will be and then as soon as he does it again you give him exactly that response with no explanation because at that point when he does it again after you've already told him what your response will be there is no need for you to continue explaining yourself on why you reacted the way that you reacted you've already done that now it's time for him to feel that okay and when he feels that it requires no explanation if he actually can do some just a little bit of critical thinking he'll be able to think and understand why you responded like that based on what you've already what the boundary that you've already set okay and trust me guys are a lot smarter than you give them credit for they might be emotionally stunted but they're not idiots so they can put two and two together and understand oh she's not coming out on this date or not answering my messages because I showed up and an hour late for the date that's my bad and he'll go home and even if he goes home mad even if he curses you out even if he says a whole bunch of stuff yo I can't believe you won't come out on this day I planned this reservation I paid $100 just for this reservation they're going to take it off my card and I wasted so much money into even if he goes off at the end of the day he'll go home and he'll remember the fact that when I showed up an hour late for my date with her there were consequences okay and he'll never forget that when it comes time to go out on another date with you unfortunately when it comes to men I'll just speak on men but unfortunately when it comes to men the only way for them to take you seriously is for them to feel you seriously I'll say it one more time the only way for men to take you seriously is for them to feel you seriously unfortunately you cannot be a nice super forgiving girl especially at the beginning because guys will grow the understanding that with you they don't actually have to face consequences for anything they can act how they want to act they can treat you how they want to treat you they can go about the relationship however they want to go about the relationship with no consequences you do not want the men in your life in a romantic sense to be approaching or thinking that about you you will get taken Tak advantage of you will get mistreated you'll get disrespected and you'll never have men properly value valuing valuing you or respecting you the way that you want to be valued and respected okay does that make sense to you guys so far right um uh Ivy says ignore him like I ignore my dog that misbehaves it's it's funny it's very true actually and we're going to get to uh removing access in just a bit right uh Ashley says our words uh don't mean anything right it's it's true you you want the words to just supplement the action and the feeling that he will feel if he does respond like that hopefully he doesn't have to ever feel that but you also want to look forward to the times where he can feel that uh even in a small sense because that will show him that hey you actually mean business soon as guys start to feel the seriousness that you carry yourself with trust you me they take it seriously because guys are very accustomed like I said earlier to being around and with girls that they don't have to take seriously they just hear you yap yap yap about how you're going to do this and you're going to do that and you don't tolerate this and you have this boundary and you want to get treated like this and they say yeah all right that's cool that you say that and that's cool that you talk about that at the end of the day even if I do what I want to do you're not going to make me face any consequences for it anyways so they don't even bother with what you're saying they don't care he does not matter you no matter okay and I don't want that for you okay uh uh Ivy asked does him uh seeing my stories uh give him access we'll discuss that okay we're going to discuss that right now okay ABC says men only understand our action it's very true right they understand action which is why that's the thing that you need to be the most focused on okay is making sure and and action but you also need to make sure that your words back up your action so if you know you're not prepared like I said earlier to back up those uh words with that same exact action then don't even say the words in the first place it's the the combination of telling him this is how you're going to respond and react and then responding and reacting that way is what shows him for real for real you're serious okay so keep your word was number one start small was number two removing access to you was sorry sorry start telling stories was number one keeping your word was number two starting small was number three now number four we have removing access to you okay very important remember so if you've been joining me on this show for some time even if you're new here I'll let you in on the secret you if you want to be treated like the prize if you think you're the prize and you want to be the prize in your relationship that's fine you can be the prize but then you have to treat yourself like the prize if you're going to treat yourself like the prize then you actually need to allow access to you to be treated as if it's a gift it's a reward vice versa if he crosses your boundaries or doesn't act in the way you expect him or live up to your standards of what you want or expect from a man the same way you would give access as a reward you need to remove access as a punishment for not acting the way you want a man to be acting in a relationship with you it is vitally important when you're setting boundaries with men that if they cross those boundaries you remove their access to you okay very very important because once again this is part of what he feels when he actually comes to the realization that you mean business the process of you removing access to you from him will show him will show him that if he is subconsciously if he is to cross your boundaries there is a lot of pain involved in that for himself cuz trust me whether it's a platonic friend whether it's a a boyfriend or a girlfriend when someone who you''ve be become become accustomed to uh wanting to spend time with you and treating you a certain way and being bubbly and talking to you and giving them access to you a lot when you become accustomed to that and someone removes that away from you it's very painful it's an ego hit it does not feel good us as human beings we naturally want to return to the state of our relationships and our dynamics that we're accustomed to so if someone we're used to being close and intimate with is all of a sudden very distant from us that's extremely painful and you want men to feel that internal pain when they cross your boundary it's a very good way to train your dog cuz with men it's like training a dog it's a very good way to train your dog to show him that hey you do the wrong thing it will elicit painful feelings within you and so instead of them necessarily connecting oh I don't do the bad thing because I don't want my girlfriend to feel pain they also connect it with and the even more reason the even more uh impactful way is they connect it with I don't do the bad thing to her because it make me feel pain that's even more impactful to people especially men because they don't forget how they felt when they were in pain because of a consequence that they faced that becomes ingrained in their memory and it becomes very very difficult to uh do that again knowing that the pain associated with the last time they had to deal with the consequences was extremely severe unfortunately as human beings the uh while we may try our best to care about others feelings and um you know thoughts and if they're hurt or wronged at the end of the day what we most care about and the most impactful uh way to affect someone is to affect their own individual feelings okay and when you can figure out how to do that as it relates to someone wronging you and you're impacting them in a way where they feel pain trust you me they will not forget the pain they felt and they will associate that pain with whenever they cross your boundaries they disrespect you or they mistreat you which is why it's so valuable and so important that you remove their access from you the moment they be begin treating you in that way okay so you have to be strategic about how and in what ways you remove your access from them my advice to you is whatever way your man enjoys you the most that is the access you remove from him okay I always think the most impactful way uh version of removing access to someone one is to remove their ability to see you in person because that's the most painful okay some of you might be with a texaholic man in which case you probably want to let go of the texting some of you might be with the snapchatter who's been giving you a Snapchat streak for the last 365 days and the Snapchat streak make him feel it okay whatever he's become accustomed to where he likes the way your Dynamic runs and how it flows and how you guys interact remove that access make it very painful whatever he enjoys the most if he likes let's say you guys always go to the gym together and he enjoys going to the gym with you that's part of his routine cut it off if he crosses your boundaries ain't no more gym time okay if you guys get on the phone every weekend and he gets accustomed to you guys getting on a phone call every weekend for two hours on FaceTime and this and that cut it off done no more facetimes no more phone calls even when he tries to call you you can't he can't reach you nothing done fito because what happens is he starts thinking to himself oh I crossed this boundary and now she's losing interest in me or even worse she's lost interest in me I might have lost her by doing this oh my gosh did I mess this entire relationship up oh my gosh did I mess everything up oh my gosh well are things never going to be the same because of what I did right and it becomes a very painful experience to feel like oh my gosh I I I might have just done done it now like and that might be it for me I might be cooked at this point okay but you want guys to be feeling that when you remove that access from you so let me give you a more direct example so we can all be on the same page okay so for example if a guy let's say in the example that I gave uh uh earlier let's say let's say you don't like when guys curse you out and call you all types of names all type of bws all type of you know just outside of your name name calling and saying all this disrespectful stuff to you when you guys are in an argument let's say you don't like you don't tolerate that right and he does that in an argument with you now a version of removing access to you let's say he loves texting you you guys get accustom texting each other every day even though I tell you guys to not be texaholic let's just say for example you guys text all the time good morning good night text all throughout the day you will stop texting him cold turkey after that argument where he talks to you that way you don't respond to him you don't respond to his good morning text you don't respond to his hous work text you don't respond to are you okay text you don't respond to nothing okay now there's a reason I want it to be that cold and I want it to be that distant I know you're thinking well you know that's a little bit mean uh well why would I do that you know he's