welcome to decoding the conflict mindset I'm Dr Deborah dpri host and founder of this podcast series our goal is to bring to you influencers profound thought leaders who have some insight and perspective about how we deal with conflict What conflict can do to us and how we can better manage it a lot of people have a fear of conflict and yet conflict can really be an opportunity to do things differently bringing excitement and enthusiasm and that's what we have in today's guest speaker Lan Corbin lanne herself was faced with a challenging situation when as a manager in corporate settings found herself suddenly handed her notice unexpected it certainly interrupted her life but she used that opportunity to explore where did she want to go what did she want to do and found her self actually becoming a coach for people in career transition she didn't stop there she further expanded her skills and abilities in the area of coaching she is now one of 1,600 Master coaches throughout the world through the international coaching Federation ICF and what she brings to our thinking about conflict our early childhood traumas and all those things that influence how we show up as adults is a profound Insight I learned from her just interviewing her U amazing stuff she goes into a deep dive of the Neuroscience of transformation NLP neurolinguistic programming the impact of words and how we can shift our words in small ways that make a profound difference so please don't go away you've got to stay and listen to what Lan has to offer it is profound I've us word twice I know that and again I learned some things that helped me connect various thoughts and strategies that I myself use with my own clients and so uh Luen is exciting to listen to so don't go away stay tuned invite others to join and remember that a recording of this is always available and she has a perspective guide that you can use to work through your own PL concerns and challenges and certainly reach out your her if you want some more help in that regard so we'll be starting very shortly Lan horban my next guest speaker on the Neuroscience behind conversations Dr Deb dpri the mindset doc don't go away stay tuned or subscribe now so you always receive notice of our next upcoming episodes hi welcome to decoding the conf mindset Dr Deborah dpri founder and host of decoding the conflict mindset what we like to do is explore different ways of thinking different views of Life different perspectives and that's what our guest speaker today Lan horban has to bring us again the influence of mindset of course that's dear to my heart because I love working with the neuroscience and mindset so welcome Lan oh thank you Deborah well I'm on delighted to be here thanks so much well you're very welcome I'm delighted that we cross paths and I have an opportunity to bring somebody of a like mindset um here on my show because uh always love learning living and growing from other people but also to uh share with our viewers and listeners um you know others to do this kind of work and and so that they can continue to learn more about um how to make that shift and I know in our talking we have uh both discussed the impact of mindset what an experiential um uh event that is I mean not even event it's a journey of Life uh but also how can enhance the quality of life and so Len I'm curious and I'm sure our listeners and viewers are too um what led you into this direction of mindset uh yes well that is a good question because it was an unexpected shift I was really quite uh enjoying my career when earlier in my career when I was in middle management in health care I really did like my job but and I got a package very unexpectedly completely not prepared for that I it just wasn't even in my Horizon that I thought it was coming so I needed to really revisit and as I Revisited I recognized I wanted to make a bit of a shift in my career over into multiple industries from Healthcare and I had no idea that it would be as difficult as it was I had related qualifications I had a good network but it was a big struggle to make to kind of condense that into a nutshell part of what what happened was I did I was able to move into recruiting and then into coaching but it that process is what helped me recognize you know I'm really struggling with this this is this is hard work and I don't believe that it needs to be as hard of work so I started looking into what was it that I could change about my thinking that was kind of something I was raised with in my life as my my father used to always say well how are you thinking about this and so it kind of prompted that to for me to dive deep into the actual structure and science of thinking so that would be how I started and once I started it's like a treasure chest never ends yeah well yes it's been quite a journey yes um I uh I I always appreciate you know like like so many you have had that early childhood influence by your father in this case a very positive direction and uh and so it was a tool a mindset that you had already to make to navigate through a very difficult time in your life yes because I excuse me I didn't realize that I there was so much more to thinking how I think about things until I started studying it because prior to that I was aware okay how am I going to think about this but once I started looking into the actual effects and the chemistry of mindset the you know how it actually works I thought wow this is this is like it's like opening the curtains and the Sun comes in there's so much to learn and it made sense is so as I began to apply it things just the doors just opened up for me and um you know it it it's very experiential it's hard almost hard to describe because you're thinking about something differently but you're having a completely different experience and you know we typically look for something much more concrete like I've often said it's not like we're going to grow an arm or a leg or something we're just going to feel it completely different and navigate it differently yeah yeah you know I just want to uh add to something you said because you know you your father always said well how are you thinking about this and you know and that was a positive experience for you that was useful later in your years and yet I know so many people are challenged with you know traumas from their childhood and and one one example of mindset that I think applies is that that rather than you know be moaning and staying stuck in the traumas of your