Roode Episode 14 - Shame (Part 2)

Introduction

• Host: Roode
• Episode: 14th (second on the topic of shame)
• Recap Suggested: Watch Episode 13 before proceeding.
• Focus: Further exploration of shame, its roots, and effects.

Key Points from Previous Episode

1. **Different Faces of Shame: **
   • Shame disguises itself in various forms.
   • Recognizing behaviors tied to underlying shame.
2. Root Causes:
   • Abuse (sexual, emotional, physical).
   • Reference to Beverly Engel's work on shame.

• Recommended Book: By Beverly Engel, Translated by Sarveh Veisi and Khadijah Naderizadeh.

Main Discussion: Childhood Experiences of Shame

• Child's Emotional Response to Abuse:
  • Humiliation
  • Feeling attacked and inferior
  • The mistaken belief that they deserved the abuse.
• Shame from Socioeconomic Conditions:
  • Example: Poverty can lead to feelings of inferiority and shame.
  • Impact on identity and self-worth.
  • Imaginary stories and false identities to cope.
• Physical and Sexual Abuse:
  • Feeling of being polluted.
  • Impact on body image and self-treatment.
  • Cultural aspects affecting body acceptance during puberty.
• Emotional Isolation:
  • Fear of rejection if the true self is known.
  • Deep sense of being unloved and unworthy.
• Lasting Effects of Abuse:
  • Helplessness, disconnection, loneliness, worthlessness.
  • Healing comes from revisiting and confronting childhood feelings.
• Shame and Self-Perception:
  • Shame causes hiding from oneself and others.
  • Hiding behaviors and the desire to be invisible.
• Lie of Shame:
  • Shame is a lie about oneself believed through consistent negative messages.

Questionnaire for Self-Assessment of Shame

• Purpose: Identify if one is suffering from paralyzing shame.
• 35 Questions: Yes or No answers (not meant for scoring but self-awareness).
• Key Themes:
  • Self-blame for abuse.
  • Believe that love and happiness are undeserved.
  • Perfectionism and fear of true self being rejected.
  • Dependence on others for self-worth.
  • Addictive behaviors and self-destructive actions.
  • Hiding true self and fabricating stories to appear better.

Important Takeaways

• Shame Affects All Emotions:
  • It underlies other feelings like love and connection.
  • Addressing shame is crucial for healing and self-acceptance.
• Facing Shame:
  • It's frightening but necessary.
  • The reality of dealing with shame is less painful than living in its shadow.
• Outcomes of Confronting Shame:
  • Feeling renewed energy and passion for life.
  • Embrace one’s true identity and self-worth.
• Healing Process:
  • Compassionate treatment and acceptance of shame.
  • Experiencing and releasing painful feelings.

Recommended Movies for Reflection

1. Good Will Hunting
2. Mahsakh Shab (Directed by Abbas Kia Rostami, 1967)

Conclusion

• Journey Ahead: Moving from suffering through compassion to liberation.
• Goal: Reconnect with the forgotten inner child.
• Encouragement: Continue to explore and confront feelings of shame for greater self-understanding.