just remind yourself God did his best work with me got his big one with me [Music] hey girl welcome or welcome back to my channel my name is Trinity if you're new here today we're going to be discussing all things confidence how to be more confident How To Love Yourself how to build yourself how to raise your self-esteem if you're interested in hearing everything you have to say about this topic just keep on watching don't forget to like comment and subscribe of course before we even get into the video and I'm going to say it now I'm sorry for how my voice sounds y'all I went to the Beyonce concert over the weekend and I was screaming my freaking head off so yeah my voice has been like this for the past five days but yeah anyway let's get into the video this is a very important topic to me because just like y'all I used to look up stuff like this on YouTube all the time look up stuff like this on Google how to be more confident How To Love Yourself how to Value yourself how to have better self-esteem because my confidence was like down in the dumps okay your girl did not really have as much confidence as people would think that I had and whenever I even bring this up to people and like we talk about this nobody really believes that I used to be super insecure and super hard on myself but that's the thing like sometimes we're good at hiding it and you know I guess it's good to come across confidence to other people but it's even better when you feel it within yourself and it radiates on the outside so we're going to be talking about how to actually feel it inside of you so that it can radiate on the outside and people can actually see that confidence confidence is such an important thing because it literally changes your life if you do not love who you are and if you do not have confidence in yourself it will show in your relationships and your friendships in your finances and your career choices everything literally because you accept what you think you're worth I have really come such a long long way and it's because I watch videos like this and I did a lot of self work in order to truly love myself and to truly value myself and to be confident in who I am as a person and it's hard I'm not gonna lie it's not 100 perfect now and probably never will be 100 perfect but I really have come a long way and this is honestly one of my biggest accomplishments in my opinion because I had to like crawl my way out of the hole that I was in a lot of people don't do the self-work that they need to do with stuff like this because it's easier to beat up on yourself it's easy to have self-pity and it's easier to speak negatively to yourself than it is to speak positive it's sad but that's the true reality of it our brains are not wired for some reason to automatically go to the positive in every situation it's just not and I've said that before in one of my other videos but the same thing goes for confidence like your mind is always going to go to what you've been doing if you have trained yourself to think that someone else being beautiful takes away from your beauty if you have trained yourself to think that you aren't beautiful at all if you've trained yourself to think that you don't have a nice body or that you're not worth a certain type of man or a certain type of relationship your mind will always go back there even when you're trying to work on it and to do better and to think positive your mind is always going to try to take you back to those things but you have to start somewhere so I'm going to give you five tips that have helped me to build my confidence and things that have helped me to literally change my life over the past few years my first tip is do not compare I know we've all heard the phrase comparison is the beef of joy and it's true a lot of us myself included back in the day are not confident and don't see the value in ourselves because we're constantly comparing ourselves to other people everyone in this world is different nobody is exactly the same it doesn't matter how much cosmetic surgery or plastic surgery you get you will never be exactly like whoever you're trying to be like it will never happen I used to be so insecure especially in relationships when I would see women who look different than me and I guess because I had this like Beauty standard in my mind not necessarily even what Society said was beautiful but I had an idea in my mind of what I thought beauty was and sadly in my opinion I did not fit that but there were so many other girls that did so whenever I saw these women I would get so insecure and I would literally just get like sad because I felt like I did not look like these girls I was always really small never really had much going up here didn't have much going on down there either like I just felt like I had all these odds stacked against me I would look at these other people in such high regard but I never did the same thing for myself and then to make matters worse I would stand in the mirror for hours and pick myself apart because I didn't have these things that a lot of these other girls had so I would just stand in the mirror and I would look and be like I don't like my nose I don't like this I don't like that I don't like how small my my lips are I don't have nice full lips like some of these other girls instead of taking those things and making them work for me I was just beating up on myself I was so busy focusing on all the things that I didn't like and I was putting so much energy into those things that I was missing like the greatness that was in me because I was not paying attention to the best parts of myself in reality if I wasn't so worried about everybody else and worried about what they had that I didn't have I probably would not have been as hard on myself as I was it's like everything was a competition to me and if we're being honest where there's comparison there's competition the only reason why you're comparing yourself to all these people is because you feel like you're in competition with them life is not a competition nobody gets a prize for being the prettiest nobody gets surprised for being best dressed nobody gets surprised for having the longest hair nobody surprised for any of this stuff now I'm not gonna lie I'm not gonna say pretty privilege isn't a thing because it is but if the world is already going to kind of like beat up on you for certain things why would you beat up on