well hi this is the book that is going to be replacing now because we finished the mystery of the shamida we are now going to be reading total forgiveness if you missed the introduction I most introductions aren't worth reading because they there there's not any informative thing there other than um you know just getting it started but this introduction was powerful and let's see what he has to say here chapter one what is total forgiveness we all have a story to tell now as you begin to read this book you may think it's impossible to forgive your Unfaithful husband or wife you may feel you cannot forgive your abusive parent and you may feel you cannot forgive what was done to your son or daughter how can we forgive the church leader who took advantage of his position what about the person who lied to us or about us or the person who believed those lies the list of potential offenses is endless there are rapists out there child abers murderers often closer to home there are unkind or unloving relatives and former close friends who have become enemies now I received a heart-rending letter from a couple who had heard me teach on the subject of total forgiveness a few few years ago they told me what their son-in-law had done to their daughter and to the grandchildren it was an awful story are you saying that we must totally forgive our son-in-law they asked oh that was a hard question to answer but I had had to tell them the truth yes they must learn to forgive my heart went out to them I can only imagine the pain they have experienced the total forgiveness is the only way they will ever find Freedom and release from the offense now I've received many other letters that describe everything from infidelity to incest to rape to lying and slander it's enough to make me consider very carefully indeed what I preach and write in this book people experience real pain when they are someone they love is hurt by another person it's often harder to forgive when the one who has been hurt is someone you love deeply especially your child I find it much easier to forgive what people have said or done to me personally than what they say or du to my children it's not unlike Corey ten booms having to forgive the prison guard was so cruel to her sister Betsy Cory saw this man viciously abused her sister who died shortly afterwards when both of them were in prison for protecting Jews in Holland during World War II and years later Corey was Seated on the platform of a church preparing to speak in a service when she spotted this very man in the audience she struggled in her heart she prayed in desperation for God to fill our heart with the love of Jesus he did but forgiveness became even more of a challenge when after the service this guard rather glibly said in so many words how good God is to forgive all of us she wondered how sorry he was it's often easier than it seems to than it's often easier then it seems to me to forgive what is done to us personally than what is done to those we love but it's still very hard to forgive those who have hurt us directly especially when they did not feel the slightest twinge of conscience if our offender would put on the sackcloth and Ashes as a show of repentance well it would be much easier to forgive them but remember at the foot of Jesus cross no one seemed very sorry there was no justice at all at his trial faces were just s simply angry his trial if you could call it that a perverse Glee filled the faces of the people who demanded his death crucify him they shouted Mark 1513 furthermore those who passed by hurled in insults at him shaking their heads and saying so you who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days welome down from the cross and save yourself Mark 1529 and 30 they shouted let this Christ this king of Israel come down now from the cross that we may see and believe mark 15:32 what was Jesus response Luke 23:34 father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing this must be our response as well Jesus could have said I forgive you but such words might have been misinterpreted and wasted like casting his pearls for swine as it tells us not to do in Matthew 7:6 instead Jesus asked the father to forgive them a far more Grand gesture asking the father to forgive them showed that not only had he forgiven them and released them from their guilt but also he had asked his father not to punish or take revenge on them it was not a perfunctory prayer Jesus meant it and it was glorious ly answered these offenders were among the very ones that Peter addressed on the day of Pentecost and were converted acts 24- 41 now the ultimate proof of total forgiveness takes place when we sincerely petition the father to let those who have hurt us off the hook even if they have hurt not only us but also those close to us at the height of one of the fiercest eras at Westminster Chapel in the 1980s I had to come face to face with this reality I recalled Joseph Shan's words to me so I prayed for certain people to be forgiven but I felt nothing I just said the words however after a few moments it was as if the Lord said to me do you know what you are asking me to do I thought I knew the answer to his question so I said yes he then seemed to reply are you now asking me to set them free as if they had done nothing now that sobered me I needed some time to think but while I pondered his words the Lord reminded me of the many sins for which he had forgiven me I became frightened of the possibility that he might reveal or let come out some of the Terrible Things I had done I then humbly prayed yes Lord I ask you to forgive them he then asked do you mean that I should bless and prosper them once more I needed a little I needed a little time then the Lord seemed to me to say what if I forgive and bless you artt in proportion to how you want me to forgive and bless them well by this time I was boxed into a corner and I surrendered I began to sincerely pray for them to be forgiven and blessed as though they had caused me no offense but I cannot truly say that my prayer was particularly Godly or unselfish sometime ago there was a television series depicting Christians who had forgiven those who had hurt them the producer was not a Christian was profoundly moved he said that while he could take or leave a Church sermon he could not ignore this something must be happening