life instead saying okay it happened can't change it but how can I what can I learn from it and how can I use those experiences to shape My Life um moving forward differently and so that's a a way of using your mindset to um transform or re reframe uh those adverse experiences yes and you raised a really good point because I I would never discount the the impact of those early years and those early emotional experiences that we have that are so deeply ingrained but there and there are ways of working with um how those um how those experiences had their impact with us we really can work with them so that they don't have the same impact carrying us forward and we're not as easily triggered I think a lot of times we have the the intention and the desire and it's really strong willpower to to change our life it's just that those triggers are still active but there are ways of working with that through like The Sciences of the mind that actually can help to reduce those triggers so we don't get pulled into them as often so it's a really good point because it's not it's it's understandably not an easy task but it's possible it's very possible yes yes well you've mentioned the word science a couple of times and I know I'm very uh in in tune and interest in the Neuroscience so how did you start bringing the Neuroscience in what did you study and what is the significance of Neuroscience in these kinds of conversations well I my background in Neuroscience doesn't come from University or anything like that it comes from more from the Practical modalities of understanding it I learned of the from the biology of belief I've taken a lot of work from Bruce Lipton as well as study with uh some of the work of Joe dispenza I also am advanced in NLP I've uh taken Theta healing several heart modalities as well so several modalities I've learned um how to use and how to practice which just continue to complement that understanding and I also I think the one that another one that I want to mention is conversational intelligence that really talks about the the mindset the chemistry that's actually worked chemistry and mindset that's works with con ation which you know is very relevant to one of uh your favorite topics is like turning the conflict into conversation and that's an ideal model for that once we understand how that brain chemistry Works in Conflict we and how the subconscious mind works we can actually use the functions of our mind to switch it out of conflict so that we can be in a more solution oriented space so really face almost anything that is difficult but at the same time do it in a way that we're able to uh manage ourselves and keep our own identity you know that's Sometimes some of the struggle is how do we keep true to ourself in the middle of difficult situations absolutely yes because that's usually when we're in difficult situations and conflict that's where all the rationality and our you know all of our learned Concepts can sort of fly out the window unless we um uh learned to to integrate and to um align them you know before I I follow up on that concept um because I know you said something very important as we prepared for our interview today you mentioned two authors and I want to make sure that we um were clear on those authors so that in case people want to do more reading about that and you said Joe despensa and the first one was Bruce Lipton there we go that's the last I could remember the first name so yes okay and so they've been instrumental in helping support your your shift and thinking about all of this yes and in addition to that studying NLP like I've I've studied Advanced NLP I think it wasn't until I got to the more advanced levels that I started to really understand how the work of NLP is so um effective in I'm in I'm going to summarize it in a nutshell in kind of neutralizing those things that impact us great yes I've studied in NLP not at the advanced levels but um yes it's for me it really laid out so simply how these changes these Transformations can occur and and I often times say you know it's just sometimes a shift in our words you know and a shift in our phrasing that's right it makes it a huge difference yeah that is um because ultimately how in a nutshell how NLP works is that everything is we're those early events have a sort of a whole stream of triggers you know it could be a tone of voice it could be a little action around us it could be a scent it could be anything so those little triggers keep those neurop Pathways alive so NLP actually is able to work with those triggers so we can shift them so they're not going to stay alive in a nutshell that's yeah yeah a little bit more than that but yeah and I oftentimes will say too to my clients is that you know we often things think that big things have to happen to transform our lives but it's really in the small stuff right that's right there are simple practices that we can just practice on a daily basis so that if you can imagine that trigger being like one one tenth less and one tenth less and one tenth less pretty soon it's not even there right and how much energy that saves you yeah better right yeah well one of the things um Lan that uh we talked about was uh what makes you unique in your world is uh the blend of both your career experiences and then your mindset work say a little bit more about that yes well I when I first launched um away from my work as much in healthcare one of the focuses that I had was uh focusing in helping people evolve through their career and understanding their strengths and how to apply them and how to grow with them and as I was working with that I just recognized how important the bigger concept was of mindset because we can go through the transactional things of let's say for example having resume and things like that but if we're not totally present in terms of our confidence our and our energy and our mindset and our actual capacity of understanding what's going to be required in that role then it's a little bit more Out Of Reach than uh we might realize so it is actually the whole picture and the whole concept and that led me into really studying uh coaching and mindset even more so that I could bring the two together so that the full package so because when we adjust in one part of our life it affects all of our rest of our life right right right and so you know one of the things that you also said was um uh full life Harmony and full life alignment and so elaborate on those two concepts I