hi everyone welcome back to another podcast episode my name is Alicia Gogan the host of The Globe Secrets podcast where I help you expand your mind and become more self-aware so that you can glow up into the best version of yourself all right guys I am sick and you can probably hear that in my voice but nonetheless today is podcasting day so we're just gonna go with the flow and considering I have been sick for the past few days I'm doing a lot better now I didn't get like too down in the dumps but I definitely was under the weather I wanted to make a video on what to do when he's pulling away and really dive deep into that content and situationships and things like that but I just didn't have enough time this week to kind of get my thoughts together because my brain cells really need to be firing in some of these episodes and they're just not firing today and on top of that I realized that I want to talk about dating and your feminine energy because like when you struggle with um situationships and also like men who are pulling away and like what to do in all these situations um I find like feminine energy really correlates with these type of situations and I think learning how to date more in your feminine energy and you know feel more embodied as a feminine woman can really help you in those situations but like I said I need to really deep dive into that topic and it won't be able to be today but next week I'm going to do that because I'm going to feel a lot better but today we're going to talk about red flags because I had asked you guys on my Instagram um what you think red flags or even green flags are and you had a few questions as well so I kind of want to just talk about them because I feel like I'm able to my mental capacity is good enough to be able to talk about that but I also wanted to give a bunch of updates because I feel like I haven't done updates in a while and again I feel like this episode just needs to be a little bit more chit chatty because my brain cells are not selling these days well for the past few days so let's first talk about the fact that I just found that I have a fake Instagram made of my account and it's called the glow up secrets so if you guys could go please search on Instagram the glow up secrets and report that profile um it's really annoying because my old Instagram used to be the globe secrets and I still I well I have videos on my channel where I would say follow me on Instagram the globe secret so it's kind of annoying because I'm sure there's people who still follow that but if you guys could report that because it's really annoying the only two Instagrams that I have is Alicia Gogan and I also have an Instagram called the glow up Secrets podcast but it's locked and it says my main account and it goes to my thing because I switched I had a second account for the longest time but I didn't really know if I wanted to create a Instagram for my podcast or not I'm still kind of I don't know if I'm going to so I just kept that name just in case but it's locked so please go report and it's funny because I found out about this account when I was having a meeting with my photographer and I was pulling up my Instagram to show him something and when I typed in my Instagram it went to this fake account and I was like oh that's not me and he's like that's when you know you've made it when people are making fake accounts so I can't be too mad I guess um next thing I created a new Journal prompt guide and I think this is Elite I think it's my best one yet and it's called heal to manifest if you have not watched my latest YouTube video where I talk about everything you're getting wrong with manifesting I highly suggest you go watch that video I break down what I think manifesting is in the process and I created a guide a process for you to go through when it comes to trying to figure out how to address certain limiting beliefs that are getting in the way of you creating the life of your dreams really and how to really heal because honestly I personally believe that manifesting it's such a healing process it's a it's a healing Journey honestly the more that I heal the more that I become so more like geez see I'm only messing up my words the more that I become more self-aware and the more that I heal the more that I end up manifesting and things oh like really healing your wounds and your inner child and doing all this work you will see such huge correlations in patterns in your life and when it comes to manifesting like money and love and success and confidence and everything they just go so hand in hand so anyways I made a new guide It's At Seven dollars right now I'll probably move it up to ten dollars in a few weeks but if you want a new Journal guide then please go get it it has a lot of good resources in it and it also has a lot of Journal uh prompts for you to do manifestation lists a daily practice I talk about different affirmations and how to kind of create your own believable affirmations things of that nature so if you want that it will be linked in the description and wherever you're listening or watching this podcast and it's always linked in my bio as well and you can either fill it out digitally or you could print it I don't think anyone's gonna really print all that because it's like 22 Pages or what you can do is use that guide and then use your own like notebook or your journal and write it out that way that's how I would use it but if you want to type like on your computer you the the text boxes you can type in them just one thing though if you are going to do the digital is make sure you make two copies because if you scroll through the guide you'll click certain links and it will open in the same tab so then you'll lose whatever you've written and if you go back it just won't be there so just like I did write that um in the checkout box but just reminding you okay next update I am starting to write my second half of my book now so I basically have started this second half but I took a little bit of a break because I was sending the first half into my editor I'm only assuming she should be getting back to me probably next week and giving me all the feedback but regardless I don't need to wait for her like I can go back I kind of also took a break because well one I wanted to hear her feedback but two I was moving and so many things have been happening but now I'm like in my place this is the second week in my place is it yeah or something and um it's time to write again so next week I will be getting this book done my goal is to have it sent like the second half of the book sent by the end of April I would like to get this done really before summer like starts and things get crazy because things are getting crazy over here now that I'm living downtown like I'm going to events all the time my agency is like hey go to this event that event I don't have to go but you know that's something that I really want to do and just so many things are happening and I am a creative so I'm constantly wanting to do new projects and learn this and read this book and do that so I have to like slow down and do one thing at a time so I really want to get this book um I want to get it into print so