in their lives he said it is so unnatural for a person to forgive those who hurt them and to desire reconciliation that there is no greater testimony to the lost this is after all the message of the New Testament that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ not counting men's sins against them and he com has committed to us the message of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:19 and then Romans 58 but God demonstrates his own love for us in this while we were still sinners Christ died for us once while addressing a group of missionaries in the south of France I stayed in the home of a Christian Missionary who had been a Muslim I was astonished at this change of life and marveled at his conversion he told me that he had been led to Christ by some British soldiers when he lived in Madagascar but what I really wanted to know was what had actually won him over to Christianity what argument did they use I asked what line of reasoning persuaded you to turn from Islam to the Christian faith he replied it wasn't what they said it was who they were is statement really challenged me made me see the Folly of imagining we're going to win people over by our Superior arguments or our great preaching methods what impresses the world most is changed lives for which there is no natural explanation the television producer of the show that focused on Christian forgiveness called such reconciliation unnatural but that is not quite true the motivation to forgive often has a natural explanation for Jesus speaks to us in a way that gets our attention if only by appealing to our self-interest Matthew 71 do not judge or you too will be judged one one selfish motive for not judging others is to keep from being judged ourselves if a person's cheap desire is for a greater anointing and he's told that this anointing will come in proportion to the degree that he forgives others he will be more motivated to forgive I for one want a greater anointing if you could have seen my deepest heart when Joseph John counseled me with the words you must totally forgive them you might have discovered that I aced because I wanted a greater blessing from God so it is not un entirely unusual or unnatural when one tries to forgive one Sunday I unexpectedly saw a person one in one of our services who had seriously hurt one of our children I noticed them just before I was scheduled to preach and I felt as coryan boom must have felt when she spotted her prison guard in the audience in a Flash the Lord seemed to say to me you say you want to see Revival take place in this church but what if the beginning of a mighty Revival hinges on whether or not you totally forgive this person I felt awful I felt selfish I felt trapped but I had to make a decision on the spot as to whether or not I really wanted a Revival in my church I had to choose which meant more to me getting even with with someone who had hurt one of my children or receiving the blessing of the spirit and I opted for the latter but my prayer still had a natural explanation I did not want it on my conscience that I had held up the blessing of the spirit when all around me other believers were earnestly praying for it you know I still struggle in this area but I believe that maybe just maybe have totally forgiven this person have asked the Lord to bless them and even to let them off the hook but it hasn't been easy totally forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean we will want to spend our vacation with them but it does mean that we release the bitterness in our hearts concerning what they have done God has given us a mandate regarding forgiveness in his word Ephesians 4:32 be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you bear with each other and forgive whatever grief grievances you may have against one another forgive as the Lord forgives you Colossians 3:13 how has the Lord forgiven me unequivocally and unconditionally my sins which are many will never be held against me and nobody will ever know what I did psalm 103: vers 12 as far as the East is from the West so far as he removed our transgressions from us it therefore follows that I should not hold people responsible for what they have done to me I will hold nothing against them and I will not tell other people not even my closest friends what they did to me you might reply but you shared everything that had been done to you with Joseph sha you know that's true and I'm so glad I did but I wasn't being malicious I wasn't planning to start a smear campaign against anyone now granted my attitude was not perfect I was seeking sympathy but mercifully I was corrected without Joseph's confrontation I am sure I am not sure how long I could have kept silent I can only thank God that he sent this wise person to me before I destroyed myself and my Ministry David must have felt like this in those years before he was made King when he was tomorrow's man in a time of preparation he was fully ready to take Vengeance on nael a man who had refused to help him in his time of need but God sent Abigail just in the neck of time to appeal to David's Common Sense David said to Abigail praise be to the Lord the god of is Israel who has sent you today to meet me may you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from Bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands otherwise as surely as the Lord the god of Israel Lives who has kept me from harming you if you would not come quickly to meet me not one male belonging to the naball would have been left alive by day break 1st Samuel 25 32-34 now if you must tell another person what happened because you can't contain the pain tell only one and choose someone who won't repeat it I only hope they will be as faithful to you as Joseph was to me but what about the rapist you may ask or the child abuser shouldn't the authorities be told can a person totally forgive and yet at the very same time be the one who reports a crime absolutely total forgiveness does not mean closing our eyes those who will continue to harm others the Apostle Paul ordered that the incestuous man in Corinth be put out of the church lest the church entire church become corrupted that's First Corinthians 5 1-5 one of my very favorite passages because it says so much when you get to verse five the rapist should be apprehended the child abuser should be reported to