going to feel bad and I'm going to feel bad you know I'm going to want to forgive him and I don't want it to be that serious and and you know you know maybe you know if he yells and you know stuff happens and we all get emotional it doesn't have to be that serious that deep you need to make sure the experience is painful for him because if the experience is not painful for him your result your desired result won't be acquire okay now when I'm talking about removing access I seen this she just said earlier so not block I want you to focus on removing access in a way that would communicate to him you have become disinterested in him because of him crossing your boundaries I don't want you to make him feel like um because he crossed your boundaries you're now so angry that you blocked him or you're now so angry that you know like you you've gone out and taken action on something I want you to make him feel like like feel like feel like him crossing your boundaries has created uh such a disinterest in him and this relationship that you don't even care to block him you just don't want to speak to him you don't have the desire to speak to him almost as if he's become unattractive to you simply because he's crossed your boundary that is what will serve him the most pain because then he's going to associate the fact that you're disinterested in him on the fact that he crossed this boundary or he did this thing to disrespect you right and that's where you want him to be you don't want him to feel like oh he disrespected you and you're so mad that he disrespected you that you blocked him because that still communicates that you care care enough to at least block him that you don't want to see him anymore okay or see see his profile anymore but when you literally just ignore his messages it speaks to the disinterest that you have especially if he's become a ustom to being able to have access to you and talk to you all the time it makes him feel as if he just poof vanished Into Thin Air that is way more painful that's way more painful than blocking someone I don't know let let me know let me know guys in the chat cuz I I I don't just want this to be me but tell me which one would make you feel worse if someone were to just wake up and you they had blocked you or or if someone just never texted you again or answered any of your texts or any of your calls or any of your messages ever again not that they blocked you you can see that it's delivered you can see that your message has been sent but they just ignore you forever that's it they vanish in thin air which one would be more painful being blocked or having someone vanish on you okay tell me tell me in the chat which one would be more painful I want to see which one is more painful to you guys okay I see some people saying ghosting I see some people saying ignoring I see a few people saying blocking right I see a lot of people saying Vanishing no okay and having someone just vanish Into Thin Air and ignore you and I think that's the most natural thing for all of us I agree too I feel like if someone were to vanish on me out of thin air that would be the most painful because at least I know if you blocked me you had to go to my profile and block me at least I know if you blocked me you're a little bit bothered and you can can only be a little bit bothered if you care a little bit but if you vanish Into Thin Air it makes me feel like I just stopped mattering to you as if I'm invisible to you I can't be invisible to you if you block me but I'm invisible to you if you can't even be bothered to answer my message or my call right and that's why removing access can be so powerful when you do it in that way and you communicate to him your disinterest in even hearing what he has to say or seeing him or speaking to him not that you're bothered by him but you just don't care enough to want to speak to him very very painful it's very painful okay I'll be the first to tell you so that's why you want to be doing it that way as like I said as the associates that pain with the consequence of uh him Crossing that boundary or disrespecting you or mistreating you now if he ever gets a chance again to do the right thing he's going to be like I definitely don't want to feel that type of pain ever again so I I want to be making sure that I'm doing exactly what I need to do to uh continue having the same amount of access to her that I've been having I don't want to go back to being where I was with her before and that's where you want your guys to be okay ABC says yes it's more painful to be ignored than and and be left on red I 100% agree okay right uh uh Kinsley says just like the stalker on baby reindeer when she stopped uh calling him uh I haven't seen baby reindeer but I 100% agree wa makes people go the craziest when you start ignoring them it's just like you have to recognize maybe one day we'll have a show on how on the power of ignoring men because you will be shocked about how much you will get from people when you ignore them because the pain associated with being ignored by someone that you care about even the pain of uh associated with being ignored by someone you don't care about will make them care about you it's it's insane insane how much people will begin to care about you the moment you start ignoring them even if they didn't care about you before insane and maybe we'll dedicate a whole show to that because I promise you that will change your life okay so uh number one was telling stories and telling the right stories number two we talked about keeping your word and making sure what you should not do as it relates to keeping your word okay then number three we talked about starting small number four we talked about removing access uh shella says uh is that healthy removing access from people you have to understand that in this world you only get the respect that you demand from people so so yes theoretically you could be a nicer more caring considerate person and you should you could be forgiving and allow people to uh show you that they can work through things and not take everything to heart and you know be a kind caring uh considerate adult yes you can do that and that probably would be the quote unquote right thing to do however in the world that we living if you do that I can assure you you will get walked all over men will take such crazy advantage of you your head will be spinning okay so yes theoretically if we want to consider what's the most healthiest way to go about is that toxic or not that that sounds like it's sure we can call it toxic we can call it manipulative at the end of the day you'll get what you want though and you'll get the men to treat you how you feel you deserve to be treated you can be the nicest person on earth and the kindest most forgiving person on Earth but you will you will you will get taken advantage of so the choice is really yours okay I'm not here to tell you how you have to live your life the choice is yours but I just have to be honest with you about the results of those choices okay so uh we talked about uh tell stories keep your words start small remove access now number five and the most important one listen very closely you need to make him beg are you following me you need to make him beg on his knees crawling on glass with his nose in your butthole asking for your for begging for your forgiveness ready to do absolutely anything for your forgiveness why why is this so important this is the most important part okay why is this so important because by the time you forgive a man you want it to be on the thinnest ice possible you want that man to feel like just by the skin of his teeth he escaped uh near death by not being in this relationship with you and not having access to you ever again he needs to be in a place where he's in a mind state where he's ready to receive whatever it is that you want him to do or however it is that you want him to act from here on out he needs to be in a place where he's ready to receive that and act accordingly he can only be in that mind frame when he's in a position of desperation because when he's in a position of desperation he will be the one asking you what must I do in order to gain your love back what must I do in order to have access to you again what must I do to get you back in my life have you ever noticed in your favorite uh you know teen dramas where the guy has the boom box outside of his house outside of her house after he done messed up the relationship um you know that's the only time he seems to be ready to make any type of change that the girl require of him and usually and at that point he's asking the girl tell me what you want me to do I'll do it whatever it is that you want me to do right because he's in a position of desperation and at that point and at that point only is is when he is the most ready to receive whatever it is that you want him to be doing or whatever response you want him to have or whatever approach or treatment you expect from him if you try and impress that upon on him before he's ready to beg for your forgiveness this won't work because he won't be ready to receive that what he's going to be thinking is you're trying to force me to act the way that you want but I don't even care enough to act that way and you're only asking me to act that way because you just want me to act that way but even if I don't act that way there's going to be no consequences for that he needs to be in a position of weakness where you have the power and you have the leverage that you can then tell him what you expect from him and he's already in a mind frame where he's ready to do whatever it is that you expect from him that is what you want that is where you want to be you do not want him sorry you do not want to be forgiving him or you do not want to be telling him what you expect or what you need before he is begging for your forgiveness okay because there's so much pain associated with the lack of access he's going to have for uh uh to you once you remove that access to you okay there's going to be so much pain associated that with that that if he actually cares and is interested in you and actually wants you and wants to build this relationship he's going to come to you and say look I am in so much pain because of these consequences that I'm facing for my action tell me what must happen for us to go back to the place that I want us to be that I feel uh is comfortable and painless for me okay you want him in that position Vicki says I disagree Vicki what do you disagree on how do you disagree there's nothing wrong with disagreeing okay right and so you want that lack of access to cause him a lot of pain and you want that a lot of pain that he's feeling to be the thing that motivates him and pushes him to beg beg for your forgiveness that's how you set good boundaries because when people are begging for your forgiveness I can assure you they won't want to be in that position again and they'll do their best to avoid being in that position again does that make sense okay so let me give you guys an example of of what I mean by making him beg right so specifically when you're making him beg let's say uh um a guy that uh the simple example he disrespects You by calling you a whole bunch of names outside of your name when you guys are in an argument and you're like look I don't tolerate that I already told you about it once this is the second time that that or sorry this