Understanding Intentions vs. Expectations

Hello and welcome to the Spiraling Higher podcast hosted by me, Sam, Mindset and Manifestation Coach. And me, Gina, your Biz and Mindset Coach. We're here to support you on your spiritual journey by bringing you intimate and raw conversations about healing, manifestation, consciousness, and spirituality. We hope this podcast makes you feel less alone as you become aware of your patterns and limiting beliefs to uplevel your life, manifest like a boss, and together, spiral higher. Welcome back to the Spiraling Higher podcast. I am Gina, one of your co-hosts, and I'm here with none other than Sam. And as you can see, we have a whole new setup here, and I have been waiting for this moment. I know. So I have watched so many podcasts, as you know, and I kept saying I really want couch vibes. We've been manifesting couch vibes. Couch vibes. For a long time. And what I love about us manifesting this is that we really released it because we were like, you know what? It's fine if it never happens. We like the studio. We love our podcast producer, blah, blah, blah. And then we just threw it out there to him two weeks ago. Yeah. And he said, I can get that set up. And now we're here. And now we're here. It reminds me of that movie. Have you ever seen Holes? No. holes? That's an amazing movie. It's with Shia LaBeouf and he plays Stanley Yelnats, which is a palindrome. No. And he like gets sent to this camp where he has to dig these five foot holes all the time. I have heard about this movie. I've not watched it. Emlyn would love that movie when she's a little bit older. Really? But there's a scene in the movie where Sam, he is a lovable character. He always says, I can fix that. And like he does everything for this love of his life who is played by Patricia Arquette. And so when he was like, I can do that, I was like. thinking of that movie. That's so funny. I will say randomly a movie that I recently got her to watch is Enchanted with Amy Adams. Oh, the one where she becomes a princess. Yeah. Yeah. Which was really funny because it just showed, I mean, my one of my favorite scenes, which is actually pretty disgusting, but like in the beginning where she's still a cartoon, it's all these like animals that run in to help her like in the house. Oh yeah. And then in real life, she like sings the song and all the animals and rodents come, but it's like, they're not like cute cartoon mice. actual like rats and mice. Yeah, totally. And so it just to me was like, oh, like what we think is going to be one way. And it just the reality of it turns out a different way. Like, you know, when they say Disney princess in real life, like Ariel's hair would not be like so fluffy and. Yeah. You know, so anyways, it was a super fun movie for Emmeline, but we have not watched holes. So I will have to look into holes. It's a classic. It's a classic piece of cinema. A classic? It's honestly classic. I'm surprised that you haven't seen it. I'm surprised. All right. Well, I'm going to write that down as my list. But what I have been watching is Love is Blind. So I actually don't watch a lot of TV because I, the only time I really have time to watch would be at like nighttime. And that's when I used to watch. But now. Yeah, you never watch TV. I go through phases, but I did do like a little mini solo retreat and, which was a staycation retreat, but I did watch a little bit. And now I'm kind of like, sometimes when I'm eating, I might watch some, but. I don't spend a lot of time watching, but Love is Blind is just like the train wreck that you can't go away from. You know what? Have you watched it? I've actually only ever seen clips on TikTok. What? I kind of like the premise though. But I don't know. I don't know how it goes. I don't know the success rate of the relationships, but I feel like it's really good because you get to know each person's internal world. But the funny thing is, is that everybody... in there says that they want to just fall in love with the person. But then almost every time when they do meet the person, like it does change it. Yes. So did you hear about Love is Blind Habibi? No, no, I haven't. I've watched the UK one, which is actually really good. But I have not watched that one. No. Okay. Love is Blind Habibi is blowing up on TikTok. And there was one video, again, I've only ever seen the TikTok videos. There was a video where This woman, Noor, I believe is her name. She is one of the baddies on the show, has high expectations and standards. She's gorgeous. And it shows her face completely drop when she finds out her partner is shorter than her. She goes to hug him and she's like, Hello, nice to meet you. She's like bending down. Literally bending down to hug this man. He's like, wow, you're so gorgeous. And she's just like. Thanks. And it's, I don't know, it kind of breaks my heart that that matters so much, but. But it just does. I think, I mean, this does tie into our conversation day about expectations, but even though you don't know what the person looks like, you have no idea, you do. There is still an internal expectation. And I think expectations inherently like, I mean, a lot of times they are more obvious, but I think we don't often know that we're having an expectation until it's not met. Until we're disappointed. Yes, exactly. Yeah. And yeah, so it's funny that we talked about love is blind before getting into our topic today. But we were having this conversation previously about the difference between leading a life of intention versus expectation and how not knowing the difference between the two. can set you up for a lot of disappointment. And I would say that you and I lived definitely the majority of our lives in expectation. Yeah, as most people do. Yeah, it was very like, if this, then that. Yes. And so a lot of people behave and act and fearfully chase hustle in that manner. If they behave this way, then I'm going to get this result. And then you're right. You don't even realize you're behaving in alignment with expectations until you don't get the outcome you desire. And then your disappointment is this beautiful opportunity, a portal really into your subconscious to tell you what your subconscious beliefs and desires are. Yes. And oftentimes when people are disappointed, they go into... resistance or negativity, panic, fear, anxiety about how to circumvent this problem, so to speak, and get the outcome they want instead, which is just perpetuating the paradigm that they need to meet expectations, which is led by fear. And so what we offer our clients is to instead of leading a life filled with expectations, to transition into leading with intention. And oftentimes, they don't know the difference between those two things. Yes. They're like, is it an intention and expectation? And I'm like, no, those are actually really different. So I have an idea of what I find to be the difference. But what do you believe is the difference? I mean, I think an expectation is very much tied to an outcome needing to happen. Whereas an intention for me, at least how I embody it is kind of like how I'm going to be, not necessarily what's going to happen or what I'm going to do. And so I think an intention is more about, yeah, like focusing on how you intend to carry yourself, what kind of energy you want to bring to it. Yeah, it's hard for me to explain that, I guess, without an exact example. Like, okay, I want to use my daughter as an example. My intention to be like the mom that I want to be is I intend to love her unconditionally, to work on myself, to be able to be regulated for her. I intend for us, of course, to be close. But if I expect... us to be close forever, I'm going to create a lot of disappointment and tension when that's not met. But my intention is to support her through her evolution, her growing, no matter what happens. So even if she doesn't want to be friends with me or talk to me or hates me, my intention still remains the same. Whereas if my expectation is that we're going to be close forever, I'm not going to be able to act in accordance to my intention because I'm too focused on the expectation. So I feel like that might illustrate that. but I really want to hear your explanation of it. I mean, it's really similar. First of all, an expectation is something that happens in the future. So that's how you know you're living through expectations or through the lens of expectations is you're waiting for something that's not happening right now to take place later. Yes. Whether that be five minutes or five weeks, five years. And intention is, like you said, the energy that you choose to cultivate in the now moment. It's with respect to the internal environment you're cultivating. any situation, relationship, or circumstance. And so the intention someone can set for their job or their relationship or hobby, it doesn't matter what it is, is really you asking yourself, who do I want to be in this interaction, in this event, at this place? And it doesn't actually require the future for you to embody it. An intention is something you can call into action right now. My intention for this podcast is to be present. Now, if I have the expectation that this has to be a good conversation, notice how that's going to knock me out of presence. Now I'm in my head thinking about how to control this conversation, what I'm going to say, how I'm going to line up all my perfect bullet points for this conversation. And I think that's what people don't realize is that the expectation is subverting actually the energy that you hope to... bring to situations. Most people want to feel present. Most people want to feel connected. Most people want to feel just in their bodies when they're having an interaction, but their expectation-filled mind is not letting them be fully present to that. Totally. I love how you brought the time aspect in because I think that's going to be a really easy way for people to gauge, like, am I in expectation or intention? Another two words that helps to kind of cement this even more, intentions are intrinsic. expectations are extrinsic, right? So inside of you versus outside of you. And often expectations will bring in what you believe other people need to do or what the circumstances around you need to be. They involve other factors. Exactly. Yeah. That you don't have control over, which is why it brings you out of the intention. So yeah, I really like how you explained that. That was good. Yeah. That was good. That was great. Yeah, because I feel like a lot of my clients, they come into a session or they start the coaching journey and they're like, okay, like these are my expectations from coaching. Right, right. Right. Which is already putting a cap and a limit on their experience within the container. Yes. And one of the first things I really ask them is what do you intend? And I'm listening for that. I'm like. am I hearing an expectation or an intention? And then it's an opportunity for me to display the difference or explain the difference. And yeah, the intention is always who can I be right now? And you have direct control over it. It's not something that you need to be influenced by the outside or another person, party to have done something different for you to be able to embody it. It's through agency and choice in the moment. And I think people forget they have that power. They're waiting for the expectation to be met before they can fulfill that intention. And so, yeah, intention would definitely be the priority. In fact, you don't need expectation ever. Totally. I mean, you should drop them