the police or he will continue to cause damage the types of offenses I primarily deal with in this book do not pertain to crimes that have been committed or scandalous sins that bedevil the church most of us did not encounter those situ uations on a day-to-day basis instead I will address the small offenses that occur in daily life the ones most Christians struggle to overcome the ones that tempt us to Harbor grudges and dream of Revenge there is admittedly a very thin line between the desire to see a rapist or child abuser punished because they are a danger to society and wanting them put in prison because they have hurt us or someone we love the actual victim of the abuse is in a particular quandre when we are personally offended we usually disqualify ourselves from being the one to remove the speck from another's eye Matthew 75 but a person who was been raped must be a witness in a courtroom while simultaneously forgiving the offender and that's not easy before going any further let me clarify what total forgiveness isn't and then discuss what it is God one approval of what they did it's not that God never approved of our sin he hates sin in the Garden of Eden he became angry with our first parents Adam and Eve because of their sin but he still made garments of skin for them and clothed them Genesis 3:21 this act of Mercy demonstrated his forgiveness even at that time the garments of skin signified the sacrifice of blood that would be shed by the Redeemer who was to come in the New Testament Jesus forgives the woman found an adultery but he did not approve of what she did he told her leave your life of sin John 811 so God did not approve of of sin in biblical times nor does he approve of sin today we are to maintain a healthy respect and fear of God's justice and forgiveness Psalm 130:4 but with you there is forgiveness therefore you are feared just as God forgives people without approving of their sin we also must learn that forgiving people does not imply an endorsement of their evil Deeds we can forgive what we don't approve of because that is the way God has dealt with each of us two now forgiving doesn't mean excusing what they did we do not cover for the sins of other people we do not point to CC circumstances in an attempt to explain away their behavior Dr Clyde naramore said while it is true that every person is worth understanding that does not include excusing their inappropriate behavior as Moses let the children of Israel across the desert I'm sorry not lead lead as Moses led the children of Israel across the desert toward the promised land he was continually agravated by their complaining eventually after he had cried out to the Lord about the problem he was offered a new deal God essentially said to him you have a sorry lot of people to lead and they aren't following you very well they've been stubborn and unteachable I've decided to wipe them off the face of the Earth and to start all over again with a new nation numbers 14 11 and 12 Moses rejected God's offer and interceded for the people he appealed to God's mercy but in his prayer he did not excuse their behavior he said in a accordance with your great love forgive the sin of these people just as you have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now numbers 14:19 and God forgave them third forgiveness doesn't mean justifying what they did to justify means make right or just the Oxford English Dictionary it says it means quote to show a person or statement or act to be right or just or reasonable there is no way that evil can be justified God will never call something that is evil right and he does not require us to do so in Moses prayer for the Israelite people he did not offer a hint of justification for their behavior instead he pointed out to God that the Egyptians would not think very highly of God's power or name if they saw him obliterate his own people while we are required to forgive we should never attempt to make what is wrong look like it is right four forgiveness is not pardoning what they did a pardon is a legal transaction that releases an offender from the consequences of their action such as a penalty or a sentence this this is why we do not ask that the guilty rapist be exempt from punishment he needs to pay his debt to society and Society must be protected from him I know of a lady who was raped by a person from a Middle Eastern country and at the time of the rape she did not know he was from overseas she found this out after he was caught in the meantime she became a Christian and the police wanted her to testify at his trial she was told he could be sent back to his homeland which would mean he could be executed the legal penalty for rape in his country she turned to me for advice I counseled her to testify against this man she had already forgiven him but though she did not want to get him into trouble if she did not testify he would likely do it again by the time she took the witness stand that was no bitterness left in her heart she was able to merely describe what had happened we never heard what happened to the man after he was extradited but the potential punishment that he faced did not have any bearing on the Forgiveness that had been offered by his victim five forgiveness is not reconciliation forgiveness and Reconciliation are not always the same reconciliation requires the participation of two people the person you forgive may not want to see or talk to you or they may have passed away since the time of the offense moreover you may not want to maintain a close relationship with the person you forgive reconciliation implies a a restoration of friendship after a quarrel when a husband and wife totally forgive each other it will usually mean a reconciliation but not always the bitterness and the desire to punish the other person may be gone but the wish to restore things to the way they were may not necessarily be so strong if your spouse is Unfaithful and sleeps with your best friend both your marriage and your friendship will probably never be the same no matter how genuine the Forgiveness that is offered an injured person can forgive an offender without reconciliation it is a wonderful inde deed if the relationship can be restored but this must not be pressed in most cases some things can never be the same again it takes two to reconcile and there must be a total willingness