In the context of the conflict management video, we've been speaking about the question how do I come to this top right point here in this metrics and as you might remember we've been discussing this metrics in the context of the example of the 14 year old daughter that wants to go to the party although she has to write an exam and now the question is communication wise, how do I bring this thinking into the head of my daughter? This brings us to, I would say, the most powerful communication tool that I can discuss with you and it is called the ability of holding a dialogue. The fundamental situation is that we have what we call a so called attacker. That might sound very dramatic, but what do we mean with that? We have someone who is tacking our imagination and of course our imagination is our daughter is sitting in her room and studying and now she's standing in our living room saying mom, dad, I want to go to the party and actually what we shouldn't become is what we call in this model a victim of the attack. As we have discussed in the brain model, if our amygdala starts working, while it is very probable that we will, the sensoric impulse is. Mom, Dad, I want to go to the party. How do you dare that we're going into these patterns? How do you dare, go up to your room and study or ask your mom would be a flight pattern here in this context. So therefore we need to think about how can we stay in the dialogue. So obviously the counter strike, the fight, the flight and the freeze are no options that we should take. So let's take the color green. In order to find another way of a solution, we need to step into a role that we call the observer role and this triangle that I'm drawing here is supposed to symbolize the following approach. So there's my daughters. For example, there's my daughter standing, saying to me, dad standing here, I want to go to the party. So now we're lifting ourselves up and we're looking on this communication situation, daughter and dad and we're going to this observer role and we are taking three steps. Step one is, step one is to listen well and actually to shut up. That can actually already take some pressure out of the situation and then Step 2 is that we are doing something that is actually the contrary to flight, fight and freeze. So what is something that our daughter will probably expect the least, which is something like I can praise her, I can confirm her. You're absolutely right. I can show understanding or and I put that in brackets, I can repeat what she just said. So you're saying you want to go to the party. Repeating is actually from my point of view, a critical pattern, as if we repeat permanently what the other person says. At some point people get doubts about our cognitive skills. So, but this approach is very helpful to take the emotional pressure out and then we're using the power of the open question, Step three, power of the open question in order to steer the dialogue into the direction that is from our point of view helpful. So speaking in the conflict metrics, I invest in the relationship level here. Darling. I can perfectly understand that you want to go to the party. When I was at your age, I also wanted to go out to go to all parties and now from the relationship level, we are going to the subject which is study and stay at home ánd we do that via an open question topic, the power of the open question that we will probably discuss in another video and the question I could raise here is darling. As I said, I perfectly understand that you want to go to the party. I'm just a bit concerned as you know, I'm asking myself. So if you don't write the exam tomorrow and you don't pass this exam, you will not go to the next grade and I'm wondering to how many parties will you be invited if you're not member of the class anymore? What do you think about the idea? So if you pass the exam tomorrow, that will be a wonderful reason to celebrate. What do you think about having a big party on the weekend here at our place? Whatever and this could be an approach into a dialogue oriented negotiation with our daughter. That was the abstract example and just to explain it in the brain model, I'm trying my impulse that I'm sending to my daughter's trying to massage actually her hippocampus and then with the open question I'm trying to make her reflect on her prefrontal cortex and of course that also happens in actually in the business negotiations. For example, a scenario that regularly happens to me is that I'm sitting in front of procurement guy and someone is saying something like ah Lars, thanks for sending in your proposal and we really appreciate it and of course we need to challenge it in the market and now we have a supplier who is offering the same as your concept, the same content for 20% less. Well, obviously it doesn't make sense to confront that person. So we need to think about how can we do it differently and one idea could be something like okay, perfectly understand that you're challenging our pricing and so you said you're passing our concept forward to another service provider and that is like passing on a cooking recipe and I was wondering, just imagine it's Jamie Oliver and me cooking with the same cooking recipe. With whom would you want to eat? What makes you sure that you get the same quality just because 2 cooks are cooking with the same recipe and we are talking about a sales and negotiation training here. So I'm wondering, so if my competitor is offering obviously the same quality for 20% less, what does it say about his negotiation and sales skills and now we're in another model that we have discussed in another video, Logic trees. So I had an input, I have received a reaction and now I'm planning example my input and the due course of the ability of holding a dialogue in order to go into cooperative discussion or conversation with my client. It is a very powerful tool. Let me give one more slight remark. When we are here and listening well to what the other side is saying, there are two very helpful questions in order to structure our thinking and one question is always what is the motivation? What is the motivation of the other person and even more important is what is good about Oregon Positive about his or her behavior. So if someone is very detail oriented that is helpful for negotiation. It's not he's annoying us because he is going too much into details. If someone is very self confident, it's just it appears as arrogant and so it is a skill to have a specific look on what is positive about the other person because that helps us to stay in appraising modus and positive modus that we, well perceiving the negative as something positive. This is another tool in order to professionalize your preparation, the ability of dialogue to stay in a cooperative negotiation with clients or suppliers.