ladies and ladies and ladies and a few brave gentlemen i hope you get out of this alive you have all come here presumably to learn how to survive how to manipulate the narcissist and live to tell about it i'm not sure it's possible but we will try the lecture will be divided to two parts one of them is about 15 minutes and one of them is about 2 hours and 15 minutes and the reason i'm dividing this lecture in this unconventional way in all seriousness is to allow those of you who want to leave after 15 minutes the first especially those who came from vienna the first the first 15 minutes i will tell you the eight the only eight ways proven to manipulate the narcissist over 25 years of study both my studies other studies we have come to the conclusion that there are only eight effective ways to manipulate the narcissist so with those of you with an american mindset i'm going to give you these eight ways in the first 15 minutes the rest of the lecture would be to explain to you why these eight methods work to take you to take you on a tour of the narcissist mind it's not disneyland it's a horror chamber it's a concentration camp so those of you who got what they wanted in the first 15 minutes can leave after that i guarantee you it's going to become extremely unpleasant those of you who survived the entire lecture will have a grasp of what it is to be a narcissist and using using this deep understanding of what it is to be a narcissist you will be able to better survive and if you wish better manipulate the narcissist one of the major problems of the information available online and offline is that the people who offer this information are not narcissists they don't know really what makes the narcissistic they are offering the perspective and the experience of the narcissist victims it's it creates a feel good atmosphere like-minded people who went through similar experiences always like to congregate together but it's not very efficient today at the end of this lecture you will have become efficient with the narcissist because you will gain a deep understanding of what it means to be one our bodies are made of flesh and blood but our minds are made of dreams our brains do not trust our senses information that gets from the environment to the brain is processed by the brain to ignore the senses we are all in a constant dream state we are not in direct contact with reality but we are in contact with our minds the narcissist interferes with our dreams in life we do not learn from experience we learn from trauma we learn from our wounds the narcissist is a master it's recognizing your wounds and you're making use of them the narcissist interferes with your dreams and resonates with your wounds there is no greater intimacy than this partners of narcissists say that it is very difficult to find new partners because the intensity is much lower once you have experienced the narcissist as an intimate partner all other intimate partners appear to be black and white movies the narcissist is a collar movie an intense amazing experience unparalleled unprecedented unrepeatable because remember that the narcissist interferes with your dreams and resonates with your wounds and there is no greater intimacy ever than this before we go into the mind of this pretty unique creature let me as promised tell you what are the eight techniques there are eight techniques i invented seven of them and i'm very sad to say that someone else invented the eight it's devastating i've never recovered from that but let's keep it between us by far the most effective technique is no contact the minute your ident you have identified someone is not a narcissist or with pronounced narcissistic traits you walk away and yes you walk away even if it is your mother or father or son let alone husband or wife you just walk away you maintain no contact direct or indirect if you are forced to communicate you communicate via service providers like lawyers and accountants and courts you receive no gifts you answer no phone calls you do not become friends you do not follow the social media accounts of your ex-partner you don't talk to friends of your partner to your partner's mother you go no contact this is by far the most efficient technique and today recommended by most mental health practitioners and family therapists what if you have children together you minimize contact you work through third parties you never discuss personal issues not connected to the children what if you have a very successful and profitable business together you dismantle it you go your sanity and survival are more important than any business what what if it is your mother same son same narcissist is toxic you walk away in all my years decades of work in the topic i have never heard a good reason not to go knock on them if you don't want to go if you don't go no contact it's because you do not want to go no contact because the narcissist still fulfills some emotional needs so then if you are still in contact there are the other seven techniques a very effective technique which i which i did not invent is called grey rock it is providing the narcissist with minimal minimal minimal response pretending to be boring one dimensional a bit stupid not interesting gradually the narcissist presumably will lose interest in you and move on to the next source of supply and and works very fast usually within months all you have to do is respond minimally not to the point ignore stare do nothing next technique is called deflection or decoy technique it is to find a common enemy the neighbor the boss your his sister-in-law uh the favorite mother-in-law someone you can agree with the narcissist is a common enemy then you and the narcissist become allies against this common enemy it could be an institution the ruling party the church the united states it's a favorite you just find a common enemy and then you become friends of the narcissist so this technique is called deflection or decree the next technique is called mirroring it should never be used with a psychopathic narcissist psychopathic narcissist has no impulse control tends to be violent and is defined but with regular analysis it works miracles you simply mirror the narcissist mirroring is um is a very bad term that i chose because in a mirror everything is opposite reverse but actually it's copying imitating the narcissist he shouts you shout he humiliates you you humiliate him he cheats on you you cheat on him whatever he does you do the famous song anything you can do i can do better this is the essence of the technique yeah it has two effects escalation narcissist is a coward like all bullies an escalation when the narcissist faces escalation he backs backs off second effect it creates in the narcissist self-awareness the narcissist is not introspective he doesn't have self-awareness so mirroring helps the narcissist to see himself in the mirror to see what he's doing for those of you who study psychology who are into psychology and like very much psychological phrases this technique is actually a form of operant conditioning operant conditioning so it conditions the narcissist to behave we use operant conditioning in domesticating pets only pets are a pleasure the next technique is known as shared psychosis or shared psychotic disorder it has this technique has other names delusional narrative stockholm syndrome trauma bonding etc it is exactly the opposite of mirroring whatever the narcissist does you exaggerate so the narcissist says i solved this problem in work today at work today all my stupid colleagues and my idiot boss could not solve it i came in five minutes i sold it in shared psychosis the response would be why did it take you five minutes you are such an amazing genius normally it would take you two minutes and why do you spend your time in this stupid job with these retards you deserve a lot better you are a genius of global proportions not recognized yet but you know you create a caricature you caricaturize the analysis is grandiosity and behaviors you make kavikatua out of the narcissist grandiosity and behaviors and in literature this is known as parody your parody the narcissist what this has the amazing effect that the narcissist becomes modest a typical reaction well don't exaggerate you know i'm not such a genius and it's therefore a technique of behavior modification you enter the psychotic world of the narcissist and you enhance it you amplify it so that even the narcissist sees how crazy he is the next technique is closely allied closely connected to this technique it is to provide the narcissist with calibrated reasonable but very high grade narcissistic supply narcissistic applies of course attention essentially attention attention could be positive but also negative any attention is narcissistic supply it's a mistake to think that only positive attention so to tell the narcissist i admire you you know so much you're amazing you're more sexy than wikipedia is a form of high grade narcissistic supply but to say to the narcissist i am terrified of you you frighten me you are so strong and so ruthless and so cruel that is also high-grade narcissistic supply narcissistic supply is a drug and the narcissist is a junkie the technique is simple you become the pusher you just provide the drug the fix the dose this creates extreme dependency and actually narcissists with a very high with a source of very high grade supply become co-dependent or even borderline narcissists are dependent personalities make sure they depend on you you provide good supply you can name your price like in harlem the next technique is known as withholding opposite of opposite of the first of the previous technique in the previous technique you give supply in this technique you withhold supply you do not give supply you withhold communication silent treatment you withhold sex you will you withhold sexual exclusivity this is known as triangulation so you withhold critical elements elements that are critical to the narcissist self-regulation by withholding these elements the narcissist you force the narcissist to court you to try to force you to extract what you are withholding you withhold sex suddenly is very interested you withhold communication suddenly he constantly tries to communicate you triangulate with another man he becomes jealous and possessive withholding is a very powerful technique up to a point it must be combined with the previous technique never alone so short bursts of high grade supply short birth short periods of withholding supply withholding supply withholding and this is known as intermittent reinforcement if you review if you have a look a fresh look at the techniques that i've described what strikes you all these techniques intermittent reinforcement conditioning trauma bonding what strikes you these are exactly narcissistic behaviors that's exactly what the narcissist does to you in other words the only way to manipulate a narcissist and survive to tell about it is to become one in in a minute we'll talk about it this kind of acquired behavior is known as narcissistic psychopathic overlay our studies show clearly all over the world that partners of narcissists over time as they are traumatized and victimized develop pronounced narcissistic and psychopathic behaviors narcissism ladies and gentlemen is far more infectious than the coronavirus and far more widespread and there is no way to quarantine the victims so this is precisely coming back to the beginning why my only recommendation only is no contact always has been my recommendation since i invented it and to this very moment only no contact you remain in contact with are playing with fire you are playing with your soul with your sanity you will end up being narcissists and psychopaths these behaviors the narcissistic psychopathic overlay these behaviors are transient they're temporary victims of complex post-traumatic stress disorder display behaviors which are identical to borderline personality disorder as the trauma heals these behaviors vanish except to things that never ever recover the ability to trust other people and empathy victims of narcissist people with sorry people with long exposure to narcissists and psychopaths develop empath empathic deficit that never recovers similar empathic deficit we can find among alcoholics among drug addicts among people with chronic illnesses among people with terminal illnesses is this the way you want to end up why play these games what is the aim of manipulating the narcissist don't even pack your things don't bother you walk away this has been the 45 minute 15 minutes that i promised and now i'm inviting you to a tour of the narcissist mind