on both parts and I I just want to add to that you know that I taught on marriage for 34 years all over the world and U I read a book that I wish I had read uh while I was still teaching and it was a book on sex u a Christian book and the the woman who wrote it said that if there is a husband or wife who goes out and has sex with somebody else it is wise to have a divorce I'm not not recommending necessarily that to happen because every case is different but the thing is that if you forgiving that kind of thing is so difficult that you are to forgive but that doesn't mean you need to reconcile as 2 Corinthians 5:19 tells us God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself but we still implore people on Christ's behalf be reconciled to God why must we do this reconciliation doesn't really take place until both parties agree reconciliation doesn't take place but forgiveness can six denying what they did that isn't forgiveness denying that an offense took place or repression suppressing what we really feel inside is almost always unconscious some people for various reasons live in denial that is they refuse to admit or come to terms with the reality of a bad situation now sometimes painful to face the facts and at times denial seems to be the easy way out rep repression almost always has negative consequences for our psychological well-being we often do it involuntarily because in some situations the pain is too great to deal with on a conscious level but repression cannot remove the wound even when the pain is pushed down into the cellar of our subconscious mind it will still come out one way or another often causing a causing high blood pressure nervousness irritability or even a heart attack many victims of child abuse repress the memory of the event the conscious mind cannot accept that a parent a trusted friend or a relative would do such a thing so the victim often lives in denial rape victims experience that same phenomena total forgiveness is not carried out by repressing the offensive event true forgiveness can only be offered after we have come to terms with reality when we can admit this person actually did or said this to me so funny that phone has done this in two times that I've taught hello I'm sorry but I want to put that to sleep I put Dragon to sleep Dragon Naturally Speaking but I didn't put that to sleep now I have let's get back to this okay um some people especially the 07 uh blindness to what happened uh some people especially and by the way blindness to what happened is not forgiveness some people especially those with an overly scrupulous conscience as some Puritans may call it feel that to forgive is to be willfully and consciously blind to the sin that was committed they feel that if they offer forgiveness they are turning a blind eye to or ignoring the offense and they believe that this would in effect be excusing as sin against God willful blindness is slightly different from repression blindness is a conscious choice to pretend that a sin did not take place repression is usually unconscious and involuntary both are wrong and can be psychologically damaging when we play Such word games with ourselves we can delay coming to terms with our own responsibility to forgive someone who is trying to forgive an offense but is actually pretending that the event never happened will eventually explode and become an offender themselves all because they were not being true to the pain the original offense had caused Paul said that love in 1 Corinthians 13:5 love keeps no record of wrongs but he didn't mean that you must be blind to those wrongs true forgiveness of a wrong does not pretend that no wrong is there the Greek word used in this verse is Lomi which means to reckon or impute Paul essentially is saying that love does not store a wrong that is the wrong that was committed against us doesn't go into our mental computer to be reckoned with later but the fact that there is something wrong especially if it is staring you in the face is not to be denied in fact the Greek word translated wrong in this verse is Kon which means evil because it is evil it must be acknowledged we cannot be blind to it we should not pretend it didn't happen that's not what total forgiveness means sometimes if the person who hurt or wounded US is an authority figure are perhaps known to be very Godly we may say to ourselves I didn't see this I I didn't hear this this could not have happened therefore it didn't but the truth is sometimes the people we admire the most can do the most hurtful things to us and it is of no value pretend that to pretend that we didn't see it happen number eight forgiveness is not forgetting when someone says we must forgive and forget I understand what they mean they are equating true forgiveness with wiping the memory of the event from their minds but literally to forget may not be realistic it's usually impossible to forget meaningful events in our lives whether positive or negative and sometimes deep trauma may cause Amnesia of the event but that is not a healthy form of forgetfulness often the way back to sanity After experiencing this type of Amnesia is to try to remember everything in detail love doesn't erase our memories it's actually a demonstration of Greater Grace when we are fully aware of what occurred and we still choose to forgive God doesn't literally forget our sins he chooses to overlook them he knows full well what we have done every sorted detail but he chooses not to remember so as to not hold our sins against us Hebrews 812 that is precisely what we are to do although we may not be able to forget we can still choose not to remember deep hurts may never be eradicated as those as as though they never happened the truth is they did happen but even if we cannot totally forget we must not dwell on them nine forgiveness is not refusing to take the wrongs seriously we cannot truly forgive until we see clearly the offense we are forgiving and understand its seriousness now some people may think that in order to forgive they must dismiss a wrong or pass it off as inconsequential or insignificant but that is only avoiding the problem possibly trying to make forgiveness easier excuse me the greater victory for the one who does the forgiving is to face up to the seriousness even the wickedness of what happened and still forgive this is what God