is the second time that you're doing it you ain't getting no more access to me right I remember I told you you don't tell men what they did okay men are going to do this very sneaky it's very sneaky what men are going to do they're going to do this thing where if you set if you set a boundary and you tell him how you'll respond they'll do this thing where when they do it again and they actually face consequences they'll ask you what did I do what's your problem why are you overreacting why are you doing this and they'll try to get you to re-explain why you're upset or why you responded that way instead of being forced to take accountability themselves see this is very tricky because it puts you in a position where he can then fight or refute your perspective or your Viewpoint rather than doing that you allow him the space and you force him the space to have to come to the conclusion and the understanding that I did wrong and I know what I did wrong rather than ask or try to refute what I did wrong I'm going to acknowledge what I did wrong and admit to my wrongdoing that is a much more powerful state to have him in than to be answering him and telling him so you don't know that you did this and you did that and you did no no no don't waste your breath don't don't don't don't address it use his revoke of access to you as a way to allow him the space to ponder and think about what he may have done and I guarantee you listen to me I guarantee you when you give men the space to really do some critical thinking of how they wronged you or mistreated you I promise you they'll magically magically It's Magic they'll be able to actually come to the realization of what they did wrong why it was wrong and how and what they should be apologizing for It's Magic when you leave them to actually be a man and do some critical thinking and you don't coddle them by doing the critical thinking for them or telling them what they did wrong when they know what they did wrong okay and it's like I said it's a much more powerful state for him to be in when he comes to you with the understanding that I did wrong and I must correct that way uh or sorry um I must correct that action okay does that make sense to you guys so far I was trying to see what earlier uh Vicki said that she disagreed with because she said she said I disagreed she said it in all cap so I wanted to see what um uh part she disagreed with nothing wrong with disagreeing I would love to love to have a conversation okay do you guys understand what I'm saying does that make sense or you guys have some questions or concerns okay uh someone says what if it's me that messed up well then you need to be facing consequences okay it's vice versa you're the one that needs to be facing consequences from him okay Gracie says I've done this recently and it works he's still apologizing that's good when you have those men begging for your forgiveness trust me it's very easy to get whatever you want at that point right and it's very easy to get him to act how you want him to act in the future because he understands that you ain't going to tolerate nothing and only by the skin of his teeth will he return be able to to return back to you it's not no uh uh uh easy walk in the park here okay uh Lola says can you summarize what you just said like simpler um you can go over to my YouTube page where it's right above my head you just type in my name there and you can find out everything every point that we just discussed and you can replay it 100,000 times okay so just you you can always get it there okay uh someone says why is he skipping my question question there's a whole bunch of questions Brandy so you can ask it again okay you can ask it again or if it's a situation you can ask it in the Discord which we're going to hop into momentarily okay uh for those of you who are on Tik Tok you go into the link in my bio if you want to ask a Discord question and for those of you on YouTube you go into the link in the description if you want to ask your question we're going to hop into the Discord momentarily so you better make sure you put your question in there okay uh Vicki says I said I disagree because I do not want to to have pineapples with a man that begs it's repulsive and emasculating uh well when I say when I'm talking about begging I'm referring to begging for your forgiveness not begging to have like you know to be with you in general I mean begging in the sense of he knows that he did wrong but he also feels the pressure that he is very close to losing you because of doing wrong and in the process of that he becomes very desperate and uh uh very anxious that he might have actually done it now and lost you for good and so he begins begging for you in the sense that he really is desperate for your forgiveness and wants to do whatever needs to be done in order to get you back into his life that's what I mean by uh desperate for you that's what I mean by uh making uh him beg I don't mean like a guy who literally is just begging for your time uh in general I understand that that would be pretty unattractive to all of us okay okay right uh Aaron Oh Aaron asked a great question Aaron says what if he unfollows you after you ignore him this is a great question and I know some of you are thinking this I have to be honest with you okay this is going to hurt your feelings I have to be real with you that for some of you who try and set boundaries with guys especially for those of you who are trying to set boundaries with guys where you've already shown him that you don't have no damn boundaries a lot of you are going to come to the realization that the moment you try to set boundaries he's not for that because he's not there in that relationship with you to participate in boundaries and he's only with you because of your lack of boundaries and because he can take advantage of you and because you'll forgive anything and because you have no standards I hate to say it like this cuz I know it sounds very mean when I say it like this but I have to be honest with you some of you are going to come to the realization that those these guys guys don't care enough about you to even be asking for your forgiveness they don't even care about losing access to you they only wanted to be around you because they could take advantage of you and easily get access to you and you had no respect for yourself and so some of you are going to come to that realization it's okay but it's better for you to come to that realization sooner rather than later because this method of setting boundaries really truthfully only works in a guy who genuinely is interested in you and wants to build a relationship with you now I've talked in other previous episodes and shows about how to build the connection and build his interest and build his desire in you so that's not necessarily something that you can't do but I also want you to understand that for some of you you spent so much time doing some of the things I talked about not keeping your word you know talking a big game oh I don't do this oh I I I'm I'm I I'm a girl that deserves respect I'm a girl that only uh gets princess treatment and and then you sleep with him on the first I don't sleep with guys on this and that and then you sleep with them on the first night it's just you know it it makes you look very unserious to guys and uh after that it becomes very difficult to take you seriously just truthfully okay right uh Brandy says how am I removing access if he's not blocked you're removing access by uh pretending like his existence has ceased to exist that's how you remove access you don't answer his text you don't answer his calls you don't answer his nothings and once again some of you might realize that as soon as you don't don't answer his texts or calls or you don't text him or call him in general that he don't want to call or text you at all I sorry but some of you will realize that okay Ashley says makes a great Point she says boundaries reveal intentions very very true when you set boundaries with someone who actually respects you and actually wants to build with you they will respect those boundaries and adjust when you try to set boundaries with someone who ain't bothered by you and wants nothing to actually build with you they're just going to be like oh you're trying to set boundaries now way too much work I'm out of here okay so it's a win-win for you either way you set boundaries and he ignores you and never speaks to you again cool then you know he wasn't even there to really build anything with you in the first place you set boundaries and he comes back and fixes up and acts properly you golden now you now now you and him know that you mean business and you set the right uh foundation for the rest of the future okay does that make sense all right Discord it's Discord time it's Discord time it's Discord time it's Discord time it's Discord time let's go let's go let's head into the Discord we got a lot of questions to answer in the Discord let's do this thing let's do this thing let's do this thing man let's do it man let's do it man let's do it man let's do it I'm so hyped up man let's do it it's Discord time man I'm psyched out man let's do it let's do it let's do it let's do it let's do it okay so yesterday or sorry on Friday um I had a couple that um oh let me go to Studio I had a couple of uh I had one question that I opened and I didn't answer oh my gosh this is so annoying I had one question that I opened and I didn't uh get a chance to answer so let me what the heck so let me uh answer that right now it was I believe it was renas that I didn't uh answer cuz hers was long and we were running out of time but I saved a lot of time today for Discord time so let's do this thing so uh Middle Eastern issues Rena says look at the comment please read my question thank you in advance hello Tom she says I'm a 31-year-old Muslim woman living in the Middle East what the hell is that a fly oh I hate flies oh it's a fat fly okay if if you see me flinching it's cuz of the fly it's fat fly it's a fat fly um I recently met a remarkable 30-year-old uh man from a very wealthy Middle Eastern royal family uh we've been talking for about a month initially he was very keen on AR range sorry this is so annoying sorry orally he was very keen on arranging phone calls for us to talk since we both live in different countries I always made sure he didn't call me after 11:00 p.m. because I didn't want to give the wrong impression our first phone call he told me that he loved talking with me and that he wanted to me to feel free to call or text him any time and he would do the same while I agreed I never initiated calls or texts with him he told me that he's visiting my country in July and although he's planning to go to a coastal city with his friends he'll go out of his way for one day to meet me because he wants to see me okay after that he called me but I didn't answer intentionally because I was at the gym another time he called me and we spoke after 30 minutes before he hung up promising to call me back in 2 minutes uh to answer another call in the midst of our conversation when he called me back I didn't didn't pick up because it was past 11:00 p.m. after that he stopped calling uh for a while I texted him asking if his silence uh meant that we weren't talking anymore why' you why'd you do that why'd you do that uh he apologized and told me that he got super busy and didn't