completely. Yes. Expectation, I think, is just always going to be coupled to some degree with disappointment because also it breeds more expectation even if you do get it met, right? So I think expectations all around are just the thing that we both are… very detached from for the most part because we know the formula that it brings. Yeah. Now here's a funny pattern that happens with not just my clients, but most people. They start to live a life of intention. They're like, okay, I'm going to build this business with intention. Like the way we built this podcast, I'm going to pursue this relationship with the intention of being open, curious, loving, observant, whatever. And then things happen. Things manifest. There are beautiful byproducts. because of your embodied intentions. Now you get attached to those things and now those become your expectations. And then they start like spiraling the other direction. They're like, oh my God, everything was going so well. And then everything started falling apart. It's like, yes, because your openness, your intention setting, your energetic cultivation was what brought those things into your field. Now that you're expecting them, you're distorting the field. And now whatever is coming in is not in resonance with what was previously coming in. And so that is such a funny pattern that people get stuck in where they're like, I was doing it for fun. I was enjoying myself. And then like all this stuff happened. And now I'm not having fun anymore and the stuff is not happening. Yeah. Yeah. It happens all the time. And frankly, like I definitely go through that as well, depending on what it is, because it's natural for us to. really enjoy when things are going a certain way, right? If we have an intention for this podcast to have fun and we do all those things and then something does happen, I don't know if we like won the Nobel Prize or something like that, we'd be like, oh my God, we like got this Nobel Prize. This is amazing. And then what starts to happen is you like that. You start to like how people are treating you. Maybe your other wounds get triggered because you're like getting all this positive feedback. Oh no, I have to live up to having this Nobel Prize. Again, notice how we go from intrinsic to extrinsic. You made it about the Nobel Prize. Exactly. Instead of you. You know what? This reminds me. So we had incredible mentor, amazing spiritual teacher, Kyle Cease on for episode 11. Amazing. He was also one of our recent throwback episodes. But do you remember when he talked about going to Vegas? I love this story. I love it. Okay. So I'll just try to recap it if you haven't heard that episode before. He talks about how people have this habit of getting attached. Basically exactly what I'm saying. You get attached to the things that you... create and call into your field instead of recognizing that you're the source of the things that you create and call into your field. So get excited about yourself and the field and the energetic conditions you're creating, not the things that you attract because of those conditions, because those are a result of you creating those conditions. So he talks about going to Vegas and you having a really good time. You're with your family. You're having this amazing trip. And then you decide, huh, you know what? I'm just going to play the slots and just like see what happens. And then you like win the lottery. Like you, you win and you get all three, whatever. What is it when you win the lottery? Jackpot. Jackpot. Jackpot. That's the word. I was, you win the jackpot. Yes. And you're so excited, but then you start to fixate on the jackpot. Yes. And then you go back to gamble. But it's like, it wasn't the gambling. It was that you were present. You were available. You were ready to attract that sort of experience. And so this is exactly the same thing that you were just talking about when... Because you were talking about the Nobel Prize. It's like exactly the same. And you're right. You start to focus. You go from the internal locus of control, which is your energy, you creating energetic conditions. And then you start to go on the outside. And then you lose focus on creating that energy within yourself. Exactly. Because I love how you worded that because it is taking it from... wow, that's so amazing that we created this. That was so fun to do that. Wow. Like I can see like how all of this was so divinely orchestrated, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And instead it's like Nobel prize, getting all the accolades, all of this. And we just focus, we just start to slowly and very insidiously start to shift the focus. And it's so slow and gradual that you don't often recognize it again until you're disappointed, which I think is a really good thing. You know, I think that getting disappointed is, as you said, such a good opportunity for us to see like what am I gripping onto? And what am I quote unquote needing to happen? Because anything we need to happen is ultimately probably stopping you from even getting that to happen anyway. But also it is what's creating resistance inside of you. Yeah. Anything you need to happen is what's causing you to be unhappy. Yes. Like you're suffering. Attachment is the root of all suffering, the Buddha said, right? Yes. Your disappointments, you're right, are such an incredible mirror into seeing where am I still attaching? Where am I still suffering? And it's not actually the end of the world when you give up your attachment because that's what people think. They're like, but what if I give it up, then I won't get it. It's like, no, you're free from the need to get it, which makes you feel more liberated. And it's hard for people to initially give that up because they have this belief that expecting it is what's helping to create it. Yeah. And that releasing the expectation just means like, oh, well, now it's just never going to happen. But it's the exact opposite. It is. Yeah. I mean, this is going into a little bit about like manifestation, which we are going to record an episode on that eventually. But if you think about that expectation, it's literally like this belief that you're holding onto it, which you're not even holding onto it. It's still just a thought and an idea. But it feels like you're holding onto it and releasing expectation means you're literally letting it go. go. So you actually can't grab it again. And I think that's why it's so scary for people. But it really just is the complete opposite. And I think, again, we have to remember why do you want that expectation anyway? Right. And it's ultimately because, I mean, in the example of me and my daughter, the only reason why I would hope that we stay close forever is because I want to be close to her. You want to feel connected. I want to feel connected to her. And if I focus, though, on only. her connecting with me in the exact way that I think, then I'm kind of like missing the point. Yeah. And we then just forget, like I said, that focus starts to shift too much. And so I could think that not expecting us to be connected is letting that go. But it's the expectation that is, as you actually said earlier, it creates a box of how it needs to happen and doesn't allow the organic kind of orchestration and yeah, for us to just evolve and flow into it. And it just makes it a lot more clunky. Yeah. Well. It actually, instead of cultivating connection, breeds judgment. Yes. So consider that if you have an expectation for a relationship or an expectation for your job, you are living in the paradigm of judgment. Yeah. Within that place, how can you create what you actually want from your job, which is connection. Yes. Which is to feel fulfilled, which is to feel present. You can't do those things from judgment. And so the thing that you're letting go of that you think you're controlling by having this expectation is not the result. You're letting go of. your judgment and anxiety. Yeah. And your resistance. Which is the reason why you want the thing. Totally. Which is so funny. And so that's why you really can live a life fully of intention and you can release every single expectation and still have a fucking incredible life. 100%. 100%. Because you are in the intention part, you are so focused on this moment, how you're feeling, what you can do. And that is the most powerful stance to be in. Exactly. Because you're not, yeah, outsourcing. Yeah. And this actually reminded me of something when you were talking, but do you remember when I would come back from a trip? Oh, 100%. I actually thought of that when you were bringing up the Vegas thing with Kyle. Yep. Yes. I would come back from a trip and be like, I have to move now to Mexico. I'm moving to Mexico. I'm moving to Mexico. And you were like, okay, okay. So you had a good time. And I was like, It was amazing. It was the best. The vibes are immaculate. And yes, I do believe that places hold energy for sure. There's definitely a European culture, a Mexican culture, an American culture, Canadian culture. But what ultimately was happening when I went to these places was that I was being more open, more curious. I was having more novel experiences and those were activating my energy in a new way. And instead of attributing that to me and the energetic conditions I'm cultivating, I thought it was the places. Yes. And so every time I would come back from a place, I would have this depression about where I lived, thinking that I need to move all my stuff to the other side of the border. Yeah. When in reality, I just needed to remember what energy was I cultivating there. And as you know, I just got back from Europe not too long ago. And I was trying to recall once I got back, what makes me feel like I'm traveling? What is that energy? And I realized that number one, it's a lot of open schedule and open space in my schedule. Yeah. Like a couple hours where I don't have anything planned. I can walk aimlessly. But ultimately novelty. And so I started just taking different paths to go to the same places. Because normally you just go, you're just a robot. You just go down the same road. You take the same right turn. You go around the same roundabout. And I thought, you know what? There's so many different ways to get to the same place. And so I'm going to take a new route and just notice things I haven't noticed before. Sometimes I go a shorter way. Sometimes I go a longer way. But I find that just shifting the script. by going a different way is introducing that novelty. And so again, I'm attributing an energetic condition to myself and giving myself agency to create that rather than thinking, I have to pack my bags again. I gotta go to a new place. Not even realizing that every single day and moment is new if I'm just willing to tune into that. Well, that was so funny because you got back from Tulum and it's like Tulum isn't what made you feel like that. Like you did, right? But we do attribute that. Like it was the weather and it's such a beautiful ocean. And I actually have a very similar story. So I did say earlier in this episode that I did this solo staycation retreat. So every once in a while, I do a solo retreat where I go on my own. I completely disconnect. I'll text you being like, I'm out. I'm not going to talk to you for three days. And I hate it. And you hate it. It's very hard for me too. But I just, it's exactly what you said. I love to completely disconnect and just wander and do whatever the hell I want. And I have this one very specific place that I go to at least once a year. And it has been this very magical healing place for me that I feel