does there is no sin too great for God to forgive oh I want to read that again there is no sin too great for God to forgive so whatever you've done God will forgive you if you ask him if you have never received Christ all you need to do is say come into my life Lord Jesus be my one and only Savior My One and Only God Jesus Christ mean that and it's done and you're forgiven for all your sins everything you did to this second and everything that you will do in the future all of it from babyhood on is forgiven by Christ now that that the trick is it's not a trick but it uh the the circumstance say that heaven has no problem with a Christian sin because you're forgiven but oh the penalties you pay in this life for the sins that you commit don't let that happen try very very hard not to sin and you can't be perfect so if you do sin don't say oh I blew it well yeah and we all do this is what God does there's no sin too great for God to forgive but he knows exactly what it is we've done and what it is he is forgiving he doesn't say come now my dear that's not too bad I can easily watch this in a way no no no no he sent his son to die for sin and Christ's sacrificial death proves just how serious a problem sin is God doesn't pass our sins off as inconsequential yet he forgives totally boy am I aware of that 10 pretending we are not hurt it is ridiculous to think we should have to keep a stiff upper lip when we have been injured by a spouse's infidelity or betrayed or molested or unjustly criticized God let David know how grieved he was over the the king sins of adultery and murder God did not pretend not to be hurt David was a man after God's Own Heart 1 Samuel 13:14 and yet God was ruthlessly impartial with David he was very grieved indeed Jesus was obviously hurt when he was struck in the face by high priest official he even asked the man in John 18:23 why did you strike me after all Jesus endured the cross and scorned rather than denied the shame Hebrews 12:2 and he was able to say father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing Luke 23:34 now after we've decided what it is what forgiveness isn't let's decide what forgiveness is and we'll take a look at what it is forgiveness is number one being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them as we saw above total forgiveness is not being oblivious to what an offender did it is not covering up it is not excusing or refusing to acknowledge what happened that would be living in denial some people choose to live in denial as a way of dealing with pain this often happens during the time of grief when a loved one dies but sooner or later The Grieving person must come to terms with reality as I said before repression is almost never a good thing it is no spiritual Victory to think that we are forgiving people when we are only of avoiding facing up to their wrong and their wrong Behavior it is if anything evading true forgiveness it is as though we are saying to ourselves I want to forgive them but I don't think I really could if they actually did what it seems they did so we postpone recognizing the true offense in order to keep from experiencing the pain and we let them carry on as though nothing happened total forgiveness is achieved only when we acknowledge what was done with without any denial or covering up and still refuse to make the offender pay for their crime total forgiveness is painful it hurts when we kiss Revenge goodbye it hurts to think that the person is getting away with what they did and nobody else will ever find out but when we know fully what they did and accept in our hearts that they will be blessed without any consequences for their wrong we cross over into a supernatural realm we begin to be a little more like Jesus to change into the image of Christ two forgiveness is choosing to keep no records of wrong 1 Corinthians 13:5 love keeps no record of wrongs why do we keep track of the times we are offended to use them to prove what happened to wave them before someone who doubts what actually happened a husband may say to his wife in a moment of anger I'll remember that and he does she may say to him I will never forget this and she won't many marriages could be healed overnight if both parties would stop pointing the finger blaming others has been a common problem throughout human history but God blesses the one who does away with the pointing of the finger Isaiah 589 that love is a choice total forgiveness is a choice it is not a feeling at least at first but is rather an act of will it is the choice to tear up the record of wrongs that we have been keeping we clearly see and acknowledge the evil that was done to us but we erase it or destroy the record before it becomes l in our hearts when we develop a lifestyle of total forgiveness we learn to erase the wrong rather than file it away in our metal computer when we do all the do this all the time well as a lifestyle experience total forgiveness as a feeling and it is a good feeling three forgiveness is not refusing to punish refusing to punish those who deserve it giving up the natural desire to see them get what's coming to them is the essence of total forgiveness forgiveness is refusing to punish our human nature cannot bear the thought that someone who hurt us deeply would get away with what they have done it seems so unfair we want Vengeance namely their just punishment but the fear that they won't get punished is the opposite of perfect love this is why John said in 1 John 4:18 there is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment the one who fears is not made perfect in love if we Harbor the desire to see our enemies punished we will eventually lose the anointing of the spirit but when perfect love the love of Jesus and the fruit of the Holy Spirit enters the desire for our enemy to be punished leaves total forgiveness is refusing to punish it's refusing to Cave into the fear that this person or those people won't get their comeuppence the punishment or rebuke we think they deserve I've been intrigued by John's assertion that fear has to do with punishment sometimes we fear that God won't step in and give our enemies their Just Desserts but if one gives into this fear he will be trespassing on God's territory and God does like that Vindication is God's prerogative and God's erative alone Deuteronomy 32:35 tells us it is mine to avenge