that we can all have a glow up book on our coffee tables another thing I finally bought a couch I bought it from Leon's and it should be coming in the next two weeks or a week and a half and I'm so excited because since I've moved in I've only been sitting in my thank God I have this office and I have a chair and I can sit and do work um and but I've been also spending so much time in my bed when I want to chill or just like move and it's really sad because one of my favorite areas in my new condo is my living room because it's a corner unit and it's beautiful and the views are amazing and I want to be able to sit there and watch TV or do work and I can't because I don't have a couch because I knew that I wanted a new couch when I was moving so as soon as I decided to move I sold my couch and thankfully somebody came and got my couch for my asking price which is amazing I feel like I manifested that whole situation but we're not going to get into that so since then I haven't had a couch and it's coming and it's beautiful it's in sectional I'll definitely have to show you guys so follow me on Instagram maybe we'll I'm sure you guys will see it in videos as well but um it's like a beige sectional and I just I can't wait I also bought a big mirror you can see on YouTube if you're watching the mirror that's beside me it's like taller and a little bit wider I need my pet peeve when taking photos in a mirror is you can see the outline of the mirror and the one that I have is just it's not tall enough and I don't know if the one that I bought is going to be super big to the point where if I took the photo you wouldn't be able to see the outline of the mirror but I know it'll look better than what I have now so we're getting there we're getting there with the Furnishing of the condo there's still so many things I need to get I need to get ideally probably two rugs I usually get a coffee table I need to get a kitchen dining table like a little one I'm not gonna do a huge one with maybe two little chairs and what else I want to get a lot of prints I want to make my own prints as well there's so many things but it's coming and I'm just so excited for the couch next thing I have finally started making my Spotify playlists so I don't know how you're gonna find I think you could just type in Alicia Gogan because I think that's my Spotify name I'm not exactly sure if it is though either way if you want to see if you want to find my playlist follow me on Instagram Alicia Gogan and then if you go to my stories highlight and you see music if you tap through you'll start to see that I've been linking my playlists and um they're coming along I have one for summer it's called summer house and then I have hood girl and I have rap aesthetic I'm building those out and I also have a few other ones that don't have a lot so I haven't shared them yet but I'm so excited because now I feel like I actually have like a curated Vibe for my moods and I have a lot of moods okay depending on the month depending on who's irritating me or who is not um I have a different mood so yeah love that and I am truly in my fitness girl era so I feel like the playlists are just perfect for workouts like those are my favorite for working out so if you need a good workout playlist then definitely let me know I was also thinking maybe I should do some you know I'm just thinking of like some video ideas that I can do for spring and summer and a lot of you guys have been asking me stuff to do with Fitness and my health because I am like I really do care about my fitness and my health I know that's my content's not like I'm not like a health and wellness influencer but I mean that's been such a big part of my life and I've talked about that many times so I'm thinking like maybe I should do a video on the main Channel about that so let me know in the comments if you wanna what you want to hear me talk about when it comes to health and fitness I feel like this is the time where we're all like gearing up and being like okay girlies like let's get it together we've been slacking a little bit like let's go to the gym let's move our bodies and if you guys want any tips or want to hear what I'm doing then let me know I also came up with this really yummy wrap and it is okay you have a tortilla you put plain Greek yogurt on the wrap almost like a Mayo okay and then you put chicken like grilled chicken you make it like lemon pepper which I make it I make my chicken I season my chicken with lemon pepper seasoning and you cut that up put it on and then I have been making you guys know I've said this before I've been making a Greek salad so I just cut up cherry tomatoes and cucumbers and I mix feta and balsamic vinaigrette and extra virgin olive oil and I make that salad and usually I just eat it on the side of like salmon which is so good with salmon oh my gosh but with any protein that I have but lately I've been putting that salad like the Greek salad in my wrap and then I'll put what else will put a bunch of lettuce sometimes I put tomato slices but there's already tomato in that uh is that it yeah I think that's it and it tastes so good it tastes so refreshing with the Greek yogurt and the Greek salad so if you're looking for something new and yummy for a post-workout meal that is that needs to be your go-to and you will be seeing me talk about it more I'm also really excited for smoothies again and juicing I just cannot I cannot torture myself in the winter and drink smoothies because I'm already cold enough I could not like I just freeze if I drink a smoothie in the wintertime so I'm really excited for it to warm up so I can have my smoothies okay last thing I recently went to a few days ago I did this woman's circle with a bunch of different women and it was such a healing experience we talked about spirituality we talked about tapping into different parts of almost like the inner child and how to express parts of you and there's this like older wiser beautiful woman who taught us different aspects of what it means to be a woman and what it means to really reclaim feminine energy it was amazing and it was a full day of that of connecting with to other women and like getting all these teachings so um that really inspired me to continue educating myself when it comes to being a woman and reclaiming that feminine energy and healing ourselves and also we talked a lot about connecting to the womb which is something that I think some of you guys understand or you're really interested in a good book to get to understand this or to start is called scarce woman I forget I forget who it's by Queen something um anyways it was just a really healing experience and I've talked I think I've talked about this on my main channel before I have a smaller woman Circle that I go to which it ended I think the beginning of 2023 but we're starting it back up in April um so that'll be nice and there's always insights and beautiful things that come out of it so I just wanted to say that to remind you guys that if you are struggling with connecting with women you're struggling with finding friendships you're somebody who's really interested in healing and Womanhood and Sisterhood and womb care and all that kind