I'm Dr Orion taraban and this is cycax Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is it's better for women to be adorers so if you haven't done so already I would highly encourage you to check out my series on the balance of Attraction because some of this talk won't fully make sense to you unless you have that additional context in brief it is not possible for two people to like each other exactly the same amount therefore in any relationship one person must always like the other person more and one person must always like the other person less the person who likes the other person more is the adorer and the person who likes the other less is the adored now these two roles are gender neutral both men and women can be adorers and both men and women can be the adored and both roles come with their pros and cons it's not actually better to be the adored and vice versa uh however in my opinion it's generally better for women to be adorers and I'm going to back up that statement in this episode now it may sound strange but most people men and women most people actually want to be adorers most people don't think they do but they actually do and this is because most people are looking for that feeling they want to find their person to feel excited about a relationship to be in love to feel lucky to be there most people want to feel these things in a relationship but these emotions are not shared in the same degree between the two roles these emotions are mostly felt by the adorer why because the adorer and only the adorer gets to be with the one they love the adored on the other hand gets to be loved by the one they're with it's not nearly as emotionally compelling of an experience so if you want the emotional dimension of love in a relationship you're really looking to be the adorer now before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please consider sending this video to someone who might benefit from its message it's Word of Mouth referrals like that that really help to grow this Channel and if you're thinking about going to grad school be sure to check out my top rated GRE self-study program at Stellar gre.com you can use the coupon code psych for 10 off all membership plans trust me men want that emotional experience almost as much as women do but here's the thing in my experience it's more important for a woman to have an emotional experience in a relationship than it is for a man that's kind of like why the woman is there perhaps you've heard it said that you can make a woman feel anything except bored and there's some truth to that statement a woman who hates you might not leave but a woman who feels indifferently is probably looking for the door so if it's more important for a woman to have an emotional experience in a relationship then it's probably better that she be the adorer because if she's the adored if she's up there on that pedestal well that might feel good for a while but it will actually get boring pretty quickly being on a pedestal ain't all it's cracked up to be and a bored woman makes for an unsustainable relationship men this is what you have to understand two people in a relationship cannot occupy the same place and so when a man insists on being the adorer he kind of robs the woman of the opportunity of being the adorer which isn't really doing any one of them any favors and this is because you can't have two adorers and you can't have two adores because the balance of Attraction which maintains that two people cannot like each other exactly the same amount insisting on being the adorer forces the woman to be the adored which robs her of the Lion's Share of emotionality in the relationship makes sense now there's another important reason why it's better for women to be adorers and this reason has to do with hypergamy which we have now talked about a few times on this channel hypergamy is the tendency of women to select up and across which is why they tend to mate and date men who are older taller stronger wealthier and higher status for instance this means literally and figuratively a woman wants to look up to her man if a man insists on being the adore then he's looking up at her which means that she is looking down at him and that is definitely not a sustainable relationship men you don't allow a woman to look up to you you don't even give her the chance if you're looking up at her I can hear some wheels turning and some of my male audiences heads right about now and that's good it's good that you're thinking about this and this is what I'd like you to consider gentlemen I get that you want to be the adorer she's gorgeous and it feels amazing to be with the woman you love I get it but here's the thing if you insist on having that experience you are robbing her of the opportunity of having that experience because you can't both be adorers my dude so what I'd like you to consider is making a voluntary sacrifice to be the adored I know that sounds weird but it's a sacrifice to be the adored because almost everyone wants to be the adorer it's a sacrifice to be the adored to give the opportunity to give up the opportunity of being with the one that you love and you're willing to do that to give the woman that opportunity which is no small thing because you know how good it can feel does that make sense what do you think do you think it's better for women to be adorers let me know in the comments below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you might also consider becoming a channel member with perks like priority review of comments we're booking a paid consultation as always thank you for listening