like I'm returning to this homecoming every time I go. So I was supposed to go, but the weather was just so not great. And I pretty much spend my time outside the entire time. So I thought, you know what? I'm not going to go. I'm going to cancel the trip. The weather's too bad. And I'll just do a staycation version. And it was so interesting because I did remember, like, it's not the location that makes the retreat special. And the intention of the retreat is for me to disconnect, to connect to myself, to have quiet time, to be still, to literally follow whatever my body wants to do in the moment. I have nothing planned. I can do that anywhere. It doesn't have to be at this place that I always go to. So it was really interesting to observe in myself that I was completely fine with that. But a previous version of me would have been so disappointed about the weather. This is not the same. Like it would have been so much nicer over there. And I just remember that I'm the one who creates the energy of the retreat. Yeah, you are the retreat. I am the retreat. Exactly. I'm the host and the participant. And I'm the environment. And I got to... create and facilitate so much novelty here. I went to all of these local spots that I do know, and they were also nostalgic, but it was still novel because of the version of me that was there. Yeah. And that showed me so clearly that, and honestly, it did rain a lot on these days, but it was still fine because I didn't have an expectation of a weather being any certain way. My intention was no matter what happens, I'm going to be able to connect with myself, whether it's pouring out, like raining outside. or not. And it was such a beautiful opportunity to honor the intention without literally any attachment to any expectation. It was just a very free-flowing few days. And I can reflect back now and see, wow, a different version of me would have been so pissed and annoyed and would have been trying to make the quote-unquote best of it. But I think I still would have been having that undercurrent of resistance because I would have been having disappointment. Yeah, exactly. Oh my gosh. It's so true. The more we're having this conversation, the more I realize every disappointment reveals an expectation. Yep. You could just feel disappointed and then ask yourself, what was I expecting? Yes. And it will reveal it to you right away. I was expecting for it to be sunny. I was expecting for it to not rain on my wedding day. I was expecting for him to call. I was like, it just, it reveals to you right away. And then underneath that, you can figure out what need did I need to have met? What's the unmet need? What's the unmet need, right? And you can. always meet that within yourself. And it really is that through your expectation, you believe you're going to be able to access a certain version of yourself. But the game completely changes when you access the fact that you can be any version of yourself whenever you want. You can actually just give yourself permission to be happy and love yourself whenever you want. You don't have to only be happy when it's sunny. You don't have to only be happy when you're traveling. You don't have to only be happy when you're outside in this beautiful solo retreat. These are intentions and energetic conditions you can cultivate at any given moment. And this is what releases all of your expectations because now it doesn't, who cares if it's raining? I'm still going to be the happy version of myself. Who cares if I can't travel today? I can still experience novelty where I am. And I don't think that people recognize that they can choose to be that version of themselves whenever they want. I know. And I think that's also... a beautiful kind of, I guess, segue about intentions too. Like, let's just say you do recognize that you have this unmet need now. you can have an overarching intention of how you treat yourself when that happens. Like for me, anytime I do get disappointed about something, my intention is to honor the disappointment, to give space for that to breathe, and then to understand what that unmet need is and do my best to meet that. Like that is my intention. And so even when I do get disappointed, I still have a higher intention of how do I support myself even through this. But I love what you said because it really was a reminder for me that I don't also need to wait for solar retreats to feel like this either. And that's always, always the reminder for me every time I have these trips that I can actually have that feeling at any moment. And, you know, we sometimes will have these stressful days. And I think for a lot of people, when something stressful happens, you feel like, well, day's ruined, right? We kind of just give up all of our power to something that quote-unquote went wrong. When you actually can just say that was that moment. Yeah. And now this is a new moment. What is my intention for this one? And frankly, this is actually really funny and I totally did have an expectation. So this will be good to share too. So I love chasing sunsets and sunrises. You know this. Oh yeah, you told me about this. So I woke up at five in the morning every day to go catch the sunrise because I love it when it's pitch black. I like it when it just starts to peak and the light starts to come on. And frankly, I had three days to do this to sunsets and sunrises. And the first two days were just like, you couldn't even really see the sun come up. Like it was just super cloudy, overcast. So the third final day in the morning, I'm like, do I go? You know what? I'm just going to go. And I found in my mind a perfect spot. I go there, it's closed. And I was like, cool, cool, cool, cool. So then I run around to the other side. It was at Canada Place. And I go the other side, there's a huge cruise ship completely blocking the view. And I'm Cool. So then I go all the way to the other side and that's also blocked by this other, like some weird island thing that they created. So I was like, you know what? It's fine. I'll go to another spot. So I keep switching and it's still not the sunrise that I want, but I'm like, you know what? I've accepted it. That's fine. But then at nighttime, I decided not to go watch the final sunset. And it ended up being the craziest sunset ever. It was like neon orange and there was a double rainbow. Oh, wait, you saw the photos, right? I saw other people posting the photos. And I was so annoyed. And I was like, I had accepted that the sunrises were not that great. But I did have an expectation that the one I missed was going to be shitty too. And from there, I just noticed that in that moment, I mean, the unmet need is not that serious, but it was just, I did have an expectation for this like beautiful sunset, whatever. And I think for me, I just had to remember that. First of all, there's... going to be a lot more sunsets. Yeah. But this also reminds me of when Michael came on and talked about the awe method. Yes. And ultimately your attachment to the sunset was you wanted to feel wonder and awe. Yes. But you can feel wonder and awe by staring at a ladybug. And I literally did that. I was like, first of all, I'm looking at the photos of this beautiful sunset and this double rainbow. I'm like, I'm still actually seeing it, first of all. And frankly, if I were there, I'd be taking photos of it and looking at those photos. So I'm like, really? these photos came to me whether I was there or not, which is pretty freaking amazing, right? And again, I was able to just see whatever I think I wanted from that moment I can have right now. And I did have that awe moment of just technology, of the fact that people can share these moments, even the whole like Northern Lights situation that's happening out here, like everyone's chasing those. I never saw them physically with my eyes. No, but we're seeing so many videos and photos of them. So we still have access to that. And that brings me so much a sense of awe. And so anyways, I just wanted to share that. that I feel like we get these opportunities to observe ourselves. And I think my intention is to just get to know myself. And I get to see like, what does tick me off? What makes me feel like this? And how do I get myself back into that intention frequency? And I love it. I love that this gets to just be like a freaking master's class on yourself. You know who I just thought of? You know that creator who actually lives here in Vancouver named Yolinda? Yolinda Dong, I think. She does a lot. Yeah, I know her. She does a lot of hilarious content, right? She's hilarious. But a lot of her viral stuff recently has been about how she makes expectations up in her head and then hurts her own feelings. And I'm like, that's literally so accurate. You hurt your own feelings with the assumptions that you make, with the expectations you get attached to. It's like, why are you doing that? And it's so funny because I feel like it's becoming, people are becoming more aware through this humor, right? But yeah, expecting and making assumptions about a situation. and then not having those things met, who's hurting you? Is it the situation? No, the situation was always meant to unfold like that. Is it the person? They don't know what intentions or hopes or expectations you're putting on them. Like you are literally hurting your own feelings. And I just decided to. stop doing that by trading my expectations for intentions. Now, it doesn't mean that I don't have disappointments because sometimes your expectations are unconscious. Exactly. But it's an amazing opportunity for you to notice like, wow, like sometimes I just hold myself and I'm like, you were really attached to that, weren't you? Like, totally. Like, I'm just like, fuck, like you really wanted that. Yeah, that was really disappointing for you. Yeah, it's like, damn, you really wanted that to happen. Like, I totally feel for you. And it's valid. Like, it's valid to have that desire. We're not saying it's wrong inherently to have expectations. It's just you get to choose what results you want to have in your life. You get to choose how you want to respond and feel to these. And this is just one way to approach it to help you to notice what frequency am I in? Because when we're in expectation, it really limits your ability to get the feeling that you're actually wanting. It's just a lower frequency in general. Exactly. And yeah, since we do talk about manifestation, like you said, we're going to record a longer episode about that, but it's all about. what energy am I cultivating? And what is that in resonance with? And what is that going to call into my field? You don't do the part where you call it into the field. Like the law of attraction does that. You don't have to worry about that. You cultivate and create the conditions. It's like very simply plant the garden. The bees will come situation. Yes. And when you expect the bees to come, then you're not working on the garden. Yes. Right? You're like trying to understand the bee. You're like trying to catch them with a net. Yes. And they're all flying away instead of just letting them come rest on your little flowers that you've been nurturing. And so, yeah, it really is focus on yourself. You could actually live an entire life without ever focusing on the externals. They will take care of themselves. You don't have to do them. Actually, the crazy thing is realizing that you never had control over them in the first place. The illusion is that you have been controlling the outside. You haven't. But it's actually the outside controlling you. Yeah. It literally is. And you