mean to ignore me he kind of gave him Power by doing that he said he rarely finds time uh alone except late at night and has been uh thinking about me planning to call me on the weekend I replied that I missed our conversations but preferred talking before 11:00 p.m. when I'm more like a social butterfly and I couldn't wait to talk again he told me he would make it up to me and that he couldn't wait to talk again the weekend came and he didn't call I kept silent a few days later I posted a recent picture of myself on my Facebook story what you you have a dumpy going on I know you Muslim but is your dumpy showing through uh to which he reacted with love and texted me asking how I was doing yeah that dumpy was showing that dumpy was showing that that's why he texted you I replied great channeling my inner Beyonce uh Fierce and Fabulous as always thanks for asking you uh he told me he was trying you guys see that fly oh so annoying he told me he was trying to send me a gift but for some reason the appreci uh the application he was using was having technical problems what application I I responded a that's so sweet of you to even try and send me a gift what type of gift was he trying to send you a toy uh even if uh uh the app isn't cooperating the thought is seriously amazing uh mischievously I wanted to keep the conversation going so I asked is it a unicorn or something equally uh as fabulous now I'm super curious he took too long to respond so an hour later I told him to forget about it and that I was cross with him okay like come on like he okay it took him an hour like just take a CH pill like don't don't take a chop pill okay he replied immediately saying he would call me now when he did I didn't answer okay I just don't get it what you're doing here he sent me a voice note asking why I was upset and if I could give uh him a chance to explain I replied okay so he called me and I giggled most of the time to keep the atmosphere light while he explained why he wasn't free to talk recently he told me he had been trying to send me a small gift but hadn't succeeded and would try again suddenly I got a text message from the most famous Flores company in the Middle East asking me to confirm my location I thanked him and uh told him that I love flowers but it means more to me that they're coming from him we continue talking about his family and some of his childhood memories then he asked if I had been in a relationship before okay here's the tricky part I don't know if you'll be able to grasp um our culture but I'll try and give you a glimpse I was raised in an open-minded family that gave me freedom to a certain degree I studied abroad in the USA but never drank alcohol I don't drink either so I can relate uh all my previous relationships were with well-educated uh men and were of course platonic I believe in saving myself for for for marriage I actually have a lot of um uh Middle Eastern friends so like I understand this he studied uh in London and had serious relationships as well as hookups okay um he asked me how I see him and I told him that I don't judge anyone he said he doesn't regret anything he asked me where I see our relationship in two or three months I told him I didn't know thinking we were getting to know each other as friends I know this might not seem like the smartest answer but I'm confused after what he told me because I won't give myself to someone I lost my place to someone who isn't my husband I understand that uh he said all right fine uh but I wanted to continue and he wanted to save his dignity by saying it's okay I made I made something up and told him I'm only saying that because we both live in different countries he immediately replied replied that he could come every weekend to visit me sounds like cap um I told him in that case I don't mind despite the fact that I'm not really sure of what I want with him he told me that he loves how I look and my skin color and he likes me more after we talked on the phone you should have added my features are a mix uh between African and Middle Eastern are you trying to say you're super bad uh I've been hearing compliments about my looks all my life so you're trying to say you Badd um but I'm not confident in myself yet a sad face PS I received a bouquet of 100 roses from him yesterday and I sent him a voice note thanking him and letting him know how happy I am to receive his gift and he hasn't uh he hasn't answered yet until this moment here are my questions considering his family's customs of only marrying with royalty within royalty wait when did you mention that and given that we come from different uh regions and cultures should I give this relationship a chance if my end goal is marriage and starting a family how can I ensure he's not pursuing me as a new adventure or to satisfy his ego with someone who looks different excuse me I want to avoid being played and ensure that his intentions are genuine I've always been independent and never made the men around me feel needed or like Heroes how can I change this Dynamic and make him feel like he's my hero uh and that he's needed okay uh last part of your question here I would actually advise you to not do that uh not that not that you shouldn't make the man you're in a relationship feel appreciated I just don't think that a guy you are starting to date you should make him feel too much like a hero like you described because when guy when you start presenting yourself like that to him at the beginning a lot of guys egos gets inflated and then they start thinking they can take advantage of you okay so you don't want to be worshiping that man at the very beginning like that uh as it relates to uh this question here uh so the royalty thing uh while that might be his family's custom uh he's a guy so I know even in different cultures guys have a lot more leeway to kind of do what they want especially when it comes to marrying okay um and yes their families can be strict but if he really wanted to marry you are people going to stop him uh I don't know cuz you know with guys it's a little they get treated a little bit different in a lot of cultures so um I say that to say if he really wants you um I'm sure he's pursuing you for a reason uh and the only thing I'll say to this is you guys haven't met in person so while this is all great that he sent you a bunch of uh roses and he said that he would be down to see you in uh every weekend and stuff like that those are all hypotheticals that actually hasn't happened and I think that until you actually meet him in person you won't be be able to properly determine uh what this relationship is or if this would even be a successful relationship I understand that you are in your culture you're taking it's not really there isn't really no having a boyfriend type of thing it's like we're either planning to get married or we're nothing type of thing right there's not this really like long in between time and so you're looking for something that's supposed to be very serious and I think Ras the only way you can determine if it's very serious is by meeting him in real life um doesn't mean you have to do anything but meeting him in real life and and really getting to know him um on an in-person level where you can kind of determine how serious are you about this and I think personally that until the flowers are great the phone calls are great but until he actually makes the commitment to come and see you for the first time in real life that is when you can actually determine his level of seriousness and interest in you because if you live in different countries and he makes the effort into know if he's marrying royalty this man's probably Rich right if he's only interested in marrying royalty so money is not an issue as it relates to coming to see you getting on a plane booking a hotel things like that I'm assuming if that's the case then this shouldn't be a hard thing to do if he really wants to see you um he's bragging about being able to do it every weekend so if that's really how much he likes you and really how much he cares about you you should not be considering anything he says as real genuine interest until he actually makes that trip to come and see you because everything else is just chap it's just chap CH I combine chat and Yap it's just Yap okay and um when guys are just yen to you you can't take that seriously until it's it's manifests itself in reality okay uh SEC uh the last question here where you said how can I ensure he's not just pursuing me as an adventure you can't really until he actually makes the effort to come into you so my advice to you take this as he's pursuing you as an adventure until he actually makes a real trip and plans a real trip and sees you in real life everything else aside from that is a pipe dream and a hypothetical okay you only start building anything with this guy when you meet him for the first time in real life okay Ras uh that's my advice to you let's see who we got next year I want to go through as many as I can okay uh next we have that one was deleted okay um next we have Nicole okay so Nicole says a situation where I feel like a bother sorry sorry where I feel like his brother doesn't want us to be together interesting okay so Nicole says Hi I will try to explain as brief as possible I've been with this guy for about 6 to S months and we have been meeting and been together uh and we have been meeting and being together we met and we do the dirty at times so six to seven months you've been like Friends with Benefits basically cool uh one day he went for a party and he ended up sleeping with a girl I knew [Music] okay uh she and the girl came to me and tried to tell me about it but she sent me a voice note of his when I asked her who it was she didn't want to tell me she gave me a fake name what I told her I know who that is later she said I have something to tell you but don't get mad at me she later told me his uh his name but still denied to me that she slept with him is this okay so obviously this isn't your friend though like you don't really mess with this girl at all uh so when I went back to ask him about the girl he told me the truth and said he slept with her uh the first time when they met in the club then she asked to we meet for the second time guys you got to make sure you spell check after that I didn't meet her again the girl in I stopped talking okay so she was your friend he apologized to me for it uh I forgave him because I really liked him because I really liked it we spoke about it uh it's a mistake it's a mistake uh but after I noticed the changes between us later uh said after I mixed two bodies I'd rather just stop I can't see you anymore because that's how my principles are ever since he did what he did we never kissed or got intimate I tried asking his big brother to help me out help you out on what to help me out I noticed his brother didn't want to help me why why why would he I you're a Friends with Benefits why are you going to his brother let's let's continue but each time his big brother kept inviting me places where they were all together this is really embarrassing for you uh I thought it's just like a family thing that maybe he likes me for his brother that's what you thought interesting uh Nicole uh then goes on to say fast forward we went to the club me and his big brother on what we and when we reached his home his big brother was trying to touch me inappropriately you know it's funny usually I would be shocked but the reason I'm not shocked is because I know guys so I knew when this was happening I knew what was what was coming or at least what was playing in his mind so this actually isn't a shocker to me because that was my question before why is his brother involved with you and your situation when you've been a friends with benefits with this guy for 6 months in what world in what realm does a friends with benefits of my brother uh feel that comfortable enough coming to me and like I I'm supposed to solve her problem I don't give a damn about solving her problem but if my brother tells me that we've been friends with benefits for 6 months and you know this girl's down for anything what do you think I'm going to be thinking I'm going to be thinking cool girl you want me to come solve your problem open up your legs I'll solve a lot of your problems be be for real okay so um you reached this home as big brother was trying to touch you inappropriately um I got comfortable uh sorry I got uncomfortable I left uh didn't know how to speak up because I felt like who would believe me by the way I'm not condoning the action okay but what I'm saying is you have to understand the thought process his big brother is not trying to help you you're nobody to him and you're not even anyone to his brother so his big brother has no interest in trying to help you uh go from friends with benefits to a girlfriend to his brother who probably already communicated to him that he doesn't want anything to do with you for real outside of just using you okay that's what I'm trying to help you understand not that I condone the action uh who would believe me if I say something like that his brother did uh whenever I try to tell his big brother to help me out he never wants to shocker uh until he told me look until he told me look I like you too but for me I didn't like him he told me to forget about his brother I'm wasting my time if I think his little brother will get back I'm sorry Nicole you know what I am laughing at you in this scenario because you're being silly okay I'll say it like that you're being silly thinking that the guy that you like hasn't communicated to his brother how he feels about you they're Brothers if his big brother is treating you like this it's because the little brother has communicated very clearly that he does not want to be building a romantic relationship with you Nicole which is why I'm going just going to let you in on some mans speak what little brother said to Big Brother yo she's going you can have her I'm going to be so 100% for real with you this is how guys interact this is how we talk there's a there's usually an understanding hey how do you feel about this girl what's Theo on her right I you tell you tell your guy friends or your brother in this scenario I don't really feel her I'm not trying to build anything with her I used her it was fun had fun with her you bro you it's your turn to go have fun with her I don't even want to deal with her no more but she's a good time you can have fun with her so all this time that you're reaching out to the Big Brother thinking that you're going to get some some brotherly love and some help yeah he going to give you some brotherly love all right yeah yeah for sure he going to give you some brotherly love but it ain't going to have nothing to do with helping you get with his his younger brother okay let's just be so for real all right and I got to tell you that as like some Real Talk cuz I feel like you a little bit confused here uh so he told you he likes you right uh to forget about his big brother you're wasting your time uh right he's telling you you're wasting your time because he knows you're wasting your time because his brother told him that and it hurts me so bad whenever I try to make things work uh his brother doesn't want him uh and I together no that's not what it is it's that the guy you like doesn't want to be with you and he's told his brother that so his brother is going based on that okay you're a bit delusional uh and whenever I tried to meet up with my guy it has become so hard he's been refusing to meet up with me saying uh we stop what we had and his big brother each time I try to even pull my guy to the side to talk to him what I didn't understand what you just said there but let's go on so we can resolve our problems he's not letting him talk to me oneon-one that's what you think is happening or do you think he told her yo get her away from me the other time we were all in the club I was drunk and really wanted to go home with my guy but his big brother said no you can't come with us and that's so embarrassing for you that's actually that's actually so embarrassing for you uh and all his friends including him he was okay with me going home with him but his big brother did not want me to go home with them and I felt so sad after I just uh let them go I really know the guy likes me but it's like his big brother got so much influence over him what can I do Nicole thank you for asking your question thank you for putting it in detail um you're wasting a whole lot of your time here like I okay I need I need you to understand a couple of facts about guys if this guy really actually truthfully was interested in you his big brother wouldn't be able to get in the way of you like this okay simply because why why unless he's got some messed up family situation why would his big brother be actively trying to stop him from dating a girl who he wants to date it's not like he knows you through any other Avenue other than through his brother what I want to break down for you is that this guy is treating you like this because his brother has passed you off as a Bop okay if you're from a different culture you might not know what a Bop is it's just just a fun girl just a girl to use you know have some fun with which is probably why he was fine with you coming back after the club you're super drunk probably super sloppy probably super emotional he knows he could get some good toppy out of you he knows he could get some free Squirtle out of you he was like whatever come back with me his big brother like yo I'm trying I'm trying to get in that yo I'm trying to get in that L bro I'm trying to I'm trying to get some of that yo let me let me get some of that if she not going for me yeah I ain't trying to I ain't trying to be I ain't trying to be part of that I'm I'm not trying to hear that yo coming home with us yo you better you either you either topping me off or you topping me off one of the two so I don't say that to be mean to you but I just say that to help you understand how guys think and how they go about things like truthfully and honestly like this guy not he's not interested your guy that you're saying my guy he's not interested in dating you he might be interested in uh utilizing your Squirtle and having pineapples with you after a drunk night at the club but he don't want to date you so the longer time you spend wasting your time I don't even know how you accessed his brother or what you thought was going to come of reaching out to his brother like you're a friends with benefits for six like am I missing this at the top I've seen this guy for 6 to 7 months we've been meeting together and doing dirty things at times that's Friends with Benefits you just try to make it sound nicer in what world are you friends with benefits and then you reach out to the person's family member expecting them to do something for you he ain't trying to do nothing for you he trying to do something for himself which I don't even like you shouldn't be shocked that the man is trying to do something for himself especially with you who's been from his perspective he's been told and communicated that you're a going girl you're going a little bit of a pride pressure you're going so he trying to see if you going to go that's what he trying that's what older brother big bro trying to see Big B trying to see if you going to go Nicole let's just be so for real and I guess your your confusion and the fact that you like this guy is just helping you stick around like this is weird you stuck around drunk at the club you what you're looking up at him say please can I go home with you I'm drunk and lonely and I want to be with you so bad like like like the desperation is probably oozing out of your pores it's it's really embarrassing to be you right now and you got to you got to fix up because the way you presenting yourself is like you got no no type of value and then you expect just my honest advice to you for forget about this leave this alone leave the guy alone leave the Big Brother alone I I I need you I need you to pick yourself off the floor pick your dignity off the floor grow some respect for yourself and I need you to move forward from the situation and I need you in the next situation I need you to not be friends with benefits for a guy with a guy for 6 to 7 months okay I need you to wait till a guy actually is trying to be intentional with you and grow a relationship with you before you begin sleeping with him okay and if you feel the urge to be a Pik Misha right if you feel the urge to sleep with a guy because you're anxious that he'll stop liking you I think you need to rewind and start figuring out how you can fill your own voids that you don't feel uh the desperation to sleep with a guy uh simply because you think that's the only way you'll keep him interested in you okay that's what you need to solve okay Nicole sorry that that's harsh but that is the truth and my advice to you okay next we have here let's uh make sure we in the right order these are pinned messages uh by the way next week we will we will be doing a live questionnaire of people coming on live and answering okay uh Sanctuary says I'm blocked SP almost two months oh this one was answered okay um so okay this is continuation so I won't read out this continuation just because uh it's uh okay never mind she just changed it answer but this is this was already answered okay thank you Sanctuary next we have oh no this one was answered too for bab you guys should go back and read this one if you haven't four uh kids four baby mama baby mamas I still want him that was a funny one um please read that one if you haven't uh yeah sorry I open that one on accident so Snapchat scares okay this one is new I know this one's new for sure let's read Snapchat scaries all right buckle up I have no idea what this is going but Snapchat scar sounds scary so SS hello Thomasson readings Earthling uh I'm 25 and I live in Arizona Scottdale I want I want to go to Scottsdale or Phoenix personally I think I am on my phone way too much okay at least we're starting with some accountability and self- awareness but I I'm really avoidant how does that work my main social platform I use is Snapchat oh we're we're going to have some fun with this I'm going to rip you apart okay I've been watching your videos basically I already messed up with this one person uh that I have been entertaining on Snapchat how old are you 25 is your age you're entertaining people on Snapchat let's continue he added me randomly and I felt I'm not a grandpa so I do know when people add you on Snapchat you literally can't see what they look like unless they've posted a story that same day so did a random person that you don't know add you on Snapchat and just begin messaging you and you you fell for love bombing from someone