think that's really intriguing and um uh begs further definition okay well because when let's say for example if we were just changing our career we change as a person when we change as one of those those are one of that's one of the major parts of life but we change as a person when we change one part of our life it it we never ever change just one thing because it changes our changes our energy and sometimes it's it's harder to adjust the whole picture because we're still one person but we're navigating in one different way in one different way and it feels a little bit discombobulated so by working with mindset and career it's just get it's a whole human it's it's you know the whole picture the whole Harmony um that comes to us as an individual so we're able to take that newer energy and that newer perspective and adapt and um work with that that agility with it in all parts of our life so we can actually keep evolving as a whole person rather than sort of that sort of disjointed um way of doing it otherwise okay and so what I'm hearing then is that you know through some of the work um you know that you've that you implement around mindset and so forth that it um it it does start taking a look at uh some of the you know early childhood kinds of things the kinds of Pathways that might be triggering current adult behavior and then helping them navigate through I guess a different approach to how they live their life or maybe you should summarize that a little bit more that's what I'm picking up right now yes that's true it's we have Early Childhood experiences that do affect us in our life and but they affect us in ways we don't know because we what happens is when there's an early childhood experience is our subconscious mind will say something like I'll never do that again and it's a driver so we actually uh unknowingly avoid things or navigate carefully around things we don't we're not even aware we're even doing it it's just an automatic driver it's so automatic we have actually don't have that awareness and so this actually this level of coaching actually is designed to increase that awareness to show us things that we might not be seeing because we can't change things we can't see there's things that are holding us back that we just we just don't know where that they are that's that's just the way the subconscious mind works in addition to that there are also values that we have early in our life and sometimes you know how a child thinks oh you know their dreams feel like they're all achievable like their dreams they have a different Viewpoint of their dreams then we often do when we get more a little bit more advanced into the adult Years and we're recognizing those dreams aren't as easy to achieve as we thought they were as a child so they almost get that little Block in front of them and and that's from those accumulated childhood experiences what we do is we take those uh we literally going to De neutralize the triggers of them I'm just condensing this in a nutshell but we make it so that you're actually your real values and your real dreams are more of your driving force rather than the things that kind of have you voiding around them and navigating around them does that make sense yeah I mean um I tend to develop these mental imageries in my mind as people are talking and so I I imagine that you know we you know we're living life and we have all this clutter around us you know and so and and we might even ignore it as we go through our daily lives but then you know by some of the work that you're talking about and some of the work I do is that then we're we're actually paying attention to the Clutter and say okay time to clean this up and there's some specific strategies at least with mindset then that we can do to clean up the Clutter from our childhood yes and we and we can clean up clutter that we from our childhood but we can also um have it be so uh inviting to actually try new things we we'll have a there's a different perspective it's like those unknowns and those complexities that used to feel a little bit daunting will feel inviting because we think you know what that that's not it's not as hard as it looks it's actually probably exciting in there there's probably things in there that I want to find out so it it opens up like I said those deeper things that are important to us the values to us that that we may have kind of put aside because we thought you know I can't really achieve that you know certain things feel Out Of Reach it might be a level of income it might be a level of achievement or it might be a value that we have in our life I can't you know have a let's say a rewarding job and also have you know as much Leisure as I want in my life or what however that's appearing so yes I appreciate you going into that because I have to admit in my own work I've come up with a couple of phrases that um please feel free to use if if they they spark your mindset but um one is out of out of adversity comes opportunity so what you just said speaks to that yes and the other one I have is from moments of pain comes the momentum for gain yes 100% true 100% true I like how it changes the even the thinking about it you go back to your dad again uh but you know making it exciting and inviting to go into those hidden areas that we may have been avoiding again like you said unconsciously yes yes there's there's so many ways that we can actually uh we can make our new experience just the excitement of the new experience and facing the new experience can become compelling so we we really are no longer daunted by what we used to be challenged by yeah yeah well another phrase I've learned to use with a lot of my clients is that you know this isn't that what you've been doing is wrong or bad or anything like that how well is that working for you and everyone start I always see a smile come out and go no well it and and you've raised a really good point because because nothing that we're doing is wrong or bad it's just we're doing just we're doing what we're doing is we're kind of following our instructions that are programmed within us and there is really nothing wrong or bad about it there's just another opportunity yeah there's another door yeah yeah have many doors to select from and so where do we go yeah it gets me excited just talking to you now I know you have a perspective handout that will um make the um link available um and uh just say briefly perspective determines our experience and learning how