what's up you dig whistles today we're gonna learn how to be a wingman or a wingwoman 20-18 gotta be inclusive now in short your job as a wingman is to make sure that your buddy looks like the coolest and sexiest guy in the room I'm talking George Clooney in Ocean's eleven sex just like a smoky middle-aged tan skin sweep back hair type a handsome that'll turn your innocent grandma into a raging [ __ ] so how do we do that I'm gonna teach you so step one you got a poem out it is on the front to tell the wig man that's the girl I'm going after you got to point him out okay just call your shot just like [ __ ] Babe Ruth in 1932 right-field that's where it's going you gotta let the wingman know so that he doesn't make a move on your girl next you gotta call the play if you're the wingman that means you're the head coach of this two-man team so start acting like it call the play and you better have a play because you can't just walk over there and say what's on your mind hey what's up my friends really interested in you because you can see your nipple piercing through your shirt you can't fight you like that so have a plan okay here's what we're gonna do I'm gonna go to the bar to get a beer you're gonna approach the girls start talking to them I'm gonna have a beer and one of those giant pretzels with the mustard and I'll meet you there in 10 minutes on two one two right right and then you got a sub me in since your friend is out there on the field that is your job to ride the bench into your cold upon some guys like to approach the girls together but I'm not really a fan of that because I find it to be a little intimidating we're not [ __ ] challenging these girls to a two-on-two basketball game like yo what's [ __ ] good me my boy versus you guys we're just trying to have a conversation so to neutralize that maybe just send out one captain to flip the coin huh just waiting in the background wait for your friends signal and when he's like yo come here for a sec then head over now as for the friend when you introduce the wingman don't say girls I'd like you to meet don't do that okay it sounds like you're about to introduce like [ __ ] Great Gatsby or something like we're supposed to be [ __ ] impressed or something don't do that do the opposite introduce the guy to the girls Tyler this is a Michelle and whatever but gooo I don't even [ __ ] Michelle and but gooo at this point everyone is engaged in conversation and it's your real time to shine as the wingman that didn't really work one of these days I'm gonna get an eraser now you want to find subtle ways to make your friends seem awesome however you gotta be careful because this is where guys have trouble because for the most part guys are idiots so I've made a list of things to not say number one don't talk about his dick we all have that one friend who's the worst wingman ever and any time you're talking to a girl in a bar he just comes flying out of nowhere it puts his arm around you like yo my boy he's got the biggest [ __ ] dog it's like this [ __ ] Bay don't [ __ ] kill me don't be that guy okay that's not gonna help anybody number two no lying don't be that guy who thinks he's helping when he leans in and he's like yeah my buddy right here he [ __ ] he owns this whole place he owns a building actually there's three floors he knows the whole bucket they don't know about it now I'm forced to play along with his [ __ ] lie that I was not prepared for and it's not gonna work out great and you make me look like an [ __ ] so don't do that number three this is in third grade this is in third grade so don't pull this girl aside and be like yo my boy thinks you're bad cute like what's up like are you into him or no why would you do this is in third grade recess this is not how it works in the adult world so don't [ __ ] do that and the golden rule here don't ignore the friends you have to engage this where's my beer if you think this shit's gonna work without engaging her friends and keeping her friends occupied you are dumber than you look if her friends aren't having a good time you could bet your ass they don't have a problem taking a big old dump on this operation so engage the friends okay after you successfully done all this I would suggest just slowly distancing yourself from your friend and the girl eventually he'll have to take it from there because you've done all you can do it and hey if this doesn't work out then like I don't know I don't really know what to tell you I'm not a pickup artist I don't know why you would listen to me I usually just get drunk and hope for the best so you know I just I made all this up and it just aches atticus up there you go anyway check out this snippet from my podcast you can check it out at youtube.com slash the basement or go listen to it every Monday on iTunes and SoundCloud it might be tough to do this but if you had to like name maybe your top three top five songs that like get you'll get you going and make you cry yeah make you cry old top five songs you make me cry is easy off the top of my head first one easily landslide what yeah landslides a tough one and if you see my reflection yo that's very good it's a sad song first of all you ever seen it'll be Jack Frost yeah of course what up Michael Keaton Michael Keaton loses snowman melts kids like y'all have my dad my dad died now he's a snowman snowman died yeah that's [ __ ] up that's like iron dad dad that's Iron Giant level sad dude two dead dad's an O and a span of a week yeah my dad comes back as a snowman [ __ ] melts cuz it's a winters over or whatever the [ __ ] did he end up coming back I don't know I can't remember spoiler right by the way oh sorry [Music] [Music]