I will repay this verse is even cited twice in the New Testament in Romans 12:19 and in Hebrews 10:30 Vindication is what God does best he doesn't want our help so when we refuse to be instruments of punishment God likes that it sets him free to decide what should be done but if we maneuver our way into that process he may well let us do what we will and then neither Divine Vengeance nor True Justice will be carried out only the Fulfillment of our own personal Grudge it's important that we examine ourselves in this area we must ask how much of what I am about to say or do is just an attempt to punish if punishment is our motive we're about to grieve the Holy Spirit however much right may be on our side forgiveness is not telling what they did there's often a need to talk to someone about how you have been hurt and this can be therapeutic if it is done with the right heart attitude if this is necessary you should choose the person you tell very carefully making sure that person is trustworthy and will never repeat your situation to those it does not concern anyone who truly forgives however does not gossip about their offender talking about how you've been wounded with the purpose of hurting your enemy's reputation or credibility is a is just a form of punishing most of us did not talk about what happened for therapeutic reasons H but rather to keep our enemy from being admired we divulge what that person did so others will think less of them that is an attempt to punish which is usurping God's Arena of action when I recall the total forgiveness is forgiving others as I have been forgiven I remember I won't be punished for my sins nobody will know about my sins for all sins that are under the blood of Christ and that's all sins that Christians commit will not be exposed or held against me therefore when I blurred out what someone else has done to me I'm apparently forgetting that God will not tell what I did to him he has forgiven me of much and he won't tell anyone about it so when I tell on my enemy I am showing contempt for my own forgiveness now I know that I've said that for therapeutic reasons we may share with another person the wrong that we have suffered see I I believe that my conversation with Joseph sha falls into that category there is no doubt that that encounter has caused things to work together for good for me Romans 8:28 and yet the funny thing is had I the light and knowledge I now have on this subject I might never have told Joseph in the first place if you share your pain and offenses with someone else examine your motives and be sure that you aren't doing it to punish anyone by making them look bad as aago said in William Shakespeare's aell who steals my purse steals trash to something nothing it was mine is his and has been slaved to thousands that he that filches from my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed number five forgiveness is being merciful Matthew 5:7 blessed are the merciful for they will be shown Mercy the Bible says basically two things about God he is merciful and he is just the heart of the Gospel is related to these two characteristics because he is merciful god does not want to punish us because he is just he must punish us because we have sinned against him so how can both of these sides of God be satisfied simultaneously well the answer is the Crux of the Gospel message he sent his son Jesus Christ the God man to die on the cross for us we all Isaiah 536 says like sheep have gone astray each of us has turned to his own way and the lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all because God punished Jesus for our sins he can now be true to himself and still be truly merciful to us when we are told to be Godly which means to be like God it does not follow that we can be like him in every sense come on not for all God is omnipotent all powerful and we are not commanded to be that he is omnipresent present everywhere and we can never do that carrying out punishment also belongs to God alone when when it comes to being merciful this is our Lord's command Luke 6:36 be merciful just as your father is merciful in the Greek language Mercy is the opposite of Wrath and the opposite of Justice one difference between grace and mercy is that Grace is not getting what we do deserve let me read that again one difference between grace and mercy is that Grace is getting what we don't deserve and that's favor and mercy is not getting what we do deserve which is justice so when we show Mercy we're withholding Justice from those who have injured us and that is one aspect of godliness there is a French benefit for those of us who show Mercy we will also be shown Mercy Matthew 5 verse 7 now this again shows the total forgiveness is not devoid of self-interest Proverbs 11:17 says the merci man doeth good to his own soul six forgiveness is graciousness true forgiveness shows grace and mercy at the same time there is an interesting Greek word AIS that means forbearance or tolerance it comes from a root word that means the opposite of being unduly rich rigorous in helenistic literature Aristotle contrasted it with severely judging the idea was do not make a rigorous stand against your enemy even when you are clearly in the right well in Philippians 4:5 this word is translated gentleness it comes down to an English word graciousness it implies an exceedingly rare Act of Grace it cuts right across a legalistic spirit which is what comes naturally to most of us this concept is quite threatening to those of us who don't suffer fools gladly who feel that being inflexible for the truth is the ultimate virtue Paul used this word in the context of a family squabble in Philippi I plead with yuya and I plead with syndi to agree with each other in the Lord Philippians 42 if only each of them had been gracious both had strong personalities and each probably had a following each side was sure that they were right and each wanted the other to look bad try graciousness says Paul it is an unusual virtue gracious is a word that describes describe Jesus all the time when a group of self-righteous religious leaders led a woman to Jesus who was found in the act of adultery there was no question question that sin had taken place but what was our Lord's attitude graciousness they wondered to see if he would throw the book at her John 8:7 and when they kept on