you you you you couldn't even see a picture of unless there's some new Snapchat feature in which you can see their their actual picture when they add you it's just an avatar as far as I know unless he posts a story of himself why are you adding random people back on on okay let's continue cuz I'm I'm going to start getting mad in a second I ended up sending him hot photo what this this this one's in Swahili it's one of those it's one of those messages that's in Swahili it's one of those messages that's in Swahili I think think so because this sequence of letters and symbols in uh this uh you know sentence here what looks like it could be a sentence this might be hieroglyphics I think actually um it does not look to be an English I don't think that this uh sentence right here is in English I think this one is in hieroglyphics it must be some ancient Egyptian uh scribe here I'm reading let's see if we can get through this I ended up sending him hot videos and photos of myself about a month into talking yeah that's definitely in hieroglyphics that one uh they didn't have my face in them but I really regret it now because I think it made me look really desperate for validation huh you think this guy will send me piics in videos too but then he will go cold and not message me back until one to two weeks later what do you what do you think's happening he's whacking himself off to your pics and videos and when he finishes busting his load he goes to bed or he goes and does something else that's more important why are you why are you shocked here after he busts his load he doesn't care anymore about you or anything that you're doing that's why he disappears for one to two weeks until his load's filled back up again and he needs to wank himself that's not rocket science you shouldn't be shocked he messages you when he's got a lot of blood flow to lower extremities and he wants to whack himself when he busts a nut he's gone you're shocked I started keeping track of his snap oh my god you're an addict you're truly an addict you're truly an addict I started keeping track of his Snapchat score and see that it goes up a lot meaning he's talking to other people shocker you don't even know this guy why do you care you don't even know this guy the you don't even know his name for real he has a Snapchat username you don't even know if that's his real name the other day he messaged me and I told him no I didn't want to send him any pick of videos of me anymore oh God you're you're standing up for yourself oh oh good good good for you now you put your foot down because I don't even know who he is and that I came to my S you must have been ached up you know what like I let's acknowledge s you maybe you just got it flowing through you your Squirtle get super soaking and you just can't control it cuz it seems like you HED up too it's not just him when you get aged up it seems like you can't think straight you can't talk straight when you aged up you just go and you lose control because for you to be this out of control is is mindboggling it only speaks to me where you're just you're you're ached up you're too HED up for your own good right here in this sense okay he got really mad at that and said he wasn't going to tell me his it's so sad like when I I told you guys I don't read these ahead of times so when I'm predicting stuff that happens and it actually happens it's just ironic to me and it's funny to me cuz I literally said he you probably don't even know what his real name is because it's a Snapchat username and lo and behold you don't know what his real name is it's just his Snapchat username now I'm super salty and have not replied back to him now you're standing your ground I don't really know what I expected from him I don't know either to be honest with you s uh we've been snapping each other on and off for 4 months four months of your life wasted that you could have been doing anything else and he hasn't even tried meeting up of course not he whacks himself off and bust a nut it's a simply equation okay he lives in California so it's only like a 6-h hour do you do you as I don't want to be mean to you but do you actually think he cares enough about a girl who's randomly sending him pics in videos to drive 6 hours get so for real he can bust a nut in 5 minutes or less because probably when he texts you it doesn't take you very long to respond and send him some stuff back why would he drive 6 hours to see you to bust the same nut I go to California all the time too and he makes excuses for not being able to meet when I'm in La you're tragic you're tragic to be honest I think it's pretty clear um that he just wanted a uh pineappling pal pen pal and I have been ignoring him since he got mad at me in the future if there's another person that shows interest through social media is there anything I can do to influence them to uh want to pursue me in real life okay s the first thing you need to do is delete Snapchat like delete Snapchat you there is no version of reality in which you're going to be able to meet someone on Snapchat and build a real relationship with them from Snapchat so just just abandon that thought process or possibility in your mind okay let go of that delete Snapchat if you want to be meeting people delete Snapchat it doesn't serve you in any way shape or form for what you're doing you're also 25 okay nobody nobody our age cuz you're close to my age right nobody our age is getting on Snapchat uh for for fun okay they're either getting on Snapchat to hide something or they're getting on Snapchat to be uh nefarious which just means sneaky okay like like you know what I mean to get into some trouble Talk Dirty pineappling you know what I mean uh pineappling on the phone things like that okay so you're wasting your time on Snapchat anyway you literally in this case you'd be better off on hinge than on Snapchat I just don't understand what you expect to gain from that application so that's one delete Snapchat number two I actually don't advise you to be focusing your energy on how you can get men to pursue you through social media because why don't you why why don't you want to get men to pursue you in real life why don't you want to figure out where you can go where you'll meet like-minded people and build relationships from there see the problem is when you're meeting people constantly on social media what are you going to be connecting over aside from the pictures that you guys take and how you look in your pictures that's part of the problem is that when you meet someone in a place like a gym or you meet someone um at in an art gallery or a museum or whatever and you meet someone in the process of a shared interest well now you know you have that shared interest now you have something to build a relationship off of when you meet someone over social media or on a dating app what is the shared interest there aside from I like your pcks and you like mine which is why a lot of people get into these traps of being a pen pile with someone they just whack off to or they call on the phone and whack themselves off call on the phone they rub themselves out and it just becomes this weird thing where you're not really act you don't know someone and you're just doing weird stuff with them just cuz you're bored thinking you're building something and you're not and for you it hurts you more as a girl cuz it's a waste of your time waste of four months of your life right waste of four months and also it's a waste of your ability and energy to like get to know other people in real life and your actual root of your problem is your focus is still on trying to get people to know you through social media because what is that really about why don't you think about what you're interested in and what you like how to go to those places in person and see if in the process of you going to those places in person you can find someone that shares an interest in with you because anyone that meets you over social media is not going to be showing interest in you the person they're just going to be showing interest in how good your dumb truck looks in uh the angle that you posted in you know theoretically cool awesome that uh you know you look good and all that stuff like that but you seem a little bit too AED up for your own good so I think you need to scale back the social media so that you can actually get guys to be invest Ed in you for real because it seems like when it comes to the the amount that you're aged up you start to lose a little bit of control when you get aged up and you got the phone in your hand because now you start doing some stuff that really hurts your long-term ability to grow a relationship with that person so find an interest and go meet people there in real life not on social media and that's my advice to you s and delete Snapchat please please please please okay uh next we okay these was answered next we have Crystal okay uh I'm back with the new EG crystal says hello Tom thanks for responding to my prior message I have an update on my situation uh recap me 26-year-old female and this guy 23-year-old male went on a second hangout I gave him the ick okay um I wanted to kiss him on the cheek and now uh this guy is is back on Tinder okay after the first week uh uh of the incident I did a lot of thinking and rewatching of some of your older videos I realized that yes I came across as desperate and needy and unfortunately I attached myself to the idea of this guy being my boyfriend I took some time to process my emotions and replayed the uh events of That Awkward day through this I've realized that this guy is a load of crap and he wouldn't make the best partner for me long term good I'm glad you realized that so now I only want to see him as a friend or acquaintance really uh through this I've realized that this guy uh you kind of what the heck I just I just glitched I just read that twice sorry uh recently we went on another hangout and it was chill in fact it was so chill that this uh I don't know if I can say the NW on here this nword changed his mind what do you mean like he changed his mind where he wanted you I was at at a place uh I was at his place we were watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia okay so just a BS show to pass time this man starts talking to me and giving me frisky eyes yeah we made out okay see this is the problem this is the problem Crystal you cannot I just talked about this you cannot talk a big game about how you know uh you know he's a load of crap it wouldn't make the best long-term partner I only want to see him as a friend I know maybe you might have not told him that directly but like this is part of what I mean you've got to be willing to stand up for yourself and I'm sure you probably tried to tell him this we're just friends now we're just cool now this ain't nothing serious and then lo and behold see guys will test you too I think you consider this changing his mind what actually happened is as soon as you tried to stand up for yourself he said okay let me test if you'll really stand up for yourself so when you tried to say we're friends he took that as a challenge to see if he could persuade you so that's why he started giving you frisky eyes to see if you would fold and the answer is yes is yes you'll fold so now he knows whenever you say something that you're going to do whenever you say you're about this or you're about that or you're so different or