can take your power back by deciding how you want to show up energetically in each moment. And it really does just come down to choice. And sometimes I say to myself, literally out loud, I choose to focus on X. Yes. I choose to be X. And it's just, it's like changing the channel on a TV, right? You can watch Animal Channel. You can watch Comedy Central. You can watch the Food Network. But... You're making the choice to switch. Yeah. And I feel like that's how it is in my brain. There's so many things that my brain can bring its attention to. And oftentimes it's on default. We go into autopilot. We're thinking negative thoughts. But you can bring yourself back to, I choose to focus on this. This is my intention for today. And it's a practice. And I love going back to Abraham Hicks, which we did an episode on that. But episode 10. You always know the episode numbers. And they talk a lot about segment intending. And life is segment intending. I, we, we did it so much on that trip. So like new segment, we always do it on a trip. We'll say like next segment, next segment. And it really just is about noticing you're entering a new segment or kind of like section, I guess, of your day and intending like what your intention is for that segment. And so even before we come into the studio, we're always like intention, connect, share, be honest, have fun. And that's our intention for this. And then after this, we're going to probably go out for lunch. And that's going to be a different segment and different intention. And I think getting to do it in that way reminds you that you do have choice in every moment. And sometimes when I do collapse into disappointment from an expectation that I maybe unconsciously had, I always have to ask myself, what are my options here? And all of a sudden, you just see, wait, there is another choice than just sitting here and feeling like crap about this. And so, yeah, I love. ending on this note to, number one, just, I guess, recap. I guess we can recap now. The difference between the intentions versus expectations and ultimately how to tell when you're in one or either of those energies. And ultimately, I think to help yourself out of the expectation kind of frequency, look around and see what choices you have and attune to the choice that you desire to have. And that inherently does put you back into intention frequency. Yeah. It puts you back in the driver's seat. Yes. And like Gina said earlier, intrinsic, really easy to memorize too. Internal. Yes. Inside. Yes. And like intention, intrinsic. Right. Exactly. And then extrinsic is external expectation. Yes. Yeah. And you're going to be experiencing a lot more judgment and criticism and naturally irritability and anxiety because of expectation. Because again, it brings in the future. Yes. Right now you need future. to absolve you or be your salvation instead of, I don't need the future. I'm setting the intention and cultivating the energy I want from that expectation anyways. Therefore, it's okay. It's like, I expect it to be sunny, but it's like, what does sunny mean for you internally? Does sunny mean you get to wear a nice outfit and be happy? Does sunny mean you get to enjoy yourself and have ice cream? Allow yourself to have those intentions already in place, even if it's raining. I think about people who actually it does rain on their wedding day. And they get all upset, but then they realize, wait, I'm still marrying like the love of my life and all my friends and family are here. It doesn't actually matter. Right. And that's kind of the idea is to remember that what you actually want to create in any given moment is still available regardless of your expectation being met or not. Yes. But it feels like such a loss because you're losing. the expectation piece. But you're losing something you never had. Exactly. And that's what, when you realize that, you're like, oh, wait, I haven't lost anything. Yeah. It's because, okay, that's so true. Like for the rainy day, for example, your expectation is it's going to be a sunny day. And so you think you're losing a sunny day, but you never had a sunny day. It was always going to be a rainy day. And so you're just losing your own judgment, your own assumption, and you're hurting your own feelings. You're hurting your own feelings. And it's okay that we do that. That's so human. Yes. And I definitely want to anchor that in. Because again, like I still get disappointed. And I mean, one of those examples was super quickly. It was the Disneyland thing. And I was trying to just surprise my daughter and my husband. Like, God bless him. He is just... Just got excited. Got excited. And he like let it slip. But thankfully, she didn't actually hear. But I was so mad because my expectation was it would be a complete... surprise with no, you know, giveaways, nothing. And ultimately because you thought it was going to make her happy. Yes. And then that's what, after talking to you, was the remembrance of, wait, why am I even planning this Disneyland trip anyway? It is not for the sole purpose of it being a surprise. Because if we don't end up going to Disneyland and having fun, like, what is the point of the surprise, right? Yeah. The whole point was connection, memories. And she's going to have those regardless. Frankly, even if he did spill the beans, that would be a very special core memory of like her being surprised then too. And so in that example too, I realized, oh, the thing that I wanted through the expectation is still available to me. And that's actually so liberating and so abundant to realize that you're never losing what you think you're losing. Never. I do remember though, there was a couple of stages to that realization because we had to first be with your disappointment. Oh. I was very disappointed. You were like, the surprise is ruined. It's not going to be as fun anymore. And like, it's just ruined. And I was like, okay, that's really disappointing. Like, I know you put a lot of time and like effort and thought into making a huge surprise that you were protecting. Yes. But then the next phase was, why did I want it to be a surprise? Exactly. And then you see all the expectations and assumptions you made, which is that surprises equal more joy. Like, it's a heightened experience. She's going to be so stoked about it. But then I was like, she's going to effing Disneyland. She's going to be stoked about it. Yes. Like there's no removing her stokedness about it. Exactly. You're right. She's going to have fun either way. And then you realize that the surprise thing was for you. It is. And I think that's okay. Like I think it's absolutely okay for the parent to be like, yeah, this is for me. And I do want to experience that for myself to experience her face. But again, when I then think about what is the underneath that expectation, what is that unmet need? again, it was ultimately to create these core memories with her, which I'm like, I'm doing that. And in the end, guess what? She was surprised and had no idea. So it all worked out anyway. But even if it hadn't and she did know, I was eventually okay with it. But it's again, okay to not be okay with it. It's just about having that conscious awareness. Because frankly, there's many times where I'm like, I know this is a disappointment and expectation. I can change my intention. But right now, I'm just gonna be upset about this. And that's okay because it is a conscious choice versus feeling victim to an external thing happening. And that's what you feel the way that you do. You know what? This is a final thing I'll mention, but this is kind of now starting to remind me of the fable of the fisherman and the businessman. I just talked about that yesterday. That's so funny. We talked about so many similar things yesterday, but we mentioned this one in episode 25 about abundance, which is one of our most listened to episodes. Yep. But it's so funny because the businessman approaches the fisherman being like, oh my God, we can like scale your business. You can become like a major manufacturer of fish in this area. You can globally export, blah, blah, blah. And then in the end, when he ends up selling the company, he's like, what do I do now? And he's like, you go into the square and you play guitar and have dinner with your friends. Which is what he was doing before he started all of that. Exactly. And so I think a lot of times about like, what do I actually think my expectation is going to grant me access to? And let's just say I have an expectation for this podcast. Let's... And it actually gets met. Let's say we become, who knows, like top one podcast, number one. Yeah. Wow, I forgot the word number. Top number one podcast. Yes. That ultimately just creates a reality where I still do this. I still get up in the morning. I get ready. I come to the studio. I record an episode. Like nothing changes. No. And so... The only time I need to be attached to that expectation is if I'm not already enjoying what I am doing. I'm looking to the expectation to make me feel better. But if I actually set an intention and enjoy this moment now, then I don't need the future. I genuinely don't need it. When I give myself presence and set the intention, the expectation has no weight. It has no power over me. Like I'm the one that gives a moment power, not an expectation. Boom, boom. That's it. That's it. Well, that's period. That's intention versus expectations for our first episode in this gorgeous little seating couch situation that we have been waiting for. Yeah, it was really fun. I like that I got to sit just like this across from you. I really feel like we're just in your place. The only thing that I wish I had was a blanket, but I don't have an expectation for that. Wait, next time we can bring blankets. No, we'll bring our spiraling higher ones. Oh my gosh. For Gina's birthday last year. You guys are going to die when you see this. I cannot wait to show. I cannot wait. But for last year, Gina's birthday, I customized an enormous blanket with photos of us all over it. And I wear it often. It's my office blanket. And whenever my husband sees it, he's just like, cool. Cool. He's just like, I know how much you love Gina. And you're just being enveloped by me in our love. I love it. We should totally bring those. That's so funny. I love that idea. Yeah. See? No expectations, just an intention for how I want it to feel. And it's not about the blanket. It's about the feeling of just kind of coziness. It's also okay if we don't have the blanket. You know what I mean? I'm fine today. Yeah. Like it's not going to stop us showing up fully on the podcast. Yeah. I promise you that this episode was not distorted or diluted because I don't have a blanket. I promise. Okay. So next week, you'll get to see our customized blankets. We're so excited. But until then, we'll see you in the next one. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this honest conversation. We hope it brought you peace, clarity, and a little bit further along your spiritual journey. If you loved this episode, it would mean the world to us if you left us a five-star rating and a review so we can bring you more conscious conversations, spiritual topics, and guests. And we lovingly invite you to join our free Spiraling Hierarchy community by clicking the link in the show notes to continue this healing dialogue and share with us how this episode impacted you. Come on in, introduce yourself, and meet your conscious besties in a safe space for healing conversations between us and other like-minded people on their healing journey. Here's to spiraling higher.