questioning him he straightened up and said to them if anyone of you is without sin let him be the first to throw a stone at her after the accusers Slipped Away Jesus straightened up and asked her woman where are they has no one condemned you no one sir she said then neither do I condemn you Jesus declared go now and leave your life of sin in this case it was no question of sin had taken place but our Lord's attitude was to be gracious gracious is graciousness is not the way presidential elections are won a former presidential campaign manager claimed two facts candidates with high negative ratings in the opinion polls above 35% lose negative readings are far easier to create than positive ones in other words to win is not enough to look good you must also make your opponent look bad and unfortunately it works but graciousness is withholding certain facts you know to be true so it's to leave your enemy's reputation unscathed now graciousness is shown by what you don't say even if you could say what would be true self-righteous people find it almost impossible to be gracious they claim always to be after the truth no matter the cost total forgiveness sometimes means overlooking what you perceive to be the truth and not letting on about anything that could damage another person seven forgiveness is an inner condition total forgiveness must take place in the heart or it is worthless for out of the Overflow of the heart the mouth speaks according to Matthew 12:34 if we have not truly forgiven those who hurt us in our hearts oh it'll come out sooner or later but if it is indeed taken place in the heart our words will show it when there is bitterness it will eventually manifest itself when there is love 1 John 2:10 there is nothing in him to make him stumble this this is why reconciliation is not essential for total forgiveness if forgiveness truly takes place in the heart one does not need to know whether one's enemies will reconcile or his enemy will reconcile if I have forgiven him in my heart of hearts but he still doesn't want to speak to me I can still have the the inner Victory it may be far easier to forgive when we know that those who maligned or betrayed us are sorry for what they did but if I must have this knowledge before I can forgive I may never have the victory over my bitterness those who believe that they are not required to forgive unless their offender has first repented are not following jesus' example on the cross Jesus said in Luke 23:34 father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing and they divided it up his clothes by casting lots if Jesus had waited until his enemies felt some guilt or shame for their words and actions he would never have forgiven them it is my experience that most people that we must forgive did not believe they've done anything wrong at all or if they know that they did something wrong they believe it was justified now I would even go so far as to say that at least 90% of all the people I've ever had to forgive would be indignant at the thought that they had done something wrong if you gave them a lie detector test they would honestly say they had done nothing wrong and they would passs the test with flying colors total forgiveness therefore must take place in the heart if I have a genuine heart experience I will not be devastated if there is no reconciliation if those who hurt me don't want to continue a relationship with me it isn't my problem because I have forgiven them this is also why a person can achieve inner peace even when forgiving someone who has died the Apostle John wrote in 1 John 3:21 dear friends if our hearts did not condemn us we have confidence before God now confidence toward God is ultimately what total forgiveness is all about he is the one I want to please at the end of the day he cares and knows whether I have truly and totally forgiven and when I know I have his love and approval I'm one very happy and contented servant of Christ number eight forgiveness is the absence of bitterness bitterness is an inward Condition it's an excessive desire for vengeance that comes from Deep resentment it heads the list of the things that grieve the spirit of God Ephesians 4:30 and it is one of the most frequent causes of people missing the grace of God Hebrews 12:15 says see to it that no one misses the grace of God that no Bitter Root grows up to cause trouble and defile many bitterness will manifest itself in many ways losing your temper high blood pressure irritability sleeplessness obsession with getting even depression isolation a constant negative perspective and generally feeling unwell we must therefore begin to get rid of bitter and unforgiving spirit in us otherwise the attempt to forgive will fail it is true that doing the right things even when you don't feel like it can eventually lead to having the right feelings but the very Act of trying to do right shows that the bitterness is not as deep as it could be in other words if someone feels bitter but begins to put the principle of total forgiveness in into action it shows that he or she is not totally controlled by bitterness otherwise he or she wouldn't make a start in doing what is right the absence of bitterness allows the Holy Spirit to be himself in us now this means that I will become like Jesus when the spirit is grieved I'm left to myself and I will will struggle with emotions ranging from anger to fear but when the Holy Spirit is not grieved he is at home with me he will begin to change me into the person he wants me to be and I will be able to manifest the gentleness of the spirit relinquishing bitterness is an open invitation for the Holy Spirit to give you his peace his joy and the knowledge of his will this is extremely important when it comes to the matter of reconciliation let's say for example your best friend has had an affair with your wife must you forgive him yes but it does not follow that you will remain closest of friends if I have totally forgiven the person who has me and I have no bitterness I should not feel the slightest bit of guilt or shame for not wanting a complete restoration of that relationship even if there never has been a friendship in the first place if someone has greatly wronged me I can forgive him and yet see it as totally reasonable not to invite him to lunch every Sunday the essential factor is that there is no trace of