Hey guys, welcome back to a channel. A few weeks ago, I turned 26. Today, I'm gonna be joining Kidz Bop. Hopefully. Now, I know what you're thinking.
Why? And that's a great question. It's because Kidz Bop has gotten out of hand.
They have been exploding in popularity and I don't understand it. For most of my life, I've been led to believe that the only people who listen to Kidz Bop are the children whose mother this is. But no. Now, Kidz Bop is a global empire. Children everywhere are listening to it, seemingly on purpose.
Kidz Bop 40 just came out, and there are 66 songs on it. An album with 66 songs. That's like watching a 12 hour movie. But the reason there are 66 songs in here is because Kidz Bop is now an international brand, no longer content with simply just ruining American pop music, they now have songs in Spanish. Kidz Bop.
German. And listen to this. Yeah, that's right. They got Kidz Bop K-Pop.
When I was a kid, we made fun of Kidz Bop. And now that other people are kids, they're listening to it? And here's the thing.
I know I'm very passionate about Kidz Bop. Who wouldn't be? But you're probably wondering, what's my plan here?
What am I hoping to get out of joining something that I openly dislike? And I'll tell you, I'm gonna take down Kidz Bop. From the inside.
Hopeful. First I pose as a multi-talented child prodigy who just looks kind of old for his age of 12. Then once I'm inside I start working my way up the ladder. I find a way to get promoted to manager, then district manager, then assistant manager, then president of KidSpot. From there it's as simple as just firing all the kids.
No kids. No bop. So today I will be auditioning, but before I get to what will undoubtedly be the biggest audition of my life, I first wanna share with you guys some of the worst atrocities that Kidz Bop has bestowed upon our eardrums over the years, starting with their first album.
Kidz Bop debuted in 2001, and it was the second worst thing to happen that year. But it's weird listening to this, you might notice one glaring difference between these songs and every other song they've ever made. Here's Blink-182's All the Small Things. It's some fucking old guy.
That's not kids. This guy's older than the entire band. This guy might be 182. What happened to the whole by kids for kids business model? This is like by weird uncle for nobody. Okay, don't worry.
There are kids in this song, sort of. Let's get to the chorus. I'm in the night time.
Now this is obviously a great song, but it does beg the question Huh? Is this what Kidz Bop was supposed to be? The world's weirdest cover band?
It's like one adult man and four kids. Na na na na na na This theme continues on the rest of the album. We've got JLo Like a movie scene The Backstreet Boys Don't wanna hear you sing We got Smash Mouth SOMEB- And it's the same thing every time. Bad adult singer accompanied by children who may or may not have been kidnapped. Now this album was not sold in stores.
You could only buy it by calling a phone number that you could only get by watching a commercial. And as we already discussed, it's a karaoke CD made by a bunch of amateur musicians and three random kids. So naturally they sold 800,000 copies. $21 a piece, that's a cool 17 mil. Someone's production budget just skyrocketed.
So let's check out Kidz Bop 2. I've been thinking all about this relationship and I wanna know, I really wanna know. Man, this guy can spit some bars. We're getting mad, that's my loving and all my hurt.
Alma Huggins Can you take me higher? I think there's fewer kids on this album than the first one. I guess we could try kids about three?
When I'm gone, we'd love to lie Okay, who is this guy? Whose uncle is this? Wherever you will go You know what this sounds like? Have you ever been to a bar and there's some shitty cover band playing in the corner? It sounds like if they couldn't get a babysitter.
So they were just like, all right kids, guess you're coming with us, but stay in the back, all right? Oh shit, they got Simple Plan on here? Let's go, dude.
Another day. It's going by, I'm thinking about you It's still just some guy You didn't know Where are the kids? I thought this was kids bar Holy shit Ocean Avenue? Now I don't often share this fact with people But Yellow Card was my favorite band for like 10 years So this better be good When does the guy go away? It's gotta be soon, right?
Nope. No. Still no.
We're trying to figure out when the adults stop being a part of this. When does this get good? I mean, like, I don't enjoy new kids, but we can all acknowledge that there is some competent production there.
This is awful! Remember Bad Day? The song most people probably know because they played it whenever American Idol contestants got voted out? Well, even if you've never heard of it, even just the title should give you a hint of the tone of the song.
It's about having a bad day. So let's hear the Kidz Bop rendition. Where is the moment we needed the most?
Yeah! You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost. It's been such a rough week for me.
I accidentally ran over my cat on one of those bird scooters. Yeah! And it sucks because I just spent like $50 on cat food. Woo! And you said you're the only therapist my insurance covers?
Yeah! 18! That's when they finally fired all the weird adults and let the kids take over. I mean, it makes sense that they would wait until they were 18 to grant them their independence, but what doesn't make sense is that on this album, They did a cover of Justin Bieber's Baby, which is a song that was already sung by a kid, and they changed none of the lyrics.
So I'm not sure how necessary this was. You know, it's a shame that they eventually strayed away from their original business model of having some weird old guy sing the songs, because that's what I am. But I will not let this deter me from the fact that I'm going to be joining Kidz Bop today, whether they like it or not.