Welcome back to the Spiraling Higher podcast. I am Gina, one of your co-hosts, and I'm here with none other than Sam. And as you can see, we have a whole new setup here, and I have been waiting for this moment.

I know. So I have watched so many podcasts, as you know, and I kept saying I really want couch vibes. We've been manifesting couch vibes. Couch vibes. For a long time.

And what I love about us manifesting this is that we really released it because we were like, you know what? It's fine if it never happens. We like the studio.

We love our podcast producer, blah, blah, blah. And then we just threw it out there to him two weeks ago. Yeah. And he said, I can get that set up.

And now we're here. And now we're here. It reminds me of that movie.

Have you ever seen Holes? No. holes? That's an amazing movie.

It's with Shia LaBeouf and he plays Stanley Yelnats, which is a palindrome. No. And he like gets sent to this camp where he has to dig these five foot holes all the time.

I have heard about this movie. I've not watched it. Emlyn would love that movie when she's a little bit older. Really? But there's a scene in the movie where Sam, he is a lovable character.

He always says, I can fix that. And like he does everything for this love of his life who is played by Patricia Arquette. And so when he was like, I can do that, I was like.

thinking of that movie. That's so funny. I will say randomly a movie that I recently got her to watch is Enchanted with Amy Adams. Oh, the one where she becomes a princess.

Yeah. Yeah. Which was really funny because it just showed, I mean, my one of my favorite scenes, which is actually pretty disgusting, but like in the beginning where she's still a cartoon, it's all these like animals that run in to help her like in the house.

Oh yeah. And then in real life, she like sings the song and all the animals and rodents come, but it's like, they're not like cute cartoon mice. actual like rats and mice. Yeah, totally.

And so it just to me was like, oh, like what we think is going to be one way. And it just the reality of it turns out a different way. Like, you know, when they say Disney princess in real life, like Ariel's hair would not be like so fluffy and. Yeah.

You know, so anyways, it was a super fun movie for Emmeline, but we have not watched holes. So I will have to look into holes. It's a classic. It's a classic piece of cinema. A classic?

It's honestly classic. I'm surprised that you haven't seen it. I'm surprised. All right.

Well, I'm going to write that down as my list. But what I have been watching is Love is Blind. So I actually don't watch a lot of TV because I, the only time I really have time to watch would be at like nighttime. And that's when I used to watch.

But now. Yeah, you never watch TV. I go through phases, but I did do like a little mini solo retreat and, which was a staycation retreat, but I did watch a little bit. And now I'm kind of like, sometimes when I'm eating, I might watch some, but. I don't spend a lot of time watching, but Love is Blind is just like the train wreck that you can't go away from.

You know what? Have you watched it? I've actually only ever seen clips on TikTok. What? I kind of like the premise though.

But I don't know. I don't know how it goes. I don't know the success rate of the relationships, but I feel like it's really good because you get to know each person's internal world.

But the funny thing is, is that everybody... in there says that they want to just fall in love with the person. But then almost every time when they do meet the person, like it does change it.

Yes. So did you hear about Love is Blind Habibi? No, no, I haven't. I've watched the UK one, which is actually really good. But I have not watched that one.

No. Okay. Love is Blind Habibi is blowing up on TikTok.

And there was one video, again, I've only ever seen the TikTok videos. There was a video where This woman, Noor, I believe is her name. She is one of the baddies on the show, has high expectations and standards. She's gorgeous.

And it shows her face completely drop when she finds out her partner is shorter than her. She goes to hug him and she's like, Hello, nice to meet you. She's like bending down.

Literally bending down to hug this man. He's like, wow, you're so gorgeous. And she's just like.

Thanks. And it's, I don't know, it kind of breaks my heart that that matters so much, but. But it just does. I think, I mean, this does tie into our conversation day about expectations, but even though you don't know what the person looks like, you have no idea, you do. There is still an internal expectation.

And I think expectations inherently like, I mean, a lot of times they are more obvious, but I think we don't often know that we're having an expectation until it's not met. Until we're disappointed. Yes, exactly.

Yeah. And yeah, so it's funny that we talked about love is blind before getting into our topic today. But we were having this conversation previously about the difference between leading a life of intention versus expectation and how not knowing the difference between the two.

can set you up for a lot of disappointment. And I would say that you and I lived definitely the majority of our lives in expectation. Yeah, as most people do.

Yeah, it was very like, if this, then that. Yes. And so a lot of people behave and act and fearfully chase hustle in that manner.

If they behave this way, then I'm going to get this result. And then you're right. You don't even realize you're behaving in alignment with expectations until you don't get the outcome you desire.

And then your disappointment is this beautiful opportunity, a portal really into your subconscious to tell you what your subconscious beliefs and desires are. Yes. And oftentimes when people are disappointed, they go into... resistance or negativity, panic, fear, anxiety about how to circumvent this problem, so to speak, and get the outcome they want instead, which is just perpetuating the paradigm that they need to meet expectations, which is led by fear. And so what we offer our clients is to instead of leading a life filled with expectations, to transition into leading with intention.

And oftentimes, they don't know the difference between those two things. Yes. They're like, is it an intention and expectation? And I'm like, no, those are actually really different. So I have an idea of what I find to be the difference.

But what do you believe is the difference? I mean, I think an expectation is very much tied to an outcome needing to happen. Whereas an intention for me, at least how I embody it is kind of like how I'm going to be, not necessarily what's going to happen or what I'm going to do. And so I think an intention is more about, yeah, like focusing on how you intend to carry yourself, what kind of energy you want to bring to it. Yeah, it's hard for me to explain that, I guess, without an exact example.

Like, okay, I want to use my daughter as an example. My intention to be like the mom that I want to be is I intend to love her unconditionally, to work on myself, to be able to be regulated for her. I intend for us, of course, to be close. But if I expect...

us to be close forever, I'm going to create a lot of disappointment and tension when that's not met. But my intention is to support her through her evolution, her growing, no matter what happens. So even if she doesn't want to be friends with me or talk to me or hates me, my intention still remains the same. Whereas if my expectation is that we're going to be close forever, I'm not going to be able to act in accordance to my intention because I'm too focused on the expectation.

So I feel like that might illustrate that. but I really want to hear your explanation of it. I mean, it's really similar.

First of all, an expectation is something that happens in the future. So that's how you know you're living through expectations or through the lens of expectations is you're waiting for something that's not happening right now to take place later. Yes.

Whether that be five minutes or five weeks, five years. And intention is, like you said, the energy that you choose to cultivate in the now moment. It's with respect to the internal environment you're cultivating.

any situation, relationship, or circumstance. And so the intention someone can set for their job or their relationship or hobby, it doesn't matter what it is, is really you asking yourself, who do I want to be in this interaction, in this event, at this place? And it doesn't actually require the future for you to embody it. An intention is something you can call into action right now.

My intention for this podcast is to be present. Now, if I have the expectation that this has to be a good conversation, notice how that's going to knock me out of presence. Now I'm in my head thinking about how to control this conversation, what I'm going to say, how I'm going to line up all my perfect bullet points for this conversation. And I think that's what people don't realize is that the expectation is subverting actually the energy that you hope to... bring to situations.

Most people want to feel present. Most people want to feel connected. Most people want to feel just in their bodies when they're having an interaction, but their expectation-filled mind is not letting them be fully present to that. Totally. I love how you brought the time aspect in because I think that's going to be a really easy way for people to gauge, like, am I in expectation or intention?

Another two words that helps to kind of cement this even more, intentions are intrinsic. expectations are extrinsic, right? So inside of you versus outside of you. And often expectations will bring in what you believe other people need to do or what the circumstances around you need to be.

They involve other factors. Exactly. Yeah.

That you don't have control over, which is why it brings you out of the intention. So yeah, I really like how you explained that. That was good.

Yeah. That was good. That was great.

Yeah, because I feel like a lot of my clients, they come into a session or they start the coaching journey and they're like, okay, like these are my expectations from coaching. Right, right. Right. Which is already putting a cap and a limit on their experience within the container.

Yes. And one of the first things I really ask them is what do you intend? And I'm listening for that. I'm like.

am I hearing an expectation or an intention? And then it's an opportunity for me to display the difference or explain the difference. And yeah, the intention is always who can I be right now?

And you have direct control over it. It's not something that you need to be influenced by the outside or another person, party to have done something different for you to be able to embody it. It's through agency and choice in the moment.

And I think people forget they have that power. They're waiting for the expectation to be met before they can fulfill that intention. And so, yeah, intention would definitely be the priority. In fact, you don't need expectation ever.

Totally. I mean, you should drop them completely. Yes. Expectation, I think, is just always going to be coupled to some degree with disappointment because also it breeds more expectation even if you do get it met, right? So I think expectations all around are just the thing that we both are… very detached from for the most part because we know the formula that it brings.

Yeah. Now here's a funny pattern that happens with not just my clients, but most people. They start to live a life of intention. They're like, okay, I'm going to build this business with intention.