bitterness how can we be sure that there's no bitterness left in our hearts bitterness is gone when there is no desire to get even or punish the offender H when I do or say nothing that would hurt his reputation or her reputation or future and when I truly wish them well in all they seek to do nine forgiving God although we often did not see it at first and for some it takes a long time all of our bitterness is ultimately traceable to a resentment of God this may be an unconscious anger some good people would be horrified at the thought that they could be harboring bitterness toward God but we often repress this too such knowledge is too painful to admit the truth is our bitterness is often aimed at God what why do we feel this way because deep in our hearts we believe that he is the one who allowed bad things to happen in our lives since he is all powerful and all knowing couldn't he have prevented tragedies and offenses from happening he has allowed us to suffer when we didn't do anything or so it seems to Warrant such ill treatment what we ultimately believe is that God is to blame for our hurt only a fool would claim to know the full answer to the question why does God allow evil and suffering to continue when he has the power to stop it but there is a partial answer he does so in order that the that we may believe there would be no need for faith if we knew the answer concerning the origin of evil and the reason for suffering I only know that it is what makes Faith possible I know something else as well here's a beauty Romans 8:28 all things work together for good to them that love God to them who were called according to his purpose God does turn evil into blessing he causes things to work together for good god did not send his son into the world to explain evil but rather to save us from it and to exemplify a life of suffering Jesus who was and is the god man suffered as no one else has or ever will one day God will clear his name from the charge of being unjust but in the meantime we need to trust him and take him at his word that he is just and merciful as for all the unhappy things he's allowed us to experience I affirm his Justice is God he knows exactly what he is doing and why for all of us who struggle with God's right to allow evil to exist in the world there still must be a genuine forgiveness on our part for any bitterness toward God Grieves the Holy Spirit we therefore must forgive him though he is not guilty for allowing evil to touch Our Lives if we will patiently wait for God's purposes to be fulfilled at the end of the day this is a guarantee we will say that he has done all things well even in what he permitted he was never guilty in the first place but because he sometimes appears to us to have been unfair we must relinquish our bitterness and wholly forgive him before we can move on with our lives and finally number 10 forgiving ourselves total forgiveness then means forgiving people totally and also forgiving God but it must also include the total forgiveness of ourselves one common complaint every Church leader hears is this I know God forgives me but I just can't seem to forgive myself this is such an important concept that we will discuss it further later in the book and I might add add that we will be reading his second book which is uh this one how to forgive ourselves totally and we will read that uh wait a moment and I'm going to explain a change I will make in this book and I don't mean change anything he said but it needs to be shorter and I will see to that now I must say here and now there is no lasting joy in forgiveness if it doesn't include forgiving yourself it is anything but total forgiveness if we forgive God and those who hurt us but we are unable able to forgive ourselves it is as wrong as not forgiving others because God loves us just as much as he loves others he will be just as unhappy when we don't forgive ourselves as when we hold a grudge against others put simply we matter to God he wants our lives to be filled with joy he not only wants want us to forgive ourselves but he wants it urgently total forgiveness brings such joy and satisfaction that I am almost tempted to call it a selfish Enterprise as we have seen the wider research that is taking place these days is already overwhelmingly concluded that the first person to experience Delight when forgiveness takes place is the one who forgives now I pray that what has been written and what follows will Challenge and motivate you to forgive those who have hurt you to forgive the God who let it happen and to forgive yourself totally well that was a very long chapter but it it was a I I pray that you were able stay with me to the end because it is such a powerful powerful thing to learn what it what forgiveness is and what forgiveness isn't now the next chapter is chapter two how to know that we have totally forgiven and uh as we get into it I'm going to check the length of these chapters because uh I if if I had really realized because you you know that I read this right along with you I don't read it in advance the reason I can read a book like RT kendles is because I know his writing and I know that he's profound and you wouldn't have people like Dr Jack Hayford and toony kollo and others R excuse me raving about his book if he wasn't a great author but what I'm going to do is I'm going to look at the length of the next chapters and cut them in half if they're as long as that one was what I should have done was to stop at the end of uh what forgiveness isn't and then the next day read the what forgiveness is but I'll tend to that from from now on meanwhile if you have somebody that you need to forgive do it when he spoke of Amnesia and the harmful effects I have amnesia towards the four and a half years that I lived on the back side of a desert I can remember things that happened but I really have to push myself to remember them because this is a brand new season that God has opened up to me since 2006 it includes Georgia incl it includes this ministry that most of all it includes Christ's total forgiveness of me making it possible for me to forgive myself if anybody's watching and you are hurt by my actions at the end of 2001 when I left Baltimore and left the ministry and of marriage plus and left my wife please forgive me and I will be back with more of total forgiveness by RT Kendall