Well, I guess they would have to like it. I'm auditioning. Now, if you go to the Kidz Bop website, you may notice there's no link on here to submit my audition. You have to manually type in kidsbop.com slash casting.
It's on this page where you can learn all about what it takes to become a Kidz Bop kid. Wait, hold on. I think that might actually be... Now if I'm gonna successfully pull off this experiment, I need to fully transform into a kid. You may have already noticed I'm wearing Danny's slime shirt because kids fucking love slime.
I'm also wearing the shortest shorts that I own because it just seemed like something a kid would do. I don't know. But I'm not gonna keep the feds off my trail just by looking like a kid. I also need to sound like a kid. And that starts with my name.
I can't use Drew Gooden for this because if they look it up, my cover's blown. No, I have to come up with a different name that doesn't sound like my name, but also makes me sound like a kid. Perfect.
With a name like that, they'll never suspect a thing. So the audition itself is very straightforward. I sing a couple songs, do a dance that they've choreographed for me.
I can smell that acceptance letter already. Let's do this. Hey, kids, Bob, it's me, your newest member.
Just kidding. Or maybe not. I've been singing and dancing my whole life.
Actually, my first words were a whole song. And the first time I walked, I actually, I did the moonwalk. Few things about me that you should know. I have won awards and I have hobbies as well.
And I play sports too. All right, I think I nailed that part. The tricky portion of this is gonna be the singing though.
I don't have a very good singing voice. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Luckily they don't know that.
Yes, I think this will do nicely. This is my song. Thank you for listening. The next part was also a little tricky.
I had to learn a one-minute choreographed dance. And I almost gave up on this. It took me a few days, but I finally nailed it. Another minute or so of freestyle dancing?
That shouldn't be a problem. Hi, Hollywood? Yeah, I'll take a one-way ticket. If your child plays an instrument, please showcase 30 seconds. Now, not to brag or anything, but this part should be a cakewalk.
I've actually been playing guitar for about seven years, so I don't even need to fake this. That was a fucking breeze. Now I just gotta send this off to some guy named Stuart.
Stuart Stone Casting. Let's find out his deal. All right, hey, Will Roberts out here in Hollywood, California.
I'm actually at Stuart Stone. He's a casting director here in Los Angeles, California. A big one. A big one. All right, hey, Will Roberts out here in Hollywood.
Kinda Hollywood, California. Wait, what? He just said a minute ago he's in Hollywood and now he's in...
Eh, kind of Hollywood. I mean, technically we're kind of near Hollywood. I mean, we're in Utah, but we're close. Big one. All right, this guy seems legit.
There is one comment on this video and it is, Stuart Stone is hilarious, read sarcasm. Yeah, I wanna work with this guy, barrel of laughs, not. I don't think he'd know funny if he sat on it. Alright, well if this is the guy in charge of Kidz Bop casting, then I think I might actually have a shot.
So I'm gonna go ahead and send this off. Looks like the only thing left to do now is wait for that acceptance email to come rolling in. He's probably just busy.
Hey, in the meantime, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to go scope out my competition. And I know just the place. Alright guys, we are here in beautiful Kissimmee, Florida. Home of Gatorland, which is like a zoo except it's all swamp animals.
So we're here at Kidz Bob Live, a real thing that I just found out is real and exists. We're gonna see just how well these kids can bop. And if they can do it better than me, which probably not, because I'm really talented. And that's what we're gonna see, so let's check it out. Entering the arena, my confidence was at an all-time high.
These kids didn't stand a chance. Little did they know they were about to take part in the biggest performance review of their lives. I actually did a little research before the show. Get a load of this kid.
He says his dream is to play professional basketball. Aww. Well, sorry to break it to you, Steven, but last time I checked, they don't let 11-year-olds play in the NBA. What an idiot. Meet the other kids.
I don't want to. Anyway, back to this snooze fest. Wait, are they playing Thank U, Nick? I love this song. It's kind of like I'm at an Ariana Grande concert right now, but for half the price.
Oh, wow, they're really good dancers. That one's playing the guitar? That's pretty cool. Or, I mean, dumb. Obviously.
These kids suck. But, shit, they're really working that stage. They're naturals. What the hell?
I didn't think these kids would actually have talent. I can't compete with this. I'm old.
Man, I thought they'd all be pooping their pants up there, but... They actually look cool as hell. They managed to transform this giant arena used almost exclusively for professional bull riding into a bangin'rock concert?
Fuck! I'm not better than these guys. I'm just some creep who paid $100 to bring his wife to a Kidz Bop concert. And I think I'm a fan now? How did this happen?
Why am I having so much fun? This is fantastic! Huh.
You know, I guess it just goes to show you, sometimes things may not go according to plan. Sometimes... They're even better.
This morning, I thought I wanted to join Kidz Bop so I could destroy them, but now it's because I'm excited to be taken under their wing. I have so much to learn, and I can't wait to start. Thanks, Kidz Bop. This turned out to be the best day of my life.
Man, fuck this. I'm going to Gatorland. Thank you guys so much for watching this video. I want to give a huge shout out to today's sponsor, Squarespace.
This video is going to have like 17 copyright claims on it. So the only money I'm getting is going to be from our sponsor. So please consider supporting them.
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Okay, bye-bye.