yourself even more like what does that do for you some somebody has to love you why can't it be you and let's be honest there are 7.8 billion people in this world being in competition with 7.8 billion people is crazy there's always somebody who's going to be prettier than you there's always someone who's going to be skinnier than you there's always someone that's going to be thicker than you there's always going to be someone who has longer hair it's always going to be someone who has Fuller lips a nicer nose in someone's eyes though it's all subjective that's what you have to keep in mind all of this stuff is subjective one person can think you're the prettiest person in the world and the next person could think oh she's probably like a six so there's no need in being in competition with anyone but yourself and I think the one thing that I had to unlearn myself is that it's not a competition you don't have to be the best at everything you don't have to be the prettiest you don't have to be best dressed you don't have said the best YouTube videos the best tick tocks the best Instagram pictures it doesn't have to be the best has to be your best and it just has to be good that's it there is room for everyone and and then honestly someone could be the prettiest and not have some of the other stuff that you have comparison is literally the thief of Joy I remember some years ago I saw this quote that said hating yourself is a waste of a life so I like to say now hating yourself is a waste of a life and it's also a slapping girl's face because God created you the way he wanted you to be in hating yourself is like saying you hate God's work but like I said these are things that you have to train yourself to think you have to train yourself to think this way because your brain is not going to automatically go there so when you're looking in the mirror and you're just staring at yourself picking yourself apart and you're looking at yourself and picking out all these flaws just remind yourself God did his best work with me God did his big one with me the funny thing is I used to stand in the mirror and pick myself apart to no end and now some of that stuff that I was worried about I don't even think about now I used to think I had a very big nose if y'all think that now then y'all just think that I really don't care but I don't think that I don't see it but I was saying that to say that when you stop focusing so much on things and stop putting so much energy into these things they don't bother you as much always keep in mind that someone's Beauty does not take away from yours you can be beautiful at the same time as someone else you being beautiful doesn't take away from her her being beautiful doesn't take away from you two things can exist at one time I literally had to embed this into my head because that was something that I just could not grasp for the longest time I don't know if it's like a black girl thing like I don't know if other cultures go through this but I feel like as black women we grow up thinking that we're in competition with everyone around us but it has to stop because like I said someone else's Beauty does not take away from yours someone else's success does not take away from yours we all have something special something valuable that we can offer in this world and if you're so busy worrying about what somebody else got and what somebody else is doing you're never going to be able to live up to your full potential now I know some people say like if you're feeling insecure or if you find yourself always comparing yourself to people especially on social media just unfollow the people who make you feel less than and it's like I get it to a certain extent but in my opinion if you can only be confident when you're not seeing people who you view as better than you then you're not really confident like you should not only be confident when you're in a room full of people who are on the same level as you or people who look just like you you should be confident no matter who you're seeing when you're scrolling down that timeline so I just feel like unfollowing all these people is kind of a cop-out now there's one exception I will say for example let's say you're following a whole bunch of girls who got bbos and you know just done up bodies and you don't have that and you're having a hard time embracing the natural body that you have if you need to unfollow all those BBL girls and follow you some girls who are just you know natural I don't have a problem with either one I'm just saying this is just an example but if you need to follow some girls who are just natural I think you can do that because I do believe that sometimes depending on what you're seeing the most off often what you're looking at can change your beauty standard so yes in that scenario find you some girls who got natural bodies who you think are popping and let that be what you see most of the time number two is to stop worrying about other people's opinions stop worrying about if other people like you if they like how you dress if they think you're pretty if they think you're good at what you do do you like you do you like how you dress do you think you're pretty do you think you're good at what you do do you produce things that you're proud of if you really think about it worrying about other people's opinions it's kind of counterproductive because it kind of implies that you can control people's thoughts and you cannot it's impossible opinions are just that opinions and like I said before opinions are subjective one person may think you're a 10 the next person might think you're a six one person might think you're the best dress of the group another person might think you dress techie you literally cannot control how people think so why would you base everything that you do in your life off of how someone else perceives you it doesn't make sense when you really think about it putting your value and your self-worth into someone else's hands anyway is a very dangerous game to play because people can give you all the compliments in the world and you'll be on a high but the moment somebody criticizes you and says something that kind of knocks you off that pedestal now you're back at square one and then for being honest the reason why we value other people's opinion so much is because we don't have an opinion of our own that validates us you have to learn to affirm yourself