whatever he knows he doesn't have to listen to anything you're saying because you don't don't mean it you'll go back on your word and you'll fold if he applies a little bit of pressure okay he didn't even have to do anything he just gave you eyes and we were this close to hooking up but I stopped it you still made out so still validation there for him I gave him the It's a Jungle down their excuse so you didn't even give him the excuse if I actually respect myself which is why we're not doing this you made it seem like the situation was outside of your control cuz you weren't expecting it to happen but you would have done it obviously this guy wants to have pineapples this was two weeks ago and now I'm open to the idea of hooking up with him casually what what happened guys what happened guys chat what happened here because I I do I do specifically remember just a couple of paragraphs ago I do believe she did mention how uh she's realized this guy is a load of crap and he wouldn't make the best partner long term so chat please help me understand is this um is there some sort of you know uh statement I'm missing here is there some sort of essence to the female thought process that is very clear to you guys how we could go from this right here to go to uh her being a willing to W up hook up with him casually is there something I'm missing by being a man and not understanding how obvious it would be to go from that here to this here because for me this actually seems a lot like hieroglyphics I don't really understand how these two things can exist so closely together I'm not sure maybe it's because I'm a man and I'm just too emotionally stunted to not see how obvious it is that you went from this to this here okay um so I'll leave that to the chat CU I really want to try and understand that cuz I don't understand at all okay uh next uh you say I'll be moving out of town in 2 months bye-by friend group I'm super HED up and I don't see a future with this guy we've had about three hangout uh SL dates and we've known each other since April would I look like a clown if I hook up with them I think the answer to that question is pretty clear I think so yes you will look like a clown with a big red nose Okay a big red nose I plan on telling him this summer I plan on telling him this is a Summer Fling oh so you think you're running things by telling him it's a summerling oh great great way to take control of the situation here uh and I don't see us moving forward oh wow you're in so much control here uh I'm sure he's also on the same page I mean I might as well get some pleasure out of it and he does uh pay for my meals now good maybe you got some good Squirtle it's so funny when he changed his mind I was the one who got the ick changed his mind about what also I pay him less attention and he keeps bothering me we're in the same friend group so this can get messy very easily and yet he uh we always seem to be together and away from the friend group when we're all when we all get together what are you trying to you're trying to gas yourself up to make you feel make yourself feel like he actually cares we rarely text/call but we see each other in person often like three times a week for about 40 minutes 40 minutes is as long as the session lasts so why are you anyways I also want to add that this man is a Bop he is on Tinder and that's like Uber Eats for hookups you're dissing the man that you're actively trying to be in a friends with benefits with okay cool even though he's a Bop I want at least five appointments with him before I move you're an addict you're an addict like I get it we all get aged up but you're you're you're an addict because you're literally compromising your own self-respect for this okay anyways let's go on I want to arrange our um pineapple appointment in person during our next hangout I like that he pays for these dates I'm concerned that if I'm super transparent then I won't get that benefit what do you mean like if you just tell him that's all you want I guess it's like a situationship but uh is still a situation is it still a situationship if uh people don't see a future with one another uh I mean no you're just hooking up I'm also worried that if I if I do sleep with him that I'll give him the ultimate validation I mean you will and you already have what are you trying to do I'm I'm confused what your what your goal is here cuz you seem to have multiple goals in one here uh when is why which is why I think of communicating upfront that I want a Summer Fling and having an actual explanation date would help with his ego not getting too big that that okay how can I communicate uh this to him and not lose the perks of being in a situationship perks uh of companionship pineapples and fun Hangouts and also not inflate his ego too much you may worry that I'll be attached but I can't see myself being with this man long term and he wouldn't be able to provide the lifestyle I want anyways so what's the whole what's the point in general then I just don't understand the point in general just literally just for the hookup is it that is it that serious just for the hookup I think during that awkward Hangout um I had mixed emotions because I had I hadn't had pineapples in a while and this guy is fun to be around this uh guy doesn't know how long I hadn't had pineapples I've told him it's been a while he on the other hand uh did the deed a week ago before the awkward hangout so obviously this guy isn't too serious about me uh and then you lastly say also does your content work for people who are dating for fun or is this more for people dating for a long the long run uh finding a significant other honestly I'm not ready to settle down yet and I'd like to meet guys casually not dating apps bars what okay Crystal what do you want here I don't understand what you want here I've been single for about 2 years my last relationship I met him on a trivia during trivia night but I moved frequently and never had the chance to date for the long run hence why I'm down for a summer flame okay Crystal before we do anything about giving you advice you you like you literally need to decide what you want because this is the thing Crystal if you truly were okay with just being friends with benefits you like you would just be friends with benefits I don't like you're making it so much Complicated by pretending as if there's something's going to happen if you tell him that you want you you think telling a guy that you just want to have casual hookups with him is going to he's going to say oh my God you want to have casual hookups with me that's so that's so uh uh nuts not something that I want to do like what do you think's going to happen here this is why I say you see Crystal I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to talk to you about the root of your problem rather than what you're asking I know you're asking me specific questions I want to address your actual problem here your actual problem is that because you don't want to be bored out of your mind and feel lonely by not having someone to hang out out with or spend time with you would rather hang out and spend time with this guy that you know is not going anywhere so that you're not bored and lonely what that speaks to the root of that problem is that you don't feel like your life is interesting enough in itself that if you don't have some sort of companion or someone to casually spend your time with and casually you know have pineapples with then you have a boring life and your boring uninteresting life is too painful for you to go back to and you'd rather make your life exciting and stimulating by being with the guy even if you not planning on building anything real with this guy the problem with that is as you continue to do that you're going to be wasting a lot of your time and a lot of your opportunity to meet someone who you actually could be building something with because cool yeah you can have a summerling and have some short-term pleasure but you're only serving you in the short term and the reality of it is how old are you let's see how old you are okay so you're 26 now okay and you're a woman so I'm not age shaming you cuz 26 is still young but as you continue to have this mindset I just want to have fun I'm not looking to settle down I don't care about building anything serious I just want to do what I want to do trust you me you'll wake up one day and you'll be 30 with no no serious relationship inside and all of these summer flams with this guy or the next guy or the guy after that you'll have absolutely nothing to show for it but trauma and a stretched out Squirtle and when it comes time to settle down and start looking around at the men who you actually want to start building a relationship with you'll be 30 years old and I have to be honest with you you'll be less desirable to the men who are available at that time to date because you're older than the younger crop of women I have to be so real with you okay cuz if I don't let you in on this reality you'll be shocked when it actually happens and the problem with that is when you get to 30 years old and now you're trying to settle down and figure out what you want in a guy and take relationship seriously you'll have way less men to choose from because you won't be as desirable as a woman as you once were when you were 26 hot young and desirable and when you were the most desirable and you were able to get the highest attract the highest quality man that you could you spent that time having casual flings with Cas with men uh that you weren't planning on building anything with it's a very painful realization when you're 30 and you're trying to build with people that don't seem to want you and you seem to be working from behind because uh now all those guys want the younger hotter girls okay and by that time you can't undo everything that you've been doing and so what I want to caution you on is wasting your young valuable years where you have the most uh uh quote unquote value and where you'll be the most desirable to the man where you can use this time to attract the highest quality man build a relationship with him and by the time you're 30 you have a husband who's rich successful in shape that takes care of you pays for everything and got got everything you need because if you're trying to do that when you're 30 or 35 or 40 right not that 30s old sh you're not old because you're 30 plus okay but I just say that to say use your younger years to build something don't use your younger years to just f it off and have fun right because when you get older you're going to look back on your younger years and say to yourself H I would have been better served using that time to take relationships seriously there's nothing wrong if you're over 30 and you just haven't found that relationship for you what I'm saying is that you don't want to actively understand hey I'm young now and while I'm young instead of uh actually focusing on building something I'm going to be focused on just doing whatever I want for the short term instead of trying to build towards my future long-term happiness and and I'm just going to have as much fun as I possibly can now because that fun will subside you'll get older and then you'll look back on your younger years and feel like damn I probably should have been using that time to build something instead of just doing whatever I want now if you are younger and you were