to manage our perspective is lifechanging and so tell us a little bit more about your perspective hand out and um what people can hope to gain from that so perspective is one of it's one of the I think our most powerful tools that we have to begin to work uh and progress through things that that feel Out Of Reach for us and perspective is perspective is made up of our values and our beliefs because our values and beliefs filter what we see and what we see will be our our experience so perspective is actually giving the meaning to what we see it's why uh two people can look at the same situation and have completely different viewpoints that's because that comes from their beliefs and their values that's what gives it meaning so there are several ways that we can shift our perspective if there's something that appears difficult if we see it as difficult we are likely to experience it as difficult and so there uh by using the tools of the subconscious mind we can work with how could I see this differently um and one of the tools that I use that I encourage and show people how to work with is questions because the subconscious mind is just programmed to find an answer to a question okay so if we ask a question it actually changes our brain chemistry into the place where it's looking for a new solution so if we have a a perspective that's kind of cumbersome or kind of challenging or you know we want something better than what we're seeing we can ask a question and it can be you know um how can this get better that will instantly change the brain chemistry into more of a solution oriented perspective we can also ask you know um what else is possible here because a fact is that there are so many ways of solving every situation in the world that our mind can only think of a few of them always think of that what else is possible I know there's another solution right one of my favorite questions is how is this exactly perfect be when it comes to your um you know turning the obstacles into to opportunity how is this exactly perfect because when once we come overcome an obstacle we have an an advant you know we are more aware of something we've learned something so we've gained something and so we have more capacity so when I say how is this exactly perfect it's actually asking how is this showing me what to develop right how is this really it's kind of like it's kind of like the treasure map right how is this actually showing me the way to the treasure got to you know jump over a ditch or something here and so I like that whole analogy of just you know looking at this whole you know when people are challenged using it you know using it as a treasure treasure map you know you get your place that quality of life that alignment you know um if I you follow the clues yes I simply obstacles really are simply Clues on our path of ways that we need to grow in order to get where we want it and that's that's uh I couldn't describe it better that's really what an obstacle is so when an obstacle is like facing me then I I'm asking how is this exactly perfect in other words what do am I going to learn from this and it often makes me look at a bigger picture because sometimes if I'm feeling restricted I'm focused on a tiny little detail as soon as I go into the bigger picture that little detail can fit into the the solution somehow another one of my favorite questions is what would I do in this EXA sorry excuse me what would I do in this exact same situation if I had a different belief oh in this exact same situation what would I do if I had a different belief and uh and I I love that because it just helps me think of things differently now yeah basically I'm not trying to undermine the the seriousness or the impact of situations with this but what does happen is it puts us in a mindset where we are we're ready to embrace it take the learning from it and to move forward so we will we will get through it right when we use some of these approaches so it just the handout just goes into this in a little bit more detail um that just it's kind of a guideline that a person could reference if they had something they were wanting to say well how can I shift my perspective in this I might be in a in a maybe in a job that's kind of difficult to manage or has a difficult another kind of difficult situation maybe a personal difficult situation or it could just be one of those many changes in life that comes along uh and it's just a a guide that's intended to be helpful so that can help with perspective as you're going through it yeah and uh as you've been talking and uh uh you know I've learned a lot today too um as far as you've given me some some tools that I I can better link some of my ideas and my my approaches uh that Mak sense and I'm excited to put that to use next week in the class that I'm teaching um but what I realized is as you were talking you actually use adversity um you know with your job unexpected job change into opportunity and um it's all the transformation that evolved from that to the fact that you're now an ICF Master coach and and a bunch of other things you know so um uh um you know perfect example right right in you yes and you know that's what people say to me uh in this is this is um I would have not change I probably would not have changed my work because I really loved my work and so it's I and I completely was not expecting it and there was a lot of personal pressure in my life at that time but I do believe that things always work out and I I really was kind of in a situation I was a newly single mom I just really needed to that just needed to look differently like today so so I really worked with it and you know I'm so grateful that was a turn in the universe that I love my work my work isn't work to me it's I don't know how to describe it I I love what I do so it was just kind of a little Bend in the road that um I got a nudge from the universe that was very helpful and I do believe that these things come along to help us get somewhere better yeah yeah as long as we are open to the clues right how we could do that yeah yeah you knowen this has been fascinating uh for me and I I hope for all our listeners and viewers and I'm excited to share um the recording with uh um you know with number of my clients who we've been working through those kinds of things too and I think that just hearing another perspective sometimes can be very helpful and so um I did want to ask you uh you know you are a ICF master coach and just say