of stuff I would highly suggest you take a moment go on the internet and search up around you woman circles in your area and I can guarantee you there are women who are meeting monthly weekly bi-weekly who are having these circles and you can go and participate it is so incredibly healing this is not something where it's like you know all the girlfriends are going out and like talking about Sisterhood it's like you're you're connecting to women on such a deep intimate level and all these different women that you might never even know like you just you don't know until you get into this group but you feel so connected to them you feel like they're your sister your grandmother your your mother your younger sister just like all walks of life and I think that is just one of the most healing things that you could do is to find a Women's Circle and to participate and I think that is definitely something I'm going to be talking more about this summer as I you know I'm really I'm in a stage in my life where I want to do more training more courses but I don't want to say go back to school because I don't like the school systems but um I've been looking into certain investing some money into doing certain courses and things like that and I do a lot of work well I'm going to be doing a lot more work alongside my somatic therapist I feel like you guys have heard me talk about her all the time her name is Rachel and um she's more than a somatic therapist to me she's my friend but she's also like my sister she's also like sometimes my mother um my mentor and I'm learning so much from her like she is light years ahead of me and she is just so she has so much knowledge and wisdom and every single second that I'm around her I'm learning something not only but myself but how I can also help you guys as well so I feel like there's just going to be so much growth in learning um now that I'm so much closer to her in the city as well that's one of the main reasons why I actually picked the area that I picked is because I knew her Studio was going to be near me I knew she was going to be near me and I want to be close to her because she is somebody who is so important in my life and um yeah I just think that I'm going to be doing a lot of cool things with her and of course I will bring that to you guys also I know some of you guys are from Toronto and if you are interested in working with her you totally can and I will have her information Linked In the description or you can always DM me and ask me more um but yeah she's amazing Okay so yesterday I had asked you guys a little q a and I said next week's podcast episode we're talking about red and green flags in dating and relationships and I wanted to know what you guys thought were red or green flags and if you guys had any questions so I wrote them all down we're just gonna have a chit chat we're gonna break some things down and I'm also just gonna throw my two cents in it some of the red or green flags that I think are good or bad okay so let's talk about the red flags that you guys submitted because someone said when he promises you the world and he tells you exactly what you you want to hear without him meaning it yeah like if somebody is constantly promising promising promising but they're not executing executing executing then that's a red flag for me yeah for sure like I get the whole it's okay like talk about the future a little bit you know get excited about it but it's like if you're with a guy who's constantly just talking talking no action then it's a no because it's like why do we need to talk why don't we just take the action and get the thing done or like give me the world instead of talking about giving me the world um when when she said exactly when he tells you exactly what you want to hear without him meaning it you know what some guys they actually do mean it but that doesn't really matter like I don't know if he would mean it or not like he could just be playing with you but some men it's it's kind of sad but it's like they have all this potential for themselves and they talk about all the things that they want to do but they don't take the action it's like they obviously want to do those things maybe for you or for themselves like whatever it is they're talking about but if you're not taking the action then it's really irrelevant to me baby like truly and I know things take time but it's like that's one thing you really gotta see is this guy who's talking about anything in the future or he's promising things what is his actions towards those things because if there's not one action towards that thing then no in one ear out the other thank you next next thing someone said excessively sharing all their problems and complains like you're his therapist yeah I mean when it comes to the complaining that's a red flag to me because of course we can all complain and we do but if it's like the excessive complaining it's like why aren't you why aren't you taking the action and fixing the issue instead of complaining it's the victim mentality for me and this goes honestly Beyond even men I think it's a little bit more turn like it turns me off a little bit more with men because like men in my eyes like I look at them like for like the fixing and like the doing and the like taking the action and if we're like complaining it's like you're doing the opposite of that but in general it's like okay we can complain we can let ourselves like be mad sad whatever but then it comes to a point where it's like the complaining is not going to get us out of the situation so what are we going to do to get out of the situation and especially from like a man if he's not really taking the action to get out of the situation to me no I'm good and also the complaints like you're his therapist this is a hard one right because first of all I think it depends on the type of like relationship you're in like are you in a deep committed relationship marriage like you know you know this person's gonna be your one then obviously there's going to be more flexibility and room for you to be the therapist in a way although we want to be careful with being men's therapists because that can lead into hot Waters but yeah if he's looking at you just as a therapist and nothing else it almost you want to be careful with that because maybe he's not looking for the same thing you are you know so yeah it could definitely be a red flag next thing making you meet their family only when you just met yeah that could definitely be a red flag because I mean it depends because you really got to know their intentions but if you find things are moving very very quickly like if you have to question like why is he why is he bringing me around his family when he doesn't even know my last name then it's like what is he missing like what is why is he rushing why is he doing things like very very quickly it's giving fight or flight and yeah I don't know like it's totally nice for him to want you to meet the parents and like you know he sees potential in you and him and he wants to kind of get things going forward like for me personally I'm somebody who wants to be with a man who wants to take the action and like move things forward and we don't