you are responsible for your own visibility so zero to ten how nervous are you oh like a nine oh perfect i just get overwhelmed and then it comes out through my tear ducts and i don't know why that is when you try something even if you fall flat on your face you still learn something i am the captain of my own how you show up does influence people to learn about who i am and how other others perceive me is very important confidence simply means a willingness to try and all those little moments that you try lead you in a brand new direction sure now first of all does anybody have any questions so far or anything yes right there i love you i love you thank you and by the way let me let me say something this is also an opportunity to practice the five second rule yes if you're sitting there thinking about what you want to say use the five second rule 54321 and put your hand in the air it's a way to practice visibility practice putting yourself out there thank you so much for doing that all right stand up so i can see you all right uh well this has been very encouraging so thank you what's your name my name is jordan lumen hi jordan hi um so my question is based off of what you've discussed so far you've been able to dive deep into who you are um how would you encourage others to become more intro perspective more what did you introspective yeah in terms of self-awareness yeah i think in order to be successful as a leader you have to be able to identify what your characters are or even like you said you were able to identify that you needed to get out of bed and you needed to do these other things but it's easy to deflect at times yeah where you had to really look at who you were at that moment yeah become who you are now yes so so tell me a little bit oh stand back up first of all give her a round of applause please yes [Applause] so tell me a little bit about the kind of person you want to be i would like to be a leader one day um and what does that mean to you and like you said influencing others helping to mold someone because someone has molded me into being who i am i love that i love that and just giving back especially to like new hires because it's stressful and it's overwhelming at times like i transitioned from the lab and it was a small community where i used to work and coming to a large corporation and being amongst great people it was scary and challenging overwhelming exciting but i want to be able to take people under my wing one day and guide them in the right direction okay there's so much i love about you oh thank you how many of you can relate to any aspect of what she's saying terrific so i want to point out some things that you've done how many people that are in leadership roles right now are like oh we can get you involved in mentoring people right okay so what you're what you just did is really important so jordan you just demonstrated one of the most important skills for career advancement everybody and it's something nobody talks about particularly for women and what i'm talking about is visibility so the company is responsible for culture for training for diversity equity and inclusion you are responsible for your own visibility visibility means are your contributions known by the people you work for and are your goals known by the people you work for and based on all the research there is only one behavior change that translates to a change in title or a salary increase and that is increasing your visibility which jordan just did by standing up and asking a question that was both personal and by sharing what she sees for herself everybody in this room now knows what she wants including leadership and so thank you for helping me demonstrate what that looks like because too many of you are working in secret you should assume walking out of here nobody knows what you're doing every day because everybody's super overwhelmed so they're unaware of the 47 things on your plate they're unaware of the problems you're solving and it's your job to figure out how to make things more visible and one of the most important things is in meetings don't ever leave a meeting without contributing something it's a very visible setting and too many people sit there and say nothing because you're afraid to look stupid hey it's mel robbins i'll get you right back to that video but first you gotta know i have a three-part free training program it's called the reset seriously it's free i coach you amazing if you're tired of having self-doubt hold you back let mel robbins inspire and empower you there's a workbook it's incredible the reset write down this url or hit pause and jump in because the link is in the caption below all right yeah good i can't wait to see you in the reset and now back to the video you just said what you'd like i'd like to be a leader someday and i personally love the field of research called behavioral activation therapy behavioral activation therapy is some big old word that means act like the person you want to become act like the person you want to become that is very different than fake it till you make it i am not going to tell you to fake being a leader because when you fake it till you make it in saying that you are amplifying your nervousness and your imposter syndrome that is very different than being intentional and saying i'm gonna start showing up like a leader exactly what you said you know it's sort of like this claimed authority because how you show up does influence people and so in your mind if you think about kind of if you were to take out a piece of paper this is the simplest way to do it you take out a piece of paper draw a line down the center and just think about leaders that you admire and think about what are some of the things okay you just pointed to somebody who uh my manager ty and my director cheryl okay cheryl and ty stand up [Laughter] awesome so name two or three behaviors that those two do that that you don't do right now ooh that's a good question all right why don't you ask ty and cheryl for feedback right now can you give her feedback give her one behavior change on that spot yeah why not let's go can we give her a mic this is coaching i guess yeah yes and i'm coachable just one behavior change that you think would either raise her visibility or would have her be more of a leader i think being more confident in herself what does that mean how would you know if she were more confident um i think that she would sorry i'm nervous that's right i got an idea okay here we go let's turn on the lights let's turn on the lights um so i think that she would just take the action instead of questioning herself okay great yeah that's amazing and what's your first name again ty ty excellent and then what's your name cheryl cheryl what advice do you have for her i would uh give her opportunities to practice her leadership and knowing now that that's something she wants to do we can create that for her and allow her to get comfortable and confident in in doing so right and work on her her skill that she wants such and support her along the way excellent but she's already started so she's leading projects to do what exactly what she just said excellent yeah excellent so why were you nervous i don't like attention you know amazing does that come up a lot for you at work no no okay all right then i won't put you on the spot i'll be kind to you today um and jordan what do you think about this i would say um she hits it right on the head that was my 2022 goal for myself so it's challenging and you have to like i said dig deep into who you are but i would agree that's something i need to work on and it's it's hard but i'll get there yep so for you displaying more confidence is the skill for her to work on excellent and for you what was it um just supporting her in her ability to either fail also and know that you're going to learn from that but that we're here to get you help you support so do you see a hesitancy is she struggling with perfectionism uh she's very professional no perfectionism oh perfection her perfection trying to get it right scared to make a mistake she's a perfectionist i even think she okay portrays that she wants that for herself like to be the best at everything she she puts her how many people can relate to this yeah you got to get it right before you get it done yep yep yep this is a this is a protection mechanism perfectionism is not a formula for success everybody perfectionism just means you're afraid of getting it wrong and so you think if you hold on to it and you get everything right that that's going to protect you from judgment and so you two can sit down thank you very much give him a round of applause i want to continue to coach jordan because she's going to be come with me let's go up to the stage oh my goodness give her a round of applause all right are you nervous sorry i am okay great i love this okay okay they work best under pressure okay good i love that so zero to ten how nervous are you oh like a nine oh perfect perfect okay how many of you are nervous for her yes you feel it sweating yeah okay i wore a dark color okay i'm sweating too uh what else are you feeling um i'm overwhelmed i'm over stimulated okay um anything your stomach your heart it's more in my eyes okay your eyes are crying oh okay good this is excellent excellent okay so let's go on stage here we go yep everybody give her a round of applause come on jordan [Applause] okay you're just gonna sit right over there okay okay all right now i want you to look at everybody i'm just going to take them in take them in right um you're doing great thank you uh 0-10 how nervous are you now um i see some familiar faces up here so i'm feeling a little better terrific yeah terrific okay great so you had to count from the five second rule moment okay so you use the five second rule to do what um to calm myself down overcome my emotions terrific so what you're witnessing is something really important when you stay in your head and think and you let the wave come it gets bigger when you move the fear starts to lower now i'm going to also teach you something really cool that you're going to love as an athlete okay and this is really cool it's a way that you can use the five second rule in performance anxiety situations okay and this has been backed by research at harvard medical school it is the coolest thing in moments like you just did and you did it instinctually five four three two one you felt the wave all you're going to do as dumb as this sounds is you're going to go i am so excited to be up here i am so excited to be sitting in this chair go ahead and say it i'm very excited to be here sitting in this chair getting this opportunity great say it again i'm very excited to be sitting here in this chair getting this opportunity do you feel your stress going down i do let me tell you why everybody in your body nervousness or stress is the exact same physiological sensation as excitement exact same so what what sport did you play i was a track runner awesome she's a runner she's a track star you know she's a track star okay see now we're getting the swagger swagger's coming out so before a race when you're like stomachs and knots and you go to the bathroom your arms are that supposed excitement and nerves yes so the only difference between excitement and nerves is what your brain says when you use this little trick that has now been validated by harvard medical school 54321 and go i'm so excited i'm excited to make this call i'm excited to do this conversation i'm excited to do this thing you take control of what your brain is saying about the moment and it lowers your stress response to the heat of the moment and so you can use that and what they found in research is that when you do the i'm excited you maintain control of this part of your brain which means you're able to focus on performing when they did this in control groups at harvard medical school the people who were taught to say i'm excited ran faster in track meets they performed better in negotiation competitions and they scored higher on standardized exams because you maintain control of this part of your brain when you allow your nerves to take over you are saying it my eyes are going all over the place it's because you're flooding your brain with cortisol as your thoughts are like like you know when you go i'm excited i'm excited your brain's like oh wait a minute we don't have to freak out right now you're doing dynamite my heart rate's down too is it okay well i was like i noticed your checkered watch i'm like am i boring her like she's gotten real my heart rate i tend to monitor that okay great it's gone high five that's freaking out hand hug okay hand hug oh wait is that that way did i do it i had like this hand tug hand hug i love a handhog okay so let me talk a little bit about confidence because this goes for all of you i love that we're talking about confidence because again we're in this lane of if you want to change all you need to do is identify the kind of person you want to be and then start acting like that person now with deep intention and my recommendation is always start with your morning routine because it sets up the rest of your day and the second thing you got feedback about confidence at work i want to give everybody a new definition for confidence based on research okay confidence believe it or not does not mean and i'm going to use the word swagger it doesn't mean walking in like you own the place it doesn't mean that you even believe in yourself yet confidence simply means a willingness to try a willingness to try and the reason why this is such a critical definition particularly for women is because there's this thing called a confidence competency loop which means when you try something even if you fall flat on your face you still learn something you're gaining confidence and we know this is true like you became a track star because of how many times you tried every time you tried every time you ran every time you trained you were learning something and the more competence that you gain in something the easier it becomes your resistance to it lowers and so again like everything i'm teaching you it starts with the action not the belief the belief comes later through the action i mean what are you thinking about yourself now that you're sitting here um i could see myself being on a stage like this amongst a lot of people [Music] the way i feel standing there asking my question versus how i feel now speaking to a lot of people who may not have known who i was before i asked my question i can actually speak to you guys without feeling as overwhelmed which is nice how can i feel like i have a lot more confidence now just being up here and let me say where it started from it started from a gut instinct an impulse to take action and within five seconds you shot your arm in the air and that created this tiny little ripple effect that leads you in an entirely new direction and so the other thing that i want to teach you because you had a question about self-awareness and this is really important everybody there are two forms of self-awareness there's awareness of self and then there's an awareness of how you are perceived by others and typically we are only good at one of those things and so awareness of self just comes from really spending time thinking about it reading uh asking people what they see about you it comes from trying lots of new things and testing out what feels right because you always have an opportunity to learn more about yourself and like we've been talking about with sales too it's about slowing down a little bit so that you can pay attention to what you're feeling but the second self-awareness is actually the one that most of us are really bad at and that's understanding how you're perceived by others we're not aware of how other people think about us and the only way that you are going to find out is if you ask and so if you really want to grow it's terrifying ask for feedback about how you can improve in these areas share with people i really want to develop myself into a better leader i am working on it in real time what would you recommend in terms of how i come off and ask for specific behaviors for example in meetings what could i do differently that would communicate to everybody else that i am acting more like a leader even though i'm not managing people and if you can get specific behavior changes that cue that to other people now you got a road map for things to practice and then it comes back to confidence the willingness to try and then that takes us back to the five second decision five second rule 54321 is how you push yourself to try and all those little moments that you try lead you in a brand new direction you're awesome thank you i one of the things you said when you first started speaking is you're gonna change the trajectory of our lives i think you definitely changed mine yeah oh really proud of you thank you all right go get em go get em excuse me oh no you're dynamite anybody else yes um i would like to get a picture with you because you changed my life no you're the one that raised your hand oh true i guess i did um are you going to say thank you thank you for your time i'm taking five thought you meant you're taking like five of them that's what i did okay that's awesome yeah absolutely does anyone mind to take a photo for us thank you i guess wherever you want me i don't i don't have a good side i have like a prop in my daughter's photos thank you really it was so amazing thank you so much what did you get out of that for real um [Music] a great way to manage my emotions in a positive way i'm excited to be here i'm excited to talk to you this is an amazing opportunity and i get to just continue to tell myself that i've um i i can talk to people one-on-one and do well but whenever i get in a big crowd i get i don't know why but i get my emotions i just get overwhelmed and then it comes out through my tear ducts and i don't know why that is yeah um and i'm feeling it right now and five seconds you know um the counting backwards important five four three two one take the breath buy for everyone to yourself just in your head and you'll find that you center yourself yes i also got out of it that i am the captain of my own ship so how i choose to talk to myself how i choose to present myself asking difficult questions to learn about who i am and how other others perceive me is very important so awesome i'm excited to dive deep i enjoy being self-aware but i never thought to think about how other people perceive me and through that activity a lot of people are coming up to me like you are like a natural-born leader or you are better at talking to people than you think like stop being so hesitant so thank you it'll be exciting to see where i go in a few years i can't wait to see yeah i know exactly where you're at immediately i went and i followed you on like everything awesome i gotta go follow her awesome a lot to say and i'm excited to hear it awesome well thank you hey it's mel thank you so much for being here if you enjoyed that video bye god please subscribe because i don't want you to miss a thing thank you so much for being here we've got so much amazing stuff coming thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family i love you we create these videos for you so make sure you subscribe