Like the way we built this podcast, I'm going to pursue this relationship with the intention of being open, curious, loving, observant, whatever. And then things happen. Things manifest. There are beautiful byproducts. because of your embodied intentions.

Now you get attached to those things and now those become your expectations. And then they start like spiraling the other direction. They're like, oh my God, everything was going so well. And then everything started falling apart.

It's like, yes, because your openness, your intention setting, your energetic cultivation was what brought those things into your field. Now that you're expecting them, you're distorting the field. And now whatever is coming in is not in resonance with what was previously coming in. And so that is such a funny pattern that people get stuck in where they're like, I was doing it for fun. I was enjoying myself.

And then like all this stuff happened. And now I'm not having fun anymore and the stuff is not happening. Yeah. Yeah.

It happens all the time. And frankly, like I definitely go through that as well, depending on what it is, because it's natural for us to. really enjoy when things are going a certain way, right?

If we have an intention for this podcast to have fun and we do all those things and then something does happen, I don't know if we like won the Nobel Prize or something like that, we'd be like, oh my God, we like got this Nobel Prize. This is amazing. And then what starts to happen is you like that. You start to like how people are treating you.

Maybe your other wounds get triggered because you're like getting all this positive feedback. Oh no, I have to live up to having this Nobel Prize. Again, notice how we go from intrinsic to extrinsic.

You made it about the Nobel Prize. Exactly. Instead of you.

You know what? This reminds me. So we had incredible mentor, amazing spiritual teacher, Kyle Cease on for episode 11. Amazing.

He was also one of our recent throwback episodes. But do you remember when he talked about going to Vegas? I love this story.

I love it. Okay. So I'll just try to recap it if you haven't heard that episode before. He talks about how people have this habit of getting attached. Basically exactly what I'm saying.

You get attached to the things that you... create and call into your field instead of recognizing that you're the source of the things that you create and call into your field. So get excited about yourself and the field and the energetic conditions you're creating, not the things that you attract because of those conditions, because those are a result of you creating those conditions. So he talks about going to Vegas and you having a really good time.

You're with your family. You're having this amazing trip. And then you decide, huh, you know what?

I'm just going to play the slots and just like see what happens. And then you like win the lottery. Like you, you win and you get all three, whatever. What is it when you win the lottery? Jackpot.

Jackpot. Jackpot. That's the word. I was, you win the jackpot. Yes.

And you're so excited, but then you start to fixate on the jackpot. Yes. And then you go back to gamble.

But it's like, it wasn't the gambling. It was that you were present. You were available.

You were ready to attract that sort of experience. And so this is exactly the same thing that you were just talking about when... Because you were talking about the Nobel Prize. It's like exactly the same.

And you're right. You start to focus. You go from the internal locus of control, which is your energy, you creating energetic conditions. And then you start to go on the outside.

And then you lose focus on creating that energy within yourself. Exactly. Because I love how you worded that because it is taking it from... wow, that's so amazing that we created this. That was so fun to do that.

Wow. Like I can see like how all of this was so divinely orchestrated, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And instead it's like Nobel prize, getting all the accolades, all of this.

And we just focus, we just start to slowly and very insidiously start to shift the focus. And it's so slow and gradual that you don't often recognize it again until you're disappointed, which I think is a really good thing. You know, I think that getting disappointed is, as you said, such a good opportunity for us to see like what am I gripping onto? And what am I quote unquote needing to happen?

Because anything we need to happen is ultimately probably stopping you from even getting that to happen anyway. But also it is what's creating resistance inside of you. Yeah.

Anything you need to happen is what's causing you to be unhappy. Yes. Like you're suffering.

Attachment is the root of all suffering, the Buddha said, right? Yes. Your disappointments, you're right, are such an incredible mirror into seeing where am I still attaching? Where am I still suffering?

And it's not actually the end of the world when you give up your attachment because that's what people think. They're like, but what if I give it up, then I won't get it. It's like, no, you're free from the need to get it, which makes you feel more liberated.

And it's hard for people to initially give that up because they have this belief that expecting it is what's helping to create it. Yeah. And that releasing the expectation just means like, oh, well, now it's just never going to happen. But it's the exact opposite. It is.

Yeah. I mean, this is going into a little bit about like manifestation, which we are going to record an episode on that eventually. But if you think about that expectation, it's literally like this belief that you're holding onto it, which you're not even holding onto it. It's still just a thought and an idea.

But it feels like you're holding onto it and releasing expectation means you're literally letting it go. go. So you actually can't grab it again.

And I think that's why it's so scary for people. But it really just is the complete opposite. And I think, again, we have to remember why do you want that expectation anyway? Right. And it's ultimately because, I mean, in the example of me and my daughter, the only reason why I would hope that we stay close forever is because I want to be close to her.

You want to feel connected. I want to feel connected to her. And if I focus, though, on only.

her connecting with me in the exact way that I think, then I'm kind of like missing the point. Yeah. And we then just forget, like I said, that focus starts to shift too much.

And so I could think that not expecting us to be connected is letting that go. But it's the expectation that is, as you actually said earlier, it creates a box of how it needs to happen and doesn't allow the organic kind of orchestration and yeah, for us to just evolve and flow into it. And it just makes it a lot more clunky.

Yeah. Well. It actually, instead of cultivating connection, breeds judgment. Yes. So consider that if you have an expectation for a relationship or an expectation for your job, you are living in the paradigm of judgment.

Yeah. Within that place, how can you create what you actually want from your job, which is connection. Yes. Which is to feel fulfilled, which is to feel present.

You can't do those things from judgment. And so the thing that you're letting go of that you think you're controlling by having this expectation is not the result. You're letting go of. your judgment and anxiety.

Yeah. And your resistance. Which is the reason why you want the thing. Totally. Which is so funny.

And so that's why you really can live a life fully of intention and you can release every single expectation and still have a fucking incredible life. 100%. 100%. Because you are in the intention part, you are so focused on this moment, how you're feeling, what you can do. And that is the most powerful stance to be in.

Exactly. Because you're not, yeah, outsourcing. Yeah.

And this actually reminded me of something when you were talking, but do you remember when I would come back from a trip? Oh, 100%. I actually thought of that when you were bringing up the Vegas thing with Kyle. Yep. Yes.

I would come back from a trip and be like, I have to move now to Mexico. I'm moving to Mexico. I'm moving to Mexico.

And you were like, okay, okay. So you had a good time. And I was like, It was amazing.

It was the best. The vibes are immaculate. And yes, I do believe that places hold energy for sure. There's definitely a European culture, a Mexican culture, an American culture, Canadian culture. But what ultimately was happening when I went to these places was that I was being more open, more curious.

I was having more novel experiences and those were activating my energy in a new way. And instead of attributing that to me and the energetic conditions I'm cultivating, I thought it was the places. Yes. And so every time I would come back from a place, I would have this depression about where I lived, thinking that I need to move all my stuff to the other side of the border. Yeah.

When in reality, I just needed to remember what energy was I cultivating there. And as you know, I just got back from Europe not too long ago. And I was trying to recall once I got back, what makes me feel like I'm traveling?

What is that energy? And I realized that number one, it's a lot of open schedule and open space in my schedule. Yeah.

Like a couple hours where I don't have anything planned. I can walk aimlessly. But ultimately novelty. And so I started just taking different paths to go to the same places.

Because normally you just go, you're just a robot. You just go down the same road. You take the same right turn. You go around the same roundabout. And I thought, you know what?

There's so many different ways to get to the same place. And so I'm going to take a new route and just notice things I haven't noticed before. Sometimes I go a shorter way. Sometimes I go a longer way.

But I find that just shifting the script. by going a different way is introducing that novelty. And so again, I'm attributing an energetic condition to myself and giving myself agency to create that rather than thinking, I have to pack my bags again.

I gotta go to a new place. Not even realizing that every single day and moment is new if I'm just willing to tune into that. Well, that was so funny because you got back from Tulum and it's like Tulum isn't what made you feel like that. Like you did, right? But we do attribute that.

Like it was the weather and it's such a beautiful ocean. And I actually have a very similar story. So I did say earlier in this episode that I did this solo staycation retreat. So every once in a while, I do a solo retreat where I go on my own. I completely disconnect.

I'll text you being like, I'm out. I'm not going to talk to you for three days. And I hate it.

And you hate it. It's very hard for me too. But I just, it's exactly what you said. I love to completely disconnect and just wander and do whatever the hell I want.

And I have this one very specific place that I go to at least once a year. And it has been this very magical healing place for me that I feel like I'm returning to this homecoming every time I go. So I was supposed to go, but the weather was just so not great. And I pretty much spend my time outside the entire time. So I thought, you know what?

I'm not going to go. I'm going to cancel the trip. The weather's too bad.

And I'll just do a staycation version. And it was so interesting because I did remember, like, it's not the location that makes the retreat special. And the intention of the retreat is for me to disconnect, to connect to myself, to have quiet time, to be still, to literally follow whatever my body wants to do in the moment. I have nothing planned. I can do that anywhere.