need like months and months and months for us to like decide whether you're gonna bring me around your parents or not like it doesn't take that long for a guy to know in my opinion so it definitely depends but if you find it's too soon then yeah maybe it's just too soon somebody said them telling you that they feel insecure and less than you yeah that could definitely be a potential red flag only if they're like not doing something to actively heal that part of them I think because again there's always it's hard because Society paints this picture like men have to be so secure and they can't ever have feelings or emotions and the truth is especially if you're an amazing girl like yeah they might feel a little bit insecure and I mean I can see how sometimes it can be a turn off for them to actually verbally tell you that uh but it definitely depends but it's it's less about that and more about like okay if you if you are gonna tell me that you're feeling a little insecure and whatever what are the things that you're doing to make yourself like you know more secure within yourself like what are we doing to actively change this and if it's not if he just constantly wants to sit in the fact that he's insecure around you um and they feel less in you then it's just I just think it ends up just being a turn off because it's like why do we want to feel why do we want to be with a man who feels not worthy it's not really attractive to anyone like doesn't matter what sex gender whatever I mean it's not that attractive to people when you are feeling very low self-worth and again it's okay that you feel like that but it's also like if you're just gonna bask in the fact that I'm crap and I feel like crabbing myself and I'm not worthy and that's just how it is well then that's not going to help your relationship like no it's not so I can see how you would think that's a red flag someone said when a guy delays making it official my friend was in that situation and he was with the second girl in in the same time or at the same time maybe uh yeah when why are we delaying things why are we delaying things you know what this is probably such a good time for me to read out the red flags because I'm on my period right now and you know I'm a little bit feisty but seriously like why are we delaying things like yeah it's a red flag I just it just really is like we know this it's like if you know that you're with a guy who is like taking too long to move things forward there's probably a reason and the reason there's could be many but the main reasons are he knows it's just not you and he's just not certain that it's you and if that's the case then let's not let's just not do it then because you obviously are not sure about me and that's okay I don't know why but that's okay let's just move on then or he's undecided because there's somebody else in the picture and if that's the case then I'm not waiting around as well thank you but next or maybe he's not secure within himself yet and he doesn't know if he can take that uh leap into a relationship but again if you're looking for someone to be committed to you and be ready on your level then you're just going to be wasting your time with somebody who can't make that jump yet and I mean you can wait around but I wouldn't in the nicest possible way I have been with men who simply cannot match me where I'm at but in their head they really want to be there and they in their head they've convinced themselves that they can do it until they can't until they get really close with me and they see where I'm at with my my confidence and my love for myself and what I'm doing in my life and it's not there again it's not to be like putting myself up on this amazing pedestal and like I'm so much better like I give men a lot of Grace when I'm with them and you know I'm not perfect as well absolutely not perfect but it's just like yeah if they're delaying and you don't want it to be delayed then I just think like let's just go on to the next thing that's that okay next red flag they have no friends and only focus on you so good you know what I love you you're so self-aware and you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna take this one step further and I'm gonna really throw it onto the girlies right now and you can include me into the girlies as well into the group okay because I actually think that we do this a lot more than men and this is what is such a big thing that gets in in between a very healthy Connection in a relationship if we don't have our separate lives if we are so incredibly focused and attached to this person and to the point where it's like it's smothering it's not healthy it's not healthy for you and it's not healthy for that other person and listen is it lovely to have a man who's like obsessed with us and wants to always spend time with us and isn't it doesn't it feel great to want to be the same for that guy right it's like oh my gosh I really like I like him a lot I want to think about him all the time I want to spend all of his time all my time with but it's like that will burn you out very very quickly if you do that and I think it takes a level of maturity to understand that in order for you or a man to show up in a relationship in a very healthy way it means that the other areas of his life need to be somewhat full it doesn't need to be perfect he doesn't have to have the um the best career and all the money and all the friends and everything going amazing but you know if he has somewhat of a full life you're going to be able to tell that he's able first of all he's able to show up better in a relationship in a healthy relationship um and you're just going to be able to tell a healthy Man versus a not so healthy Man based off of how full his life is honestly what's going on in his life and she also commented you have to have Independence and love for yourself and it's so true like you need to be an independent person and I think also when we're talking about the the masculine feminine the male female yin yang and dating I think it's very helpful to have of that balance and have that distance because I do think distance in a way can really strengthen a relationship and you know not knowing every little piece of information about that other person and knowing where they're at and when they're doing things and why they're doing things and every single all that it becomes it can work for a moment but then it burns out the relationship very very quickly and it's just not sustainable so it's so important whether you're talking to somebody or you're that person to have your own life for them to have their own life and be able to come into that relationship just stronger than ever someone said a red flag is getting defensive over little things and trying to blame other people for their mistakes yeah like oh my gosh like being with somebody who is defensive over like the smallest things it's definitely giving why like it's giving it's giving red flag but it's honestly giving like why are we so defensive like why can't we just have a civil conversation about something like it's like the always need to be right complex and it's just not it doesn't feel I feel like it just doesn't feel safe