hi it's Dr Fox licensed psychologist in the state of Texas and in this video we're going to talk about survival codependency and a narcissist in your life in this video we're going to talk about a concept I call survival codependency this is an inherent reflex to make yourself second and is often learned very early in life as a result of having narcissistic parents but it doesn't end there because it's a lifelong pattern that puts you in relationships where you're caring for others often narcissist at your own expense and you don't even know you're doing it you don't do this consciously but it's like an instinctive response for second place so let's explore it let's get into it and like share and subscribe and here we go survival codependency is often seen in individuals that accommodate narcissistic individuals which this can include parents Partners even bosses many individuals who attempt to go along with their narcissistic parents Partners or bosses tend to adapt to the whims and will of the narcissistic individual to avoid rejection dissonance and appease their own pleasing nature this is like a second nature to them it is instinctual like a survival mechanism of pulling your hand away from a burning stove survival codependency refers to an individual who is intrinsically dependent upon another for their own sense of value and fulfillment now again this is often outside of their awareness these individuals will do almost anything or in some cases will do anything to make sure that the object of that dependency could be Mom Dad lover boss friends whomever make sure that they are happy and stay with them or to avoid punishment now really early in life the child learns that they need to adapt to the the parents narcissism for survival's sake and they don't magically grow out of it it's like it becomes part of their DNA it is also like the employee with a narcissistic boss or the partner with a narcissistic partner let's start with an example of a child and a narcissistic parent to function in a maladaptive environment the child learns to push their own needs aside in order to bolster the self-esteem and value of the narcissistic parent for example perhaps the child plays a great game of baseball and scores the winning run everyone is congratulating him instead of accepting the praise he said I couldn't have done it without my dad's dedication and hell he tries to push the attention off of him and onto the parent sure when the child says it it's nice but in this case the child has been conditioned to believe it or inherently knows not to not praise the narcissistic parent for his achievement if he did he would receive a narcissist punishment plan and I've created a video on this if you want to go check it out and the punishment plan that can include the silent treatment shaming or withholding love or material needs now what about the employee with the narcissistic supervisor survival codependency is in action here because the employee needs her job to pay her bills and take care of herself for example the employee and her boss who is the narcissist go for a business meeting while there the clients mentioned they went to the same alma mater as the employee they begin a fun and natural conversation about the school and various professors that they know right and the employee instinctively feels that her boss is not pleased and she knows to not dare leave her boss out for fear of punishment back to that punishment plan so she steers the conversation to the boss's alma mater and how well she did there she is the boss in this latter case now this creates an odd segue in the conversation which leads to an odd interaction and the mood changes from open and interesting to force and fate the result is that they lost the business the narcissistic boss blames the employee tells her that she is the reason they lost the account when of course we know the reality the employee believes this and there is no recognition of the kindness or implicit need to always include her boss and make sure she's in the spotlight on the part of the employee or the boss so survival codependency is Alive and Well in the world in which we live through survival codependency the individual learns that if you go against the narcissist you are doomed to be punished rejected and shamed the challenge in getting over survival codependency is that you have to recognize that it exists inside yourself now let's look at some identifiers do you put yourself second to everyone else without a second thought do you feel great dissonance which is like being really uncomfortable when you get praised you reflexively attempt to minimize acknowledgment do you tend to end relationships with people who try to keep it balanced that 50 50 relationship and prefer the skewed ones where you do so much more than your partner to nurture the relationship you have a tendency to get into relationships where you're objectified or used without any attention paid to your worth and personal uniqueness and lastly do you have an inherent need or reflex to make sure your narcissistic partner parent or boss is recognized and care for that their narcissism is well fed if you answered yes to all or some of these I want to encourage you to explore those aspects of yourself that Harbor this need it's super super important therapy can be a great way to tap into this issue and overcome it overcoming it entails learning about yourself recognizing and believing in your value holding yourself accountable to take care of yourself and embracing the respect that you deserve is this easy absolutely not is it important positively so I hope you found this helpful please like share and subscribe and I'll see you next time thanks bye bye