It doesn't have to be at this place that I always go to. So it was really interesting to observe in myself that I was completely fine with that. But a previous version of me would have been so disappointed about the weather. This is not the same. Like it would have been so much nicer over there.

And I just remember that I'm the one who creates the energy of the retreat. Yeah, you are the retreat. I am the retreat. Exactly.

I'm the host and the participant. And I'm the environment. And I got to...

create and facilitate so much novelty here. I went to all of these local spots that I do know, and they were also nostalgic, but it was still novel because of the version of me that was there. Yeah. And that showed me so clearly that, and honestly, it did rain a lot on these days, but it was still fine because I didn't have an expectation of a weather being any certain way. My intention was no matter what happens, I'm going to be able to connect with myself, whether it's pouring out, like raining outside.

or not. And it was such a beautiful opportunity to honor the intention without literally any attachment to any expectation. It was just a very free-flowing few days.

And I can reflect back now and see, wow, a different version of me would have been so pissed and annoyed and would have been trying to make the quote-unquote best of it. But I think I still would have been having that undercurrent of resistance because I would have been having disappointment. Yeah, exactly.

Oh my gosh. It's so true. The more we're having this conversation, the more I realize every disappointment reveals an expectation.

Yep. You could just feel disappointed and then ask yourself, what was I expecting? Yes. And it will reveal it to you right away. I was expecting for it to be sunny.

I was expecting for it to not rain on my wedding day. I was expecting for him to call. I was like, it just, it reveals to you right away.

And then underneath that, you can figure out what need did I need to have met? What's the unmet need? What's the unmet need, right? And you can.

always meet that within yourself. And it really is that through your expectation, you believe you're going to be able to access a certain version of yourself. But the game completely changes when you access the fact that you can be any version of yourself whenever you want.

You can actually just give yourself permission to be happy and love yourself whenever you want. You don't have to only be happy when it's sunny. You don't have to only be happy when you're traveling.

You don't have to only be happy when you're outside in this beautiful solo retreat. These are intentions and energetic conditions you can cultivate at any given moment. And this is what releases all of your expectations because now it doesn't, who cares if it's raining? I'm still going to be the happy version of myself.

Who cares if I can't travel today? I can still experience novelty where I am. And I don't think that people recognize that they can choose to be that version of themselves whenever they want.

I know. And I think that's also... a beautiful kind of, I guess, segue about intentions too. Like, let's just say you do recognize that you have this unmet need now. you can have an overarching intention of how you treat yourself when that happens.

Like for me, anytime I do get disappointed about something, my intention is to honor the disappointment, to give space for that to breathe, and then to understand what that unmet need is and do my best to meet that. Like that is my intention. And so even when I do get disappointed, I still have a higher intention of how do I support myself even through this.

But I love what you said because it really was a reminder for me that I don't also need to wait for solar retreats to feel like this either. And that's always, always the reminder for me every time I have these trips that I can actually have that feeling at any moment. And, you know, we sometimes will have these stressful days.

And I think for a lot of people, when something stressful happens, you feel like, well, day's ruined, right? We kind of just give up all of our power to something that quote-unquote went wrong. When you actually can just say that was that moment.

Yeah. And now this is a new moment. What is my intention for this one?

And frankly, this is actually really funny and I totally did have an expectation. So this will be good to share too. So I love chasing sunsets and sunrises. You know this.

Oh yeah, you told me about this. So I woke up at five in the morning every day to go catch the sunrise because I love it when it's pitch black. I like it when it just starts to peak and the light starts to come on.

And frankly, I had three days to do this to sunsets and sunrises. And the first two days were just like, you couldn't even really see the sun come up. Like it was just super cloudy, overcast. So the third final day in the morning, I'm like, do I go? You know what?

I'm just going to go. And I found in my mind a perfect spot. I go there, it's closed.

And I was like, cool, cool, cool, cool. So then I run around to the other side. It was at Canada Place. And I go the other side, there's a huge cruise ship completely blocking the view. And I'm Cool.

So then I go all the way to the other side and that's also blocked by this other, like some weird island thing that they created. So I was like, you know what? It's fine.

I'll go to another spot. So I keep switching and it's still not the sunrise that I want, but I'm like, you know what? I've accepted it. That's fine. But then at nighttime, I decided not to go watch the final sunset.

And it ended up being the craziest sunset ever. It was like neon orange and there was a double rainbow. Oh, wait, you saw the photos, right? I saw other people posting the photos.

And I was so annoyed. And I was like, I had accepted that the sunrises were not that great. But I did have an expectation that the one I missed was going to be shitty too. And from there, I just noticed that in that moment, I mean, the unmet need is not that serious, but it was just, I did have an expectation for this like beautiful sunset, whatever. And I think for me, I just had to remember that.

First of all, there's... going to be a lot more sunsets. Yeah.

But this also reminds me of when Michael came on and talked about the awe method. Yes. And ultimately your attachment to the sunset was you wanted to feel wonder and awe. Yes. But you can feel wonder and awe by staring at a ladybug.

And I literally did that. I was like, first of all, I'm looking at the photos of this beautiful sunset and this double rainbow. I'm like, I'm still actually seeing it, first of all. And frankly, if I were there, I'd be taking photos of it and looking at those photos. So I'm like, really?

these photos came to me whether I was there or not, which is pretty freaking amazing, right? And again, I was able to just see whatever I think I wanted from that moment I can have right now. And I did have that awe moment of just technology, of the fact that people can share these moments, even the whole like Northern Lights situation that's happening out here, like everyone's chasing those. I never saw them physically with my eyes.

No, but we're seeing so many videos and photos of them. So we still have access to that. And that brings me so much a sense of awe. And so anyways, I just wanted to share that. that I feel like we get these opportunities to observe ourselves.

And I think my intention is to just get to know myself. And I get to see like, what does tick me off? What makes me feel like this? And how do I get myself back into that intention frequency?

And I love it. I love that this gets to just be like a freaking master's class on yourself. You know who I just thought of?

You know that creator who actually lives here in Vancouver named Yolinda? Yolinda Dong, I think. She does a lot.

Yeah, I know her. She does a lot of hilarious content, right? She's hilarious. But a lot of her viral stuff recently has been about how she makes expectations up in her head and then hurts her own feelings. And I'm like, that's literally so accurate.

You hurt your own feelings with the assumptions that you make, with the expectations you get attached to. It's like, why are you doing that? And it's so funny because I feel like it's becoming, people are becoming more aware through this humor, right? But yeah, expecting and making assumptions about a situation. and then not having those things met, who's hurting you?

Is it the situation? No, the situation was always meant to unfold like that. Is it the person?

They don't know what intentions or hopes or expectations you're putting on them. Like you are literally hurting your own feelings. And I just decided to. stop doing that by trading my expectations for intentions.

Now, it doesn't mean that I don't have disappointments because sometimes your expectations are unconscious. Exactly. But it's an amazing opportunity for you to notice like, wow, like sometimes I just hold myself and I'm like, you were really attached to that, weren't you?

Like, totally. Like, I'm just like, fuck, like you really wanted that. Yeah, that was really disappointing for you.

Yeah, it's like, damn, you really wanted that to happen. Like, I totally feel for you. And it's valid.

Like, it's valid to have that desire. We're not saying it's wrong inherently to have expectations. It's just you get to choose what results you want to have in your life.

You get to choose how you want to respond and feel to these. And this is just one way to approach it to help you to notice what frequency am I in? Because when we're in expectation, it really limits your ability to get the feeling that you're actually wanting.

It's just a lower frequency in general. Exactly. And yeah, since we do talk about manifestation, like you said, we're going to record a longer episode about that, but it's all about.

what energy am I cultivating? And what is that in resonance with? And what is that going to call into my field? You don't do the part where you call it into the field.

Like the law of attraction does that. You don't have to worry about that. You cultivate and create the conditions. It's like very simply plant the garden.

The bees will come situation. Yes. And when you expect the bees to come, then you're not working on the garden. Yes.

Right? You're like trying to understand the bee. You're like trying to catch them with a net. Yes.

And they're all flying away instead of just letting them come rest on your little flowers that you've been nurturing. And so, yeah, it really is focus on yourself. You could actually live an entire life without ever focusing on the externals.

They will take care of themselves. You don't have to do them. Actually, the crazy thing is realizing that you never had control over them in the first place.

The illusion is that you have been controlling the outside. You haven't. But it's actually the outside controlling you.

Yeah. It literally is. And you can take your power back by deciding how you want to show up energetically in each moment. And it really does just come down to choice.

And sometimes I say to myself, literally out loud, I choose to focus on X. Yes. I choose to be X. And it's just, it's like changing the channel on a TV, right?

You can watch Animal Channel. You can watch Comedy Central. You can watch the Food Network. But... You're making the choice to switch.