to us and I personally think what is so attractive especially like in men is when they do take accountability and they take responsibility over their actions or just in life in general and if they this person's constantly blaming other people for their mistakes and they can't see themselves it's scary it is so scary to be around somebody who is not self-aware and they can't see themselves for who they are and where their flaws are and where they've made a mistake it's very scary because like kind of puts them on the spectrum of being a narcissist in a way and I've dated one of those guys before and it's not it is actually very scary someone said history of poor communication skills yeah like one of the most important foundations of a healthy relationship is having communication skills and if you just find that you're with somebody who is just it's like you're pulling on strings just stop while you're ahead stop while you're ahead you're this is not your job to teach a man how to communicate properly let's just not do it someone said when they want to get into a relationship without healing themselves first I could see how this could be a red flag like I think with Mana can be different because I don't think they look at it like oh I'm gonna heal my wounds and then I'm gonna get in a relationship the way we do like we really take things to extreme sometimes and that's just how we are a lot of us women like we want to heal we need to like we need to do a lot of things and that's totally fine but I think with men as long as they're you know again taking accountability for how things played out in their past relationship and how they played a part and they can see the reason for the downfall of that relationship and you can actively hear them speaking out like what they're going to be doing differently and how you know I'm definitely not going to get into this type of relationship or that's not what I want anymore or whatever then I think that that's totally fine and I honestly think that that's you know that is kind of them healing themselves in a way somebody said it's a red flag if they hate their ex a little too much yeah it is like there's definitely very valid reasons why some men truly do not like their EX but my thing is especially when the guys will say she was so toxic she was so toxic she was so crazy I don't know why I remember my first ever like real relationship where I like died hard for this guy he would tell me just how crazy his ex was and I never experienced talking to a guy where he had like a crazy ex like I just didn't really talk to guys like that um and he just painted this picture and the picture was true she was crazy but it's like it takes two to tangle babe and come to realization I can see why she was so insanely toxic and of course it had to do with her own thing but he played such a big role in it and so I don't know I just think when they're when they're just like when they're really throwing down on the the ax it's like okay but you also were with that person so what role did you play in that and why aren't you telling me that role okay somebody said boyfriend says he likes his privacy and does not post you on social media you know what I'm just gonna stand by this yeah it's a red flag because even if you are a private person if you have Instagram and you have photos of yourself on your Instagram then why is it so difficult for you to post one photo out of the year of you and your girlfriend a beautiful photo of you guys like unless they don't post anything then you're not that private babe like I hear the stories of oh like private person I don't want to post too much I don't want people knowing my business I get it I get that but it's like if you're posting yourself if you're posting little things about your life like having a girlfriend is a huge part of your life so why is it such a big deal for you to post that like I just I don't know I think it's very odd like I've been with guys who are very private but there's there's still absolutely like they want to have one photo of like meet him or you know I don't know I just think it's yeah to me it is a red flag if somebody said six months in I was asking my now ex what he wanted in his life and his response was I don't know and she said that he was 25 years old and she asked if that was a red flag I mean I don't know what she meant by what he wanted in life because at 25 yeah there's so many I mean men at 25 they're still young it depends right it depends on what they've gone through but they're still figuring it out the same way that we are so there's some Grace to be given there but when it comes to like being with a guy and he has no direction in his life he has no idea what he wants to do and on top of that he doesn't really know what he wants to do when it comes to a relationship it should definitely not take you six months to figure that out like you should kind of you should not kind of you should know the direction that this man is wanting to go and and looking at his actions and are his actions actually trying to bring him closer to that thing and if that's the case when it comes to like if you're deciding to be in a relationship with him I would say great that's amazing because again you're not going to always just have a perfect curated man just sit in front of you and like okay now I can be in a relationship like especially when they're 25 years old so if you're like wanting to date a 25 year old like there's going to be certain things you have to look ah to see okay is he going in the direction that I'm looking to go in when it comes to dating somebody and you know marriage kids whatever you're looking for but if you're sitting on the sidelines for six months and you have no idea what this guy wants to do with his life and you like obviously you're not with him so that's good I'm happy for you but um yeah I can definitely be a red flag because I think one of the most unsafe feelings for women is uncertainty and not having any direction and Chaos at least that's been my situation I can't be with a guy where there's no direction and he's very chaotic in his own self and his own what he's doing in his own life and even towards the relationship like where are we going where are we heading it doesn't need to be forced it doesn't have to be crazy like fast but it's like yeah if there's no action again it comes back to this action thing I'm very I'm an advocate for Action so if there's none then yeah it's a red flag for me somebody said she put this in capitals so I found this was quite funny she's like 30 years old and his mom is the only woman he has loved yeah I mean 30 years old I don't know because you gotta you need more contacts like is this guy just stellar and he really can't find a girl who's like who matches his energy is he somebody who's working a lot is he taking care of himself is he like healing or is it just he has this like weird mom son complex and he just like doesn't want to love anyone but his mom then yeah maybe maybe run maybe run somebody said I gave him a third chance let me just stop you at third chance girl fool me once shame on you slow me twice can't put the blame on you okay and she said as I believed he would