a little bit more about that and and um because I think a lot of people are also confused between being a therapist being a psychologist being you know a coach or an NLP and a lot of people are getting into this kind of work without going through some of the um psychological training that I did for example uh but I feel like I've evolved Beyond you know the traditional therapeutic approach into some of these things as well so tell us a little bit more about the whole ICF in master coach um so I always wanted to actually have a foundation uh like a guideline of a solid foundation um that was previously researched and sourced by um many other people so that I had a solid foundation to the work that I was doing and in my research I chose the ICF credentials because there is a lot of work and there's a tremendous Foundation behind it and I also like the fact that they're Global so they put a lot of work into their credentials and their standardization which means um so as you progress through the levels of credentials it requires a certain number of hours of practical coaching experience it requires that you um are you have to write exams and you also have to do um oral exams submit recordings they have to meet requirements and and they um they fail you if you don't meet them so so it's not one of those things where you pay a fee and you pass you uh you pay for the training you work through the training and until you achieve it you um you don't pass and I think the reason that I was I really wanted to I've always wanted to achieve just what the highest level that I could is that I recognize that with each level there is another depth of awareness another depth of listening another depth of I would call it agility pivoting um being able to see um more I would say concept and aspects of how this can be integrated in other words I feel that as humans we all have our own human design and I really wanted to be able to adapt with human design because there's no point in me having one design and trying to work with you know the variations I want to be able to work with each person to fully bring out their best right and I and that's where that Journey has been leading me well that's great that's great yeah the the you know a perfect summary to saying one size does not fit all and we need to have that adaptability and and um flexibility in order to meet the people where their needs are the humanness yeah yes to to see to fully bring out the humanness really I I really there's so much value in in being able to do that I feel yeah yeah well thank you Lan this has been uh like I said absolutely uh transformational for me too and and pretty steeped in the background as well and yet that's why it's always so exciting to talk to different people who practice in their own ways and gain new insights and and definitely representative of What I Call Living learning and growing and so I've grown today from what you've had to say so I'm I'm excited to share it with everybody else and and thank all of our listeners and viewers and hopefully they're getting a lot out of it l just one final thing you know ' already shared about your perspective handout how can people reach you the best way to reach me right now is on LinkedIn on LinkedIn and there's only one way to spell my name there will be no one else that comes up so uh and I'd love to hear from I I'd love I love conversing or questions anybody anything you want to know more about this I'm delighted to share wonderful so why don't you go ahead and spell your first and last name so everyone's very clear on who comes up when they search for you on LinkedIn okay okay my first name is Luan and it's l u Ann that's just the simple version no extra letters l u Ann and my last name is h o r o and then B for bicycle i n for Norman and that's just pronounced horban it's slurred all together like there was no extra o in there okay so I may have put that extra o in there but okay oh you did a great job you did perfect okay well thank thank you well um you know again thank you so much Lan you've added so much to the world of decoding the conflict mindset that I truly appreciate um your wisdom your experience and um your openness to sharing what you uh have learned and and how you can help people so thank you well thank you it was really an honor and a pleasure and I really admire your work as well Deborah so thank you so much it's it's great to share with you great well here you go uh our viewers and listeners of decoding the conflict mindset yet another wonderful sight about what you can do to shift that mindset it's not rocket science it's actually very simple [Music] steps I hope you enjoyed the interview with Lan horin you know being of likeminded mindset I was fascinated to hear some of her respected and insights about how to shift the World As We view it I particularly enjoyed her blend of both the career and mindset movement uh I likeed your question about um how can I see this differently how might I view this what might I learn and recognizing that sometimes our own mindset is our obstacle to seeing things differently so he if you haven't already do plan to download her handout on perspective and mindset shift so as we think about mindset shift it's important to take a look at what's coming up uh in this election year the world has certainly been divided for a number of years now particularly enhanced by events before and arising out of covid along with other significant National events and with that I am exced excited and pleased to announce that I will be speaking for Sherm at a Colorado Springs event in early October and we'll be talking about just how do politics impact us so let's just talk politics and how can we minimize reduce mitigate the potential of differences escalating into confrontations a challenge we all face and so our next episode on the decoding the conflict mindset will be just that let's talk politics and how can we maintain relationships without letting politics divide us so stay tuned come back in a couple of weeks and we will be sure to Enlighten your perspective and give you some tips and tools about how you can maintain relationships at home and at work and in your community politics are divisive yet how can we manage them differently to make a difference in how we show up thank you I'm Dr Deb dpri thank you for joining us on decoding The Confident mindset always something to learn keep coming back subscribe pass it on to your friends family and College [Music] oh