Yeah. And I feel like that's how it is in my brain. There's so many things that my brain can bring its attention to.

And oftentimes it's on default. We go into autopilot. We're thinking negative thoughts.

But you can bring yourself back to, I choose to focus on this. This is my intention for today. And it's a practice. And I love going back to Abraham Hicks, which we did an episode on that. But episode 10. You always know the episode numbers.

And they talk a lot about segment intending. And life is segment intending. I, we, we did it so much on that trip. So like new segment, we always do it on a trip.

We'll say like next segment, next segment. And it really just is about noticing you're entering a new segment or kind of like section, I guess, of your day and intending like what your intention is for that segment. And so even before we come into the studio, we're always like intention, connect, share, be honest, have fun. And that's our intention for this. And then after this, we're going to probably go out for lunch.

And that's going to be a different segment and different intention. And I think getting to do it in that way reminds you that you do have choice in every moment. And sometimes when I do collapse into disappointment from an expectation that I maybe unconsciously had, I always have to ask myself, what are my options here? And all of a sudden, you just see, wait, there is another choice than just sitting here and feeling like crap about this. And so, yeah, I love.

ending on this note to, number one, just, I guess, recap. I guess we can recap now. The difference between the intentions versus expectations and ultimately how to tell when you're in one or either of those energies. And ultimately, I think to help yourself out of the expectation kind of frequency, look around and see what choices you have and attune to the choice that you desire to have. And that inherently does put you back into intention frequency.

Yeah. It puts you back in the driver's seat. Yes. And like Gina said earlier, intrinsic, really easy to memorize too.

Internal. Yes. Inside. Yes.

And like intention, intrinsic. Right. Exactly. And then extrinsic is external expectation. Yes.

Yeah. And you're going to be experiencing a lot more judgment and criticism and naturally irritability and anxiety because of expectation. Because again, it brings in the future. Yes.

Right now you need future. to absolve you or be your salvation instead of, I don't need the future. I'm setting the intention and cultivating the energy I want from that expectation anyways.

Therefore, it's okay. It's like, I expect it to be sunny, but it's like, what does sunny mean for you internally? Does sunny mean you get to wear a nice outfit and be happy?

Does sunny mean you get to enjoy yourself and have ice cream? Allow yourself to have those intentions already in place, even if it's raining. I think about people who actually it does rain on their wedding day. And they get all upset, but then they realize, wait, I'm still marrying like the love of my life and all my friends and family are here. It doesn't actually matter.

Right. And that's kind of the idea is to remember that what you actually want to create in any given moment is still available regardless of your expectation being met or not. Yes.

But it feels like such a loss because you're losing. the expectation piece. But you're losing something you never had.

Exactly. And that's what, when you realize that, you're like, oh, wait, I haven't lost anything. Yeah.

It's because, okay, that's so true. Like for the rainy day, for example, your expectation is it's going to be a sunny day. And so you think you're losing a sunny day, but you never had a sunny day.

It was always going to be a rainy day. And so you're just losing your own judgment, your own assumption, and you're hurting your own feelings. You're hurting your own feelings. And it's okay that we do that.

That's so human. Yes. And I definitely want to anchor that in.

Because again, like I still get disappointed. And I mean, one of those examples was super quickly. It was the Disneyland thing. And I was trying to just surprise my daughter and my husband.

Like, God bless him. He is just... Just got excited. Got excited. And he like let it slip.

But thankfully, she didn't actually hear. But I was so mad because my expectation was it would be a complete... surprise with no, you know, giveaways, nothing. And ultimately because you thought it was going to make her happy.

Yes. And then that's what, after talking to you, was the remembrance of, wait, why am I even planning this Disneyland trip anyway? It is not for the sole purpose of it being a surprise.

Because if we don't end up going to Disneyland and having fun, like, what is the point of the surprise, right? Yeah. The whole point was connection, memories.

And she's going to have those regardless. Frankly, even if he did spill the beans, that would be a very special core memory of like her being surprised then too. And so in that example too, I realized, oh, the thing that I wanted through the expectation is still available to me.

And that's actually so liberating and so abundant to realize that you're never losing what you think you're losing. Never. I do remember though, there was a couple of stages to that realization because we had to first be with your disappointment.

Oh. I was very disappointed. You were like, the surprise is ruined. It's not going to be as fun anymore.

And like, it's just ruined. And I was like, okay, that's really disappointing. Like, I know you put a lot of time and like effort and thought into making a huge surprise that you were protecting.

Yes. But then the next phase was, why did I want it to be a surprise? Exactly. And then you see all the expectations and assumptions you made, which is that surprises equal more joy.

Like, it's a heightened experience. She's going to be so stoked about it. But then I was like, she's going to effing Disneyland. She's going to be stoked about it. Yes.

Like there's no removing her stokedness about it. Exactly. You're right.

She's going to have fun either way. And then you realize that the surprise thing was for you. It is. And I think that's okay.

Like I think it's absolutely okay for the parent to be like, yeah, this is for me. And I do want to experience that for myself to experience her face. But again, when I then think about what is the underneath that expectation, what is that unmet need?

again, it was ultimately to create these core memories with her, which I'm like, I'm doing that. And in the end, guess what? She was surprised and had no idea.

So it all worked out anyway. But even if it hadn't and she did know, I was eventually okay with it. But it's again, okay to not be okay with it. It's just about having that conscious awareness.

Because frankly, there's many times where I'm like, I know this is a disappointment and expectation. I can change my intention. But right now, I'm just gonna be upset about this.

And that's okay because it is a conscious choice versus feeling victim to an external thing happening. And that's what you feel the way that you do. You know what? This is a final thing I'll mention, but this is kind of now starting to remind me of the fable of the fisherman and the businessman. I just talked about that yesterday.

That's so funny. We talked about so many similar things yesterday, but we mentioned this one in episode 25 about abundance, which is one of our most listened to episodes. Yep.

But it's so funny because the businessman approaches the fisherman being like, oh my God, we can like scale your business. You can become like a major manufacturer of fish in this area. You can globally export, blah, blah, blah.

And then in the end, when he ends up selling the company, he's like, what do I do now? And he's like, you go into the square and you play guitar and have dinner with your friends. Which is what he was doing before he started all of that.

Exactly. And so I think a lot of times about like, what do I actually think my expectation is going to grant me access to? And let's just say I have an expectation for this podcast. Let's... And it actually gets met.

Let's say we become, who knows, like top one podcast, number one. Yeah. Wow, I forgot the word number. Top number one podcast.

Yes. That ultimately just creates a reality where I still do this. I still get up in the morning.

I get ready. I come to the studio. I record an episode. Like nothing changes.

No. And so... The only time I need to be attached to that expectation is if I'm not already enjoying what I am doing. I'm looking to the expectation to make me feel better.

But if I actually set an intention and enjoy this moment now, then I don't need the future. I genuinely don't need it. When I give myself presence and set the intention, the expectation has no weight. It has no power over me.

Like I'm the one that gives a moment power, not an expectation. Boom, boom. That's it.

That's it. Well, that's period. That's intention versus expectations for our first episode in this gorgeous little seating couch situation that we have been waiting for. Yeah, it was really fun.

I like that I got to sit just like this across from you. I really feel like we're just in your place. The only thing that I wish I had was a blanket, but I don't have an expectation for that. Wait, next time we can bring blankets.

No, we'll bring our spiraling higher ones. Oh my gosh. For Gina's birthday last year.

You guys are going to die when you see this. I cannot wait to show. I cannot wait.

But for last year, Gina's birthday, I customized an enormous blanket with photos of us all over it. And I wear it often. It's my office blanket. And whenever my husband sees it, he's just like, cool.

Cool. He's just like, I know how much you love Gina. And you're just being enveloped by me in our love.

I love it. We should totally bring those. That's so funny. I love that idea.

Yeah. See? No expectations, just an intention for how I want it to feel.

And it's not about the blanket. It's about the feeling of just kind of coziness. It's also okay if we don't have the blanket. You know what I mean?

I'm fine today. Yeah. Like it's not going to stop us showing up fully on the podcast.

Yeah. I promise you that this episode was not distorted or diluted because I don't have a blanket. I promise.

Okay. So next week, you'll get to see our customized blankets. We're so excited. But until then, we'll see you in the next one.

Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this honest conversation. We hope it brought you peace, clarity, and a little bit further along your spiritual journey. If you loved this episode, it would mean the world to us if you left us a five-star rating and a review so we can bring you more conscious conversations, spiritual topics, and guests.

And we lovingly invite you to join our free Spiraling Hierarchy community by clicking the link in the show notes to continue this healing dialogue and share with us how this episode impacted you. Come on in, introduce yourself, and meet your conscious besties in a safe space for healing conversations between us and other like-minded people on their healing journey. Here's to spiraling higher.

Transcript for:Understanding Intentions vs. Expectations

Transcript for:
Understanding Intentions vs. Expectations