change he promised me the world and now he act like he probably he promised me nothing again back with the promises uh we need to stop believing the promises like what does that even do for you like to me like okay A promise is great if I can like really trust you but the only the only way that I'm gonna believe this promise that like something is going to happen is if I see actions being taken but even when I see the ashes being taken it doesn't mean as a guarantee that you know we're gonna have X Y and Z happen like there's so many things that could happen where this thing the promise won't really be had in a way I don't know so for me I don't know I just feel like very unstable just hoping and wishing and waiting on a promise that somebody else tells me um but yeah it's the it's the third chance for me girl please do not give him a fourth chance and maybe explore why it is that you are constantly giving somebody a chance well I know you said like it's because he's telling me these things but again it's like if somebody's continuously telling you things talking talking talking but there's no action after the second time just know there's gonna not be action like let's just let's just know that and let's just move Let's Take Action ourselves and find somebody else that will take the action but you have to take the action first okay somebody says does feeling anxious about going into relationship a red flag or is it normal to feel anxious sometimes I feel it could definitely be normal to be anxious sometimes depending on your past relationships and you know feeling anxious sometimes is just like it's the unknown it's like oh my gosh if this person's gonna be for me or you know you're learning how to trust somebody for the first time so I wouldn't be too I wouldn't get too down on yourself and be like oh my God it's such a bad thing but I would just explore that because there might be something that needs to be healed there somebody said reading my messages fast but not replying is a red flag um I guess there's con we need contacts with this because it just might be a person I don't know yeah it's kind of weird though because like at this day and age like if you're on your phone why not respond but he might read it and just want to respond in the best way that he can so he's like okay let me just like respond when I can sit down and like give her a good answer I don't know the context here but my best tip or advice for you is to stop worrying about it stop watching when he's reading your your texts and um the time in between it takes for him to actually respond like let's stop hyper focusing on that and just leave it someone said how much time they spent on their phone when they're with you is a red flag yeah like if I mean why are we together but we're not I think that is one of the most annoying things to me even outside of relationships is when I'm with somebody and they're on their phone and I'm talking to them and listen like there's going to be time especially in your relationship where you're kind of just sitting there like scrolling like chatting whatever but if they're constantly just on your phone it's like for me it just shows immaturity because when I'm with a man who really is committed to wanting to get to know me in a relationship he's not going to want to be on his phone because he's going to try and get like he wants to get to know me and connect to me and look me in the eyes and have conversations and do you know healthy things so yeah I would say that's kind of a red flag someone said disrespecting friends lacking empathy stubborn and never ready to change their opinion yes to all of it this really reminds me of one of my exes like a long time ago and it's kind of giving a little bit of a narcissistic bubble in a way like the lacking empathy thing and being very stubborn to the point where like they're not changing their opinion about everything it's like then why who wants to be around somebody who is set on their opinion thinks they're right about everything doesn't want to have a conversation because they're just so close-minded like that's not That's not healthy and if that's the case if you're with somebody like that then I would really suggest exploring why you feel like you have to be with somebody who is so closed off like you're closed off they're closing you off that's not healthy somebody said the way they treat their animals is a red or a green flag and you know what I left this in because naturally I feel like we everyone always says oh if he treats animals he's so great and yes of course the way that they treat animals the way that they speak to uh waitresses things like that sure but just because they treat animals nicely doesn't mean that they're a good person okay and I know that to be true because I have both been with a man who had an animal and so sweet and he was also a really good person and I've also been with an ex who was obsessed with his dog and he was just not the best okay so just wanted to note that because you can't just base the fact that somebody's a good person off of how they treat animals but in general most guys who take care of an animal and they love them I don't know though I definitely don't base that off of that I base it off you know you could base it off of the fact like you know how close they are with their parents and their sisters their siblings their friends things like that they last red flag and this is something that I put in um love bombing you know when somebody is telling you everything you want to hear all at once very quickly when they're calling you all the cute names they're just showering you with love and attention and gifts and everything so quickly it is a red flag and I have been caught in that mix before and it never ends well and it sucks because we get very susceptible to that when we are feeling very low in our self-worth and we just want a guy to care about us and it's not to say that you can't have a guy be obsessed with you and love you and want to take you out and whatever but why are we rushing things you don't even know my last name why are we rushing things and why am I letting you take over to the point where I'm feeling rushed and I'm um not tapping into my intuition where my intuition says something is unsafe about this man but because I'm in this low self-worth and I just want somebody to care about me so much and I feel like if I don't go quickly in this direction there's no one going to be there for me or he's not going to be here if I take my time apart oh my gosh guys I just lost my train of thought I'm sorry I don't know what I was saying there but essentially why is it that I am not able to just rest and be calm and why am I letting somebody you know pull me in this direction when my intuition is saying no like let's slow down and that's a good indicator if you find that you're falling into these love bombing uh relationships you're doing it and he's also doing it it's to me I kind of think that's like a little bit of a trauma Bond got going on there and it's really to take a deeper look at again why you're susceptible to somebody like that and also to remind yourself that even though this person seems so amazing so great if