trying to build something and things didn't work out and you're maybe someone like in the chat maybe your sh you've been trying to build something and it just hasn't worked out and you're over 30 that's perfectly fine at least you are using that time to try to build something that's very different from using that time to just f it off and have as much fun as you can for the short term because Crystal you'll be happy in the short term but longterm you won't be very happy when it comes time to build a relationship okay right uh Brie says uh I hate the narrative that uh if women hitting the wall soon as they turn 30 a lot of beautiful 30 plus I 100% agree with you Bri that there's lots of beautiful women who are 30 plus years old but I would be doing you and Crystal and every other woman in the chat a disservice if I made it seem as if when you get older that in general to other men you become more desirable that's just untrue okay and I while I love to help you guys I can only actually help you if I'm honest with you about the perspective of men men don't find you more desirable as you become older when you're younger and in your 20s that's when you're the most desirable so that that's when you have the best chance of attracting the highest quality partner not that you don't have any chance of attracting a partner if you're older than 30 I just have to be honest with you about when you're the most attractive and desirable so I I would always recommend that you use that time to build something with someone so that you can end up in a future situation that you actually want to be in okay right and yes there it's one thing to have fun when you're 21 years old or 19 years old or 20 years old but as we get to the 26 year old point you know 27 and we're inching closer and closer towards 30 you really start want to start making decisions for future you more than you're making decisions for your short-term benefit because trust you me um obviously I'm not 30 yet but I know from having a lot of older friends even parents trust me when when everyone men and women hit that 30-year-old wall it's a splash of cold water that hey if I haven't gotten my life together at this point whether it be in my relationships or my career I am behind so I know it's fun to just do whatever you want to do and have the summer flings right now Crystal but I would advise you that you should only be focused your time and energy on relationships um that serve you for the future so if you know you're not building anything with this guy rather than focusing that energy on him even if you say you're just casually hanging out casually sleeping together everything's casual that still takes some of your time and energy away from you that could be invested back into yourself or if you were to meet someone that actually you could build a relationship with that time and energy could be invested into that person instead but you can't you only have 100% of your time and energy and if it's being used on something or someone else then it's being taken away from other avenues of your life so that's my advice to you is to to stop focusing your time and energy on things that don't serve you for the Future Okay Crystal right right uh uh cute cute uh are th Angel says wow I'm 43 married had kids 3840 I'm totally happy he's bad news this is crazy see that's the thing I'm not saying to you guys that being older is a problem I'm not age shaming you but I have to be honest with you uh all about the fact that as you become older um it becomes increasingly harder to attract the same I guess you could say Quantity of men okay you can still get good men even if you're older but it won't be as easy as it was when you were younger I'll just put it like that okay right that's how I want to present it to you guys I have to be honest with you uh princess says question hi Thomson I 20-year-old female have been in a relationship with a 20-year-old old male for 2 months now before the beginning of our relationship we were dating for some months and I also knew him for quite some time okay interesting uh thing is he's been treating me great princess treatment uh since the beginning flowers he's a true gentleman and he spoils me he's a provider and he's pro pro protective he's 20 years old and he's a full package okay interesting uh pursuing me uh I also have been I have I also have been playing my part right uh everything my question is I've noticed he doesn't really ask me a lot of questions about myself other than the basic uh get to know me questions example how do you like your coffee uh and I'm having second thoughts in case that's a bad sign lately he's been asking me a lot of questions about my future where do I see myself in 10 years and everything related to the near future what do you think also the live show really helped me many of times so grateful okay um princess uh you're 20 so uh not that 20 is a bad thing but you've also been dating this guy for 2 months so there's still a lot to learn about each other okay I'll say that doesn't mean that he's a bad person or anything like that I just think that you still have a lot of learning to do of each other you also have a lot of if you're going to be in this relationship for a long term have a lot of growing to do with each other and this is a really pivotal point in your lives um it's actually good that he's 20 years old asking you these questions where you see yourself in 10 years because these are probably things that he's thinking for himself which is a good sign if a man is 20 years old and thinking about the next 10 years with you or in his life in general that shows um a desire to you know really think about what he wants and where he wants to be a man who's planning for the future will always be in the right place will be positioned in the right place in terms of a relationship because then he'll be thinking about how do the things and actions I'm taking right now affect the future of our relationship that's a very good thing that's how you that's where you'll have a man acting the right way so um I think in terms of asking you I mean you said that he doesn't ask you a lot of questions it's also been two months but then now you're seeing that lately he's been asking you a lot of questions which is why I say it's only been two months so there's a lot of fluid things that are happening right you're still growing in understanding each other and two months seems like two months but it's not even really two months because you're not seeing each other every day of the 2 months so let's imagine you're seeing each other three times a week for 2 months and let's imagine you see each other uh let's even say 4 hours uh every time you see each other three times a week for two months so you're seeing each other uh 3 * 4 so you're seeing each other 12 hours total every week for 2 months okay uh 129 * 8 that's 96 so a total of 96 hours you're seeing each other okay right divided by uh uh 24 what is 96 divided by 24 let's see here 96 divided by 24 quick math is four so even if you spent uh even if you spent uh uh three days a week with him at four hours each for the two months you've only spent a total of four days with that guy so there's a lot of fluid things okay there's a lot of fluid things and moving parts that you still have to learn about each other so clearly as of lately he's been asking you questions especially questions about the future I always tell you guys when guys are talking about the future that's a good sign so just be patient let's see how it plays out I don't see anything here that's necessarily a red flag or anything like that and like you said everything else has been uh good so just continue learning and growing with each other and observing his actions okay let's leave it at there for today uh cuz we're already over time and tomorrow if I didn't answer your question or I didn't get to your and I didn't get to yours uh today don't worry I will get to yours tomorrow if you have a question that you want me to answer live on the show please if you're on Tik Tok go over to uh the link in my bio on my profile and ask it on the Tik Tok and if you're on YouTube go down on the link in my description and you can ask it there uh someone says are you going to make an Amazon wish list do what do you guys want the wish list to be just things that I use or do you like what do you want the wish list to consist of um because someone mentioned that I think it was electric field mentioned that not too long ago about creating a wish list I just don't know what you want the wish list to be do you want it to be things that I want or the things that I like to use or like what do you think right things that I want too so you guys want a wish list of what I want like things that I want to like get or I would I would like to be gifted okay I can make I can make either one of those I just want to know which one you guys want uh okay so yes please send in your question if you want that um as if you want me to answer your question as well um for those of you who love me so much and you want to see everything that I'm doing all the time 24/7 you can go over to my Instagram and you can uh see everything that I'm doing all the time you can scroll down at my page and see what I look like I used to be like over 100 lb more than this um what I look like what I did I used to post skits and all that good stuff so you can go see how I got to this point now um on my Instagram right above my head on the top left if you're on Tik Tok and right at the bottom right if you're on YouTube for those of you who are on Tik Tok and you're like this is the most amazing show ever I love this so much I want to be a part of the show all the time I you can just type my name in on YouTube and you can rewatch this live stream in its entirety and all the other live streams from the past you just go over to the live section and you'll see this exact live stream there where you can rewatch it with the Tik Tok live chat so your live chat from today everything you commented will be embedded in the video and everything the YouTube chat commented will be embedded in the video as well so you can follow along with all the beautiful conversation okay um I will make a wish list for you guys cuz it seems like you guys are saying you want like book recommendations and a wish list of things that I want I'll I'll try and make a wish list uh for all like all those three things in the Discord and I'll put it in the Discord so make sure you're on the Discord if you want the wish list of all the different things and if you want to purchase something for me as well I'll put I'll put the wish list in there in the Discord as well okay so if you guys want to join me again live welcome Sharice also by the way guys Sharice actually made it to Toronto so she's in Toronto now and I gave her some recommendations on uh on places to go so that's so awesome let me know if you guys ever venture out to Toronto that would be awesome I'll give you guys some good recommendations and I'll give you guys some hookups on some spots I know a lot of people so um if you guys want to join me again uh tomorrow I will be on every weekday at 400 p.m. eastern time um going live and we will join each other uh every single weekday Okay so until then aren AA a Vista goodbye for now and I will see you again very very soon in the near future it won't be long until we are once again together once again