one of the most challenging aspects of breakup recovery is dealing with an ex dating someone new unfortunately based on experience this is one of your greatest fears that the person you love is going to find someone else or when you find out that the person that you love is in a new relationship and so as coaches we wanted to provide you with contents that will uplift you that will provide you with Clarity and guidance if you find yourself in a situation where your ex is dating again Coach Alex I know that you have a lot of experience is this something that is common do you find that after a breakup um do most people end up dating again or is this sometimes more of a fear that individuals have that never materializes I always say it's both because that's the number one fear after a breakup we have the fear that someone that we love we find someone else you know we have the fear that we will find them with others and that we will have no chance to get them back so this is the biggest fear that you have right now in the meantime I have studied a lot of Neuroscience a lot of scientific case studies and most of them studied that after a breakup we tend to try to be in another relationship that we call the rebound relationship just because we don't like to be by yourself we don't like to be single especially when we make the decision of the breakup so I understand that you are very in pain and you're scared and if your ex is with some someone else you're thinking that it's over in my opinion as a coach in a breakup recovery process since 2007. um we tend to not look at the relationship we tend to not look at that person it kind of we just focus on the breakup because most of the time I would say 90 of the case it will be a reborn relationship it will be a relationship that will be here because they were lacking something inside your relationship and in the previous video I talked about this story of a woman that I coach that was about to get her husband back when there are two kids because she also showed him that she was able to change to regain contoured um because someone that leaves you for someone else they also think that the door will be open with you so you will see that in this video we will advise you personally I will tell you that it's important to close the door to show them what they are losing but before that you need to understand that most of the time in order to leave you your ex was in need of someone else so it's not good I'm not saying that it's a good sign but it's not that ugly or difficult as you can think about and I want to get your thought on that question absolutely I think that it for based on my experience people don't usually date as quickly as my clients fear and because you're in a vulnerable mindset you always see the worst possible outcome and act as if this was already a reality and so many times unfortunately it's my clients who push their ex into someone else's arms because they're manifesting their worst fears in some ways now something that I see quite a bit especially with men is that after a breakup individuals want to see what else is out there especially when you were coming out of a long-term relationships many times people won't feel like they're actually single until they're dabbling with online dating maybe Tinder or Bumble or you know going to the bar and talking to to someone new so that they can feel that Newfound sense of freedom and Independence that they've been craving because us as human beings we tend to overvalue what we don't yet possess and so when we're in a relationship we want to be single when we're single we want to be in a relationship and so I've seen um clients panic because their ex are you know liking uh girls pictures on Instagram for example and you feel completely rattled by that and you feel like you know the world is collapsing um because of the fact that they're proactively putting themselves out there but this is normal and it's not it does not mean that all hope is lost and actually I see it as a distraction more than anything else and if you can continue to stay focused on you the things that you can control that is how we're going to move forward with our plan and that is how we're going to lay the foundations for a new relationship because jumping quickly into another relationship without really having grown if it's a rebound or if you're just trying to distract yourself it's most likely not going to lead to a solid relationship and one where you know they can really grow and and build on so don't be afraid of that outcome now we wanted to also talk about specific situations um when um perhaps your ex starts to date someone new someone that you don't know and oftentimes it can be someone that is either completely different like your total opposite or someone that is very similar to you and I've seen both of those cases can you talk a little bit about about that yeah I feel you know this is My Philosophy but I feel like when they are dating someone different someone new okay if they are the opposite of you the problem is not you they are not trying to find someone that is the opposite of you they are trying to find someone that will bring them the opposite of your relationship so what was the problem inside the relationship let's say that you were someone that was introvert not going a lot out they would find someone that goes every single day out they will maybe party they will maybe drink or you they will find someone that connect to the nature and they would go in the mountain in the forest they will do things that they have never done before not because of you but because of the relationship same thing if they are looking for someone that is exactly like you like look like physically or emotionally in my opinion they are looking for something that you wear having in the beginning of the relationship but that you lost after and that's normal every relationship went to stages and so you know we cannot be always on top we cannot be always positive but ask yourself what was the first thing that you were experiencing that makes you buff fun in love together so if you can come back at this energy and usually the people I coach men or women at the beginning they are very fun you know they love to go out they love to um yeah they'll have to try different things they love to open their wall to that person and there is a moment we start to become complacent we start to enter into the routine that's where I want you to change your behavior absolutely I love it because again we're focusing on what we can control yes and that's where a lot of times good things tend to happen and you know when your ex dates someone new the tendency is to seek reassurance or make mistakes you're comparing yourself to this other person whether they're similar or different doesn't matter let's focus on you and what you can control so that way we're not competing and that way we are bringing the best of our qualities to the table and letting those reattract this man or this woman that we love another situation that we see that is quite common is when your ex either date someone from their past like an ex or starts to date the very person that you were threatened by during the relationship you kept telling them you know this person has a crush on you this person is flirting with you I don't want you hanging with this person and they would say you don't have anything to worry about this person I'm not even interested in them and then after the breakup you find out on social media or Through the Grapevine that they're seeing each other yeah that's like very difficult that is a blow and maybe you can we can talk a little bit about this type of dynamic what pushes someone to do that even if they said there was never ever a chance or what pushes someone to go back to their EX in that sense so you know if I'm not happy in a relationship the easiest way is to go back to my ex because I know that we have been in a relationship I forgot about the negativity because then you should not have a breakup so it's easier for me to go back to my exes right it's just the easiest way to not feel lonely to not be single to be able to you know try to not feel the pain of a breakup so this is what I see most of the time and uh their ex usually did maybe they didn't do the job so the relationship will not last but you're still suffering today but I feel like we go back to our exes because it's easier I agree it's a low-hanging fruit yeah when