he's moving very very very quickly and he's telling you everything that you want to hear and he's just like when he doesn't even know you then there is something that he's not seeing within himself and that's also scary so be very careful with the love bombing situations and it's not to like scare yourself but it's just to like take a moment and you can even communicate with a person like this too if you find you guys are like going very quickly because I've been in a relationship where we kind of felt like we were love bombing but we also knew our past and we knew that we were susceptible to that and we like were trying to change that so we're like okay let's like pull back a little bit like we don't need to rush things like sometimes you could totally communicate that with that person but if that person doesn't really see it it's scary it's like like what I already talked about with these the person that's very not self-aware you don't want to be around somebody who's not self-aware all right girlies now that we're done roasting the men let's talk about a few green flags so you guys only put a few and I'm gonna just add some that I think are good okay first green flag he shows his feelings and is clear with his communication yes to the feelings because we need to know we need to we need to know how you're feeling but also clear communication is so important it goes back to this action thing like I need to know what's going on the the worst thing that I don't know we could probably feel as women in any sort of situation relationship whatever is confusion and like everything is cloudy and blurry and we don't know what's going on like I just need to know what direction we are going in so if somebody's very clear with the communication clear with what they're looking for amazing okay somebody said a green flag well she said a bunch of them she said gentle energy discipline falls through with actions initiates dates yes like I love hearing from you guys what you look for and what you deem as healthy in a green flag and Men because it's just like this is what we should be looking for this is so healthy to look for a man who has discipline who is being straight who is taking action who follows through with the actions that's another thing like how do I know if he's healthy how do I know if he's you know if it's not like a red flag well the things that he's saying is he following through with the action if he's telling you let's say you know I used to again I would talk to these guys and they would be like oh I want to take you on a date and you're amazing like you're wifey like oh I want to take you here there everywhere okay is does okay he can say this sure he could say he wants to take you on a date and amazing I want to do so much with you but what is the what's the follow through what's the actual action like is after he says that is he saying on Friday at 9pm we're going here or in two weeks on this day when I'm off I'm taking you here or instead of him being like I want you to meet my parents and like oh it'd be so great like you know I definitely want to be with you for the rest of my life like that's great but when am I going to meet your parents because realistically in your mind you probably have a hundred different scenarios when you could actually meet them Thanksgiving Christmas Easter birthdays whatever so it's like we know there's certain times around the year that it would be normal for you to be introducing me to your family so are you saying those things or are you just saying one day okay cool when when's the one day we need to know and I want to talk a little bit about my green flags and I'm going to say this one first because it kind of falls off of the last thing that she said about discipline and I wrote has self-control and discipline like outside of anything to do with us you know us as women it's so it's such a good healthy thing for a man to have discipline with you know his working out or eating or how much he's partying or what he's doing for work or friendships like all of these things for him to be you know taking control of his life it is so healthy for a man to be taking control of his life because it makes us feel safe it makes us feel like we can trust you knowing that you know there's never going to be a time where things are going to get too chaotic and that I won't be able to trust you obviously no man is going to be perfect and there's going to be times where maybe they slip up or they be you know they fall off things here and there like we all do but in the day it's so healthy and it's so attractive to me to know that you are being disciplined and you're doing the things that you say that you want to do and also that you have self-control like you know your limits you know so um when not to go past your limits when it comes to drinking when it comes to anything to do with your sexual desires maybe when it comes to money things like that like again it comes back to just the feeling of safety knowing that the person that you're with does have that self-control and does have discipline it's just attractive and I feel like it's a healthy quality to be looking for in a man a green flag that I wrote as well is they have genuine interest in what you have to say versus them only asking you questions just so they can respond I have experience talking to many different types of guys and it's so apparent to me when a guy doesn't care what I have to say and he's really only asking me things just so he can speak and versus like a guy who is generally like he's asking me a question and he's interested in what I'm saying maybe he doesn't know a lot about what I'm talking about and like he can only be so interested but he actually is like caring about me versus just talking to talk like that is such a green flag because again it makes you feel safe it makes you feel seen it makes you feel like you're actually being taken into consideration when it comes to being with this person versus as soon as somebody asks you something they're basically combating you and coming right back to themselves and it's like I don't even feel like you saw me I don't even feel like I'm connected to you I feel like there's so much distance that's like not a healthy feeling for us to feel is distance is blocked from somebody and it also makes me think like this this man obviously is so preoccupied with his own self or with whatever else that he can't be he can't have this attention and focus on me so it makes me think well then maybe you're not ready to have me a part of your life or a part of your own like World mental world that's going on and if that's the case then probably not going to be for me so another green flag that I put which we've kind of already talked about it but it's that he has his time and energy in multiple things in his life and not just like one thing right this goes back to just having a full life and this is so important for us women to do the same thing oh my gosh I sometimes even think it's just even more important for us which we're going to talk about with the feminine energy dating completely in the next episode but you know again when he I just think it's I think it's attractive for somebody and it's