and worry about what you think about yourself and that's why I say don't worry about other people's opinions about you and whether or not they like you do you like you the thoughts that you have about yourself that come from what other people say about you that is not confidence because it's coming from an outside Source it's validation that's coming from an outside Source but how do you feel about yourself in the inside without all the outside noise would you think you were beautiful if no one told you would you think you were doing a good job if no one told you a few years ago I realized that I was so heavily reliant on people's opinion and people's validation I always wanted to hear people tell me how they felt about me and it wasn't until I went through a breakup a few years ago that I vowed to never allow myself to be like that again I had to do a lot of self work and a big part of it was therapy and I had to figure out why can't I affirm myself peoples opinions are always changing someone might think you look good today they might not think you look good tomorrow somebody might love you today they might not love you tomorrow but do you love you and that brings me to my next Point spending time alone is a great way to build confidence most people who don't know how to validate themselves spend a lot of time around a bunch of people because they don't feel validated when they're alone they don't feel valuable when they're alone I've spoken about this before but before I went through that breakup a few years ago I had been in relationships for about eight or nine years straight so basically from a time that I was 16 until I was like 24 ish 24 almost 25 I was in relationships and I didn't realize how I don't want to say bed but I didn't realize how much of a toll that really took on me until I had to go through that period of being single for almost a year after that I realized that I didn't really know myself I didn't know what I liked I didn't know what I enjoyed I didn't really know who I was and who I wanted to be because there was always outside noise and the thing about being in relationships is whether you admit it or not especially if it's in your younger years and you never really spent much time alone during that developmental stage you kind of do a lot of things that you do to please the other person you dress in a way that you feel like they like you don't really want to explore too many things because you feel like that person might not want to be with you anymore you kind of play things very safe because you want to stick to whatever you were doing when you first got with that person so it doesn't really leave you a lot of room to explore and your younger years and your single time is the best time to explore all of your options I'm not even talking about like dating wise I just mean like as far as what you like try a bunch of different things it's not to say that you can't do that in a relationship but a lot of people don't so a lot of what we think we like is really based off of influence and not really what we truly truly enjoy so when I went through that period of being single I wanted to figure out who I was without outside noise during this time I spent a lot of time on myself I write a lot of self-help books I started going on solo dates y'all know I talk about solo dates all the time if you're not new to my channel I started trying new things I became very impulsive I just started doing stuff just because I could because this was my first time as an adult well not even just as an adult because even in my teen years I was in relationships but this was my first time really getting to explore and really figure out who I was outside of being a girlfriend being a girlfriend a wife a mother a lot of these things can become your identity if you let them not so used to being a girlfriend and doing things I knew my boo liked and dressing the way I knew he liked and I didn't really know what I personally liked like I said it's not to say that you can't do these things in a relationship but I do want to say if you're single right now take advantage of this time explore what you like because that's where your true confidence will come in you can't really be confident if you don't know yourself and who you are and what you like and if you are in a relationship right now make sure you're taking time to yourself especially if you've been in a relationship for a really long time make sure you're taking time to yourself to really be an individual and not just be someone's girlfriend or someone's wife or someone's mother during this time when you're exploring a bunch of things don't ask a bunch of people for their opinions because how you gonna know what you like if you asking everybody else if they like what you got going on my next piece of advice is to take pride in your appearance this is probably one of the easiest things that you can do because it doesn't really take much thoughts like everything else taking pride in and putting effort into your appearance will help you so much with your confidence because when you look good you feel good I know it's probably cliche I know y'all have heard it a million times but it's true y'all know how they say like getting your hair done is a therapy dupe yeah kind of like that you literally feel better when you look good and this is why I try my best to always look put together not even for other people like it has nothing to do with me feeling like if I go outside looking at mess people are going to think certain things about me or they're going to talk about me it has nothing to do with that it's literally just when I look put together even on a casual day I just feel better I'm in a better mood I'm proud of myself for putting that effort into my appearance when I walk out the door I don't know what it is about like getting dressed and getting done up that just instantly boosts your mood and I'm not even talking about like putting makeup on every day if you feel like that's what you need to do then by all means but I just mean doing whatever makes you feel good about yourself on any given day I'm always make sure my hair is brushed or combed through my nails are always done at all times I keep cuticle oil in my purse because nobody's really looking at my cuticles but it just makes me feel good to know that my cuticles are nice and moisturized and I'm not trying to hide my hand every time somebody