an ex usually contacts you you will soon find out that they perhaps just went through a breakup and um ultimately this is a good thing because you are trying to repair a relationship with your ex you need to just make sure that you're building the right foundation that you're actually evolving so that you can offer something new and build a proper sustainable relationship with this person that you love ultimately it's what I when individuals start to date someone that you were threatened by or perhaps even a friend um I I tend to see Dynamics where again your worst fears are being manifested you are planting seeds into your ex's mind that this is a possibility that they could have a relationship together that perhaps they're compatible or perhaps that this person is offering something that you don't and so we don't want to do that and that's one of the reasons one of the many reasons why I don't think it's a good idea to talk to an ex about this new person that they're dating of course we don't want to go into an extreme if your ex is talking to you about this person you have to interact with them you can't just keep trying to change the conversation otherwise things will get awkward but the point that I'm trying to make is your thoughts your mindset your intentions are powerful it has an impact and you need to make sure that you are nurturing the right type of mindset so that you're not giving more Credence and more power and more validation to a relationship that is probably just there to serve as a distraction hmm I tend to think that there is also manipulation right either that other person manipulated your ex you know to get closer that's what I see a lot or your ex manipulated you to tell you no no worries you don't have to worry but they were still having some intention behind the you know behind their mind so I want you to be careful about this because if your ex has been manipulated by the other person where they try to get closer they try to create argument they try to put some fire in the relationship between you and your exes you need to as many coach Edwin mentioned you need to not talk about that person you know not try to make your ex open their eyes but we create some intimacy some connection some seduction some attraction because the more you talk about the other person the more control and power you give them so you have to be very much careful with that and then if it was your ex that was manipulating you because they wanted to keep you on the side and flirt with that other person I feel that this is too much disrespecting right you need to ask yourself sometime is that person a good person because there is men and women that knows how to manipulate you how to make you think that you're crazy how to make you think that it's your fault and so you take the blame and the girl so you cannot move on and you're stuck in a position that they have control on you so just be careful just to analyze the situation the last scenario that I wanted to talk about something that we see in coaching sessions is when you see that your ex is actually really committed to a new person and really investing in building a new relationship with someone new so it this may look differently based on the age the culture um that you're in but examples can be meeting the families going on vacation with parents of a new person or moving in together or even having a child together or maybe being engaged and I wanted to take a second to talk about those types of Dynamics and perhaps what it entails for your breakup recovery and also how to deal with those with those developments I would be straightforward because Adrian and of course you guys I feel that the reality is what can we control as you mentioned previously so I feel if you do the right actions and your ex is not coming back to you and they are engaging with that other person maybe you are not mean to be together that's one thing because usually even if they are like engaging with someone else even if they are seeing the parents the moment they start to feel that they are losing you they come back and if it's not the case it's maybe because you're not mean to be together so it's either it works or not yes I think that's I think being straightforward is beautiful so I have seen a lot of cases especially in specific cultures where individuals are leveraging either families meeting the parents or posting on social media to try to get a reaction out of the ex to try to make you jealous right um so just be mindful of that okay sometimes things may not be as they appear and also to go back to what Coach Alex was saying previously we need to make sure that this is the right person for you if there are certain behaviors that should cause you to pause and to take a step back and to really reflect on is this really who I want to build a life with if they're capable of going you know at this length to try to make me feel a certain way now having said that this process is not about getting an ex back it's about being in a healthy happy relationship and building something of substance with someone that you care about and that you love in order for this to work it even though we focus on personal transformation we tell you to focus on what you can control this other person needs to invest in this process as well they need to also bring themselves to account they need to grow and they need to meet you halfway to invest in building something together otherwise it's not going to work sometimes it takes more time for them to invest and other times it can happen more quickly but when someone is getting married or having a child or moving in with someone else they're going in the opposite direction they're not investing in building something with you and so sometimes it means that you have to let it go and you have to do so knowing that you've done everything that you could without any regrets and if their circumstances were to change moving forward in the future and you're still open and still in a position where you could rebuild a relationship with them then at that time you can revisit it but I would not hold your breath and I will actively seek to move forward with your life because you cannot stay faithful and committed to someone that you're not with and it is the best way to make the situation change as well it is like the best way to make your ex regret their decision look at your changes and come back to you so it can work but you need to set your mind into it and if it doesn't work you need to know that you have done everything possible and that you can continue to be proud of yourself now I feel that there is still some techniques that we want to give you we are doing some lives we have done some private videos as well that are not on the YouTube channel not on the website everything is free and it's in the description box right below because we want to continue the journey with you remember to smash the like button subscribe to love advice tv YouTube channel but also make sure that you leave us a five stars review on your favorite podcast platform but grab your free resources continue the journey with us because there is a lot of things that you can do to set the right mindset I know that sometimes you're feeling well so you're feeling great some of the times it's more difficult this is the up and downs of a breakup recovery but having us on your side I know that we will be stronger I completely agree with Coach Alex and sometimes because we're in a desperate vulnerable mindset we don't see things clearly and we may overreact or perhaps under react and that's why those free resources can really help you especially if you suspect or if you know that your ex is seeing someone else let us help you sort through that experience the right way and really to avoid making mistakes that could make it more challenging and more painful for you thank you coach Adrian for these beautiful Awards thank you guys for being here we don't stop what if you leave a comment we will look at it if you have any topic questions ideas for the next video let us know but stay strong and remember that if you come on with myxagon.com coaching you have access to private calls with us so we can be your coach we can be together in the journey and I would love I would love to help you have a beautiful beautiful rest of your evening or your day we are here as support and we're rooting for you and you're fighting the good fight a good fight and see you very soon guys