Kids with ADHD: Understanding the Argument, Reasoning, and Negotiation Vortex
Introduction
Speaker: Ryan, "ADHD Dude"
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
School Social Worker
Certified ADHD Clinical Services Provider
Father of a son with ADHD and learning differences
Topic: Understanding how kids with ADHD engage their parents in arguments, reasoning, and negotiations and how to effectively manage these interactions.
The Argument, Reasoning, and Negotiation Vortex
Definition: A pattern where parents are pulled into discussions that derail from the original topic, typically caused by their kids.
Impact: Makes parents appear less confident, unsettling the child who needs to see their parents as capable and competent.
Common in: Families with children who have ADHD.
Key Concepts
Argument Vortex
Description: Children pulling parents into arguments to avoid non-preferred tasks.
Misconception: Parents mistake a child's intelligence for emotional maturity.
Quote: "Flexibility is cultivated; inflexibility is accommodated."
Outcome: Kids take control of discussions, a pattern that can last for years.
Negotiation Vortex
Description: Parents negotiate with children over everything, mistaking it for helping the child feel heard.
Consequence: Accommodates and worsens inflexibility.
Reality: Not everything in life can be negotiated. No one else will accommodate a kid's need to negotiate constantly.
Reasoning Vortex
Description: Parents using logic or reasoning to gain agreement from their child.
Issue: Seeking approval from the child can be unsettling because parents are supposed to lead.
Advice: Acknowledge the child's perspective without being dragged into endless reasoning.
Strategies for Parents
Emotional Regulation: Demonstrates control and emotional stability.
Model Behavior: Shows how to avoid engaging with difficult interactions.
Parental Control: Ensures the child feels emotionally safe knowing the parent is in control.
Resources
Scaffolding Better Behavior: A parent behavior training program specifically for parents of kids with ADHD.
Contains strategies to avoid being pulled into the vortex.
Available at ADHD Dude Membership site and webinars.