[Music] never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well the man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why if you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything i have never let my schooling interfere with my education good friends good books and a sleepy conscience this is the ideal life the fear of death follows from the fear of life a man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time the trouble ain't that there are too many fools but that the lightning ain't distributed right don't part with your illusions when they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been always do what is right it will gratify half of mankind and astound the other never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it don't go around saying the world owes you a living the world owes you nothing it was here first i've lived through some terrible things in my life some of which actually happened all you need in this life is ignorance and confidence then success is sure give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life life is short break the rules forgive quickly kiss slowly love truly laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry the human race has one really effective weapon and that is laughter life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18. i did not attend his funeral but i sent a nice letter saying i approved of it name the greatest of all inventors accident i was educated once it took me years to get over it never refused to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself and never refuse to take a drink under any circumstances [Music] there are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined when we remember we are all mad the mysteries disappear and life stands explained english humor is hard to appreciate though unless you are trained to it the english papers in reporting my speeches always put laughter in the wrong place loyalty to country always loyalty to the government when it deserves it a man cannot be comfortable without his own approval let men label you as they may if you alone of all the nation decide one way and that way be the right way by your convictions of the right you have done your duty by yourself and by your country hold up your head for you have nothing to be ashamed of we have the best government that money can buy anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured politicians and diapers must be changed often and for the same reason god created war so that americans would learn geography don't wait the time will never be just right to get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with if you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you this is the principal difference between a dog and man all of us contain music and truth but most of us can't get it out courage is resistance to fear mastery of fear not absence of fear the secret to getting ahead is getting started no real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies honor is a harder master than law never argue with stupid people they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience [Music] a half truth is the most cowardly of lies travel is fatal to prejudice bigotry and narrow-mindedness and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts [Music] broad wholesome charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime the best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up there is no sadder thing than a young pessimist except an old optimist all good things arrive under them that wait and don't die in the meantime there is no unhappiness like the misery of citing land and work again after a cheerful careless voyage the secret of success is making your vocation your vacation i have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them 20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do so throw off the bowlines sail away from the safe harbor catch the trade winds in your sails explore dream discover truth is the most valuable thing we have let us economize it it's not the size of the dog in the fight it's the size of the fight in the dog a clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it there are basically two types of people people who accomplish things and people who claim to have accomplished things the first group is less crowded nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits be careful about reading health books you may die of a misprint books are for people who wish they were somewhere else the more i learn about people the more i like my dog giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world i know because i've done it thousands of times man was made at the end of the week's work when god was tired