Lecture on Life Principles and Wisdom by Mark Twain

Key Insights and Aphorisms

On Procrastination

• "Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well."

On Reading and Intelligence

• "The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read."

On Majority and Conformity

• "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect."

Important Days in Life

• "The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

On Truth

• "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."
• "Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it."

On Education

• "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

Ideal Life

• "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

On Death and Life

• "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

On Fools and Illusions

• "The trouble ain’t that there are too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right."
• "Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."

On Wrinkles and Smiles

• "Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been."

On Doing Right

• "Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

On Entitlement

• "Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing, it was here first."

On Life's Challenges

• "I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

On Success

• "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."

Living Fully

• "Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life."
• "Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that makes you smile."

On Laughter

• "The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."

Aging and Time

• "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18."

On Honor

• "Honor is a harder master than law."

On Politics

• "We have the best government that money can buy."
• "Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."

On War

• "God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

On Joy and Sharing

• "To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with."

On Dogs and Humans

• "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."

On Fear and Courage

• "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."

On Starting

• "The secret to getting ahead is getting started."

On Travel and Prejudice

• "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness."
• "Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime."

On Success

• "The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation."

On Truth

• "Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it."

Miscellaneous Wisdom

• "It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog."
• "A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."
• "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
• "There are basically two types of people: people who accomplish things and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded."
• "Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else."
• "The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog."
• "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times."
• "Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired."