so hello and welcome to the xap Pod my name is James your host and today I'm joined by Mary Martha who we met I think via Instagram or threads or some social media um well one of the many social medias that exist out there now but I think we are in the same kind of industry or in Niche I suppose this is a term for it and I think we just got in contact and I invited you to be a guest on the podcast and you graciously accepted uh thank you for that and if you like to share a bit about you and where you've lived and where you're from that would be wonderful yeah I'm I'm happy to be here I'm glad that social media brought us together so I'm Mary Martha from Milwaukee Wisconsin in the US I moved to Chile Santiago Chile specifically in South America in 2016 and I've been here ever since and I'm currently I'm a life coach for exper wonderful what a great Direction and hopefully uh someone who are listeners will see a lot of advice so welcome to section one of the podcast about getting there so Mary Martha this is where I can of ask my guests about their um inspiration for for traveling or or living abroad so what what was the the kind of um origin story of our Travelers or expats if you would um what you insured you on and then how you manifested it through all the work you need to find whether it was a international assignment for work work or studying or uh and getting visas and things I guess if we start with the why so why did you want to spend time abroad yeah that's a great question I've always wanted to learn Spanish so that was my why and the easier way would have been probably studying and putting more effort into learning at school but that wasn't really how I learned language I was actually really bad at that and so I got the idea in my head that it would be easier to learn Spanish after I graduated college University and spending at least like a year year abroad in a Spanish speaking country so my why was really apart from like experiencing kind of I think the typical Adventure after college between settling down wanting to kind of see more of the world but also I really wanted to learn Spanish okay and then uh with that kind of want to learn Spanish did you then choose any Spanish country was it you know Europe or South America was South America your main kind of goal to live there yeah that's a great question because it it really wasn't the first goal was Spain I think I thought of Spain because a lot of people think of Spain is just a cool place to go but I ended up using Chila because I have a family friend who lived in Chila she was did a study abroad program and then she met her at the time Chile and boyfriend came back and T English uh in Chile and so when she was coming back to the US to do her master's program I was with this idea of I want to go live in Spanish speaking country but that was kind of my criteria and my mom actually suggested why don't you meet with this person and just like instead of you know be open the same and open to this idea too just because she's been there she knows some people there um and at the time just to kind of get my mom off my back I was like okay I'll meet with her and it ended up being like a no-brainer she just really convinced me and it felt a little bit more logical to choose a place that at least I knew one person which was her boyfriend at the time it's a good networking choice to send for you suppose was to to find that person and then open that door yeah it kind of felt like oh this feels a little bit less what were you what were you going for what was the kind of process for for getting across did you have to do a Visa did you have to do a language test or was it gu you on a tourist visa maybe not yeah well that's a great question with this all perspective now it's quite different but in 2016 I was allowed to have um enter the country with a tourist visa and then apply once I had like a promise to work I actually got certified to teach English that was a what something that I needed in order to be able to teach English in Chile I chose teaching English because it felt like the most flexible and if I didn't like Chile it was easy quite easy to be able to move somewhere else and teach English so I needed to get the certificate in teaching English and then for the Visa at the time I was able to enter with a tourist visa but I within those 90 days had to apply for my temporary work visa so most of that was done in Chile but there was some of that which was done with like the Chilean consulate um some paperwork but most of it was done in Chile which was a stressful experience because I didn't really any Spanish I'm sure we'll get into that in in the next section but kind of going with the um the being certified to teach English did you start that kind of process back in the US then yeah exactly yeah I I chose a programs get certified and I got certified and it was all online which was great I guess I'll get into the next part had some downsides to actually doing the experience but it was it was a very friendly experience for people who do want to move abroad I think getting certified to teach English is a pretty safe option and are there many companies you can use for the certification or it's a yeah it was it was very smooth and then in terms of your kind of living ranges and when you were before you left had you finish college and move back home for a bit and then kind of not having to sort out rents sort out Furniture sort out storage exactly yeah you you know how it goes that's exactly what I did I was really grateful I'm fortunate to been able to have my mom to been able to live with her and that was something I worked as a server as a waitress during college and so I kept that job that I had during college and just worked and Sav money so that was really an important part of being able to make the move was one being able to not pay rent for a while and being able to save money to have during the months to a year did you did you try and learn any Spanish before leaving in terms of were you do you have a nice long je lingo streak or did you have a tutor or was there anything you did before I would love to say yes because it would be something I would maybe recommend now but I really didn't I think I was 24 when I arrived to Chile 23 when I made the decision to like make the move to I maybe contributed to a little bit of Youth of just being like how hard can it be I'm just going to go and do it so I wasn't really focus on that um which is kind of ironic but no I I didn't think about the Spanish part until I got here I know that's that's fair enough and that's what Youth and naivity do go hand in hand I think in that sense as well oh it'll work itself out I don't need to do any work now I'm having fun I'm young like and were any of your friends doing something similar were you kind of a they could outli in your in your circle of friends that's a great question you know I would say no actually no one was doing something similar I was definitely an outlier which I find interesting now that it's becoming a lot more popular with young people and and more common than I saw that it was a years ago but at that time a lot of my friends were professionally advancing a little bit quicker than maybe was in this path of going to B teaching English and B the experience and this kind of unconventional path was not I I didn't know anyone within my friend group or really close to me who is doing it that's really interesting to see as well you kind of being the Pioneer within your own kind of Zen diagram of people that you know which is really interesting to think about because yeah you have to it's hard to have that kind of inspiration or that guidance from someone your PE you have to kind of be the one who does that obviously you have your friends boyfriend at the time who was was helpful but still it's a it's a quite quite a scary jump I'm sure I'm lucky to have the the family friend she was very like supportive and transparent open I think that gave me some security that I knew her you know before she moved abroad and I trusted what she told me yeah it wasn't necessarily aside from her I didn't know anyone else who had done it and then accommodation wise before you moved did you have somewhere to stay or had you got like short-term thing until you found somewhere for the year yeah I stayed with my the friends boyfriends at the Times him and his family for like the first three nights that was definitely a culture shock and that was when I realized oo I don't everyone speak Spanish like and I don't speak any Spanish and then after that I moved to a hostel that the friend actually said oh I like this hostel when I was there and I think I stayed there for like a few weeks and while I was looking for more permanent housing so the first month was yeah it was not the most secure as in housing because it was like just for pretty much about three and a half weeks wow that's uh quite quite adventure to begin with which is always useful and then was the was there anything else you try and like tick off before you left your kind of home country was there anything else you wanted to I think at the time that I lefted in my mind I was definitely going for Max 12 months so because I was kind of a fresh fresh college graduate it's not like I had Investments like that's something that I know now for example like if anyone has actual like Investments and any type of like formal Investments like you actually have like stop that before you move abroad like I think depending on the phase of your life there's a lot more things to tie up so I know that my experience might not have PL but in my experience at that time I was so unattached and I didn't have I got rid of all of my clothes I went I arrived with a couple suitcases and that was I guess the advantage to going at the time that I want that there wasn't as much to tie up but I just mentioned that because I understand that if people are going at a different place in their life financially or Homewise or homeowners or their career I think that that could be a lot more bureaucratic than my experience was yeah did you have to also alert the is it the tax authorities in do you get taxed in both as an American abroad you get tax still in America right so is that something had to to let them know you're leaving or yeah you definitely you don't like if you make under a certain amount of income and have like an agreement that you don't have to pay double I think you only paid double after like a certain six figure after over a certain six figure amount so that was okay you just have to file but then it's like after a lot of money basically yeah you have you have one day comment I wasn't making then so I wasn't I think I also yeah when you go back to what you said about that youth I was just like let's go let's do it and just the time of my life there wasn't as much of that but you do have to file your taxes in the US and in Chile because they just need a a record but unless you make a certain income you don't pay it in both places wonderful well I think we can probably go into section two about your time actually being in in Chile so welcome back to the podcast and welcome to section two all about being there so marry Martha this is where my guests kind of give their own kind of initial first impressions or a new place uh get to know a lot about what life is like being in a new culture or a new enironment so if we kind of go back to your first day so you you kind of know where you're going to some extent you land in the airport what was your expectation and what was the reality and how did it differ yeah that's a great question I love that you ask that I I still remember like the plane you know when the plane the pilot says like we're Landing in 15 minutes or and I remember like I can go back to that feeling of just somehow it sat in that like when I got off the plane people are going to be speaking in Spanish so I think it was just such a big jump that up until that point I hadn't really mentalized the level of change so from when I got off the plane and the friend's boyfriend at the time picked me up it was kind of like a blur I would say because it was just such a shock that something is simple I mean I know it's a reason why I came but I think thinks of like listening everyone talking in a language that you just don't understand is kind of wild that was different Santiago Chile just speaking of landscape they surrounded by the Andes Mountains Milwaukee Wisconsin is very flat so just just even just the landscape like I didn't I was definitely not like Kansas anymore like I'm not at home anymore I was kind of one of those moments and I stayed immediately with a family so I'm just not even really around young people kind of I I mean he had some siblings and they were so gracious so kind to me and show me around they were like okay let's get you a SIM card for a phone like they helped me get a metro card and where I'm from there's no Metro station it's just buses it's smaller it was all a shock I think just being somewhere so different being in a big city everyone speaking Spanish and just also people looking at you like the foreigner like they want to know about you but then there's that communication kind of difference and it it definitely was like a weird like oh wow what did I get myself into kind of experience wow yeah that must be um it's quite uh guess borling is probably the word like disorientating a better better term where you just you're you Which Way North is anymore you kind of completely lost your bearings because you're there's no familiarity I suppose because nothing's in the same language as you are and even you maybe go to supermarket and you see nothing that's familiar as well maybe Coke is like on McDonald's are there but nothing else is the same yes yeah yeah you nailed it it's exactly like that and those are the things that I don't really know can be mentally prepared for because we have no idea how different a place is going to be until something that you just thought was going to be there because your mind only knew what you knew all of a sudden it's so different like losing your footing EXA that's kind of how it was like whoa this is different so um you you spent the 3 days with um your kind of family friends family then you went to your youth hostel were you there did you have a private room did you have a kind of shared room with other people what was that situation like I believe that had a shared room I want to say I had a shared room was a little too stingy to to splurge at that point you know 24y old like I'm just going to get a shared room and just rough it I'd had a shared room and I spent a lot of time just think with in those first few days like walk cuz I didn't really have a job yet I also I'll get into that later but I had to still interview for job so just walking around kind of where I was and just exploring I was lucky to have introduced from the friend back home like some people that she met she put me in contact with some other American girls and they were really sweet to like be able to meet with me and I remember like within the first week we met up and I was like oh I felt a little bit more relief like meeting meting people who kind of understood exactly what I was going through and and just kind of helped kind of provide a little bit of comfort kind of coming from the same country living the same experience so that was really nice but during the first few days in the hostel I was kind of just killing time so I was just walking around kind of just like taking everything in was there other people in the hostel you were hanging out with like other people who were traveling by or staying there yeah I remember like chatting with a lot of people in the hostel it was definitely a very The Backpacker kind of hostel a lot of people were just traveling with ch so I do remember you know chatting with them and hanging a little bit at the hostel but most people like kind of had their plans and we're just stopping by in ch in Santiago for one night and going to interesting plac in Chile like backpack and hike and stuff but yeah that also was really interesting just meeting lot of people who were just kind of backpacking and traveling but yeah we're kind of there for different reasons the people you met who were also us them was going be quite nice because like being in the country or culture where it's very tiring to live in another language whether it's reading it daily hearing it daily you you probably have that you lose the subconscious communication which you get from speaking your mother tongue or or something your fluent which must have been quite a nice change for you then when you were able to talk to these people who were also living in in Santiago but spoke English yeah as a native language that must been quite quite a nice way to to know I can actually articulate myself in a certain way to ask the questions I want want to ask I know they don't understand it and give me the answer that I need rather than spending half an hour you know circling around the question it was really validating too just to like exactly what you said you don't when there's not the language when there's not the language kind of there to communicate and when a person hasn't lived the experience it's kind of hard to like describe but because they all had been through it it they were really really kind and really validating and it felt really good to be like oh okay I'm like this isn't just me you know everyone kind of goes through this and they kind of took me under their wing and and show me around so that was really that was really nice to meet meet those people and then you said in in the kind of first few months you had to do your Visa I guess were you still at this point getting certified for teaching no I had I finished a certification had found an English teaching job the friend that I had back in the US had made a connection with the old English teaching job and I went in for an interview and got that and I had started teaching and the teaching here wasn't like in a classroom for a young primary school or kids it was kind of a one1 or small group classes for all ages like 6 years old to 70 years old but most of it was like adult kind of English classes so we would myself and other people who work there would travel to sp's office or to their home but all hours of the day and um teach the English classes so yeah I was had started the Visa process but the beginning of the the Visa starting isn't that complicating because you just I mean it is you send it for me it was when things didn't go as plann and when it wasn't like a smooth okay yes it's like no we're missing this or there's a miscommunications or bureaucracy and that so yeah at that point I had applied for the VISA it sent it in and I was just waiting to hear back and traveling around Sago teaching English so what was it like the the interview process then for you compared to what you'd experienced in in the US was it was it a diff was it a different kind of custom Customs to think about or you know was it was it was it scary because it's a different environment different culture right so yeah the owners at for this English-speaking English Institute were American so that was okay but I would say in My overall experience of like working for various companies and some Chilean and some just Argentine owners it's the interviews here very informal and I think in the US they're very like if you prepare for an interview it's like has you go through all these questions and the typical thing when someone asked you an interview tell me about yourself and he was they don't want to know about you they want you to like portray things certain way and people here they ask you and they really do just want to know like do you like playing sports what's you know they want to know you so I would say that those cultural things maybe I was probably too like professional or like intense in the beginning cuz I didn't know that they just it was that casual I guess yeah I guess that's the difference so I suppose what what we casual in the US might be seen as a negative in your head before you left it actually know it's the inverse of that which is I think the world is slowly changing towards that the UK when we're quite mirrored with the US I think we are into techniques but now it's a okay come can we get on with you because we can teach you what we need you to do it's St right yeah and it makes a lot more sense to just get to know our person first so but I I that wasn't I didn't think it was going to be like that CU it wasn't like that in the US you're being exposed to of Chilean culture with your job going into different offices and and houses and meeting all these great people who want to learn English for you what was that like what did you did you learn a lot from them did you learn a lot of Spanish from them as well because I guess they would be still communicating some some Spanish whilst you're delivering your English class yeah you would think I would learn Spanish but I think because I had like such a low level I didn't the the students I had that didn't have a high and I are English and I didn't have a high level of Spanish that was a difficult one I would say that I learned my favorite part of it all and I learned just a lot of think about like people cuz a cool thing about teaching classes is a lot of times at least the way I like to teach was try to find a way to talk about what they're interested in and kind of get that to be what we're talking about because it was conversational so it was a very like almost intimate way of kind of teaching and I really got to know people in a really deep way that later when I then worked changed jobs and worked at the digital marketing company it was like not that deep I guess like you didn't really get to know people cuz it wasn't like you just W talking and I do think you know just putting yourself out there and learning a language is like requires some vulnerability so that also opened it up for the student whoever was learning to kind of drop their guard a little bit because it's an uncomfortable experience completely and it helps to actually describe what you've done that day and stuff which maybe you wouldn't we wouldn't share every day with your family or friends in your own language but language it just helps you communicate so if you say yeah basically write a journal in that language and try and speak it to someone will probably help you learn it faster but maybe you're quite introvert or you don't wish to do that and it definitely is quite scary and there's a bit of a blocker there perhaps for for how people's paradigms change for what they used to so when you when you then so you've been living in the hospital you found a job you then looking for somewhere more permanent to stay so did your friends who are also American help you out or did you have help from work to find somewhere to stay what was that like no for the first place that I stayed it was a like that friend that friend's boyfriend time was called ex-boyfriend his friend was looking his uh friends like live with his mom and his brother and they were looking for like uh to host someone cuz they a lot of people I guess in everywhere will kind of host a stud AB BR or kind of kind of those type of things so I lived there for a few months and that was um definitely different experience than like being a hostle once a lot lot of people were International and younger and there was different more language diversity to being in a household where no one really spoke English and it was it was I think a tough experience just because it can be kind of isolating when there's not a lot of um way to to communicate with people who live there but I think it was helpful to just get a view of Chilean family and kind of like what you're saying get to know more about Chilean Customs how they eat dinner just kind of little things you just don't even really think about and I stayed there for 3 months and then I moved in with one of those girls one of the friends that I had kind of made in that first week that connection they needed a roommate so cuz their roommate left so I was like oh I want to live there and I live with her for like in another chilian man it was a group of three of us for like a year so that was I think it took about 3 to four months to really find a living situation that I felt matched my lifestyle a little bit better and kind of the experience that I wanted because I didn't really you know especially as a young college graduate didn't want to live with like a parent kind of watching over me with like rules nothing against that but I just I want it to you know not have a you want your freedom and you want your you want to have the opportunity to explore in that sense as well and you know stay out till 3:00 a.m. and not worry about getting yeah normal 24 year old kind of things yeah and then learning Spanish then so obviously you you had a limited level of Spanish pry moved did you get private lessons did you join a class as well was there some support that way no I so for the first yeah that would have been good the first eight months I didn't really speak any Spanish because I was teaching English so I T I talked English all day and then all of the friend group that I had really thrown myself into like the XA Community which was great socially to be able to like not be alone and have social things to do but every we all spoke in English with each other and it happened to be like a lot of the Chileans that I met were Bilal and spoke English so so I felt like there's this kind of like thing that one of my friends said to me at the time like if you don't speak Spanish right form the connection in Spanish it's really hard to like be in English and then go to Spanish so like form it right away in Spanish and then you can go back and forth but I didn't my language wasn't good enough at that point so it really wasn't until I switched I left teaching English and worked at the digital marketing company which was a Chilean company is Spanish that I had to learn Spanish through that job experience so is that after you wanted to stay longer than a year so obviously you went with the intention of being there for 12 months at what point did you realize I don't want to go back just yet I think at 8 months I realized I didn't know I didn't really speak any Spanish I hadn't really pushed myself in that way language wise so it was kind of like not where I wanted to be with that goal and just teaching English was great but teaching English and not having the opportunity to speak Spanish outside of work felt to me kind of limiting so I guess at that point it was kind of like I need to kind of get further on this first and I'm learning the language before I think about moving on and then when I did get to a year it felt like wow the first year for me personally was so challenging that it was and it was kind of starting to feel a little bit more smooth at 12 months that it was like it took me so much to just get to this year Point am not going to go back now like I worked too hard to get here completely yeah and all that knowledge you've Rec Creed over the years of how to to kind of live in the country just becomes somewhat wasted if you left it behind you took a job at this Market agency was that was that a Spanish company or a Chilean company or was it a um an English speaking company but with local people working there as well yeah it was a it was a Chilean company and I was like a I was like an assistant to the CEO and the CEO for the beginning just used kind of really Tred to like get me to practice English until I remember having to tell him like Hey like I can't speak English anymore work because need to learn Spanish and it wasn't necessarily like I think a lot of people might think oh I go abroad and I just learn the language but especially as English speakers we can kind of at least from the US we're not the bested languages so we might not understand how internationally other people and other nationalities have a really good hold and other languages and it can be really there's a lot of people who know English or who want to practice so it was kind of it was a to answer your question it was a Chilean company did take a little bit of effort and advocate for myself to actually like get people to just be speaking in Spanish with me it wasn't like an immediate thing so did you interview in Spanish or English then for the for the CEO to give you a job I tried to interview in Spanish and then we just end up switching to English because it was just like okay you going switch but well don't you for trying that's the brave step if you go in at least start the conversation then like can we please switch or something it's the main I tried I I tried wonderful you make a good point though about um English speakers who are native it's it's difficult Le the language for sure because everywhere you go people want to practice their English because it's such a where it's the international language unfortunately it's really Ed for if you're a tourist but not useful if you want to live somewhere I found in my office in Sweden was an english- speaking office so everyone spoke English which was great for me so I knew how to to do my job but meant that I wasn't learning Swedish to the the ability I wanted to learn it someone like Sweden it's like 81% proficient in English so you can speak to everyone and they they they speak your language and similarly with other experts either from Spain or from other European countries they they speak English as their second language and then we learning Swedish so you're kind of stuck with all your friends or experts all speak your your language so you you you still find out it's it's difficult to to progress in that sense but um it's a blessing and a curse so to speak and it's not it's not through ignorance it's it's through some people try who are British and American perhaps but uh yeah most probably don't when they go abroad yeah I I love that you shared your experience because I felt like in the beginning I judged myself a lot for that and it took just accepting that to like actually get better at Spanish and put myself out there but I think it's a very real I guess experience it can feel frustrating because like you said of or important yeah some other people like get knock because how great their language skills are and that's amazing but it can feel kind of like stord like you said like hey I kind of want to learn more languages but because of my first language it feels like really hard because everyone can speak to me in my first language so it's it's quite hard for them to open up the space to like let me try I know I I try and speak uh some sentences to my colleagues and they thought I was either speaking English with a weird accent or German and not Swedish and I was like no no no no I'm trying to speak like Swedish to you I'm trying to ask you like how was your day and talk to you about like food they're like we didn't didn't expect you to speak Swedish so we didn't like listen for it which is the point where you mentioned about setting the when you first meet people set the Baseline in in the language you want to actually learn and then switch in that if you're struggling because then they associate okay you want to speak spish was I guess with me people didn't associate Swedish which is an interesting perspective to think about great so we kind of C with your first year in a bit then of living in Chile what was it like now you're kind of settled and and got past that first year how did you find it how did you find the social life was it many XS to begin with then once you kind of settled do you found more locals or other South Americans hang out yeah great question I do think that it really did qu kind of shift I think for me and my personal experience it really shifted between when I arrived to single and um then after I met my now husband who was Chilean I think that the social life for me changed quite a lot just because when I was single I was hanging out a lot more with I think other single people I think that's probably how it is when anyone is single anywhere regarding living abroad and just being in my younger 20s or like mid 20s the soci life was kind of like a let's just go out all the time and get to know people like on a superficial level but just because they for fun at the time so I think I met like a lot of people a lot of people came in and out but there was a few people who were closer but it wasn't as kind of slow and steady or kind of closer more chill relationships and then I did know Chileans and I did Chilean but think integrating into Chilean Society I think culturally is not the same as in the US like I guess I put a perspective the US is so big and it's so common that during college a lot of people in the US go somewhere else and so it's very common that people have friends from high school friends from college friends from work and they're kind of set up to have to kind of like move on at that point and kind of make a new group but something I noticed in Chile it was very common people had their High School group because the country I think is like 19 million people compared to 333 million people 300 I don't know over 300 million in the US the sheer size I think that socially like once I got more into like a Chilean kind of Lifestyle I realized that like it just had a different social kind of makeup like it's more like people really hang on to their high school friends they say they childhood friends some people which I think has a also a double double short it's something that's really cool but it can be hard to be not just the outsider but a person from a different country to entering groups where a lot of times even within Chile it's kind of hard to enter a group that has kind of been there the cor group and hasn't really changed for a while so that was challenging in a way that I didn't experience that when I was friends with a lot of expats because and I still am friends with people who are xess because they're just so feel like there's a mentality that's just so open and just it's sharing a lot of values too it's very open and easy and usually they're very inclusive and willing to kind of let someone come into their group because they all know how it is but when you move somewhere and people have never lived abroad they don't really know that they haven't lived that so that wasn't sometimes people weren't as open so I don't know if that makes sense but just socially was like it can still sometimes be a challenge no completely yeah it's a it's definitely a paradigm shift I think um when Jo Paran again from swed to Chilean they have a lot of friends from childhood so like I remember I did a um I helped some YouTuber in in the streets of gothenberg record and they asked about friends and how swed are very hard to get to the group yeah I got my friends from my um kindergarten I'm still best friend with them all five of us to hang out every year we going all day with our families and it's like wow okay I know like okay I had two friends from school that I've known since I was very young but other than that I don't really speak to many people that I grew up with because we've always just had gone separate ways it's just by chance we grow up in the same place doesn't mean me have the same ideals whereas as you get older you meet people who have your your views and and you kind of um hobbies and that's how you become friends with people as you get older because you actually you're quite cool it might be a small country thing you know I think just that wasn't something so when you as about social I think socially I wasn't aware that like being in the I think also I wasn't aware that there's things that us culturally were like social kind of norms about like obviously we know social norms in the big terms about about just like socializing I thought oh this is just polite or this is just normal those type of things we don't really realize until you realize oh wow this is might just be cultural yeah I know complet yeah I guess it's ingrained in you CU you see it in on your on TV growing up or the social norms you expected to see just from from Media or from from school and then so you met your your now husband who chain how did you meet them I'm asking curious to think about like obiously you would would the expect so then you to lay in and change your your parad it really did no I don't mind you asking at all we met actually through the friends that I made made when I first arrived to Chile like a friend of a friend of a friend was like the connector and we met at an a barbecue which they call a Sol and they have a lot of that just that's kind of their social thing and we we were both there we have like a friend in common and that's how we were both of the same thing and we met each other he was actually like came with a date he was like came with someone else and was kind of like the guy who was like really unaware because like talking me the whole and she was looking at us like with her evil eyes and I was just thinking this guy's so sweet but he just he doesn't get it so what we met it was very much like okay there's there's a chemistry I like this guy but it was very clear like this is not a person who's maybe ready for something serious just because they were kind of you know have that energy like just something more casual so nothing happened out of it just knowing that that time like relationship and like dating wise like I didn't want something that was casual I wanted something more serious and until like a few months later we ran ran into each other on the street exchanged phone numbers and then it wasn't until that friend that we had in comm's birthday that like we Rec and one and it just end up flowing sharing all the things not maybe the nice version because you meet someone and there might be a moment but you can kind of tell it's just not sounds like you had to meet cute a bit later on which is always good yeah yeah you explained it in a much more British way but but yeah we did have our me cute later on but yeah it will be the there will be the the moment the Romantic comic when we were like this is not this is not the timing the timing wasn't right that's important that's that's life I suppose but it's good thing you got to you know say for lives and now you very happy and and it's it's it's worked out well for both of you in the end um so when you when you first met were you speaking Spanish or English to each other or how did you kind of engage that he tried to speak because he is bilingual and so he tried to speak in English the whole time and I just com responding in Spanish it was just like I want to talk in Spanish so it took also him like I had to be like firm about like hey I want to talk in Spanish so even people who are genuine and really like mean well they can really subconsciously see it as an opportunity to practice their English kind of so yeah it now I think definitely there's a time where it was mostly Spanish but now I would say it's very much Spang English like 50% 50% because we're V bilingual so it just kind of goes yeah you the word in Spanish you say the English word and then vice versa I suppose it's quite common I think yeah for sure espcially with modern words like selfie and things like that if you watch like other European languages speak they just throwing the the Modern English word in which is quite amusing to watch yeah sometimes I have to ask still like how because so many people if I ask how do you say this so like they just say the word in English I'm like but I want to learn the Spanish word like I want to learn sometimes how to say some of these words because what do you say in Spanish we just say it in English yeah but that definitely happens a lot at what point on your kind of Journey Through Chile was was meeting your now husband how early on and then I guess you wanted to stay for that relationship to Blossom yeah I met my husband we started we got together we started dating in 2018 so it's a couple years after I came and say like once we kind of had a conversation and like there we kind of the relationship was going to have a future that was important um I think just dating God to be really clear and like for me personally was like I'm not going to stay in another country and just like build a life here if this isn't going anywhere because this is a big that's a that's a for me to do so from the beginning I think in the first few to six months like once we were clear like this is has a potential to be something more I guess it just kind of flowed and it probably wouldn't have felt as comfortable if I wouldn't have felt that the other my now husband would have been committed to that but seeing that this person is committed and that they do want to see like where this flourishes like in a deeper way I think that that just felt kind of like oh this is it wasn't ever like I'm going to saay for him it's like I'm just living my life I'm just going to like if I was living in a different city in the US that's kind of how I felt like just staying this person I'm living here yeah just felt like that you said that then Blossom more socially for you guess you met your your husband's kind of friends and family and and and kind of fell into their circles which was OB you to more Spanish if it was promly Chan friendship groups who would speak ch or so speak Spanish around you then you're kind of stck you have to learn it all you kind of don't feel part of the conversation yeah it was that definitely and also professionally wise I worked at that marketing agency like a year and a half and then for four years I worked at a travel agency and we all spoke English with the clients cuz the clients are mostly from Europe and and Canada was in North America but everyone in the office spoke Spanish and they were all expats too but Spanish speaking exps so that was like I think when work and socially could be both kind of in Spanish I think that's really really when I was able to kind of pick up because it was more fluid and on the kind of con vision of of traveling were you able to explore much of South America be your base now being Chile do you you seen some amazing parts of R mountains and things or what's been your favorite yeah I was able to travel like a to some cool places with the travel company so that was pretty cool and also on my own travels I think definitely Chile is really beautiful and there's a lot of mountains and volcanoes and lakes and desert and ocean and all of that I think that t the national the pagonia kind of what everyone thinks of the mountains is really really beautiful it's just kind of iconic and there's also a place in the south of Chile called la which just means like the southern highway and it's just a really long very very long Highway and I like it almost like maybe a little bit more than the P Patagonia T it because it's less known but it's a little bit more like it's less exploited at this point we will see where it goes in the future once Pro Comm tourism develops it can kind of make things really cool but then everyone goes there it's kind of like if you go somewhere that's super cool and you see the pictures but then there's like a line like in nature to take a picture it can feel like it kind of takes away the specialness of it a little bit um but that's just how places that are very popular are but I would say that like those two places yeah there I mean there's so much Beauty but yeah and also I've been to Argentina and Colombia we're going to PR later this year I mean they still have there's lot to know in South America so there's still a lot to know yeah because the galapagus: coast of Chile right so I guess Chile is huge very long and take country so I would love to go to Galapagos too it's just kind of an expensive destination but yeah I would I would definitely love to go there yeah this reminds if you watch creek when she's when uh I you watch creek or not but it's all I can think of is uh is is is that scene for it's annoying that's sometimes you can't get all the you can't get all your favorite series you need to get a VPN and then you should be able to make it work yeah okay I should look into that completely and that's one thing that helped me with with homesickness was being able to watch like BBC comedy shows that I used to watch when I was back in the UK or like just you films that were were from my childhood or whatever or just random panel shows on YouTube things like that I would just constantly watch because it's after working all day and you're tired you're tired tiring enough in your own language you don't want to think about other language so much it was very useful on the to a home do you speak to your family often how often have they come to visit you has that been something which has been difficult yeah that's a great question we do speak I would say talk the most to my mom because she's a person she opens up her availability a little more than other people too like like most moms and my siblings I have a brother and my sister and I do talk but we're really busy so it's like we'll get on the phone when we can but it's I would say like once every month like once a few weeks but we definitely do like whatsa more we do definitely do talk they haven't actually the first time my siblings came was my husband and I got married in November 2022 and that was the first time they came just because chil is not really the most affordable destination to come to like out of South America quite expensive and it's really far away in the US doesn't have the best like vacation like policy compared to like other other countries kind of friendly in that area so it took them a little bit longer to come here and my mom had came to visit me this was my second time but Mor I had gone back more there than they had come here but actually this year for Christmas and for New Year's it's going to be the first time that we're both we're gonna see each other by meeting our meeting each other somewhere else so we're going to be spending Christmas and New Year's in Colombia together and I've never I haven't spent Christmas with my family since I've been here I've never just because for the US it's very expensive to travel back during that time period so done that and when I worked in the travel industry that was a really busy time for us so I wasn't allowed to like be without selfservice or not be there to help a a client if they were have trouble with their travels so I'm excited I finally eight years later it's like hey why don't we all take advantage of you have a sister and a daughter living somewhere else let's let's explore another place together that's incredible and I I hope your Christmas is Joy I'm sure well I have to ask you in January then how it went definitely yeah first time but felt like hey why do you guys don't need to come here we I don't need to go there just cuz it's quite it's quite a long stretch Santiago to spanning the continent AR you but there two continents in that matter yeah exactly so it's like hey why don't we both get a vacation and just see each other because I've been here for enough that it's not okay for me not to go back to my hometown every year because and and your your friends friends from college or home have you you keep in contact with many of those yeah I would say that like at this point just a few I think in the beginning I definitely tried but I realized like kind of a quality over quantity just realizing to be really Hest like my capacity to like make friends here have a job create a social life and have have like real contact not just like service level like make time to talk to them on the phone and sometimes our phone catch ups are be like a few hours and be like how much time do I have to do that with so many people so there are like a handful of I think like close girlfriends where we do keep in touch and we do have these kind of girl talks and get on the phone but it kind of had to be a little bit more selective than I think I might have been if I would have lived back home just because like I realize like I can't be every weekend just having long conversations because then I don't prioritize getting to know people here but then can't just forget about people back home cuz then you feel like okay they're all so important to me so just finding a balance so definitely yes but yeah just realizing for me at least like to have it be less people and just be a little bit more quality over quantity like maybe not every week like once every couple months or it's a very very good point you brought up as well about the you have to prioritize or make the the choice of do you prioritize opportunities to make friends where you live now you will see in person more regularly or maintaining wases back home and being honest with your friends like hey I can't talk every week but we can talk to you once a month or every few months or you know we have a zoom called or a Skype or FaceTime or whatever and it'll be less often than then then we have being in the same country and the same town and City because you know you need to make your life because you know that's what's need for your Med Health I'm sure and I guess group chats are always useful because you can all like post your updates on together yeah no group chat's the best yeah AOS it's really funny probably isn't it might sound weird to you because I'm pretty sure WhatsApp in UK and Sweden is like a normal thing but in the US no one WhatsApp like the US is like a black hole for WhatsApp it's like everywhere else in the world but WhatsApp doesn't really occupy it in the US so I have like taught my family they now send audio messages which like I learn from like most like Latin Americans here send a lot of audios and I don't know if that's a thing in UK or Sweden but like that's a very maybe it's a WhatsApp thing very popular to communicate and so I A lot of times it'll take me a while to get in the fill with my sister but we'll send each other like 9 Minute audios and it's just like okay I can listen to that when I'm just walking whatever it ends up working a lot better when we kind of we might not be talk in the phone but you can send me 3 minute audio here and there and 3 minutes I can do while I'm washing the dishes I can listen and respond and it's like a phone call but you don't need to respond right away so I think it took them a while to get to send the audios and some friends and family members it's just they don't want to do it it's like G I don't want to send an audio but it is interesting to see like even those little things with communication like I probably wouldn't even send audios if I never would have moved abroad because I think it's like a WhatsApp thing and I didn't even it's like a different form of communication you know WhatsApp is is probably the my most commonly used app on my phone other than like other social media but in terms of messaging people and voice noting is yeah maybe something I would would have done but a lot of my like Spanish friends Yi all did it it seems to be quite a Spanish language thing to the point where my girlfriend do it a lot with her friends from University as well and she's very good at that I I do with some people mainly my Spanish friends because they I just reciprocate what they send to me and it's always nice because you you get the intonation and the voice you get the humor comes across more and it's your family or it's your friends you kind of feel like you're with them which is quite nice as opposed to just the yeah I love your I think everyone should just listen into that who doesn't want to do voice notes it's so much better than text but that is interesting I do I've had some other people comment to me like only person in the US they known that saided abroad in Brazil or is Colombian or is this and like it might be a Spanish speaking no but he's definitely so we all need to take on board for sure um is there anything else about living abroad being in the country you wish to share because I appreciate we've been talking quite a long time about your incredible journey but it's all been very um very valuable is there anything else you wish to add or sure yeah I guess the one thing I will say is that like just to for anyone who wants to move abroad or was recently moving abroad to just be give themselves like a lot of compassion and Grace when it comes to like their career growth just because a lot of like I've been abroad for8 years I am now like coaching other people like and creating their life abroad and I have had a lot of xat friends and it's kind of common that compared to your friends maybe back home who've never left like career growth just looks different sometimes when you're abroad and that doesn't mean that you can't get to really great places but that can sometimes be like a sore spot for some people especially considering like if you went somewhere where maybe your studies aren't validated or like you kind of feel like you have to take a few steps back and so to just know that you're not alone and that like career growth is okay like I have this business now but like for a long time I was just kind of like just doing jobs that I could get and just learning and I didn't really love what I was doing but I was actually learning a lot of the skills that I use now as a business owner so it doesn't have to look like the way maybe it looks for your friends and peers back home and so just go easy on yourself on that point no there completely you're right it's the the the pathways we follow and and maybe what we we expect the the trajectory to look like growing up is different to how you now it to yourselves and and yes people will have the predefined career paths and everything else but you know it's when when you're abroad you don't go for the career necessarily unless you're going for work you're going for the experiences you're going for as you mentioned the language the opportunity to to explore new cultures and you know a lot of people who seem to be quite successful all have that connectedness of having lived abroad you listen to like a lot of people on TV and things or or you know great public speakers they've all kind of done something different everyone else and you know living abroad is something different to everyone else definitely worth keeping in Your Arsenal because you do become a lot more empathetic as a person because you have a different experience so it's valuable in soft skill I abolutely agree I I think you're so so right in the thick of it it can feel frustrating to get like an intangible thing that older people saying you're so good I wish I would have done that when you just want the tangible kind of result but exactly what you're said like just remind yourself that what the path you're taking is going to help it's going to help with the success that you kind of want right now in a bigger way later and so just to kind of trust that but it it can feel kind of like you're delaying certain kind of things that you want to get to sometimes and and your lived experience separates you from everyone else otherwise if you all did the same thing it'd be quite boring life because it' be nothing to talked about I know it's difficult to measure yourself against your peers and if you grow up in another country to where you live now you're measuring yourself against two sets of peers and it is difficult because if you where you live now people haven't left and they've got an advantage on you because they've always been there and friends back home have never left so theyve always stayed there so you are as you said you have taken that sideward step which then delays the journey but you probably offer a lot more in other ways for sure and in secretly everyone's jealous of the prison who lives abro so it's kind of ironic I guess we can go into Section 3 which kind of a review recap of your time so welcome back to the podcast World Section 3 which is not really named yet and I've been saying this now for over 50 episodes but it is essentially a review of your time so marry Martha this is where my guests kind of the first question is usually about before you moved and you can go back and give yourself some advice what might it be maybe in your senses learn Spanish that's little bit right from your St what might that be what might you um kind of you know gift yourself or your younger self putting myself a little bit out out of my comfort zone to Spanish just venturing into some areas that spoke Spanish more would have been helpful I think something well that probably would help with that Spanish and venturing outside of my comfort zone would have been just real like doing more work to think about like things that I didn't realize were going to have as much of a like make as much of a difference in the experience about how I talked to myself how I took care of my health I think before I moved abro I thought my health and well-being was just my physical health and just like the whole emotional mental even social well-being like I wasn't that was something that I learned through like being burnt out and not like through this experience and through trying to like make the time for all the social things and have a job and then just kind of dragging myself along and putting myself as like a second priority I know the health and wealth being compared to where it was 8 years ago has definitely had its moment and it's becoming more mainstream and more talked about but I would definitely say like if I would have prioritized just meeting my basic needs about like what do I need setting myself up like not believing every thought that I said because I think when you go outside of your comfort zone and you throw yourself into new experience it can bring up a lot of insecurity is a lot of this is too hard and if you're always listening to that voice it gets really hard to get up the next day and to be uncomfortable again so I wasn't until I think I became aware of like those thought patterns and started actually getting help like support through like coaching with that that was like oh wow like this has been a lot harder than it's needed to be so I would say the advice I would get is like to focus on that well-being kind of like mental emotional and like physical wellbeing as like just a practice like to like be able to like handle all of these challenges would have it still would have been challenging and it still would have sucked a lot of the times but I think it wouldn't have like rocked Me Maybe as much if I would have been a little bit more prepared from that aspect no that's you tou something very important there which you know especially if you're younger you you do have this kind of oh I can do everything I can conquer it all just keep passing it all like but then it does get exhausting you kind of then get to a point where you just BN you do burn out you you I often just ended up um just going myself to a point of fatigue and then passing out sleeping for 10 hours and I'd be fine for another three weeks of not really sleeping properly because I wanted to you know fill 20 hours of my day with work or with with experiences like playing sport or or going out with my friends you feel the pressure from all from kind of all parts of the of your life to to achieve and you you don't give yourself that times but well I just kind of want to watch an episode of bake off and go to bed at 9:00 it's not cool yeah I think that is a really good point that now I'm 32 now but when that felt like social death if I would have done that when I first arrived when I was 24 so it's I don't know I'm a millennial ad an all Jes don't if they're a little bit more flexible and open but I think that maybe some of it was at the age and feeling like I just needed to participate in everything and that that was what building a community and social life was like so what I didn't realize is that didn't leave a lot of space for like taking care of myself or building Community without sacrificing my own needs and being like I can't just go out all the time cuz I need some time with myself so I think that that like time for self-reflection and time for just like being with yourself or feeling your feels is as important to like a lot of the social putting yourself out there going even if you don't feel like it is they're both important and I say that because I think I try to make content about this too because I think that a lot of things about living abroad are kind of portrayed in a way like you just have to be always going out there and being around people but the people that I know who are really successful have done this take time to like be with themselves and Learn and Grow you have more empathy and and they reflect so like it can't just be like going out and being around other people there has to be some personal growth too you have to be able to accept the being out and being with people if you're if you're mentally available it doesn't matter how much you do it your your cup is full you have to empty your cup before you can then go for that which is the issue and I think um I think what you mentioned as well when when you're when you're younger or when you move as an adult not for University not for for for school or anything you go in as as one person joining a community or a group whereas if you're going as a student on a on a year or for a course you may be 20 30 40 people all going in together not knowing anyone so you have a collective kind of struggle and then you become good friends from that experience and you have a structured life a bit more differently than was if you go in not knowing anyone you've got to find them all you've lost your friends or your family who you could literally just vegetate with and not worry about you can sit on the couch and be on your phone or watch a film and not it feels very comfortable you've kind of lost all that safety net or blanket which which is useful to have you can just be like I just want to have a glass of wine and and watch you know Maiden ch just not like be around someone but now have right that's luxury especially in the beginning that doesn't happen a lot yeah exact exactly that but but We crave that I think as people you crave just you know doing nothing with people you love and if you've moved country and you don't have those connections of people you love so it's difficult absolutely I think for me a lot of a lot of evenings I spent calling friends you have enough time to but calling the friends you'd have those times with and just being just talking out absolute nonsense for 2 hours was a chance for me to to refill and down download what I've got and you know hear a lot of things that they've got as an opportunity for me to balance myself a little bit and then going for a run would also help quite a lot yeah I love that and I think that that's like that's something similar that I did too like I think I met it might have seemed like in the beginning that I had so many had this huge group of friends but there wasn't a lot of like deep friendships so I think something that now throughout the8 years probably just growing older and just more life experience and realizing that like not all of the friends need to meet like that deep what you said like I could just sit and have a wine and watch wake off or I call about you and just be like in a flow where you kind don't have to warm up you know like just those people and it's okay if it takes you know a long time to find those people wherever you're living I think that I know people who moved across the US and they said it took them six years in a new city in the US to find that so I think it goes back to what you said about moving somewhere as an adult when you don't have that built-in thing to connect over and bond over that takes a lot of time so just it's okay to like sometimes opt out of that one night you've been going out a lot to meet other people it's like I'm going to call my best friend for back home and that is still a social connection maybe it can convert into like an issue if like you never leave the house and it's like every single night or every single like you're saying no to all new opportunities but it's not there's nothing wrong with like that still being an important part like you said to fill your cup because it's not like you just end all of the friendships and relationships you had when you mooved somewhere yeah I know completely I think my one of my good friends who spoke to before actually he lives in Sweden still he told me I need to get better at being being by myself because I'd always like want to hang out with people because I didn't want to be alone but I was like well you need to get better at being alone because you know you have to get used to it and I was like it's a good point but no just come play s with me or something well I the expert on themselves too we don't ever know what people are going through and and sometimes people just might really want to be around other people a lot this it's not really a problem it's just like the fomo can be really big when you're living abroad because it's not just I'm missing out it's I'm missing out I need to build this community and human beings we social creatures so we forget that like subconsciously like we really depend on being part of a group and so I can feel really unsafe sometimes to prioritize just being by yourself when you're like but I need to be in a friend group I need to have people to invite me to do stuff it it's very important to the experience but so is kind of learning how to like grow and like you said all the personal growth that comes up with living abroad can't really come if we just are rushing past all of the moments that we can be slowing down for well exactly what you said like you kind of have to throw yourself into the experience as well so it takes some time to figure out a balance but the balance is important massively yeah um is there anything else you want to kind of share with the listeners in terms of your experience or advice you want to give to people yeah no worries I think a good advice that I wish that I would have really thought about and like gotten more clarity on before I moved abroad which is something that like I like to do in my coaching and that I learned through being coached by someone else was to get clear on what I valued and what my values were because maybe was the age I mov tobr just like young 20s wanting to fit in feeling uncomfortable like sticking out or not fitting in sometimes felt like my values especially if they didn't align with other people what they were valuing what other people wanted felt like uncomfortable to prioritize but I would say that like I didn't really find like success career-wise relation wise friendship wise with myself or financially until I started until I like Define what my values were and I started making my decisions and like my routine my daily choices like around what I valued because anyone is going to be faced with a lot of choices do this or do that do this or do that and if there's a person isn't clear on like what they want and what they value it kind of feels like you're just getting tossed around or from the outside maybe people think you have this awesome life because you travel a lot and you look happy and you look great on social media but deep down you feel like something's missing and that might be a sign that a person isn't really clear on like what they value and it can feel really scary letting that go to do something that they feel like is wrong so it sounds like really really simple like oh I know that I value this but if we all have to to sit down and write down our values even me sometimes it can be hard to just pick three or five but once those are ified it can be a lot easier for example to do a career change and pick a company that you actually feel you're going to be a good fit in when you're like I could it can really clear like they are dishonest I value honesty it's not going to work these things like are helpful use as a guide and we can't really look at other people just copy paste what works for someone else abroad and I'm sure you've seen that from interviewing you know 53 people that everyone achieved success differently and it all looks different so you can't really do what someone else did kind of have to go back to each person be like what do I want what do I value and be okay with like it looking different than like the people you're exat friends abroad or friends back home or just people in general no I think that's that that that's a a really really good point and great piece of advice you need to not just Aline your values to yourself but you know you becomes red Atomic habit so who read that book where you want to set your space for the things you want to achieve and that also can probably apply to your values too because if you do outline that oh I have these values that I don't really prioritize I don't look after or give any time to if you start to think okay how can I set my space up to make sure I kind of address those values as you said you know make sure that your values align with your your professional life as well whether you work for yourself or whether you work for other company you need make sure that okay what does a company what's the mission statement of the company and and what what what do they want to achieve do I see myself delivering that because if you don't then you're probably not going to do a good job for them anyway because you're lot work your your best at that um and then you then spending a lot of time outside of work being unhappy because you're not aligned in your in your done that yeah that's so true yeah one great I just want to thank you for your time and your uh your honesty with with with your journey and and how it's not all you know roses and and tulips you know there there are often some Thorns along the way and it's it's it's great to to find someone who's so passionate about living abroad and someone who's got such great I guess experience and expertise in in in in the in the subject as well so it's lovely to to talk to you and get get your experience and thank you for sharing it and you want to share where people can find your your own content and and other great work you're doing as well sure yeah thank you it's been lots of fun just check I mostly on Instagram and Tik Tok and they can find me by coach with and yeah @ coach withth Instagram tiktop that's where they can buy me wonderful I I'll be sure to link that Below in the show that to people to to find and follow and as always if you have enjoyed the podcast and have found something that's you know useful to you please let us know in the comments please do you know engage it as we will have Comm back with you don't worry and as always if you want to share with your friends and family then yeah please do pass it on and and spread the word because that's how communities grow and yeah hopefully people can learn a lot from people like Mary Mar and everyone else has been on the podcast JBS well thank you it's it's very very very kind of you to say so yeah and as always we'll see you next time for thex Pat pop