like a green flag for somebody to be having his hands in multiple things because not only are these all different aspects of his life teaching him something and helping him grow as a man but also again like he's gonna be able to show up better in our relationship he's going to be more Dynamic he's going to be well connected he's going to be able to you know maybe come up with certain Solutions because he's you know spent his time doing this extra curricular thing or in sports or you know educating himself or it's something to do with the job or he has really solid friend groups that are well connected that can you know like it's for us as women we are biologically wired and I don't want to have the argument that we are not because we are and if you don't think that then it's just maybe not the podcast for you we are biologically wired for survival safety and what we look for a lot of the times in men is for them to bring us the safety and a part of you know knowing whether we're going to be safe with a man or not is if he is well connected and he has the capabilities to be able to fix a problem solve a problem Keep Us Safe Keep Us contained and when you have a network when you have somebody who's Dynamic and who can figure things out it goes to show us that we can feel safe and the reason why we are biologically wired more to feel really really safe is because we are wired to bear his children and when we bear children we are more susceptible to all of the unsafe things around us so we have to be extra careful we have to look make sure that we are safe for our children that's just natural even if you don't actually have children we are biologically wired to be like that so we are constantly looking to make sure green flag red flag is it safe is it not is he well connected is you have these resources does he have this that because it's just again it's on a biological level it makes us feel safe our nervous systems feel safe we feel like okay not only am I safe but my child will be safe and that is the most important thing for us to focus on when we do obviously have a child if we do have it is okay well how safe can I keep this child and you know it takes a lot for us to make sure another human is safe another green flag that I think is really good is that he has genuine interest about life it's so nice to be around somebody who wants to explore life is almost like a lifelong learner he's very open-minded he's not super set in his ways and you know there is a level of him being set in his ways that can be attractive because it it makes us feel safe like no this is going to be the answer and we're doing it this way and we need to go in this direction like that's masculine energy and we really need that we need direction we need action and you know being too open-minded sometimes is like chaotic feminine energy in a way and then there's no direction and then we start to feel unsafe and chaotic and we don't look for that but there's always that level of openness that feels very refreshing and safe for us woman as well to be able to explore and I don't know I just think that it's really I think again it goes back to ourselves as well we should really always be learning and being open and you know it doesn't mean you need to change your thoughts and your opinions about everything but just be open and welcoming right because we also look for that soft side from a from a man that just like you know allow allows us in allows us to explore our emotions allows us to feel and somebody who's very open-minded like you're you feel more comfortable being able to open up and there is room for your feelings or emotions but also just to have fun and play in your life by being open and just being a lifelong learner I just think that that's something very fun and attractive and definitely a green flag okay I think that's going to be it for the green and the red flags one thing I want to note about all of this because I know we basically just dragged them in but we also love the man here is you know at the end of the day people will have a lot of red flags men will have a lot of red flags or whatever whoever you're dating but the other day it's like it does start from within we always have to look in the mirror and take some accountability when it comes to being in relation to people who are clearly like throwing up all these red flags right it's not your fault that they're like that but it is going to be on you to make sure that you are looking for these red flags and you are not becoming susceptible to these red flags and if you have been susceptible is to look within and look deep and wonder what wound what thing what did I think of what got me to this situation in the first place you know it's not to shame yourself it's not to say that you're bad or you're wrong or that such a bad mistake no it's for you to just learn and groan that's simply what it is I have gone through many different situations with men where there was a lot of red flags and I saw them but I ignored them because I wanted to feel something I saw them and I ignored my intuition because it wasn't strong enough I didn't have that strong enough connection to myself I didn't love myself I didn't trust myself enough and I put my trust in somebody that ended up they never they never led me to a wrong place but it's just they led me to a lesson to be learned and I think that with anything I look at everything really as a lesson and I think that you should do the same so if you find that you know you've been talking to somebody and you're seeing the red flags or you you know that you've been ignoring them it's obviously good to be listening to podcasts like this and like we have open conversations and just to really heal those parts of you and you will find once you start dating again and this is what it really should be you will start to be able to easily see the red flags and also easily be able to say no to that flag instead of allow it to come into your life because the truth is you're not gonna just get away from men who you know aren't the Stellar men that we really want to be with like they're going to be around but you are going to learn how to say no a lot better or at least you should good and if you're not then it's time to look within and be like okay let me stop focusing on the men and how so many red flags that all men are trash and let's look at what is within the point where I'm continuously allowing these men to come into my life when it's just red flag after Red Flag after Red Flag so I hope this episode helped and again I'm definitely excited for all the podcast episodes to come don't forget to comment if you're watching on YouTube what you liked what you want me to expand on more um even in the DMS you can let me know if you enjoyed it and don't forget I do have the heel to manifest guide it'll be linked in the description or wherever you're watching this and if you really like the podcast then you can give me a review on Spotify or apple if you would like that just really helps me get the podcast out there to more girly so we can just you know heal and level up and be the best that we are meant to be alright love you guys so much and I'll see you in the next one bye