happens to look at my hands or my nails the toes are always done I remember a time where I used to not get pedicures where I would just get them like every now and then and then I would be in a situation where I would go somewhere and I'll have to take my shoes off and I wouldn't want to take my shoes off because my toes weren't done I wasn't proud of how I was upkeeping myself my clothes are always intact even if it's a casual day I'm going to look put together in some way if my hair looks an absolute mess I'm gonna put a hat on because you're not about to catch me sleeping like that and like I said it has nothing to do with anybody else I just feel better and I I think it just gives me a sense of Pride when I know that I put extra effort into how I look I don't know it just does it for me I also wear things that I'm comfortable in I wear things that make me feel beautiful I wear things that make me love the body that I have I dress for the type of body that I had I don't buy clothes and say oh when I get a little bit thicker this will look good on me and I'll be confident when I can wear that kind of stuff no I dress for how my body looks right now and I wear things that make me feel good with some so like I said taking part of your parents is probably the easiest way to boost your confidence in a quicker amount of time of course you gotta do the inner work too but you know the inner work takes a while because like I said those things aren't things that really come natural to you there are things that you really have to train your brain to do but stuff like taking pride in your appearance you can literally do that today it doesn't really require you to do a lot of brain work it's more so taking the time to do it and last but not least fake it till you make it I remember hearing that years ago when I was trying to build my confidence and I was just like what is Faking It really going to do like it's either you're confident or you're not it's not just going to happen on its own you have to practice all these things you literally have to affirm yourself in order for you to start believing it you don't have to wait until you feel confident to act confident take note of other people who you feel like radiate confidence figure out what it is about that person or those people that makes them seem so confident how do they act how do they speak what do they do that makes them look so confident when I was practicing this I would always think about Rihanna everybody knows Rihanna just has this like Aura like I know I'm that girl she just has this very confident demeanor about herself and it doesn't give cocky like it doesn't give oh I'm better than everybody it doesn't give that it just gives I know who I am and take it or leave it and that's exactly what confidence is a big part of Faking it to you make it is affirmations speak take life into yourself say things to yourself that are going to boost your confidence tell yourself every morning that you're beautiful tell yourself every morning that you're doing a great job tell yourself that you're worthy of all the things that you want tell yourself that you're going to get all the things that you want I like the phrase speak what you seek until you see what you said because it's literally telling you that whatever you see in your mind of how you want to be or whatever you want in life you have to speak those things into existence in order for them to actually happen and the same goes for your confidence if you don't feel beautiful tell yourself you're beautiful write this stuff down on sticky notes if you have to I used to write affirmations on sticky notes and put them on my bathroom mirror you are fearfully and wonderfully made I have that tattooed on my Brave God did not make a mistake with me say that and the more you see it and the more you say it the more you will feel it I promise you speak those affirmations start walking into rooms like you belong there or like you own the room dress like that confident person that you want to be speak like that confident person you want to be don't wait for people to say that they like you don't wait for people to say that you look pretty don't wait for people to say that they love you say it to yourself first so I hope you all enjoyed this video I really really hope you all learned something from this this is a very very important topic for me because like I said I struggled with low self-esteem and not having any confidence for a majority of my life and I know I'm not the only one so I always want to do what I can to help y'all out there was a point in time where I wanted to start a YouTube channel years ago but I knew that if I started a YouTube channel there was no way I could get up and do my makeup all the time before I pull my camera out because at the time I was thinking okay yeah I can do some sit down videos where I do my makeup but I'm gonna have to Vlog too eventually and I don't want to get on camera with no makeup on I didn't want to be seen without makeup because I was not confident in who I was I wasn't confident in the skin that I was in my self-esteem was just trash like it was trash and it was evident in my relationships and my friendships the things that I was allowing people to do to me and say to me like I said before increasing your confidence and increasing your self-esteem will change your life like please do not underestimate the power of confidence now outside in front of a camera but no makeup on I would do a whole makeup tutorial on Tick Tock or on YouTube and of course you've seen me without makeup before I'm no longer worried about people saying oh she don't look the same without makeup I'm no longer worried about that kind of stuff because I don't care what people have to say because I think I look great without makeup I don't really care what anyone has to say anymore I'm not worried about controlling people's thoughts and trying to make them like me because I like me at the end of the day and that's all that really matters I'm really not ashamed of anything at this point I'm happy with who I am there are things that I do want to improve but for the most part I'm very content with who I am as a person so like I said I hope y'all learned something from this video comment down below if you have any confidence tips or self-esteem tips that you would like to share with everyone and I will see y'all in the next video bye [Music]